snevac
06-08-2005, 08:42 AM
This is my story - I apologize for the length - dating a man for 5 years. He is almost 8 years my senior. I'm 37, 1 child, he has 2. Our oldest children are the same age and he has one younger. Both of us are divorced, pretty much because of our involvement with each other while we were both married. (I know that was a mistake, but that's a burned bridge) Our marriages were 14 and 20 years long. After a great 3 1/2 years together - not living together, but always discussing future marriage - he changed. He committed his life to God and wanted to make a better example for his children - no problem. The problem came when I got confused. He wanted this great Christian life, but without marriage. He still needed the physical relationship, and he felt it was just a little sin, not a big one. Now, I felt that if we were to make things right, we should get married. He didn't want to get married until the kids were grown and not in the house (he is a neat freak - everything has to be in order , I on the other hand, like things neat, but I can go to bed with clothes in hamper, or a coffee cup in the sink) So, about that time, I felt I needed to create a more stable life for my child and I decided to build a house, I went to him, asked if we could make plans to build together, marry, start on "that future" he keeps talking about. He said he had no intention of building right then or anytime in the near future. I did start and complete my home. There was no distance change in our commute to each other. Anyway, since January he has dumped me twice citing moral differences, financial differences (I'm a woman who likes to shop - not always buy, but look, and with my daughter and his 2 girls - I don't just buy Christmas, Easter, etc for one child but 3 and I include him.)He won't spend a dime. I do, however, take care of all IRA's and college funds and bills and insurances before spending. He also cited housework differences, He has a cleaning lady, and I have 2 jobs and no cleaning lady. He cited our upbringing, I'm open with my parents, we joke, cut up and and occasionally say sht, in his mother's house - that is completely unacceptable. I'm baby of 3 he is baby of 10. I had my own bathroom, he had to share a bed with 2 siblings. He cited our generation gap, the woman's place...her duties...the man is the head of the house and the woman's place is behind here man. He wanted to be head of my house, too - what my daughter and I watch on tv, where we go, what I wear, how I talk...and I felt that since he didn't want to commit to building our home and future he had no say in being Head of my house. He cited education as a reason, I have post graduate college ed, a career, and a larger vocaublary, he is a farmer and bus driver. So, here I am I guess asking if all of these reasons are because he is just tired of me and wants someone else - he says he wants me - only if he could mold me into what he wants - he has been talking with another lady, closer to his age and with the qualities he has discribed as ideal - Church going, older, meticulous housekeeper, widowed, not outspoken, and independent, he has said that there is no physical attraction with her, but he is willing to give that up to get these other qualitites. Not trying to sound bad, but he is very handsome, tall and fit, I am slender and attractive and we have an incredible intimate relationship. Even with all of his obsessive/compulsive quirky tendencies, he has been my best friend for years, in fact my life has revolved around his, his likes, needs - his friends, (mine were too....outspoken - he has only met one of my friends-and he liked her, but he never wanted to get together with her and her husband, the rest he never wanted to meet and refused) Since his revelation of making things right, he has not been around his friends of many years, because they are sinners. ( he started building his house a couple of weeks ago - silently. I guess I've rambled on because I need validation or self esteem building comments. I've been told that I could have anyone I want because of my looks, personality, level-headedness, positive attitude and on and on...but the one that I want, doesn't want me anymore. I just feel that I have been his playtoy,or arm candy and now he wants a more matronly woman.