how do you initiate conversation?

this would normally fall under chit/chat...but since i don't know what happened to that link...i'll put it here...

one of the reasons i enjoy working in restaurants is that i get to meet a lot of interesting and diverse people on my job...the other night i had an AGR couple in celebrating their third wedding anniversary ...which was great...they seemed quite happy and in love...i had a great time waiting on them...

my question is...how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face...although it seems that such relationships are in abundance here, it's still quite rare to see ow/ym together...and i live in a big city....i definitely felt awkward about broaching the subject...and did'nt want to offend them...her in particular...by making some off-colour comment about AGR's...

thanks for commenting....

Normally I would have just said something about how happy they look and then something about how I hoped my relationship would work out as well as theirs. But since it was an anniversary celebration don't you think it was better that you didn't turn the conversation toward yourself? It was their night, right?

Personally, I would find it inappropriate for you to get into any kind of conversation along those lines with them - you're there to work, not socialise, and comments of any kind on their relationship in that setting aren't called for.

Plus how do you know they require any 'commiseration' ?- you don't know them, their history or situation. Perhaps they never had any issues to deal with and in that situation it's none of your business anyhow.

The only conversation should be reference to the occasion they're celebrating, nothing more in my opinion.

this would normally fall under chit/chat...but since i don't know what happened to that link...i'll put it here...

one of the reasons i enjoy working in restaurants is that i get to meet a lot of interesting and diverse people on my job...the other night i had an AGR couple in celebrating their third wedding anniversary ...which was great...they seemed quite happy and in love...i had a great time waiting on them...

my question is...how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face...although it seems that such relationships are in abundance here, it's still quite rare to see ow/ym together...and i live in a big city....i definitely felt awkward about broaching the subject...and did'nt want to offend them...her in particular...by making some off-colour comment about AGR's...

thanks for commenting....

No ..I wouldn't comment on the age difference in that setting..also, I really don't find that it's all that uncommon anymore...and regardless if it is or isn't..I really don't find the need to commisserate with anyone...cos I don't care if they like it or not..either way..."it is, what it is"..

umm...i think y'all are taking this the wrong way....it was a general question concerning AGR's....and i'm talking about light hearted conversations...i'm not trying to find out their life story here...who cares....it was supposed to be a fun question...don't take it so seriously...

Wow... I can think of many ways of how NOT to do it, :p

My own experience with my YM at a restaurant with a young waitress who was flirting with him asking us -"Are you two related?"

... Kind of hard to be related me being a typical Hispanic and him being a typical midwestern white American.

A nice way would be something like "You two look like a cute, loving couple, you remind me of my gf and I" and see what happens.

You could say, you guys look so cute together, how did u meet? If they seem open to friendship you'll pick up on it, if not I would say, well you're very inspiring, I wish u lots of happiness and end the convo there. :)

In my relationship my girlfriend is 35 while I am 23. We are wildly in love, and our relationship is great.

One of the reasons I think our reationship is so strong is that we are very open and honest about everything....ESPECIALLY about the fact that we are 11.5 years apart.


I think if we ignored or suppressed the critical fact that we are born in different generations then our relationship wouldnt be as good. When people approach us or ask us to talk about our age gap I welcome the conversation.

I understand that people have a right to privacy and all, but if you are in a happy relationship why wouldnt you care to discuss it and share your happiness?

THats just my 2 cents

this would normally fall under chit/chat...but since i don't know what happened to that link...i'll put it here...

one of the reasons i enjoy working in restaurants is that i get to meet a lot of interesting and diverse people on my job...the other night i had an AGR couple in celebrating their third wedding anniversary ...which was great...they seemed quite happy and in love...i had a great time waiting on them...

my question is...how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face...although it seems that such relationships are in abundance here, it's still quite rare to see ow/ym together...and i live in a big city....i definitely felt awkward about broaching the subject...and did'nt want to offend them...her in particular...by making some off-colour comment about AGR's...

thanks for commenting....

