jealousy

this will not doubt be a long one!

i met my partner of 39 9months ago!

he was at the end of a long term realtionship with a women who lives in his house. she has not yet moved out as he is waiting for some money to buy her out of the house! they are still friends however she threatened that if he was seeing someone esle she would fight him through the courts and make his life hell!

so our relationship is a lie! some of his friends know. all the ones who dont know her and a few who knew them both! everyone else thinks they are still together however you never see them together! they do drink in the same pub (that i work in) but they are not affectionate to each other!

he slept with her in the first 3 weeks of our relationship and told me about it! i thought i could forgive it but it seems to be hanging around!

i cant trust him at all! i think because of the situation i have to give him the benefit of the doubt alot of the time! he gets phone calls from her because he has told her he isnt seeing anyone else he has to answer them! she is certain he is seeing someone else even to the point of asking me and me having to lie!

i just dont understand myself anymore!

a lot of the time i think he is being honest with me he tells me he loves me he sees me 6 out of 7 days he spends the majority of his time with me!

i have been jealous throughout the relationship i keep asking him if he is with his ex and he tells me no we have constant arguments and i go off into jealous rages calling him names and being mean! he forgives and tells me he understands because of the situation we are in. i also have thoughts of him being with someone else and accuse him on many occasions!

he is quite secretive about his past in my opinion but when i think about it we all are! but his past doesnt make sense to me and i believe he is a liar!

i know he has asked his ex on many occassions to move out and i have heard him once and i have seen her actions!

i just think i am going insane i cant seem to understand whats reality and what isnt anymore and i think im pushing him away!

he went out last night after i had a jealous fit on saturday and left horrible messages on his phone because he went to a family party!

i was working last night and usually he comes in and sees me last night he went out on the piss and just told me he was having the worst day of his life! i was ok with it and even left him to himself! he text me and asked me to call him which i did!

i rang and the phone answered but he didnt talk so i listened for a few minutes and i could hear a woman and a quiz was on! so i rang back and asked him what he was doing. he said in the pub i asked if there was a quiz on he said no! theni explained what i had heard and he went mad and told me i was stupid and put the phone down!

i rang him back and he arranged to meet me after i finished work! so irang him when i finished i rang and rang and rang i went to the pub he said he was at but he wasnt there!

anyway he had moved on somewhere else and wasnt meeting me! i got upset started crying and asked him why he was treating me like was! he said he would meet me at my house in half an hour but never did! i left it after that and went to sleep!

no contact since!

i am so jelaous and worried about what he is up to i am driving myself insane i even drove past his house this morning to check he was there!

i dont what to feel anymore! i keep thinking it would be best for both if i finishied with him i cant go on like this! im scared fro myself!

i dont know how i will cope if we finish! but i can see what im doing and i know its wrong! i wish i could finish it but then i think of how much we get on when this isnt going on! and how much i would miss him!

i just dont know what to im going insane i need help! i nearly rang up sick at work this morning i dont want this to affect my life but it is

found out last night he is sleeping with my boss! guess im not mad afterall!

found out last night he is sleeping with my boss! guess im not mad afterall!

Hi Broken Smiles,

You didn't say how old you were, but I'm going to assume fairly young. I don't know how you found out he was sleeping with your boss...but my advice is to run, not walk, away from this man. Do not invest anymore time into this "relationship". I'm 46 and from past experience can tell you that you can pretty much bet that this person is very dishonest, to say the least. I won't make judgements on his character because I do not know him, but from what you wrote here, he seems to be talking out all sides of his *ss. (*my ex-hubby lied, lied, lied! and this sounds so familar to me) He lies to his partner, and yes from what I can see, she is still his partner to all who know them... He lies to you...and now he's sleeping with your boss? No one deserves to be played like that and I feel he is taking advantage of your lack of experience in affairs of the heart. Don't get me wrong, your feelings are valid, it is quite painful to care for someone and to be treated in such a manner. Don't lose your job over him! And be safe...when his partner finds proof of his cheating, you may be the one to get burned. From your post, you know her enough to have her question you. Best to stay clear and wash your hands of this man. There are so many other loving, honest men to date out there. Best of luck and let us know how you are.

Hey there. Step outside of this for a moment. You were happy before you met him right? You can be happy again too! You do not need him to be happy! Regarding Jealousy, I always say don't be jealous, just embrace your own path! You have gifts and unique qualities that you can develop...do not be envious because to be yourself and to value that is far more powerful than the things or people you are jealous of. I would say, let go of the struggle and walk away. Don't let him use you.
Get into the things that interest you...sports, the arts, career... whatever it is for you.

Broken Smiles~

Sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Time will heal you...it truly will.

Pardon my bluntness, but the guy sounds like a first rate jerk and a manipulator.

When you wrote "...and i believe he is a liar", it caught my attention because if we THINK that a guy is lying to us...he probably is.

The most important thing I see in your post is that this guy was making you feel crazy. This should be a HUGE warning sign that there is something wrong. We feel crazy with guys like this because they are messing with our heads and our hearts, and we want to believe them...but then there is this voice inside screaming at us that there's something wrong.

