what to do

hello
i am a 38 yr old male in love with a 22 yr old. we worked together for 4 yrs and over the last 2 yrs we have developed a strong connection i can feel it as mush as her we started seeing each other and everything was good then she got scared about my age and told me she didnt want to date me but over the last few months we still see eachother and have started going out to clubs,dinner, and other things like that and i can feel a strong chemestry between us and i can see it all over her face all of her and my friends also tell me how obvious it is to them we have allways had such a great time when were together her parents are very good friends of mine and they love the idea of us being toghther but i dont know if i should wait to see if she will get past the age her father said give it time because he knows that she is in love with me and just dosent know what to do but that everytime we are together and talk on the phone when she gets off the phnoe she has a glow in her eyes and is in such a good mood. when she isnt around i miss her so much and i think i must be crazy to feel like this about a 22 yr.
i think it sounds strange to be in love with her but it wont go away and i know she feel the same way because i can see and feel it, would like any advise to help with this

Welcome to Ageless...

Wow, I'm sorry that your are going through this especially with its apparent that she had feelings for you. I guess her fear is something greater and whatever the reasons that are holding her back, you need to find those out. It is especially puzzling since, you guys have a parents full support. A lot of us on this side of the board would love to have the support of our family and loved ones. However, I suggest that you talk to her and find out what her issue is and give her whatever space she needs to get over her issue(s). If its meant to be, you two will be together. And it's not silly that you are in love with a 22 yr female, we can't help who we fall in love with.

Nu :cool:

It Is Odd That Her Parents Like Me A Lot Her Mother Said She Wanted To Call Me Son In Law One Day I Have Talked To Her About It A Lot And The Biggest Fear Is What Her Fiends Will Think And What Happens When I Get Older Because Right Now Im In Better Shape Than Most Guys Her Age And I Dont Look Older Than Her But When We Are Together And No One Is Around She Is Total Different She Has No Fears But In The Begining She Had A Few Freinds Pushing Her To Be With Me Because They Liked Me So She Wouldnt Do It Because They Were Trying To Tell Her What To Do Since They Backed Off The Last Few Weeks We Started Going Out Together She Has Came Over To My House To Hang Out But Im Afraid That If Anyone Starts Pushing She Might Get Scared Again But I Care For Her So Much I Dont Know What To Do

Hi StuckOnHer

I have read a lot on this forum and you are the first to whom I would like to say: Man, if I only were in your shoes!

Do not panick on the last 100 m. She once was scared away by the age gap but she returned and now she even is with you at your house. There really is nothing to worry about. She will not go away a second time.

Just relax. Make sure that nobody pushes her in your direction anymore especially her parents. Tell them everything is fine and you are making real progress (because that is what you do).

If she really is in love with you (and she certainly is :)), well, she’s a woman and you’re a man, everything will come quite naturally.

When fate brings us together with someone who is some years or even much younger, why not accept it just the way it is? 16 years is not THAT much as you will see when you browse this forum.

Good Luck! - BlueBird

i have talked to her parents and most of her friends that know about us and told them not to push her just let it happen and they have all done that i just feel strange to be so much older and sitting around waiting on a 22 yr old and she works for me she is off thursday thru monday and i miss her anytime she isnt around in the evenings not im going crazy to have her gone for the weekend she asked me to come to the ocean on saturday to meet her but everyone says dont go let her miss me even her parents said being away would make her want to be with me more but i just want to run to her because she asked and they say that is one of the problems that i give her everything she wants so she never has to make an effort to be with me because she knows im always there when she needs me and that is making it to easy for her to have her cake and eat it to

Lighten up!

Yeah, love hurts, but it hurts so goood!

Live life!

Treasure her, yes, treasure this time.

re: eating her cake too, Don't let her overly take advantage of you.

Stop worrying and stop thinking so much. There is nothing wrong with your feelings, so stop trying to analyze them ... just feel them.

Decide to be happy and live and think positively!

