Pangs Of Love

At First
What do you think about this - My girl(33) is 7 year older than I, I'm 26

She is beautiful and very sexy, very important for me is her big sense of humour, too....


So, what do you think - Is this a big distinction???

Maybe in the USA this is very common but not in Eastern Europe, still....
The understanding of the people in this part of the Europe is that the men must be older than the lady...
---------------------------------------------------
The Second!
There has and another problem... The biggest one...
she is married and has a 2 year old girl - this stop her to make a divorce, and that really hurts her

I don't know what I have to do?
I think I can't live without her, and she say to me that feel the same

It's very complexity situation for me, and very very complexity for her



10x
and
Sorry for my bad English!

No problem with your english...

... but definitely a problem with her being married. What do you do? You do not move forward in trying to be in a relationship with her. You let her figure things out for herself.

The age gap is a baby gap. My YM is 20 in less than 2 weeks. I am 33. I have two kids, but I am not "married." :eek:

I'm sure its complex and I know it would hurt to put this on the backburner until she figures herself out, but you know what... she shouldn't get to have her cake and eat it too... its hurtful to everyone, you included.

Make her do the right thing if she wants you badly enough. Step back. Be patient, but go live your life and meet other people and keep your options open. This woman is already taken, therefore OFF LIMITS.

~phosphorescent

Alex:

It’s nice that you two have found each other, despite the age difference and the fact that she is married. My advice, however, would be to STOP! Not because of any religious or legal reasons, but for your own good.

Two people need to come together freely and clearly, and even then it is difficult and tricky. When two people come together with all kinds of problems still attached, the possibilities for success go down. Think of this scenario, she gets divorced to be with you. You now start your new life together. Learning about each other takes time and patience – but she has already bought a non-refundable one way ticket. In other words, you are not meeting in the middle of the road, she his running across 5 lanes of highway with children in hand, to come to your side of the street and if you think that this will not result in resentment – you are mistaken. It may not come right away, but at some point in the future – remember she has children to think about.

The best course of action for you, and for her is that she resolves the situation she is in first. Get the separation, the divorce and then after she has had time to grieve her loss (and it is a grieving process) and heal herself, then, and ONLY then should you make yourself available to her. If your love is as strong as you say it is, then you will both want what is best for each other and you will not want to do anything to harm her or her children.

Hope I’m not being to harsh, please be careful.

N

Okay well I'm assuming that the children and marriage is edited out of his post and that's why I don't really understand....

Your age gap is not very large although if the cultural norm is that a man is older than a woman in your part of Europe then I suppose it might feel like 100 years apart to you.

If your "girlfriend" is indeed married, then I assume you are implying that it *IS* the cultural norm to date married women? :confused:

I think what you need to do is sit down, take a look in the mirror and have a conversation with yourself about what you really expect from this relationship.

I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation. Best to get out of it before things become even more complicated.

Charlotte, it's in the bottom half of his first post... it looks like a signature, but it isn't. :D

The Second!
There has and another problem... The biggest one...
she is married and has a 2 year old girl - this stop her to make a divorce, and that really hurts her

I don't know what I have to do?
I think I can't live without her, and she say to me that feel the same



Okay, rather than just jumping in and giving out to the guy straight away, maybe he needs to explain a little bit more because this could be read two ways:

1) She's still married and actually with her husband, in which case he needs to back off.

2) She's still married but separated, in which case it's completely different IMO.

And ym...do you know what a relationship is.

Its a situation between two...2...people, not three...3.
I understand that you and this ow don't care who you hurt, but there's a little girl involve here...can you at least care about her. This is not just about you and this ow, there's a husband and a little girl also part of this family.

Do you understand the meaning of family?

Do you understand the meaning of pain and confusion when its not her daddy who is coming home to HER anymore, but some other bozo, she does not know? Do you think when she's older she will understand that her mother could not make a better choice at least for her, so that her daddy can still come home to her home? Do you think she will accept you, love you?

Do you understand the meaning of emotional integrity? And stop being so melodramatic...you can live without her, and you will, you're 26 yr old, do you own a house, a Rolls Royce, the best in clothes, champagne every nite, caviar...proably not, but you've lived on.

Will you be able to trust this woman? She has such shameful values that say, loud and clear, she does not care about who she hurts, either you, her daughter or her husband.

