I need advice on my situation!!!

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum. My name is Jenn , I'm 18 and from Texas. I am currently dating someone who is 7 years older than me for the past 3 weeks and he's having a hard time getting past my age yet he likes to be with me and we have fun together and we're REALLY attracted to each other. He got me upset the other night when I was at his place and he jumped way ahead of where we are and said that he doesn't think he sees this as long term. Well, that hurt me because I don't like it when guys automatically say it wont work out in the long run when they haven't given the proper amount of time to give our dating a try. He felt horrible when I started crying he kept hugging me and trying to make me feel better, then he went outisde to smoke a cigarette , came back inside and laid down next to me on his bed and held me and said that he's sorry for jumping and that he wants to continue to see me and we will just see what happens in time with our dating relationship and that he wants to live in the moment and continue having fun with me. The main reason he's concerned with the long run is because of the fact that I'm 18, I don't see a problem with it he's an amazing guy he's so much fun to be around , he's mature and knows how to be affectionate and sweet with me and make me feel special. He let me know that he's going to try to forget about the age gap and just give things time.. I want to know what you guys think... I could honestly see myself having a wonderful relationship with him, I've never felt so comfortable with someone in my life...... let me know what you all think!
-Jenn

Quote: I felt so comfortable with him that I gave him my virginity... :eek:
= Quote: said that he doesn't think he sees this as long term.
W/O sounding mean...you're learning the tricks of the trade honey!! At 18 you're just starting out too!! Good luck!!

I'm not falling for anything, I've dated many jerks that have wanted me for just one thing and they never got it because I could tell after a certain amount of time. Joe is a genuinely nice guy, I don't need to prove that because I know he is, he's never been rude to me or anyone that I've ever seen once. Anytime I'm upset he always strokes my face and holds me and kisses me. Nevermind the virginity aspect of it, I just need advice on the situation.

hi and welcome

ummm 7 years is nothing hun. nuuuuuthiiiiiing.

methinks there may be another demon lurking in his head. BUT, you have heard it from the horse's mouth that he doesn't see it lasting. now granted, he said he'd try.......after you cried. do you KNOW how freaked out most men get when a female cries and they are the cause????? that's like going to buy female items in the store for them....uncharted territory. he may be like that and would of said anything to hush ya up.

now.......that being said. you have to decide if you can hang in there for a 'good time' and take him at his initial word.....not long term. i'd go with what he told you first off. if he didn't feel it, he wouldn't of said it, ya dig? men tend to be brutally honest because....that's how they are. and it's good. what's NOT good is when we don't listen.

decisions decisions

my heart goes out to you hun

best of luck

Tracy

Green you're right on the $$!!

Joe did freak out when I cried, the reason he said he'd try was because he felt bad for judging me on age. He felt like he wasn't giving me a fair enough chance, and I know guys will say anything and do anything to get in a girls pants, believe me I KNOW. I've been through it too many times. To tell ya'll a little mroe about him he's a firefighter, he owns his own very nice 3 story town home, owns a nice car, he's not rich but he does well for himself , he took 8 months of culinary school and keeps in touch with his parents back in virginia. He's been engaged before and is not the cheating type, he's been the one who was cheated on. I honestly don't think he's a jerk or just after one thing.

he wants to continue to see me and we will just see what happens in time with our dating relationship and that he wants to live in the moment and continue having fun with me.

That's pretty good advice for any relationship. I see no reason not to take what he said at face value, but be aware that the age gap (tiny as it may be) does bother him and it could come up again.

In the meantime, have fun, relax and see what happens. :)

i forgot to ask, because i'm hungry and can't multi-think :D, you said ya'll have been seeing each other for 3 weeks now.

how did you meet?

how long have you known him?

kk, imma make a sammich now

dabol........honk honk? lol but dun milf or i'll punch ya in da forehead :D

We met online, weird yes I know , we talked on the phone for a week and had long conversations about relationships, love life, sex, hobbies all of that good stuff and he was the one that said hey it seems like we have a lot in common i think we should meet up and we met at a restaurant near his home.

Hey Dance...

You two are still young and your relationship is very young. To say he got what he wanted and now he's wants out is the obvious preconceived view to think. Because I'm pretty sure you got what you wanted....at least from the physical aspect of the situation. I think at this point all you can do is "proceed with caution," like he said just live in the moment and see what happens. I wouldn't have any expectations about the relationship because it is very young. I would just continue to have fun with him....if it last it lasts, if it doesn't...oh well you had fun and will walk away with a life lesson learned.