One Almost Might
Wouldn’t you say,
Wouldn’t you say: one day,
With a little more time or a little more patience, one might
Disentangle for separate, deliberate, slow delight
One of the moment’s hundred strands, unfray
Beginnings from endings, this from that, survey
Say a square inch of the ground one stands on, touch
Part of oneself or a leaf or a sound (not clutch
Or cuff or bruise but touch with finger-tip, ear-
Tip, eyetip, creeping near yet not too near);
Might take up life and lay it on one’s palm
And, encircling it in closeness, warmth and calm,
Let it lie still, then stir smooth-softly, and
Tendril by tendril unfold, there on one’s hand …
One might examine eternity’s cross-section
For a second, with slightly more patience, more time for reflection?
—A.S.J. Tessimond

i just feel strange to be so much older and sitting around waiting on a 22 yr old and she works for me she is off thursday thru monday and i miss her anytime she isnt around in the evenings not im going crazy to have her gone for the weekend she asked me to come to the ocean on saturday to meet her but everyone says dont go let her miss me even her parents said being away would make her want to be with me more but i just want to run to her because she asked and they say that is one of the problems that i give her everything she wants so she never has to make an effort to be with me because she knows im always there when she needs me and that is making it to easy for her to have her cake and eat it to

Stuck,
It sounds like you are really in love with this woman. I did not think I would have fallen in love with my wife when we first met...but we did, and it is an amazing thing. As for the age difference, don't sweat it! Love has a way of defying anything we hold as logical. I will confess that I went a bit overboard lavishing my lovely wife with all kinds of goodies until we both noticed we were getting a bit reckless in our finances. She wanted to go back to school, and I am about to retire from the Navy soon...we had to get a grip on things, and quick. I think the two of you will do great. Just realize that what you feel is real and from within your heart...such opportunities are rare, so seize the chance while you two can.

Keep in touch with me if you want and let me know how you are doing.

yes your right i do love this lady when shes not around i cant stop thinking about her and its been this way for the last year i gave in yesterday and went to hte ocean to see her i was afraid i might be intruding on her time and vacation she was there with her parents and there friends but when i got there she asked me to go to dinner with her and her friends and nornally she wouldnt want to be seen with me around her friends but last night we went and had a great time we went to ride go carts and look at all the old cars i had a blast when we got back to the motel her dad asked me to stay there the night because it was a 2 hr ride home but i left i felt uncomfortable staying in the room with her parents even though her dad is a very good friend of mine i wounder if leaving was the right thing to do because i wanted to stay with her

yes your right i do love this lady when shes not around i cant stop thinking about her and its been this way for the last year i gave in yesterday and went to hte ocean to see her i was afraid i might be intruding on her time and vacation she was there with her parents and there friends but when i got there she asked me to go to dinner with her and her friends and nornally she wouldnt want to be seen with me around her friends but last night we went and had a great time we went to ride go carts and look at all the old cars i had a blast
I cannot fault you for wanting to be polite, especially this was your girlfriend's vacation. It seems like things are warming up in the relationship...your YW is becoming more comfortable bringing you around her friends. This is a good sign. When Stephy introduced me to her friends, they were stunned to say the least when they realized I was much older...they were expecting maybe a 25-year-old, not a 40-year-old man. ;) They adjusted pretty well once they got to know more about me.

when we got back to the motel her dad asked me to stay there the night because it was a 2 hr ride home but i left i felt uncomfortable staying in the room with her parents even though her dad is a very good friend of mine i wounder if leaving was the right thing to do because i wanted to stay with her
Hey! That was really sweet of your YW's parents inviting you to get some Z's before going home. Again, it sounds very promising. As for leaving...again, I think you did the right thing because this was primarily her time with family. There will be more opportunities for you and her to be together...just take it one step at a time!

I do have one favor to ask. When you post, could you please use regular sentences? I will admit I had a difficult time reading the post and sorting out what you were saying. Thanks!