Do you really think she will not treat you the same when you have outlived your usefulness? Have you not hear of the saying, what goes around, comes around, especially when you are being deceitful and dishonest? She is cheating and she's encouraging you to cheat with her on her daughter. So tell me, is this really what you think a healthy relationship is about? Even if you don't believe in God, can you really say you can believe in the word of this woman. Your word is your bond, right. Is this the kind of bond your parents raise to have? If it is, that's really sad...a man or woman of any age, who cannot honour his or her word, is just as worst as the snake in the Garden of Eden. And you see where that got him.

paris

Charlotte, it's in the bottom half of his first post... it looks like a signature, but it isn't. :D

OH haha Yeah I sometimes don't read sigs when i'm in a rush, that's what I thought it was

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH WELL ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND STUPID? IT'S PLAIN DUMB AND I HOPE HER TWO YEAR OLD WILL PROBABLY GROW UP TO HATE YOU FOR BREAKING UP HIS PARENTS MARRIAGE!!!!
WHAT A LOUSY PERSON TO COME ON THE BOARD WITH A MARRIED GIRLFRIEND!

Gee legallyblonde, that was kinda rude and not very helpful. Maybe you're having a bad day or something but it's no reason to take it out on some guy who is obviously confused and reaching out for help.

We all make mistakes...remember that before casting your stone.

Gee legallyblonde, that was kinda rude and not very helpful. Maybe you're having a bad day or something but it's no reason to take it out on some guy who is obviously confused and reaching out for help.

We all make mistakes...remember that before casting your stone.

I have no time for cheating parents....and I've been that Child at home wondering what happened that my dad isn't coming home and it just plain sucks. Ali

Hi Alex, from what you have said she is married and has a 2 year old girl - this stop her to make a divorce, and that really hurts her

I think I can't live without her, and she say to me that feel the same


If having a 2 yr old stops her from getting a divorce, it should have also stopped her from getting involved with you. Your not innocent here either and should have had enough sense to put a big X on her when you found she was married....BEFORE you got "involved".

Since neither of you thought of anything but yourselves, now the two of you cant live without each other hmmmm but it seems like shes saying THIS IS ALL YOU GET ALEX, which is great for her if you go for it, but not so great for anyone else. I know your confused right now and frustrated, but your going to have to make some changes here or your in for a lot more unhappiness.

If she REALLY loves you that much she will get a divorce to be with you unless your going to be willing to accept her being married and just see her when its convenient for her.

I hope you dont do that. This is the kind of mess that happens when you let yourself get invoved with someone thats married, and a lot of people get hurt in the process.

If this woman and her husband have no love left, then her staying with him is NOT doing much for their daughter anyway so Im wondering if she is staying for finacial reasons, or maybe she likes her life and even loves her husband and is just having "fun" with you and leading you on.

All I can say is if this relationship is meant to be, your going to have to say "NO MORE" to it until she gets a divorce.

If she says she cant, then move on.

It wont be easy since you seem to love her now, but I cant see much good coming from two people sneaking around for occasional hot sex, while deceiving and disrespecting a marriage and the consequences it may have on a small child.
:( Can you???

Okay, rather than just jumping in and giving out to the guy straight away, maybe he needs to explain a little bit more because this could be read two ways:

1) She's still married and actually with her husband, in which case he needs to back off.

2) She's still married but separated, in which case it's completely different IMO.

Before judging people, I think we should get the above response, and other facts too. We do not know if the husband is an abuser, an alcoholic or an adorable dad. We do not know the laws of that country and how easy it is to get a divorce when the couple have children.

The original poster is already aware her being married is a problem, so I think that backing off (staying AWAY) until the divorce is settled is a good advice. If love is strong enough it will survive until she is free to pursue a relationship after the divorce.

Shelia, when someone has an affair there is ALWAYS a problem with the spouse who is at home. That is how they JUSTIFY the affair. To me there is NO good reason for cheating. Now I can't throw stones because I haven't achieved perfection either. ;) In my so called religion all 10 commandments are equal.

My advice to you YM, is to get ready for a lot of pain and drama. By the way, how long have you known the woman and how did you meet?

I have no time for cheating parents....and I've been that Child at home wondering what happened that my dad isn't coming home and it just plain sucks. Ali

Yes well my father abandoned us when I was little after cheating and the sherrif took the house away from my mother and we had to grow up in ****roach infested apartments that smelled like urine and weed....but that doesn't give me the right to be mean to people.