44M living with 22F--what's next?

Me: 44 (never married/no kids)
Her: 22

I introduced myself here in the (community) "New Members" forum, so I'll skip some of the details already posted there . . . [click here for backstory posts from "New Members" forum] (http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=18093)

I liked this girl for three years (she worked at a local retail outlet) before she started a conversation with me. I never hit on her because I was in a relationship at the time, and she never indicated any interest. Anyway, she was aware of what I did for a living and she had similar interests and wanted some guidance on a project of hers. Well, of course, I seized my opportunity, and willingly offered my help. After a month of platonic project meetings, a "real" date was agreed upon. Since that first date, she never really left, and a few weeks later, she moved in with me (it's been about five months now since our first conversation). Now, I have a few questions . . .

• I want a kid, but she's too young. In five to seven years (when she may be ready to have one), I'll be too old (I'll be turning 45 real soon). We've discussed this at some length with the temporary conclusion that I'm willing to sacrifice fatherhood for her (which I'm not sure I'm willing to do, and she knows it).
• She seems to really be falling in love with me, but I assumed from the get-go that she'll lose interest as I get older. I give this whole thing two to five years, if that.
• Of course, I fantasize that this will be one of those magic relationships that will last forever, but I really think that's unrealistic given the 22-year age gap.
• She hasn't told her parents, friends, or co-workers about us (but then, she didn't tell anyone about her prior boyfriend either). How does everyone deal with the young girl's parents? Her father may literally kill me if he ever finds out (ex-felon).

Thanks for any follow-up posts!

Oh, and here's the greatest fear . . .

Suppose everything gets along great and we're together for quite awhile. As soon as I start needing a walker, she's outta here, right? She'll still be pretty at 45, while I'll be an old geezer at 67. Who the heck am I going to find to be with at that age? Here's the argument . . . at this age (44), you start playing for keeps. You start looking for a mate that you can spend the rest of your life with. Someone to grow old with. To me, this is the greatest risk for this kind of age-gapped relationship.

One more thing . . .

Yes, those are her lips in the avatar photo. I been shooting her quite a bit now--the rest of the photo sets are very nice and I would love to post those pictures here as well, but I need to respect her privacy.

Sorry this is a little off topic.... but Skibunny read your private messages- I sent you one :D thanks

First of all, what makes you think she's too young to be a mother at 22? My Mom had me when she was 22, and my wife had our first son when she was 22. Alot of women get married and have kids when they're that age.

Secondly, I disgree that you'll be too old for fatherhood in 2 to 5 years. I'm a new father at 47! I love my new baby like my own life.

If you continue to be sold on the stereotypes, then no one can really help you.

Great post Summer Bob! :D

My boyfriend and I have the same age gap as you do ( him: 44, me: 22) and are working through many of the same problems you are. We have been seeing each other for about five months and I have not yet told my mom. I did tell my father but he went crazy and I just let it fade away. Let her have some time. If she really loves you she will face her parents soon enough. About the children, I want some and I am only 22. We have talked about it but I feel that he is not interested all that much (he has two already). I dont think there is anything wrong with being a father at the age of 47. In the 1800s men never had kids early and they were wonderful fathers. About the walker thing I would take a look at some of the other post becaues they have addressed this issue many times. Stop looking at the age and look at the woman. Age is a number that just tells us when we became unattached to our mother, nothing else.

Good luck with your lady and I hope everything works out alright.

My boyfriend and I have the same age gap as you do ( him: 44, me: 22) and are working through many of the same problems you are . . . Good luck with your lady and I hope everything works out alright.It's certainly a great relief to see such a supportive post from the younger woman of a couple with the same age gap. Thank you, and I hope we can keep in touch as our relationships progress!

You'll know if she wants to stay with you. The relationship is young.Skibunny:

I will? How? Anyway, thank you for your thoughtful, detailed post. Yes, I do worry about everything! Even in just the last few days, she's become more and more loving and intimate . . . and it's great. I think I am finally starting to forget about everything and enjoy things more (and vice versa). This site has really helped me feel a lot more confident about this type of relationship and I'm now much more hopeful. It's really hard to believe this is even happening when all your friends and relatives say things to you like, "It's not gonna last long . . . she'll leave you in two years. . . she'll leave you in two months . . . she'll get tired of you as you get older, etc." Thank you again for your heartfelt advice.