Unless one of them mentions the age difference, I wouldn't bring it up. If they mention it, then I'd say, "Hey, my SO is older/younger than me too!"

this would normally fall under chit/chat...but since i don't know what happened to that link...i'll put it here...

one of the reasons i enjoy working in restaurants is that i get to meet a lot of interesting and diverse people on my job...the other night i had an AGR couple in celebrating their third wedding anniversary ...which was great...they seemed quite happy and in love...i had a great time waiting on them...

my question is...how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face...although it seems that such relationships are in abundance here, it's still quite rare to see ow/ym together...and i live in a big city....i definitely felt awkward about broaching the subject...and did'nt want to offend them...her in particular...by making some off-colour comment about AGR's...

thanks for commenting....

IMO, that's too personal a question to ask complete strangers.

To be frank, whether your customers are in age gap relationships should be none of your business.

umm...i think y'all are taking this the wrong way....it was a general question concerning AGR's....and i'm talking about light hearted conversations...i'm not trying to find out their life story here...who cares....it was supposed to be a fun question...don't take it so seriously...

but your original question stated something different:

how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face

that's hardly 'light hearted' conversation to be having with complete strangers.

umm...i think y'all are taking this the wrong way....it was a general question concerning AGR's....and i'm talking about light hearted conversations...i'm not trying to find out their life story here...who cares....it was supposed to be a fun question...don't take it so seriously...

but your original question stated something different:

how does one go about initiating a conversation about AGR's...the trials and tribulations of it all...i myself am in an AGR and i wanted to "commisserate" with them on issues and challenges that AGR people face

that's hardly 'light hearted' conversation to be having with complete strangers.

I agree...and I don't really care for the idea of anyone calling my attention to the age difference...if "I" were to bring it up...that's fine..however, I certainly don't want others calling my attention to something that I feel is NOT a big deal to begin with. In addition DS, I was not taking your question that seriously, basically just giving my opinion...you "asked" for others "opinions" and I (and others here as well) merely responded to "your request"....

In my relationship my girlfriend is 35 while I am 23. We are wildly in love, and our relationship is great.

One of the reasons I think our reationship is so strong is that we are very open and honest about everything....ESPECIALLY about the fact that we are 11.5 years apart.


I think if we ignored or suppressed the critical fact that we are born in different generations then our relationship wouldnt be as good.


i agree, i think it's inappropriate to initiate the conver in that subject with an unknow couple. u could give compliments on how cute they are to that sort but not their other subject. i don't think they would appreciate u for reminding them that.
look at it just as normal and give them an admire smile.

in my exp. once upon a time...ummm :p , too long....

I guess I feel like WhoKnows. When I was married to my wonderful husband, 15 yrs. younger than me, we often had people (usually men) come up to us in public and tell us not to let anyone break us apart. It would always turn out that they had been, somewhere in the past, in love with an older women. Either their family and friends had pressured them to leave the woman they loved, or her family and friends had convinced her to leave him. In every case they were heartbroken and had never again found a woman they loved that deeply.

We didn't bother to tell them that we had total support on both sides. We thanked them for their caring and concern and told them we planned on staying together. I think they were just heartbroken people who needed to talk about their loss and maybe felt they could save someone else the heartbreak. We were always glad to talk about the age gap.

On the other hand, what if you get it wrong and they're really the same age. lol!

Yeah, trust me, I've had enough conversations at patient's bedsides in my past as a staff nurse, where I said, "Is this your father?" and it turned out to be the husband, and even more embarrassing when I asked, "Is this your mother?" and it was their wife. It's better not to assume anything and wait for the conversation to ensue naturally.

I did have a conversation with my gynecologist a couple of years ago, only because I knew she was in a large age-gap relationship. I knew her husband was 30 years older than herself. I initiated the conversation, mentioned a couple of my concerns, and SHE started crying...saying this was the first year in their 15 year marriage that she really felt he was showing signs of being old (she was 40, he was 70) and that it was very depressing for her to know that she probably didn't have too many years left with him. In any case, that was kind of hard for her, but awakening for me. She talked about how her parents (who were younger than her husband) had been so concerned about her for marrying him, giving up having children (he had grown ones and didn't want any more) and that she finally understands how they must have felt. She also said that she is quite sad knowing that she is going to be left alone. But she said she had no regrets either. That was the most serious talk I've ever had with anyone about the reality of AGR's, and it did give me pause since I was in a relationship of 27 years apart at the time.