what to do what to do...

Hi you all,

I've been lurking and lurking, but today wow do I need to vent. The last month I have been dating a youngin (not much of an age gap as other here) he's 18 and I'm 28. I'm so very happy with him, vice versa. We get along great, basically inseperable. My cousin/roommate is near his age and just despises me being with someone so much younger says that he's just going to hurt me blah blah blah basically she's wanting to control my every move. Earlier today, my parents go on and on about his age asking why I want to be with someone that hasn't really experienced life yet. It's just getting so hard. I know I should do what makes me happy, but it's hard to do when no one seems to support you at all, ya know? Anyways, how do you get through the massive opinions from everyone else? It sure is just making me crazy, hearing this and that but knowing what I feel inside. Any comments or suggestions to make me feel better would be great! Thanks you all

Jamie

Hi! When my guy and I got together, he was 19 and I was 29, and boy, did I hear it from some people (we are now 21 and 31):

- my mother called me a COUGAR!!!!!!! (she got over it and seems to think it's okay now)
- my ex made comments about how I could have babysat my bf (I don't really talk to him anymore now, so whatever)
- one of my best friends, a guy my own age, was like, "He will leave you. Trust me. He just wants sex. That is all. This will not last." (A year later he was like, oh, I guess it's working out then... hmmm... never mind what I said before.)
- another guy friend of mine just couldn't stop giggling over the idea of me being with a 19 year old... but after he met him, he was like, "Oh, he's pretty cool, you'd never guess he was so young."

I guess my point is this: you will probably hear a bunch of crap at first, but like ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP, people will get over it and get on with their lives.

I am afraid of one thing though: if my bf and I ever break up, not only will I be devastated to have lost the love of my life, but I am afraid I will hear a bunch of told-you-sos from the aforementioned people. Even though if we do break up, it will not necessarily be due to an age gap issue.

Yup, it is hard, isn't it?

I, too, got all the smart remarks. My FATHER told me he was with me just for the easy sex (gee, thanks Dad for the word "easy").

My mother told me that the "young ones were a lot of fun, but they don't stay long".

Someone who lives in my town called me a child molestor (my b/f was the same age as yours at the time).

There were even more hurtful comments than that..but you know....

Thing is...it's a new relationship. People are surprised....they say things that hurt/anger you without thinking. A lot of the comments my family made was to try to protect me, as funny as it sounds, because they really thought they were right.

Of course, there will always be those "other" people, who say things just to be mean.

Four years and some months later, my father thinks my boyfriend is a really good man...and admits his original mistake.

My mother, who never really said anything bad about him...thinks he's a great guy too. I guess they needed some time to get used to the idea...the same as I did actually. A lot of the family comments were just them trying to keep me from getting my heart broke....because in a clumsy way, they are trying to protect you.

Why is it that people just can't be happy for people? If, in any of there situations, the guy was the older one, people would be more accepting. Can you say sexist!

Hi! When my guy and I got together, he was 19 and I was 29, and boy, did I hear it from some people (we are now 21 and 31):

- my mother called me a COUGAR!!!!!!! (she got over it and seems to think it's okay now)
- my ex made comments about how I could have babysat my bf (I don't really talk to him anymore now, so whatever)
- one of my best friends, a guy my own age, was like, "He will leave you. Trust me. He just wants sex. That is all. This will not last." (A year later he was like, oh, I guess it's working out then... hmmm... never mind what I said before.)
- another guy friend of mine just couldn't stop giggling over the idea of me being with a 19 year old... but after he met him, he was like, "Oh, he's pretty cool, you'd never guess he was so young."

I guess my point is this: you will probably hear a bunch of crap at first, but like ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP, people will get over it and get on with their lives.

I am afraid of one thing though: if my bf and I ever break up, not only will I be devastated to have lost the love of my life, but I am afraid I will hear a bunch of told-you-sos from the aforementioned people. Even though if we do break up, it will not necessarily be due to an age gap issue.

People are just going to talk, no matter what. My aunt use to talk about her sister dating a younger man. She said, "he is going to leave her", I heard it time and time again. The relationship did not work out, but my aunt's relationship did not work out either. <---Okay. She never complained about or talked about the problems in her own relationship, but consistantly talked about the age differences in her sister's. People are going to talk, that is something that would never change. But u have to make yourself happy, and to hell with anyone else.

Your age gap isn't huge, but the age your b/f is, is probably the reason people are being judgmental. You know how much you've changed since you were 18, and most likely he will too. Doesn't mean he isn't relationship material however. But overall, I will tell you that age gap relationships are not for the faint of heart. Hence this forum. There are many people who will tell you that they are just like any other relationship, but depending on the gap, I personally don't think that's true. All relationships have problems/issues. Age gap relationships have added ones. Sometimes it's worth it, and sometimes it's not.

Sounds like part of your growing up process is going to be standing on your own and telling people to butt out of your life.

I agree with Kat, its more of the age he is in that they may be worried about, I know I've had 18 yr old ask me out and i've turn them down, I'm 45, I've yet to meet an 18 that I could have anything in common with, let alone want to spend any time with, I don't care how mature he appears to be.

But your age gap is not so great, although there will be changes, it doesn't necessarily mean it will be for the bad...but you also have to be aware that it might change and not to your liking. But than again, you're both young enough that if in 4 or 5 years he's ready for children, you'll be young enough to have them, which is another concern for agr.

I say as long as the people and friends in your inner circle have no problems with it, anyone else has no say. But give those in your inner circle time to adapt. i find that we start dating these vym and start cramming him down our families and friends throat, we expect our families and friends to suck it up just because they're family and should be accepted unconditionally and it doesn't work that way. Sometimes our families can see things alot more clearly than you can being too close to the source. As long as they're being respectful of your relationship so far, give them time to adapt.

Paris

Ok so first how odd is it that my name is Jamie and I'm 28 dating an 18 year old? I just thought I point that out first. ;)

Either way I can honestly say I have the same issues you do. The same exact concerns.

I have my Ex asking me what I can possibly get out of being with a teenager. My only response is happiness. Which is what I tell everyone. Sure I have my ups and downs. I have days I doubt myself (mostly because of other peoples opinions getting to me) but at the end of the day I'm just happy.

Just wanted to say thanks you guys :) Everything seems to be ok now. I'm learning to just let it go through one ear and out the other. I'm happy, and that's what it's about right? I am freakin happy LOL.. I went to his parents house again today, and they seemed to be more accepting of me this time (versus the interrogation they put me through the first time). I'm thinking they were surprised that I came back. Now, I'm dealing with a jealous roommate/cousin says she doesn't want to see me get hurt see she's 22 and I guess she forgets I was once that age. Oh well right? I'm happy LOL

Right, your happy!!! *smiles* And that feels really awesome!

As far as your room-mate...I would just say...I really appreciate that you care about me so much and you are worried about me, and I will keep what you said in mind and be careful with my heart!

Thats about all you can do..but I also find that not getting defensive, and letting someone know that you actually heard them and appreciate their opinion (even if it doesn't agree with yours), kind of helps in keeping the waters calm.

In the end, no-one will know this person as well as you do...Don't let love "blind" you, and keep your eyes open and be careful with your heart...but also don't let other peoples opinions overshadow your own good judgement. The person who is best equipped to to judge what is best for you and what will fulfill your needs is...YOU! *smiles*

I think it's wonderful that your happy and enjoying yourself, and I hope that trend continues for a long time to come. Best of luck to you!