I've dated some guys that have made me feel bonkers. Then, when it was all said and done, I realized that it wasn't ME after all... it WAS them!

People think that they're still together? After you've been seeing him for 9 months? And they still live in the same house and hang out and drink together? While you serve them beers? Honey, sounds as if they ARE still together, and he's pulling the wool over your eyes.

For your own sanity, your peace of mind, etc., I agree with 313girl...be DONE with this guy. This guy is treating you like cr*p, isn't he? Why would you want to be with anyone who treats you that way?

Drama, drama, drama...let it go. Like Skatergirl said: fill your time with the things in life that you KNOW make you happy. If you don't have any hobbies or aren't into exercise/sports...introduce yourself to some new activities. (And, as an aside, you might even meet someone new this way. ;) )

Take my word for it...a little time will pass and if you still wind up having to be around him because of where you work, first you'll start wanting to puke on him when you see him, and eventually...you'll laugh at what a messed up person he is for spending his life playing games like he is.

You...you'll be fine. Next time you meet a guy who makes you so uncertain that you start to feel bonkers...go in the other direction.

..

thanks for your advice it really helps!

i have ran away from the whole thing! he just isnt good enough for me he is manipulative and vindictive! i found out coz i had his phone of him and read the messages of my boss to him! they are good friends!

they were slagging me off and when he asked her how she was she said sexausted!

so im pretty certain they have slept together and i know he was with her on sunday!

he admitted to liking me feeling jealous of the women in his life because he knew how much i loved him and said he did it so i wouldnt leave him! so i left him anyway! he has begged me to come back" i changed my number! i have asked for a transfer at work! (i just cant stand seeing them together i know he will imply they are together to me)


i am getting away this weekend otherwise i will mope about in the house!

thankfully my mates have been understanding and gonna support me thsi weekend!

the only thing is i really dont want to leave my job i love my job and the people i work with but i just couldnt stand seeing him! i dont want this to break me i want to be strong!

I spent 10 years of my life having an affair with a married man whose wife was 'mentally unstable, had drink problems, he couldnt leave her because of the kids etc etc etc' and when he finally pushed her so far that she had a nervous breakdown, left him with the house and the kids (all my friends told me he was greedy and manipulative and I didnt listen) he told me that we would now be able to have a future together but he needed space to sort out his head, I found that his space was a girl 25 years his junior and he had told her the same about me as he had told me about his wife...even his own mother had warned us both and we didnt listen...his wife is actually a nice fun lady and we give each other a lot of support......it takes a while to get over a man like this, but please be strong and remember the reason he chose you is that you are kind caring and trusting and he could take advantage of that, stay that way and be true to yourself.........and if thats not enough as my ex's mum said to me'if one woman isnt enough then 10 arent too many...his wife caught him having sex with at least 3 other women in their own home........think on it.....

thanks that helps! even reading my original post back now i feel so pathetic! i cant believe i let someone use and manipulate me like this! i have watched my sister in relationships like this and have seen straight through the men tending to make them hate me! this time she saw straight through mine and tried to warn me! i did listen and he was great for a little bit he found my insecurities again and used them against me!

i know he will be knocking on my door asking for forgiveness telling me he has changned but its just not me now!

yes im upset and have a bit of a void in my life and my appetite has gone but i know this will pass and taking each day as it comes!

he knew i was having counselling with work but still continued to play with my mind! telling me i was a psycho and it was all in my head! well i know now and even still he denies it! he is so far up his own arse saying he is the best bloke in the world and that i met my match with him!
but to be honest i think coz im 21 and he is 39 his own insecurities came into play and he used them against me! well i've had enough i dont care if i never see him again (apart from he was driving past my house this morning when i went to work) but to be honest that made me feel better coz it just proves he was doing things to make me feel bad about myself and yet he is the one psychotically stalking my house!

i am ready to take on this break up! my best revenge will be showing him he couldnt beat me and i still love myself after his pathetic attempt to crush me and keep me!

i know i am gonna come through this! and maybe loose that half a stone i've been wanting to shed aswell! i loved being single and i will love it again! and working in the pub i work in will help coz there are always one or two men who are ready to swing a compliment your way!

i told my boss last night i was leaving but i might just stick around that way i can prove to myself he cant get to me!

I also lost weight and now I feel even better (I could have done with it!!) I also started to do all the things I like doing (although it wasa struggle at first) now I am starting a new job soon, because I wanted to not because of him, keep your head held high keep your dignity and keep doing the job that you like, leave when YOU want to, not because of him....believe me he is the one that will suffer most......the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself.........

Broken Smiles ~

Your relief comes straight through in your posts, girl!

High Five to you. YOU are the bomb!

As for changing jobs or transfering to a different location, yes, do it when you're ready. Don't do it just because of him but don't stay because you want to 'show him up' either. Don't make the breakup a new chapter in the same old drama. Let it GO and find something new and beautiful!

Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us ready for change. If your options are better in other ways, what's not to consider, eh?

Hope you get away for some relaxation this weekend. Have a great time.

Don't let any man...any person...crush you!

Yea! I'm so proud of you! That's exactly what I do, change my number etc.! You took your power back and you are strong! Awesome girl! Soon you'll look back and think WHAT was I thinking! :D