Summer and Romance

With summer just around the corner and my summer plans already made I am having trouble in paradise. Not the kind of trouble where I am crying late at night but the kind were I am wonder what the next step is.

I had went to Knotts Berry Farm (were I work) with one of my co-workers (which happens to be a guy) on Saturday. We are really close friends and kind of always do things togethere. It at the point were people think we are going out. Ok off the subject. So I had went to the bathroom and left my purse without thinking. My OM called and my best friend picked up the phone. Later my friend told me that my OM had called and I tried calling him back all day but he never picked up. Sunday morning I finally get a call from my OM. I asked him why he had not picked up his phone and he said that he did not get my calls until late the night before. I then told him I was sorry about my friend picking up the phone and asked what did my friend say. My OM said nothing really and then went on to imply that I was "servicing" my friend when he called and so I was "busy". My OM knows that I never go anywhere without my cell phone but this time it was an honest mistake. So now he thinks that I am playing with him, something I would never do, and saying that I have another guy in my life.

I dont know how to tell him about my relationship with my friend when he is like this. I have never done anything with my best friend and never will but on the other hand I really like my OM and dont want to have to give him up.

This Thursday we are suppose to meet up and go to the beach but if he is acting this way I dont think I even want to chance seeing him. I want to talk this over but every time I bring it up he changes the subject. Should I just let it go?

First....How long have you and your OG have been dating? If you have been dating awhile, I'm surprised that you haven't talked about your best friend or mentioned him in conversation. It was an honest mistake and he should not over react. However, put the shoe on the other foot and look at it from his perspective. If he had not prior knowledge of your best friend and a strange male picks up the phone, it does seem a little suspect. With that being said, it does not excuse his actions or him assuming things. I think you should meet with him...maybe not at the beach and talk through this issue. He could feel a little insecure about dating a younger woman and feel that you might leave him for a younger man one day. But, don't let something as small as this end something that is going good. Hope that helps...

Nu :cool:

It's not a good sign when the first conclusion he jumps to is a negative one. Perhaps he has had a similar experience with a previous girlfriend where the phone was answered by a man and it turned out she was having an affair?

He didn't react this way for no reason, but the reason wasn't you and you shouldn't be victimized by him over it.

I hope things work out for you.

Ya know, my OG is very suspicious of me...I think, maybe they are just insecure about the younger girl thing, and they are probably worried about losing us to guys our age....just a thought?

I dont know how to tell him about my relationship with my friend when he is like this. I have never done anything with my best friend and never will but on the other hand I really like my OM and dont want to have to give him up.

This Thursday we are suppose to meet up and go to the beach but if he is acting this way I dont think I even want to chance seeing him. I want to talk this over but every time I bring it up he changes the subject. Should I just let it go?

Hard to tell someone anything, when they aren't open to hearing it... you're frustration is understandable. On one hand, why allow yourself to be placed in a position of defensiveness when you haven't done anything wrong, regardless that he's intent on interpreting that you had. On the otherhand, we all want to have open honest space to communicate in. It's paramount to determining the bond, and strength of the relationship.

Personally, what bother's me is his inference to 'servicing' your friend. Hm. If he's saying what that seems to imply (something rather ugly) then to me that's an extremely disrespectful manner in which to communicate to you that he has... concerns, about the taker of the call... your friend. Okay.. maybe he had a bad experience in the past with having been played on... alright, let's say he did. In that case, he has business to clean up for himself in order to avoid dragging that kind of garbage to dump on another because he wants to avoid the discomfort of 'dealing with it'. He has insecurities... don't we all.. this matter, as far as I'm concerned speaks about HIS character, and I see his reaction to 'that call' as a red flag.

It feels like a tough call doesn't it? I repeat though... listen to your intuition. His unwillingness to have an open discussion with you in reguards to what exactly his prob is by changing the subject each time you try to open the lines of communication? You haven't mentioned if he's apologized to you for his 'servicing' comment... if not, then that's another red flag. (Even if he has... for me, it would still be one that I would kinda keep on the back file for a while, if you know what I mean)

What exactly is your hesitation in meeting with him? Does he have anger/temper issues that you sense, maybe? Or is it the disrespect that I, myself, sense of his 'servicing your friend, so your busy' implication? (I would SO freak on that one, no matter what his excuses are... woooo)

True... everone has their 'quirks' and when you are in the 'getting to know each other' phase there are all kinds of calls you have to make for yourself as to what you are willing to invest... what they are willing to invest... checking the 'are we on the same page' angle constantly. Ultimately the decision is yours, but if you're asking if maybe your not cutting him a break because "Well... it's understandable given the circumstances of that phone call" he could easily misunderstand what it was about, so you repeatedly need to try to get him to 'hear' you, because HE may be stuck with some past issue of his own? Personally... I think not. You stated your case... he shut you down. He repeatedly shuts you down when you've attempted to clear the air, and now wants to meet you on Thurs. What... so you can recieve more of the same 'shutting out', and undercurrent of accusation... at the beach? He's an OM, yet this scenario smacks of emotional immaturity, and quite frankly, blantant disrespect to whom is supposed to be his lady ... and repeated disrespect each time he shuts you down when you try to 'fix' this thing? Ugh.

IMO... I'd cut yourself some space from him. State your case calmly, intelligently, and clearly. Let him walk the beach alone to figure what his mistakes are, where they're coming from (and why), and what he needs to do to find resolution for it(them) without having to take a woman down to do it... iow...don't let him get busy with trying to make you feel they are yours let alone have to pay for them. And, I'd really hate to see in the future that he demands you lose your friend because his insecurities haven't been dealt with and you've become too involved with him by that point (cuz he's great at whatever else), that you actually bow to his 'mess'. The reason I say this is because if he doesn't clean up his act with his past and his attitude towards you now, and you let him sweep it under the rug, AND stay with him in spite of it... for sure... that's what'll come next. He's an OM in age, but frankly... emotionally? He's got catching up to do. On HIS time... not yours.

I hate to sound harsh... :(

Take care.

First I almost killed my best friend when I saw him again. I was so mad. My OM and I have been dating for about seven months now. And yes I think sometimes he thinks he is going to lose me to a younger man. But the honest truth is most of my guy friends are between 30 and 40. So.... I know what it had to seem like when another guy answered my phone. If the shoe was on the other foot I would be furious. Taking a step back I see that I just need to give him room to think and try talking about it again. Oh yeah and I see how the beach would not be a great place to take him to talk.

Oh and NuGyrl he does now about my friend. I have told him repeatedly about him. We are always at the Park (Knotts) when we have nothing to do. He has called me twice before and my friend was with me.

(I see that Roselicious and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum :p )

It's all good, ((Sheila)) :)

I'm not opposed to 'giving it another shot' nearly as much as I'm opposed to her OM's use of the "servicing" term. My take is that giving it another shot, is just going to result in more of the same.

I totally agree with the rudeness of ANYONE taking another's calls w/o permission.. but, again... the 'servicing your friend so you're.... eh hem...' busy' flew out of the post at me. I see that now (posted since I last posted) that the relationship has been on for 7 months, AND that she has told him about her best friend repeatedly.

Sorry.. but, that even sounds worse to me. :( After 7 months, knows about this friend, and is shutting her down on communicating about him with her? He has issues... more to do with jealously, immaturity and disrespect, than any other.

IMHO.