Dealing with his ex...

Ok how would you feel?

My YM has a YF ex girlfriend...at first I'm thinking to myself "oh gosh, what a pathetic fool" but I've thought it through and I suppose I need to be the older more mature one so up until now I've not really said he can't do anything although I have expressed my disappointment with the situation.

Some examples include, random text messages that she has sent expressing her feelings, dealing with her rants about ME ruining his life and how bad I am for him, her rants about me being old and wrinkley, having her little brother who my YM was EXTREMELY close too calling him, her calling his mom, his grandparents...I'm sure you get the idea.

Now heres the best part. They both bowl together. Well, not together really but in the same tournaments so they see each other often. A few weeks ago they ended up in Seattle and she stopped by his room...nothing happened really but she called and told my Ex a$$hole all sorts of crap. Tisk, tisk what teenage crap I'm having to endure.

Well it's not done yet, why you ask? Because they had a trip planned to Indiapolis since last year when they were together. They are, in July, going to have to spend a week together, in the same hotel room with his Dad and my YMs friend. One big happy family.

So now I ask...what the heck should I do? Anything? Nothing? Something? All I know is the girl is relentless! I'm trying to look at it like whatever happens happens but I can't help to feel like I should distance myself now to prepaire for what may be the enevitable.

What do you guys think? Any and all help is much appreciated! :confused:

Why does he HAVE to go on this trip if they are no longer a couple? Unless I'm missing something, I don't see why he's obligated to go. :confused:

I guess I'm thinking, if I made plans a year in advance to take a trip with a b/f, but something happened in the interim, and we broke up.. I certainly would not feel obligated to still go on said trip.

Because she can't afford to go on her own...

i suspect that there's more than meets the eye...

i'm all for being friends with your ex...but when your SO is spending significant amount of time with his ex and leaving you at home...something smells rotten...

sillygirl...you're his girlfriend...he needs to stand by you and defend you...and he needs to tell his ex to stop the nasty messages and phone calls...and he has no business being on that trip with her...if he does go...sadly...i think he's not telling you everything...

I would not put up with the Indianapolis trip... I think this is disrespectful for you, and his family seems to be an accomplice. If he does not see your point there is something seriously wrong with your relationship.

The only ex's you should be able to remain friends with, and that with some distance is the father/mother of your children, all the other exes should be done and gone. Maybe I am too old fashioned.

Because she can't afford to go on her own...

I don't see how that's the problem of her ex-boyfriend and his family or why they are making it your problem by continuing to associate with her in this close, cozy manner. :|

You know, I wouldn't be at all comfortable with them taking a trip together..and it just wouldn't happen. Im sorry, I know I sound controlling or what have you...

I would just tell him the trip makes you uncomfortable, and really it's just not appropriate. If she can't afford to go without him, then she won't go, but he certainly is not responsible to help her out once the relationship is over.

Im sorry for all the high school stuff your going through...I've been there too. I actually had the ex show up at my front door and ask to speak to him in private...outside....whatever...*rolls eyes*

Because she can't afford to go on her own...


TOUGH ROCKS FOR HER!!!

that is INSANE! and that he's entertaining it is infuriating. reimburse her whatever money she invested, explain to her that her company is neither required nor wanted and that he's taking his CURRENT girlfriend.

gah, girl, you need to start asking some questions. OMG, if my man even THOUGHT about allowing this, I'D SNAP ON HIS HEAD!


oh lordy, i'm livid, lol

No way, no how would I put up with that... not a chance in hell. Like DSpring said, there is more here than meets the eye and he is stringing her along. Maybe as backup plan? :eek: Eww... whole situation STINKS. I'd say... "look... if you actually go and place HER needs before mine, its speaking volumes about your priorities. Go, and I will NOT be here for you when you get back."

I'm all for ex's being friends, too, but this one is NOT in anyway shape or form his or your friend!!!

~phos

Oh HELLS no!
Thats just nuts....sorry Sillygirl, but no way would I accept this trip stuff. Having to see her at the same bowling alley or whatever may not be avoidable (the same tournaments?), but all the other stuff CAN and most definitely SHOULD be avoided!!!
Time to kick some butt IMO :mad:

Because she can't afford to go on her own...

Then she doesn't go. Or she asks her parents to help her out with expenses. There is no reason for him to go if they are no longer together. None.

No trip thats craziness... how about YOU go instead of her? You are now the girlfriend and she is now the ex.

ROFLAO, Amina.

And I second EVERYTHING you said... especially the last part!!! :eek:
~phos

He's got both of you to be with! And the raw deal is for both women! Don't blame her, it's a reflex action that most of us do, but it's wrong. Make him take responsibility for what he is doing. It sounds way past time for a heart to heart with him about fidelity. But I can tell you--these young guys just don't always understand the concept! And if that's the case throw the little fishes back, and head for another shore to fish!
Ali

I'm sure most of his decision is based on his feeling sorry for her but I don't doubt that he has feelings for her just like I have feelings for my ex (also the father of my child). I don't think you can help it.

He just hates being mean. He hates to make her cry...but she has no problem saying mean stuff to him. A couple weeks ago she said he looked fatter.

Either way...I expressed my feelings to him on the subject and he agreed with all of us. He honestly didn't stop to think about how it would make me feel and how it would make him feel if the situation was reversed. So she is not going now. Not with him anyway...

So thanks everyone so much for your support!

That's great, Silly Girl!

Thats awesome!

And, it does say a lot about your relationship that you were able to express your concerns to him, and he actually heard you and took into consideration your feelings....without it evolving into some sort of an argument.

He sounds like a kind young man.....

And hey, two cheers for letting your concerns be known, and not just sitting by and letting your feelings and get hurt....

and two cheers for being with a partner who puts your feelings first!!!!

*hugs*

(rereading my post) Huh! Anyone have any idea why I said "two cheers"?

Isn't it supposed to be "three cheers"? (shakes head)

I think I am losing it....