Nu :cool:

We met online, weird yes I know , we talked on the phone for a week and had long conversations about relationships, love life, sex, hobbies all of that good stuff and he was the one that said hey it seems like we have a lot in common i think we should meet up and we met at a restaurant near his home.


ok gal, i'm NOT insulting your intelligence, i wouldn't insult the feelings of another woman if i was at gunpoint....

but think.....

all these personality traits, not a cheater, not a liar, etc.....these are things i'm guessing HE has told you. and he prolly has some stories to back it up. that's all well and good. but keep in mind that this info comes from HIM. not a group of mutual friends. not info YOU formed after having hung with him for say....half a year as a buddy.

just a thought.

and online is fine. fine fine fine. don't give THAT another thought. but do give a thought to the info you're being given. be your own best friend gal :D ***hugs***

Trace

Yeah, Joe never said he wanted to stop seeing me, he jumped up in the bed, before anything got physical that night and said to me that he plans on continuing to see me and he loves being with me and having fun. He usually goes out with his buddies form the firestation and goes to play golf with them or plays in soccer games and softball games, one night he gave up a soccer game to be with me. I don't think he's the hit and run kind of guy.

Not to be rude to anyone but I didn't come here to be treated like I'm stupid or making bad decisions. If you all had met Joe and been around him and seen how he is with me you all would see that he's a good guy. and NO I did not get what I wanted from the physical aspect, I've never been about that and never will be. We started to make love but didn't continue for mine and his reasons. Reasons I'm not going to share with anyone.

ummm 7 years is nothing hun. nuuuuuthiiiiiing.

methinks there may be another demon lurking in his head. BUT, you have heard it from the horse's mouth that he doesn't see it lasting. now granted, he said he'd try.......after you cried. do you KNOW how freaked out most men get when a female cries and they are the cause????? that's like going to buy female items in the store for them....uncharted territory. he may be like that and would of said anything to hush ya up.

now.......that being said. you have to decide if you can hang in there for a 'good time' and take him at his initial word.....not long term. i'd go with what he told you first off. if he didn't feel it, he wouldn't of said it, ya dig? men tend to be brutally honest because....that's how they are. and it's good. what's NOT good is when we don't listen.



I agree with Tracy, Jen.

I add: If he's using age gap as a reason for distance it just may be he sees the 7 yrs., AND you're having been a virgin, as more of an 'experience' gap that HE views the 7 yrs. mean to him.

You cried... he went out for a cig. He didn't sit there and comfort you instantly, because he was stunned... he needed to go out and have a cig to 're-group'. He came back in and laid down with you in his attempt to comfort you, because Jen..... he's sorry for your discomfort with HIS reality "Live in the moment", and perhaps he's uncomfortable with himself because he took you up on sharing the specialness of giving your virginity to him, seeing it as an honor to him Jen, but not as a promise to deliver something that he never indicated to you that he could deliver to begin with.

Finally... You gave him your virginity, Jen, and ultimately it's soley your responsibility for having made that decision.

I SO don't miss being 18... *sigh*

Well wishes, Jen.

:eek: A fireman that smokes!! How ironic!! :eek: :p

Not to be rude to anyone but I didn't come here to be treated like I'm stupid or making bad decisions. If you all had met Joe and been around him and seen how he is with me you all would see that he's a good guy. and NO I did not get what I wanted from the physical aspect, I've never been about that and never will be. We started to make love but didn't continue for mine and his reasons. Reasons I'm not going to share with anyone.


oh gal, i don't feel anyone is attempting to make you feel stupid or that you made a bad decision. i know in my case, i'm giving you the benefit of my experience and my advice is something that NOW i would of given myself THEN....that make sense?

i've just travelled a longer road than you as have these other folks. we see things that maybe you don't and ask questions that maybe you haven't thought of yet. that's what we do :D
we only want to help you explore all avenues so that you can make a decision that you are happy with and proud of. ((((hugs))))


Tracy

Ok for everyones information yes he did comfort me immediately he sat there with me and tried to make me feel better about everything.

everyone please leave my virgnity out of this
this has nothing to do with that I'm asking!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, it's a very relevant point which YOU brought up. Why do people think they can ask for advice and then dictate WHAT advice to be given!?!?! Ugh.

No one is trying to belittle you and whether or not you slept with this guy DOES matter to the WHOLE picture, as its PART of the whole picture.

Now, let's see. You're on the defensive! WHY?? No one has attacked you, nor thinks badly of you. But, Greeneyedgirl is right... we've walked a longer road and you've come here for advice.

