Really want to make it work!

Hi everyone, I am new at this whole posting thing but here goes. I am currently dating a woman who is 32 years of age and I am 22, their is a 10 year gap in our relationship and we are in different stages in our life. Admitetly I am not the most mature guy, however I am not overly imature. I just have probelms dealing with the fact that she has a very succesfull and busy job and I am still in the University, I'm going for my masters next year. I have difficulty deeling with the fact that we go a few day's without talking due to the intensity of her deadlines and the fact that she is also finishing a doctorates degree. She is a very busy lady. I am crazy about this woman and want to do everything I can to make this relationship work. I would be willing to learn to adjust the way I do things or the way I look at things but of course without losing my own identity. I want to be able to understand the things she is going through so that I can better understand what I can do to help our relationship last. I feel a strong bond to this woman and I see her as the sexiest woman I have ever been with. ;) But I am inexperienced in this type of situation and would welcome any input from the fine people at this forum. Thank you for your replys! :)

First I will say DON'T TRY SO HARD! It's annoying to say the least. Just be there for her when she needs you and don't push.

Busy people make time for whatever they want and/or need in there life. If she wants you there she'll let you know.

I don't mean to sound harsh but that's the best thing you can do at this stage in the game. Good luck though! :)

Thanks for the reply, does this mean that maybe I should stop calling for a while and just give her the space she needs. Maybe I should just back of and let her come to me when she needs me? Normally I wouldnt worry so much about what to do and what not to do, but I really care for this woman and I want to make her happy and comfortable around me. I dont want to suffocate her. It's hard to keep the distance since all I want is to see her everyday and to hear her voice. I know it sounds pretty clingy and that's what I am trying to work on. It's up to me to change some things so that we can both enjoy our relationship to the max... any more input? :confused:

I think you are not immature at all, but obviously her priorities are at present different than yours. How long have you been dating? Some relationships grow, others diminish. Do you think the frequency of your communication is increasing or decreasing? Do you feel he interest in you is growing or dwindling? This will give you an idea if there is hope or not. Also, she may be having age gap related issues.
Meanwhile, the best you can do is let her know of your interest and hope she corresponds.

We have been together for 2 months now and she has told me that she can see her future with me in her life. We are treating this relationship seriously not just as a fling or casual dating. However this past month have been strenous on our relationship due to her SUPER busy schedule and the fact that we live one hour away from each other. I have not seen her in the past three weeks and we have spoken very little. She is a very driven woman and she knows what she wants from her career and studies. She is at a point in life where having me around constantly can be a problem and distraction from her important immediate goals. I dont want to get in the way of her dreams, I want to be a part of them. However, I probably cant be a part of these dreams, at least not now. I admire and respect her very much for her driven, resolute, and responsible nature. I just want to keep our relationship going and I am concerned that I might push her away.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
~ William Butler Yeats, He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven (1899)


I just dont want to trample upon her dreams I want to enhance them and bring her as much happiness as I can. Thanks for the reply's. Any other insights? This is really helping me thank you. :)

Love conquers all, yes relationships are hard, and yes its hard to not spend the time that we want to with someone for other things that are inflicting with this. But as you said this month has been a busy month for her with work and all, in that rember she will have months that arnt like this you two will be able to be there with another. Work is called work cause its something you have to do and isnt allwase plesant nor in the hours of the day you like, but we all must do it. And for her I feel that she possibily is just getting caught up in work and hasnt forgoten about you and misses you allot, but she needs to survive in this world so she needs to work and all that jazz. I hope this came out right and the way I ment it. Wish you the best with all this and hope your having a good one, Take it easy.

We have been together for 2 months now and she has told me that she can see her future with me in her life. We are treating this relationship seriously not just as a fling or casual dating. However this past month have been strenous on our relationship due to her SUPER busy schedule and the fact that we live one hour away from each other. I have not seen her in the past three weeks and we have spoken very little. She is a very driven woman and she knows what she wants from her career and studies. She is at a point in life where having me around constantly can be a problem and distraction from her important immediate goals. I dont want to get in the way of her dreams, I want to be a part of them. However, I probably cant be a part of these dreams, at least not now. I admire and respect her very much for her driven, resolute, and responsible nature. I just want to keep our relationship going and I am concerned that I might push her away.

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
~ William Butler Yeats, He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven (1899)


I just dont want to trample upon her dreams I want to enhance them and bring her as much happiness as I can. Thanks for the reply's. Any other insights? This is really helping me thank you. :)
Hi Knightshine,

If she says she see's you in her future, why don't you ask her when is a good time for you to call, that is mutually convient to both of you.

And what you said about being at University doesn't really matter, a large number of Males entering age gap relationships, do so while they're at college/university, and if she loves you it's for the person you are.

Good luck,
Gt.

Well, it's all about compromise sweetie.

She is going through a time in her life where she is very busy, and her attention is pulled in a lot of different directions. My boyfriend and I have been through this a couple times...and often he felt neglected.

I can honestly say that even though I was very busy and didn't find enough time to make it known to him, I never loved him any less. In fact, I often did not realize that I was, in fact, not giving him the things he needed to feel good in the relationship.

So, call, but maybe make the conversations shorter. Call and say, I only have a minute, but I wanted you to know Im thinking of you and hope your having a good day. Send a card...send some flowers...send an email, just whatever to let her know you are thinking of her, and hopefully she will do the same.

This too shall pass, and sometime in the future in your life you will be in her shoes and she will be the one needing to be supportive of your endeavors... I know it's difficult sometimes, because when you care about someone you want to spend every minute possible with them, but unfortunately at some periods in our lives spending a lot of quality time together isn't an option. Luckily for us, these periods are usually short lived.

Lots of luck to you, and I hope everything turns out the way you wish.

This too shall pass, and sometime in the future in your life you will be in her shoes and she will be the one needing to be supportive of your endeavors... I know it's difficult sometimes, because when you care about someone you want to spend every minute possible with them, but unfortunately at some periods in our lives spending a lot of quality time together isn't an option. Luckily for us, these periods are usually short lived.

Well said Jo. Knightshine, you just have to give your lady a break. I worked on a PhD for a time so I know how demanding it can be. If she's also handling a busy and important job, then she's juggling a LOT, and pulling her in another direction emotionally could be stressful for her, even though I'm sure she enjoys it. Like Jo says, the PhD thing will be over at some point, and since your lady does see a future with you, I think you ought to just relax and patiently wait while paying attention to what you need to do to build yourself into the best partner you can be so that you both face bright futures. Which means, focus on completing your studies as well as you can.

When we're young we feel like we have to have everything we want NOW, all at once, and if we take our eyes off of something for even a minute, that we've lost it. Just not true...we only have so much time in a day, and there are times when we need to focus on some things more than others. It doesn't mean we can't come back to them when the time is right.

Good luck and welcome to ageless.

Thank you so much for your reply's everyone! I have gotten some excellent input from everyone. I will try to back away and concentrate on other things like paying my bills and getting ready for my masters. :) I guess the hard part is actually letting go and being brief with her when all I want to do is talk with her all day and enjoy her company whenever I can. But I do understand that this is a vital part of what must be done because in the long run it will mean that I have done something to strengthen our relationship instad of weakening it. And after all that's what I am interested is the long term result of our relationship. :) More comments on this are welcomed.