advice please!

I am 36 and am dating a 24 year old. We have been friends for over a year and didn't start seeing each other until about 7 weeks ago. He approached me when he found out me & my husband were splitting up. I am currently divorcing (it's final in 2 weeks) and he is living with his girlfriend of 6 years. They have been living in separate rooms for the past 7 months and he has looked for a place to move to. She has asked him to leave, even before she found out about me. I was also friends with her. We live in a very small town. As of right now, he has not moved out and I am worried. He says he loves me, she knows he loves me, and although my soon-to-be-ex doesn't interfere with my life, his ex-girlfriend still wants him to play by her rules as long as he is living there. (She is also older than him by 10 years and they do share a son together). My question is do I back off until he moves out? I miss him terribly when we don't see each other, and he has brought up what he expects from our future several times. He wants another child which I have no problem with. I have 2 myself. He wants us to be together, but am I being the sad "other woman" here?

I am currently divorcing (it's final in 2 weeks) and he is living with his girlfriend of 6 years............I have 2 myself. He wants us to be together, but am I being the sad "other woman" here?

Looks like you each are a third wheel. It doesn't seem fair for either of you to begin a relationship with all this doubt between you both and with other people still involved.

I had established being separated from my ex for over a year before I dated somebody else.

If they are truly separated and living in separate bedrooms and you can freely sit with both of them and openly discuss being involved in a relationship with him, with his ex girlfriend present, then I say there is no problem.

Good luck to you.

i think he would say........

if he is worth waiting for...then wait until he is set completely free of that woman.

that is the mature thing to do.

have him get his "ducks all in order".

that's what i think.......
purr

I knew all that, but I just needed to hear it from someone else! Thanks so much!

" I was also friends with her." So does your 'friend' agree that they have been living separtely for 7 months? Or is she no longer your girlfriend?

I don't think that I would take up with an X of my girlfriends. But regardless, it sounds like to me that he is playing games with you... Be cautious... take care. :)

MMM.....Im feelin ya YR! I agree, something seems fishy.
Now I know that there ARE ex-couples who can be around eachother and be totally platonic; but to say this is still too "fresh" would be an understatement. You both need time to get to that secure with being single and ready to start something new place before taking up with eachother and talking about your future together IMO...

How long till he moves out on his own??

" I was also friends with her." So does your 'friend' agree that they have been living separtely for 7 months? Or is she no longer your girlfriend?

I don't think that I would take up with an X of my girlfriends. But regardless, it sounds like to me that he is playing games with you... Be cautious... take care. :)

I agree..be careful with that one...doesn't sound overly promising to me..but I could be wrong..I have been a couple of times before..lol :)

I would wait for a while and see what happens with his live in situation.

She asked him to leave so why hasnt he moved out?

Him even talking about more kids to me is moving a little fast at this point.

There's nothing wrong with you taking a break and having some you time after a divorce.

This sounds like it could get a little too messy for me.

Gosh, to me it seems like you're both disrespectful of each other and the other people involve in your lives.

He's waiting around for you to dump your husband, you have no qualms about sticking it to a girlfriend (who needs enemies, right)...he hasn't moved out, but according to you they live in separate rooms,...can this be checked out by the ex, and on top of that you both have children in this mess and you honestly would consider having a child from a man ,who's first child is from an ex girlfriend of yours.

his ex-girlfriend still wants him to play by her rules as long as he is living there.

Aaah Duh...that's right, she has a child, his duty should be that child...and as he is not leaving her with much dignity in this small town, whatsoever, this is the least he can do. I really dont' think you have any right to protest. Well, at least you know how well he'll be able to treat you if he should find himself in a similiar situation again.

I agree with everyone else...you both need to row your boats alone for a bit and figure out who you are. This isn't love...If you live in a small town as you stated, than that means that your kids will also hear the small town gossip about their mommie hookwinking the girlfriend of hers and the boy who has no other duty than to make children to stroke his own ego. How pathetic.

Paris

I agree with EVERYTHING Paris said, and I must add that I can't see doing anything at this point for a relationship where it's been seven weeks. Jesus! I've waited longer than that for some of my internet bf's to go out with them! I waited longer than that to meet Keanu! I have one guy on my "if ever I get a chance list" who has been there for more than 20 years! Gee! You get my drift? The short term easy sexy type of man isn't the kind that you want! If you are a single girl with no responsibilities you can play it fast and loose at times, assuming you don't get a bad rep in that small town, IT DOES HAPPEN! But you have your child to think about and he has his. Did you ever think that maybe he's with the mom until the child reaches a certain age and he's just playing around cause they are in a fight stance at home, and neither of them has the courage to end it, or to get off their lazy Jerry Springer asses and go to a couples counselor??? Hummm? I think instead of dating this woman's man, you should be scoping her out, to see where they really stand, and IF he has permission to do any of the things he's doing with U!
Ali

Any guy that's trying to reel you in by suggesting you have a child together after dating for seven weeks is operating in some twisted Arkansas way that I certainly don't understand.

This is a hard time for you with your divorce. Don't make any rash decisions for a year. Date this guy if you want, but don't let him move in with you. And you can bet the farm that if he really wanted to be gone from his ex, he would be by now. Ick.

well, he is saying ALL the right things and doing all the WRONG things.

ever hear the saying, dont watch his lips, watch his feet.

in other words his actions dont line up at all. he knows how to play you and may even think he loves you. did you at one time think you loved your exhusband to find out in time that you were not suited? well, i would put some brakes on this one.

you are just out of one bad marriage, take a good hard look at this fella, if he is all you say he is, he will start playing by the rules this second, if not he may be playing you. you need time, give that gift to yourself. he needs to b a standup guy and do the right thing.

going around having babies does not claim a women or make things right. that comment made the hairs on my neck stand up. sweetie, he needs to take care of what he has at home before he comes into your home and why the heck is he not moving out on his own, does he need someone to take care of him?

if he loves you he will move mountains, he will do whatever it takes to be with you, this guy does not sound like he is doing this. i figured out this much, if a man wants you there is NO NO stopping him, he is gonna make it happen and if he doesnt, well then........time to move on.

This is ALL TOXIC!! :eek: :eek: Everybody's hurt-wounded here. 4 adults in the midst of divorce-breakups. Don't even want to think about kids involved!! Y'all need to get your minds clear and healthy. Everbody needs some time alone. Then take another look at the situation and evaluate if it's the right thing to even get involved in.