One thing I have learned is....

A lot of us have been in age-gap relationships for quite a while now....and I know personally I have learned a lot of things and view things differently now than when my b/f and I first became involved four years ago.

So...please share a piece of advice or something you have learned for those people who are just starting out...(just one at a time please, but feel free to post more than once as the thread continues)....and hey, it doesn't even necessarily have to be about age-gaps, but relationships in general.

Of course, Im going to start with the really obvious one, considering where we are!

1. If you truly love someone, an age-gap doesn't matter. If being with that person makes you happy, makes you feel beautiful and wonderful and special and LOVED....then that relationship deserves to have a chance to blossom...no matter if you are 5, 10, 20 or even 30 years apart in age.

next?

2) Younger does not mean unable to determine what one wants for themselves. Thinking of what is best for your partner is dangerous thinking and robs them of their adulthood.

Thats such a hard one to learn too, Marcy, or at least it was for me. :(

Yea it was/is for me too! I still backslide on that one from time to time. :D

3.) being in an agr with a much younger person does NOT mean you can't find someone your own age.

4). There are NO perfect people in the world. EVERYONE has flaws.

It's all about finding someone whose flaws don't bother you as much as you ex's flaws did. < thats a joke guys.

It's all about finding someone whose flaws are something you can accept, and who can accept yours!

I come from the other side (YW/OM), but I've learned:

Don't judge people's relationships unfoundedly.

Relationships come in many different shapes and sizes and the people in them shouldn't be judged for the decisions they have made.

I am SO MUCH MORE open minded now than I was before. :D

The more you give someone else power over you, you know - you are giving up your power -- you lose some of yourself. Oprah did a show on this and it's in all my self-help books for codependancy, low self esteem, etc., etc.

It's SO TRUE. Anytime you give someone else the responsiblity for your well being, your happiness, etc. -- you are chipping away little pieces of yourself.

KC

I've learned to be more patient and understanding.

There are things that I just thought he would know. But not having had the expereinces that I have, he doesn't.

Life is all about learning no matter what the age.

That being my AGE 53, isn't about all the negatives (older body thing)

But more about being more successful, accomplished, open and comfortable in my own skin....

My age makes me MORE attractive than less attractive.

Big Applause for that one, Ms. Bubbleee!

One thing I've learned since I've started my AGR is...

I don't miss homework ;)

Well..I've learned ALOT of things...but the one thing that stands out the most in my mind is not to let other peoples opinions and judgments bother me, I've learned to "let it go"..not to be overly sensitive to questions, comments or looks...and not just in the relationship...but in other areas of my life as well.

I've also learned to watch for actions...not to listen to words..as I've found that the actions stand for substance...and words are meaningless if not followed by action.

I've grown up alot..because I had to..become more responsible..more patient and much more flexible. I've learned the meaning of loving a person for no other reason but to love..not because of money..not because they are perfect in every way, not for their potential..not because of what they can give me..but because of how I truly feel inside about the person..not for any other reason...because...I have always, always, always... in the past had lots of other reasons.. ...for loving someone ...and most of the reasons weren't all about love..in fact, most of the reasons had nothing to do with love at all.. :(

I've learned how to give unselfishly...because..our survival has depended on the two of us stepping up to the plate and both giving unselfishly...and I've also learned to be somewhat prepared for what might come next...but not overly prepared...because you can never ever predict what the next day might bring (or even the next moment for that matter!) :)

One thing I have learned is....
To forgive others, to forgive myself.

I've learned that in a successful relationship the giving and the taking should be equal on both sides. What I mean by this is that both sides give and take and it should even out, doesn't have to be a turn based system. When it's unbalanced the relationship suffers and if not fixed the pent up feelings tend to explode over the least little thing that comes up, like the "straw that broke the camel's back".

I guess this is more long distance than age gap:

I've learned to accept that there are huge compromises to be made in order for a long distance, age gap relationship to work. It takes a great deal of patience and understanding to get through the months physically apart.

Being able to communicate openly and honestly, maintaining trust and using available means to communicate online, on the phone and by mail are great assets to a long distance, age gap relationship.

I Learned To Not Be So Judgemental And Become More Openminded.

I Learned To Take A Risk, Take A Chance.

I Learned How To Be Brave And Not Live In My Fear Of What Others Thought.

I Learned How To Be In "glee" That I Had This Lovely Young Person In My Life.

I Learned To Let Go Of Old Ideas Of What Love Is.

I Learned To Stand Up For Myself And Take A Stand For The First Time In My Life.

I Learned To Have A Relationship To Satisfy "my Needs" Not For Societies Needs, My Families Needs, My Daughter's Needs.

I Learned How To Feel Beautiful Again.

I Learned How To Feel Young Again.

I Learned How To Be Romantic Again.

I Learned How To Let Go And Believe In The Fact That My Husband Really Loved Me.

I Learned How To Stop Controlling The Man In My Life, I Learned That Because We Had A Twenty Year Age Difference I Had To Be Willing To Let Him Live Out Some Of His Dreams And Be Ok With It.

I Learned That Love Is Enough When Its Real Love.

I Learned That It Is Possible To Find A Man To Completely Trust.

I Learned That Life Is Precious, Love Is Very Rare And That My Relationship Is A Gift.

I Learned To Be Grateful For The Love And Not Sweat All The Small Stuff.

I Learned All In All To Be A Better Person Because Of This Experience.

I've learned that it's not necessarily their age that makes a person mature and that there are plenty of men out there who are mature at a younger age than some men are at an older age.