How do I apologize???

Hey All,

This morning me and my OG got into a nasty debate about music, which started off jokingly and innocent, but soon turned violent on my behalf. He continued to be little my choice in music and followed me around the apartment. Well, having had enough, I grabbed his neck and scratched him. After, the incident it took me awhile to cool off, however, I do feel really bad. I've had this feeling of belittlement built up inside of me for awhile now, I guess I just exploded. He has constantly belittled my interests/hobbies as being childish (films, books, music, etc.), but wants me to understand the music of his generation and his hobbies.

I guess I figured since I take the time to do things he like, he should do the same. If he doesn't that is fine as well, however, I don't think it's fair to comment negatively on it if he doesn't want to do it. I guess I should have brought this up to him before I snapped, but what's done is done. Now, I want to resolve the issue about how he makes me feel and apologize for my "childish" actions. Any suggestions???

Nu :confused:

yuck...all around.

the issue has to be addressed... but the main issue i see it is how you were feeling. the one thing i can't stress enough is to keep it "i" statements so he doesn't feel he is being "attacked"

good luck...hard when we "blow" but a growth period for you both

I almost hate to say this, but based on all the history you have shared with us, I'm affraid that it does not look good for your relationship. It may be a generational issue that transends into resentment. There is never an excuse for initiating violence. Ever!

If he is provoking you to the point that you feel the need to physically assault him, then there is a huge underlying problem. At this point, I would suggest that you ask yourself some hard questions. 1st: What do you honestly think is the primary common thread binding your relationship. What do the both of you seem to do best together? If the honest answer is sex, then your days together are numbered.

2nd: If you suspect that there might be a good measure of co-dependence going on, your days together may be numbered.

3rd: If you are in a relationship for all the wrond reasons, your days together are numbered.

After this latest incident, you might think about going your separate ways. I doubt that things will get better for the long haul. :(

Christina....I do agree with you on that point and that is exactly what we did last night once I returned home from work. Thanks

Drifter.....we are together for none of the reasons you listed. We're together because we can't be without each other. We did break for awhile and realized that life without each other is something we both can't have. However, after having a good long talk about the incident and the situation. He now understands how his comments about my interests made me feel. He feels that he wanted me to engage in his interests/hobbies, but not attempting to engage in mine. He apologize for his comments and is beginning to work on it. The problem is not just generational, we also come from two different socio-economic backgrounds. We are both new at age-gap relationships and we are both learning to let go of our preconceived notions. At this point, things are back on track and we are working through this issue. Majority of my relationship problems, that I have discussed on the boards has come from people outside my relationship (e.g. friends and family). But, thanks for the advice, it's always good to hear a opinion that you might not want to hear to get you to look at something from a different view. :cool:

Nu

I have gone back and readmany of the threads you have started...

You have had MANY questions, concerns, and uncertainties about your relationship. Which is fine, maybe even normal... But you have chosen to MARRY this man--- and after a very short period of time--- while still having so many questions and problems with the relationship.

Physical violence might just be the last straw... not only can NOTHING justify it, but the fact that he said something to get you upset enough to react like that is very telling... and having so much "built up"---- that is not normal for a healthy relationship... relationships that hit that point usually end very soon after.

We never got married. I decided that I was not completely ready for that step and needed to slow our relationship down a bit. That decision was made after I decided to call it quits because of built up family pressures. I really don't have questions about my relationship, my only problem is I should have addressed this issue before it got to that point (which I cannot shift the blame completely on him). No relationship is perfect nor does it fall shy of problems.

Nu