Hurting

Hi again everyone, I posted a few days ago and talked about the situation between my girlfriend and me. She is doing her doctorates and working. Well today we spoke on the phone for the first time in 1 and a half weeks. We talked about our relationship and she told me that she could not be in a relationship with me. She expressed that she could not have me in her life right now and that she did not see that changing. She said that she still loves me and that we wont stop being friends. This has hit me pretty hard to say the least. However, not matter how hard it hit me and how depressed I am now, I didnt make a fuss or make her feel bad about it. I really understand why she did it and I suppose that makes it harder. I really want her happiness and I want her to fulfill her dreams. But the truth is that its tearing me apart I dont know what to do, I love her with all my soul and heart and I still want to be with her in the future. I told her that I will continue to love her. I guess I just dont want her to know how hard this is for me because she has enough to worry about as it is without my making her feel guilty. I just needed to share with someone. I dont know what I should do now, I cant stop crying or hurting. I know life will go on but my life just wont seem complete without her. Am I acting unresonable? Do I have a right to hurt? :(

I am truly sorry about what happened.

Of course you have the right to hurt and take the time to heal too!

I know it is cliché but with time it will get better. I went through a real bad heartache years ago and when it happened I tought I would always feel that way. Its normal. But the only solution is time. There is no other way... unfortunately.
But you are strong and very decent to understand the way you do and you deserve to be recognize for that.

Just take the time to go through your loss. How long? Who knows. Everyone is different. But know that with time it will get better. You will see the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you. I know. I've been through it.

HUG
Faith

(((Knightshine)))

I agree with the other ladies. Time heals.... although that is not easy to believe when you hurt so bad. I am sending you positive thoughts and a wish for a quick healing so that you can be very happy in the not to distant future. :)

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You Ladies! It's nice to have someone I can share this moment with. It still hurts but knowing that there are people who will listen aleviates a portion of the pain. There are sooo many things going through my head and its like I have no control over my emotions, I hate feeling this way and I just feel like letting the earth eat me up and staying asleep forever. :(

I know the feeling Knight.
Time my friend, time.
Now, go take a walk and look around you (trees, houses, sky, etc...) to try to snapout of it for a little while. Even if its tough to do. But you can.
Even if you start crying in the middle of the street (hey, I've done it) :eek:
(((hug)))
Faith

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You Ladies! It's nice to have someone I can share this moment with. It still hurts but knowing that there are people who will listen aleviates a portion of the pain. There are sooo many things going through my head and its like I have no control over my emotions, I hate feeling this way and I just feel like letting the earth eat me up and staying asleep forever. :(

Knightshine,
Big Hugs to you!
Yes, just having someone acknowledge the pain and understand what you are going through is so helpful during these times. I too am hurting like you and really do understand just how painful this time is for you. The friendship thing is also the hardest part for me (take a look at my recent post). But everyone is right, time is the only answer for a broken heart. As trite as it sounds, it's true.
I hope your feeling better soon, you sound like a man with a good head on his shoulder and a very generous heart. Keep us posted...talking to others really does help.

RonnieLyn

Just wanted to let ya know that from a guys side, its still ok to hurt and be sad over it. I would wonder if one didnt if they say they loved the person. Best thing I can say is look into adding something to your life like a sport, hobby, or something. When we are just starting something new to are life we tend to forget about other things that are going on. Spend time with friends and look for the next road to happyness cause there are so many there that the Thomas Guide couldnt even fit them all in. Well best of luck and hope everything turns out ok. Take it easy

It's tough to know how to get through this difficult time, what to actually DO to get through the day. I’m sure some others here have gone through the pain of divorce – it takes TWO YEARS to get back on even keel (it did for me) In the immediate post breakup phase (denial) that you are in there are some positive things that I did to help yourself just get through the next minuite. Firstly, get outside and walk or run as much as you can. If you are into physical exercise do as much as possible – your body has wonderful chemicals that will clear your head and actually make you feel better – and there is no hangover. Secondly, try and go to new places, places that are not reminders of what you used to do together. That art gallery you always wanted to go to, that hiking trip you wanted to take but could not because you were involved. Explore yourself, find out something new about you that you never new. Hey, I’m good at this Kayaking (insert activity of your choice here) thing. Think about all the things you may have put off or wanted to do but did not or could not when you were together – and do them! I even went so far as to repaint the kitchen and bathroom, re-arrange some furniture and spiff the place up. It’s relatively cheap and easy and when you are done – you have a new (different) pad.

Secondly, don’t blame yourself. This is not about you! In many ways she has had an incredibly difficult time of this as well – in some ways more difficult than you. She has known for some time what is coming, she has had to live with it, sleep with it and plan it out, knowing it would hurt both you and her. I’m sure it has weighed heavily on her.

Thirdly, try and get some professional help. I’m not talking about drugs – just a good counselor or analyst. You don’t have to go forever, just as long as you feel comfortable. People spend thousand of dollars on vacations or jewelry or the gym or plastic surgery – and yet when it comes time to spend a few hundred dollars to find out more about yourself – it’s too expensive. This is a great time for introspection, a time to discover great things about yourself, it’s like a metamorphosis in a way, hurts like hell, but the result is a new improved you. More importantly, by discovering who you are, you can review the choices you made in the past. What led you to make those? Were they good choices? You need to do this to prevent yourself from being doomed to repeating the poor choices you may have made. You don’t ever want to feel this crappy again do you?

Lastly, a phrase from sales school “Fake it till you make it” what I mean by that is just the actual act of smiling does help you feel better – never mind that you are crying inside. Go head, put on Eric Carmen “never gonna fall in love again” and have a cry – but when you are out in public, head up, and smile. You will see things that you had not seen before.

Anyway – I hope this helps a little. Hang in there!

N

Thanks so much for your post JLUC. I will certainly try out the things you listed. Like you said it hurts like hell, but I do want to heal. I want to be able to feel again because I've gone completely numb. *sigh* It's been hard and I guess I have to force myself to smile and try to do something else besides having her on my mind 24/7. And I want to be there for her as a friend when she needs me and I wont be able to do that until I heal first. Anyway, thanks again I really appreciate you taking the time to help! And thanks to everyone who has been helping me through this difficult time.