Parents? Your thoughts on Lazy Teens!

Overheard a fellow passenger on the evening commute who was telling his buddies of his 'problem son.'

It was both a funny and sad story.

Here are the basics:

The 16-year old son had just stopped going to high school. Not sure why; he just flat out refused to go any further.

Son is presently just hanging out at home. Playing video games all day. Dad says it's like pulling teeth to get him to just take out the trash, and do other basic chores.

Dad says he's been bugging him, letting him know this can't go on, etc. Dad spoke of how the kid definitely doesn't want to join the military, so that's out.

Fellow commuters offered Dad suggestions on helping him get his GED; possibly taking court action to have him legally emancipated; and other ideas I don't recall.

Poor Dad. You could tell he loved his son but didn't know quite what to do. He'd say stuff like "I mean he's not a BAD kid, but...."

So, what do Agelesslove parents think? Any of your kids/relatives in the same boat? What was the solution? What was the problem?


My quick take on it:
As a non-parent and someone who was a fairly lazy teen myself, I tend to see parents as culprits to some degree or another. Every adult sets the example for what does or doesn't fly in their household...

For example, in this case, in my opinion the parent HAS to be stricter. The parent has NO BUSINESS assisting the kid's slacker behavior. First thing I would have done is taken the kid's Sony/Nintendo video game + TV and sell them off (or put them in storage). Moral of the story for the kid: People who aren't into work and aren't into school don't get to play all day long.

I would do other things too, but let's hear from other folks. :)

Harrison - I agree with you. When I see some of my friends children, or hear things like that, I just think ........."where have the parents been this childs whole life"

I HATED school, but never did the thought of quitting cross my mind, my mother would not LET me (thank god) and never did I think of doing it anyway.

I have, at times, had trouble with my son being "lazy" and the solution to me has always been simple .............they don't want to "do", they don't "get"

Example .....my son decided he did not want to do his homework, so he tells me "Mom, I think it's MY choice to do my homework or not, and you really can't make me" ............so I say "You're right, it's your choice to do your homework" ....he gets very excited and starts closing his books, and I continue by saying "But please remember what my choices are...........If you do not do your homework, and do not make good grades, you will not talk on my phone or watch my TV or go out with your friends, etc. Those are my choices, so please make whatever choices you'd like for yourself and I'll make mine" ..............Needless to say he does his homework and makes good grades !!!

I would never allow him to quit school at 16 ........by the time our children graduate high-school, college degrees are going to be a dime a dozen and you won't even be able to stock groceries without at least an AA.

Letting that child sit around the house and play is the same as condoning what he has done.

Yes, I am with you Harrison and Thesedays.... my 15 year old grandson lives with me. He will do absolutely NOTHING unless he is strongly motivated (i.e. gets to go out with friends on Friday nights).

When he lived with me last year... it was almost a breeze. I set the rules and he followed. Now that his Mom is here and she wants to practice being a Mom, he SO GETS AWAY with everything. Grannie is a-fixing to put her feet down. :D

Yes, I am with you Harrison and Thesedays.... my 15 year old grandson lives with me. He will do absolutely NOTHING unless he is strongly motivated (i.e. gets to go out with friends on Friday nights).

When he lived with me last year... it was almost a breeze. I set the rules and he followed. Now that his Mom is here and she wants to practice being a Mom, he SO GETS AWAY with everything. Grannie is a-fixing to put her feet down. :D

Hi, Yellowrose....

Yes, it's amazing what different standards different parents have, isn't it?

I favor strictness myself, if only to protect the youngster from what he doesn't know will hurt him later on. A 16-year-old doesn't know that almost no employer will be interested in his video-game skills a couple of years down the road. lol

On the other hand sheila4pd's post (now pulled) made a good point. There could be other issues like a bully at school, or a child's low-self esteem due to academic problems, ie. dyslexia.

But that probably calls for an "alternative high school" type of scenario, and not just dropping out.

I myself has a teen daughter who is not what I would call lazy, but sloppy. But I have to admit that some of her actions are based on my actions. For years I have told her that her first priority in life is to get good grades. I always stressed grades because I wanted her to be able to get into a good college and have a chance at doing well in life. So I made education first for her.

Now that she's a junior in high school, she's only wants to focus on her grades and music and nothing else. Meaning that I cant ger her to keep her room clean, her bathroom looks like who knows what. She has no interest in keeping things clean or neat. She sleeps in on the weekend until 3 or 4 pm and says this is because she needs her rest.

She's always been on the honor roll, and recently made drum major in the band.

But she's not focused on a lot of other aspects of home life. She does not cooking or sewing or crafts, just focusing on her studies. She like shopping and hanging out with her friends, but I feel that in some ways that she's missing out on so many of the things that my mom taught me.

And the strange thing is when I ground her for not cleaning.....she goes in her room and reads. How do you ground a kid when they dont mind sitting in their dirty room reading ???