Do you actually want it? The advice, that is? Cuz, it comes in all shapes and sizes.. it comes with questions to give better answers... it comes with things you don't want to hear. It's not ALWAYS an easy pill to swallow.

Oh.. and your comment about you not "being about that" (as in, getting what YOU wanted)... that's just silly. You're not about WHAT? Being a living, breathing, loving, sensual, sexual, incredible FEMALE human ANIMAL?

And if you're not "about that" then why did you do it at all? And after only 3 weeks? No wonder you're feeling defensive. You messed up and feel like dog poop about yourself and are second guessing what happened and are defensive because you think we're attacking you for doing something moronic.

Honey... its not moronic to be human and to err. It's HUMAN. So, it wasn't what you wanted/imagined/thought it would be. IT NEVER IS. Chin up. It's all good. If this guy wanders off into the ever unknown, at least you have THAT over with. Don't regret.

As the Butthole Surfers say... "It's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done."
~phos

Actually, it's a very relevant point which YOU brought up. Why do people think they can ask for advice and then dictate WHAT advice to be given!?!?! Ugh.

No one is trying to belittle you and whether or not you slept with this guy DOES matter to the WHOLE picture, as its PART of the whole picture.

Now, let's see. You're on the defensive! WHY?? No one has attacked you, nor thinks badly of you. But, Greeneyedgirl is right... we've walked a longer road and you've come here for advice.

Do you actually want it? The advice, that is? Cuz, it comes in all shapes and sizes.. it comes with questions to give better answers... it comes with things you don't want to hear. It's not ALWAYS an easy pill to swallow.

Oh.. and your comment about you not "being about that" (as in, getting what YOU wanted)... that's just silly. You're not about WHAT? Being a living, breathing, loving, sensual, sexual, incredible FEMALE human ANIMAL?

And if you're not "about that" then why did you do it at all? And after only 3 weeks? No wonder you're feeling defensive. You messed up and feel like dog poop about yourself and are second guessing what happened and are defensive because you think we're attacking you for doing something moronic.

Honey... its not moronic to be human and to err. It's HUMAN. So, it wasn't what you wanted/imagined/thought it would be. IT NEVER IS. Chin up. It's all good. If this guy wanders off into the ever unknown, at least you have THAT over with. Don't regret.

As the Butthole Surfers say... "It's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done."
~phos

love me some Mel Mel

I'm just going to end this post.

Oh.. and your comment about you not "being about that" (as in, getting what YOU wanted)... that's just silly. You're not about WHAT? Being a living, breathing, loving, sensual, sexual, incredible FEMALE human ANIMAL?

And if you're not "about that" then why did you do it at all? And after only 3 weeks? No wonder you're feeling defensive. You messed up and feel like dog poop about yourself and are second guessing what happened and are defensive because you think we're attacking you for doing something moronic.


Fos...my point exactly. Jen, I wasn't trying imply that you were out to get something and if I offended you I do apologize for that. I was simply implying that the common view of a girl giving up her virginity to a man and then he wants out shows a sign of him getting what he wanted. However, if you did not want to engage in those activities with him you wouldn't have. So me saying, you got what you wanted, implies that you wanted to be with him just as much as he wanted to be with you. If you read the rest of my post I told you to go with the flow and see where it take you. I didn't anything to be taken negatively and again if it was, then I'm do apologize for that.

Nu

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this forum. My name is Jenn , I'm 18 and from Texas. I am currently dating someone who is 7 years older than me for the past 3 weeks and he's having a hard time getting past my age yet he likes to be with me and we have fun together and we're REALLY attracted to each other.

Maybe it's just me, but back in my mid/late 20s when I dated girls who were 8 - 10 years younger than me age was hardly even discussed. I met them through personals ads, though, so age was no surprise. We were both looking for the same thing.

I have since married a girl 15 years younger than me, from the Philippines. We've been together for 12 years and have two beautiful boys, a 9 y.o. and a 10 mo. old. We couldn't be happier. I am 47 and she is 32. Our age gap, which is more than double yours, is not even a consideration.

I have read through the posts, and I will concur that you exercise caution in this relationship. Meeting someone online is not easy either; when my wife and I first met online, we chatted for a couple months before meeting in person. When we first met face-to-face, we both were VERY awkward. we both had some adjusting to do as far as actually BEING together vice the online thing.

Based on some of the comments your OM stated earlier, I would be cautious in this relationship. Enjoy one another's company, but don't plunge into a commitment neither of you are ready to willing to accept.

7 years? That's all? That is one of the smallest age gaps on the forums! [Please correct me if I am wrong]