First of all, what makes you think she's too young to be a mother at 22?Thanks for the encouragment, but . . .

• Well, she's only in her second year in college and has yet to start her career.
• She's not even sure she wants kids . . . ever.
• She said she wouldn't want to have a kid for at least five to seven years from now.
• She is sooo not ready to be a mother.

Thanks for the encouragment, but . . .

• Well, she's only in her second year in college and has yet to start her career.
• She's not even sure she wants kids . . . ever.
• She said she wouldn't want to have a kid for at least five to seven years from now.
• She is sooo not ready to be a mother.


Photo....

You need to just relax. Enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you, all these worries you have about this relationship is only going to stress you to point where it could potentially kill the relationship. She has a lot going on right now in her life with being in school, so at this point she can't really see having kids because her primary goal is probably her education. I used to say the same thing, when I was in school. One cannot really put a time limit on that situation because I gurantee that she will change her mind about that within the next year or two. So just relax and enjoy your lady. ;)

Nu

We have about the same age gap (me45 her24) and have a 3yr old son and a 1yr old daughter. Our relationship has been so perfect and our love has never been stronger with much support from family and friends.

Just goes to show that a relationship of this age gap at a young age on her part can work. :D

You need to just relax. Enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you, all these worries you have about this relationship is only going to stress you to point where it could potentially kill the relationship.NuGyrl:

Thank you for your thoughts! I know, I know, I do need to relax. I am finally starting to relax about this whole thing, and this site has definitely helped me to do that. Thanks, Nu!

. . . Our relationship has been so perfect and our love has never been stronger with much support from family and friends.Voyager:

That sounds great--you're a lucky man! She's very pretty!

• I want a kid, but she's too young. In five to seven years (when she may be ready to have one), I'll be too old (I'll be turning 45 real soon). We've discussed this at some length with the temporary conclusion that I'm willing to sacrifice fatherhood for her (which I'm not sure I'm willing to do, and she knows it).
• She seems to really be falling in love with me, but I assumed from the get-go that she'll lose interest as I get older. I give this whole thing two to five years, if that.
• Of course, I fantasize that this will be one of those magic relationships that will last forever, but I really think that's unrealistic given the 22-year age gap.
• She hasn't told her parents, friends, or co-workers about us (but then, she didn't tell anyone about her prior boyfriend either). How does everyone deal with the young girl's parents? Her father may literally kill me if he ever finds out (ex-felon).

Thanks for any follow-up posts!

Dude you are so where I want to be (with a beautiful lady in the 22 - 30 age range who is mature for her age and I can marry and start a family with). You can be a father at any age and the quality of life for the kids depends on how good the two parents are regardless of age (and look at all the young and irresponsible dads on Springer)

Why should she lose interest in you when you are older? Is the realationship based on something other than love? If she wanted you only for some pyhsical thing she probably would have chosen someone her own age. Young husbands can get sick and old ones can hang tough and sharp up til they are 95 (by which time she could be senile at 75). No one knows who's health will hold out but if you really love each other you have a rock to both hold on to.

Make the relationship work and sure that means work for both but it will be worth it.

Dude you are so where I want to be (with a beautiful lady in the 22 - 30 age range who is mature for her age and I can marry and start a family with). You can be a father at any age and the quality of life for the kids depends on how good the two parents are regardless of age (and look at all the young and irresponsible dads on Springer)

Why should she lose interest in you when you are older? Is the realationship based on something other than love? If she wanted you only for some pyhsical thing she probably would have chosen someone her own age. Young husbands can get sick and old ones can hang tough and sharp up til they are 95 (by which time she could be senile at 75). No one knows who's health will hold out but if you really love each other you have a rock to both hold on to.

Make the relationship work and sure that means work for both but it will be worth it.


Right on Comet!!