You make them clean their room !! Take away her books until it's clean !! ha ha

Hi,

We tried grounding our 15 year old daughter with only reasonable success. Her godmother is a retired teacher and she suggested beefing things up by setting our daughter an essay to write over the weekend. It definitely seems to be acting as some sort of deterrent. She's got one to do this coming weekend but that's the first for several months.

Her room is a tip and despite several warnings she hasn't bothered to tidy it up. So my wife grounded her and after talking with our daughter's godmother has come up with an essay entitled 'Cleanliness is next to godliness' LOL


Tim

Hi,

We tried grounding our 15 year old daughter with only reasonable success. Her godmother is a retired teacher and she suggested beefing things up by setting our daughter an essay to write over the weekend. It definitely seems to be acting as some sort of deterrent. She's got one to do this coming weekend but that's the first for several months.

Her room is a tip and despite several warnings she hasn't bothered to tidy it up. So my wife grounded her and after talking with our daughter's godmother has come up with an essay entitled 'Cleanliness is next to godliness' LOL


Tim
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That actually sounds pretty good. I might use it. Get her to write about something that she's totally not interested in and that also helps fine tune her writing skills at the same time.

Thanks

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That actually sounds pretty good. I might use it. Get her to write about something that she's totally not interested in and that also helps fine tune her writing skills at the same time.


Our daughter certainly dislikes writing them. Her godmother reckons they should be relevant but diifficult topics. Her two previous ones were 'Respect' and 'Improving my behaviour'. Both 1,500 words. Ouch!


My wife even bought a thick pad of paper to show our dd she means business!


Tim

I must say, Tim has some good ideas.

The best reprimands will pull/push the youngster into a learning activity --- even if it is a learning activity the youth does not appreciate.

Writing promotes things like good vocabulary, grammar, and organizational skills.

Well, in our family if you weren't with the program...you got your a$$ whipped or booted out the door until you got with the program!! Now-a-days that is called child abuse!! :rolleyes: And on our 18th birthday we got luggage!! Had nothing to do with abuse or no love. It was about respect, rules, and goals. And guess what? IT WORKED!! :cool:

I must say, Tim has some good ideas.

The best reprimands will pull/push the youngster into a learning activity --- even if it is a learning activity the youth does not appreciate.

Writing promotes things like good vocabulary, grammar, and organizational skills.
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I totally agree, and with summer coming this will help keep her busy too. Plus she may actually learn to appreciate some of the things that she says that she hates now.

Hi,

It's definitely worth buying a pad of paper to show the threat is real. Our daughter thought my wife was bluffing until she came home with one!

Our daughter's godmother taught for years and reckons essays are an excellent way of keeping teens in check. She thinks between 1,500 and 2,00 words is about right. Our daughter broke her curfew twice and the godmother even came up with an essay for that. 'In praise of punctuality'

They generally take our daughter most of a weekend to complete because the subject matter is difficult and she has to stay on topic. Incidentally, the godmother reckons the hardest essay of all is one entitled 'The Inside of a ping pong ball'

Tim

Boot camp will straighten him out. Not military boot camp but, a boot camp that takes care of troubled teens. They basically work them like they were in the military but, they also have couselours for them and they do a lot of counseling to try to see whats causing them to act the way they are acting. I am lucky because my kids are not bad or troubled kids. My husband and i spend a lot of time with our kids and they truly know that we love them all equally. We try not to yell at them and when there is a problem we talk it out. We want our kids to be comforatble enough to come to us and tell us anything and know that we won't fly off the handle.
When I was raised I grew up in fear of my father all he had to do was raise his voice an you head for the farthest place away from him. I also never told my father anything in fear he would blow up at me. He is a good father and gave me everything I could want but, i would rather him not have made me afraid of him but, it also kept me in control and out of trouble.

There is a reason why the teen in question is not wanting to go to school, the best thing the parents can do is find out why, and work with their son and the school to remedy the problem. If that doesnt work, consider homeschooling, or alternative/vocational schooling, but the child has to see that going to school is not negotiable. Solving this issue must take top priority over anything else going on within the family. I agree with removal of all video games and "entertainment" but if the parents work all day and the kid is left to his own devices with zero supervision, he may get in to worse than just sitting on his butt infront of the TV.

Bootcamp or anything of the sort is not the answer IMO, this kid isnt a juvenille deliquent, he isnt a criminal, nor has he harmed anyone but himself, such a punishment does not fit the crime. Something is going on at the school that is making him not want to attend, its the parents job to find out what.

Kids learn by example...that goes for everything, from valuing education, to respect and treatment of others, it starts at birth, you cant suddenly get on the right track at age 16 and expect them to change what they have been taught for 16 yrs. Model the behavior you want and expect from them and it wont be such a bumpy road.