My prayers are with the two of you, and may the relationship continue to grow!

when she isnt around i miss her so much and i think i must be crazy to feel like this about a 22 yr.

No you're not crazy to feel that way about a 22 year old. I'm almost 48, and if I were single, I could easily feel that way about a 22 y.o!! It depends on the person!

do you think its possible to tell how someone feels about you just by the look on there face and in there eyes. When she looks at me I can see a look that says I love you she told me a few months ago that she loved me but she hasnt said it i the last two months, but when i see her looking its written all over her face. Her dad told me yesterday that me comming to the ocean was the highlight of her vac, that made me feel great, but when she got back a freind of ours started pushing her about me and she got very defensive. She told me last night she had a good time with me but I could tell she was upset about being pushed again it seems like everytime things get going on the right track that something always comes up to derail everything.

It's not like you're 138! You're only 38! Don't stress about your age. I think there are some girls her age that would be ok with dating an older guy and some that wouldn't. The same with guys too. And it has to do with individual chemistry which has nothing to do with age. But if it was me, and a guy wasn't really returning my feelings I would bail. (That's just me.) I wouldn't want someone who wasn't that in to me and whose feelings weren't that obvious. I'm not saying that's what is going on with her though. Last year I dated a guy 16 years younger who was smitten with me; I could tell...there was no guess work involved. It didn't work out because I was getting over a relationship and was being too picky. Oh well. Anyway, take care and you're still young, you never know who you're going to meet tomorrow!

thanks for the reply

The problem is that she does return the feelings. we have the chemstry, everyone who sees us together can see it to. She shows her feeling when we are alone and aroung certain friends. I just cant understand why its so difficult for her to take the next step. I told her that I had to take as much of a chance on her as she does on me. Most of my friends think Im crazy to be in love with her like I am, but I dont care what they say she is so different from anyone I have ever met. She goes for weeks at a time and calls me every night and we talk for hours after we have spent all day at work together, then she just stops for days. I never try to put any pressure on her so if she dosent call me I wont call her, I always try to let her come around on her own terms. She always was, for the last 2 yrs it seems that she always comes back after a few days, it has take up to 3 months. She used to get a boyfriend and within a month she starts complaining and ends up breaking up with them. She wrote me a letter in FEB telling me the reason she cant keep a boyfriend is none of them compare to me and that she was in love with me and thats why she kept breaking up with them. But I dont understand why if she feels that way what the big deal. She told me that she thinks about me at least 70 percent of the time, and that she thinks i am too perfect, with all that she has told me and all of our friends seeing us together they all say we are meant to be together. I beleive she is my soul mate but it seems strange that my soul mate would be so young and the daughter of one of my best friends. I do beleive everthing happens for a reason and I think she is the reason I met her father and mother. I just dont know what to do and I cant stand wasting time that we could be spending together enjoying life. when shes not around I miss her and cant think about anything but her all day. any advise is helpful.

thanks

Whenever I've had a relationship and had this funny feeling of why are they not committing whatever, my intuition was right and they were just keeping me around feeding me bs so they could use me. So, of course I would bail and later plainly see how they were bsing me. If people say one thing and act another way you it makes you doubt their sincerity after awhile. I could be totally wrong but I get this sense she's stringing you along. I hope I am wrong. Try to look at it without your emotions. Easier said than done I know. If she is keeping u on the side, don't worry, if you let go God will bring you someone even more awesome to reward your courage. I hope it works out 4 you.

I thought she was stringing me along for a while too, but then she started acting different she has asked me to go places with her, invited me to her house, came over to mine. i would buy her things all the time then she said to stop she didnt need them. so i did and things have gotten even better. i asked her to go to the nascar race this sunday she said she wanted to. If it would have been 2 months ago she wouldnt have wanted to go.She started flirting with me in front of some of my friends in the last week something she would have never do before. everone tells me now to not be so nice to her and she will come around even more I just dont know if I should do that because I think she fell for me because i am nice to he and treat her with respect. D you think I should listen to them/ Im not sure what to do.