To Miss B...I have 2 avid musicians (ages 18 and 15), and I know how they can have tunnel vision, my daughter is extremely tidy and I have never had a problem with her keeping her space clean, but my son is another story. He has to be very motivated to get off his music track long enough to even see anything else surrounding him...I usually keep the philosophy of your space/ your mess..IOW its not my room, and I dont have to live in it...but sometimes it is just out of control and something needs to be done. I will offer to help him if he feels completely overwhelmed and that helps a ton...I dont normally have to really do much of anything except pop in every so often and say.."hey lookin great!, anything you want me to take down to the laundry or trash?" Staying positive and lending a helping hand here and there works so much better than just quipping off.."clean that filthy room or else!" it gets done and no one feels forced or punished. It works here...for us...of course your daughter may laugh at you, lol, I dunno...but just adding my experience to the pot.

To Miss B...I have 2 avid musicians (ages 18 and 15), and I know how they can have tunnel vision, my daughter is extremely tidy and I have never had a problem with her keeping her space clean, but my son is another story. He has to be very motivated to get off his music track long enough to even see anything else surrounding him...I usually keep the philosophy of your space/ your mess..IOW its not my room, and I dont have to live in it...but sometimes it is just out of control and something needs to be done. I will offer to help him if he feels completely overwhelmed and that helps a ton...I dont normally have to really do much of anything except pop in every so often and say.."hey lookin great!, anything you want me to take down to the laundry or trash?" Staying positive and lending a helping hand here and there works so much better than just quipping off.."clean that filthy room or else!" it gets done and no one feels forced or punished. It works here...for us...of course your daughter may laugh at you, lol, I dunno...but just adding my experience to the pot.

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Boy, do I know what its like to live with an up and coming musicians. My daughter made drum major for high school, so next week its band camp time, but last week was clean the room time and she just didnt get it done. She really didnt even give it a try. So I gave her an assignment .........she had to write a paper on responsibility and another on self-esteem.

She wrote very interesting papers on both, and I was able to learn a little more about her from both of the papers. The room is now cleaned and she'll be going to band camp....if the room stays clean :confused:

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Boy, do I know what its like to live with an up and coming musicians. My daughter made drum major for high school


They are an interesting lot arent they? lol, 99% of the time I find them hugely entertaining and enjoyable and we have so much fun around here sometimes I think I should charge admission. My daughter is off to music college in the fall and it just wont be the same around here without the two of them collaborating and producing music together. Congrats to your daughter for making Drum Major! What instrument does she play? My daughter plays the trumpet and the baritone, but will be playing the euphonium in college. She also plays guitar and piano as well as sings. Her brother, the wild man...lol...hes the drummer (plays the quints in the HS band) but guitar is his first love along with vocals and piano.

Good luck keeping that room clean!! :D

They are an interesting lot arent they? lol, 99% of the time I find them hugely entertaining and enjoyable and we have so much fun around here sometimes I think I should charge admission. My daughter is off to music college in the fall and it just wont be the same around here without the two of them collaborating and producing music together. Congrats to your daughter for making Drum Major! What instrument does she play? My daughter plays the trumpet and the baritone, but will be playing the euphonium in college. She also plays guitar and piano as well as sings. Her brother, the wild man...lol...hes the drummer (plays the quints in the HS band) but guitar is his first love along with vocals and piano.

Good luck keeping that room clean!! :D
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Wow I cant imagine having two music folks in my house at the same time..lol.
My daughter plays the clairnet in school. She's been playing now for about 7 years. She also is a self taught piano player and sax player. She was the only freshman to make the honors band after being told that they dont let freshman in honors. Thanks for the congrats. Now that she's a junior she's moving to a new school and wants to go down in history as being the first Drum Major. So she's really excitied. She plans on going to college for music as well, she wants to be a performer, she loves being on stage and playing. Best of luck to your daughter, I'm sure she's really excited.

My daughter has been back from camp for over a week now. Her room is still clean. She's been spending time in her room, but every evening she does a quick pick up. I'm wondering just how long this is going to last.

I'm enjoying it while it last :D

I know this will sound pretty harsh, but here is my take:

I recently watched the Discovery Health channel where a 17-year-old boy from Tennessee was videotaped sitting at home playing video games all day. He weighed almost 500 pounds. What really irked me was his dad: his dad whined about how his son is so heavy he cannot go deer hunting without getting winded, etc., and won't go to school.

I wanted to jack-slap his dad. If that was my son, and I noticed a negative trend, I would first throw out the Playstation and then sit down with him. I would ask him what would it take - within reason - to motivate him to do chores and go outside and be active. I would also let him know that regardless of what he may think, I am the dad and he needs to listen and respect what I say. I am not talking being abusive or nasty, but simply establishing who is running the home.

Sometimes I think in our society we allow the kids to run the home instead of the parents...and sadly, this is typical of the results.

I am also aware there may be outside factors - school, work, etc. - but the parents still need to take charge of their homes.