Ok I'm going 2 spill the beans....

Since I came here to heal from my old relationship...I met a new guy. I met him out shopping. I'm 42, he's 25. He's been so attentive and sweet, calling me every day, bringing me flowers all the time...putting up with me.. :rolleyes: The thing is that he's very amorous...of course I love it and am very very attracted to him. We are intimate but not 100%...not all the way...because I am holding back. Why? #1, I was recently hurt. #2, my spiritual beliefs. #3, I want 2 get to know him better. We do go out and we’re making plans to do a lot of neat things: yoga class, museums, etc... I am working through my issues from the past and will definitely not give in just 2 please him; I want it to be part of true love. He asks a lot (Always sweetly) and is as understanding as he can be!! I guess if I wind up losing him for it then it was not meant 2 be. What I hold dear is #1. My faith #2. My family #3 my gymnastics/yoga practice & career. I must not lose sight of what and who I am. It scares me because I am so sensitive and could so easily be hurt...but that is a part of life. Any thoughts would be appreciated, thank you!

Ooooo, I love it when someone spills the beans! Having said that, I'm going back to read your post. Just loved the title! :p

Sweetie~
It doesn't look like you need any advise, you sound very "together" to me, I'm quite impressed by your morals and the way you are handling yourself. I would just say, keep doing what your doing, but don't stop communicating how you feel to your new younger man. Good luck!

~Lisa~

That's GREAT news, Skatergirl! I'm so happy for you! You just keep doing what you're doing as long as it feels right. Stay true to yourself, and if he's the one, it'll only make him want you more!

[Singing while doing a little happy dance: "Skaters got a boyfriend. Skaters got a boyfriend." Big happy hug!]

Thank you so much, I'm tearing up...Deep down I'm so insecure and am so afraid of being hurt again...one is very vulnerable in a relationship.....

He's been so attentive and sweet, calling me every day, bringing me flowers all the time...

Sigh... I just so love flowers!

Do not let the past ruin the present. Enjoy your relationship to the max!

Oh, Skater, you marshmellow, you! You always get awww-youse-guys tears.

One of the biggest challenges of life: putting aside our fears to let someone in while keeping our guard up.

I think it's smart to be cautious, to be alert, to keep your eyes open to possible danger signals but, once someone has taken the first steps into your heart, I'm not sure you can stop the hurt if it's going to come, but I am sure you can stop the joy.

You know yourself. Trust yourself. And trust him enough to let him in a little!

Thank you so much. My brain plays tricks on me and I think he's acting like a "player” and then I find out I'm completely projecting that from my past experience. In that the relationship is new, it hasn't been a problem, but thank you for helping me see that I must not let my fears influence me so much and to not jump to conclusions all the time. He seems to be able to look past my problems. And we have a great time...I just need to take it slow and keep working on myself AND, as I've advised in this forum, to forgive myself.

First I have to say you have got a good role on the situation. For being that your not letting him get between you and your values in life. Yes letting someone in your life is a hard thing at times. And for the intamiacy part, that is fine. If he has a problem with that then he isnt worth your time, for intamicy is the best when there is that full connection and feelings between each other. I have allwase felt when you go all the way very quickly in a relationship it is more likly to break it or lead the relationship down the wrong path. I would much rather be with a girl that wants to wait, then one that will give it up on the first night (sorry for the sugjestive wording, i dont mean to offend anyone in sayin it that way). For one it means she has values. Two its more of a chase. Three it means that she truly cares and wants it to be the best it can be by having the feelings involved not just the act. Four, its something that will bring new excietment later in the relationship, just like the new love jitters. And the list goes on. And though there are allot of players out here in so cali, doesnt make all them players, rember players got there ""game"" from the real romantics who actully want something after the physical part of it all.

You can hold yourself together for a year, per say and he can still leave you the very next morning

First I have to say you have got a good role on the situation. For being that your not letting him get between you and your values in life. Yes letting someone in your life is a hard thing at times. And for the intamiacy part, that is fine. If he has a problem with that then he isnt worth your time, for intamicy is the best when there is that full connection and feelings between each other. I have allwase felt when you go all the way very quickly in a relationship it is more likly to break it or lead the relationship down the wrong path. I would much rather be with a girl that wants to wait, then one that will give it up on the first night (sorry for the sugjestive wording, i dont mean to offend anyone in sayin it that way). For one it means she has values. Two its more of a chase. Three it means that she truly cares and wants it to be the best it can be by having the feelings involved not just the act. Four, its something that will bring new excietment later in the relationship, just like the new love jitters. And the list goes on. And though there are allot of players out here in so cali, doesnt make all them players, rember players got there ""game"" from the real romantics who actully want something after the physical part of it all.

Thank you so much for your insight, it means so much. I'm just going to keep pursuing my interests and hold fast to my beliefs. It is wonderful to know that there are others who appreciate what’s in my heart...thank you again; what you said made a difference :)

You can hold yourself together for a year, per say and he can still leave you the very next morning

What a horrible thought.

You can hold yourself together for a year, per say and he can still leave you the very next morning

Well i feel that there could be a better way of sayin this then how you put it. For the way I see this is as go all the way now cause it doesnt matter how long you wait, for sex doesnt change anything in the relationship. Yet I feel to diffrere on that matter. (just my two cents and dont mean to offend you on sayin this Magnetar)

You can hold yourself together for a year, per say and he can still leave you the very next morning


wow Mag....wow


do you needa hug?????

lol, seriously, that was cold dude :p

i'm curious, what makes you say that?

Well Skates.....

This isn't really advice, but I don't kind of like the 'energy' flow here.....

I doesnt seem balanced somehow.....

He is.......waiting.......waiting........waiting..... .

You are.......deflecting......deflecting........taking your time......

It would be nice if there wasn't this 'issue' with when you are going to 'take the plunge' so to speak......It kind of puts a Pressure on the whole thing...

I don't like that eager 'waiting' type of behaviour......As Idols mentioned, he may have a problem with the waiting....

Do you know for 'sure' what you want out of this for Long-Term, and does 'he' know?.....Have you spoken of this, or 'how does it feel'?????, Does it feel 'right'.....Or, dy think he may be a 'another' Dud......

They come in discuises you know.....;)

Horrible thought? Cold?

Oh come on, sure I didn't remain in the grey area on the feelings side of it but wouldn't that be reality?

People break up for unknown reasons at odd times and when you least expect it, even when you are at your peak of happiness in a relationship

:eek: Horrible thought? Cold?

Oh come on, sure I didn't remain in the grey area on the feelings side of it but wouldn't that be reality?

People break up for unknown reasons at odd times and when you least expect it, even when you are at your peak of happiness in a relationship

Double Do'h :eek: Now I posted twice...

anyway, Tinkabell gives an important point

You can hold yourself together for a year, per say and he can still leave you the very next morning

Actually this is true, one cannot control the outcome of a relationship. What matters is that after all is said and done one was true to one's principles and maintained one's dignity.

People break up for unknown reasons at odd times and when you least expect it, even when you are at your peak of happiness in a relationship

mag, i see what you're saying.

perhaps if you had put this with the original post i'd of seen your point quicker.

:D

GREEN-EYES

I .....Love your.......... PAPERCLIP!!!!!!!!!

skater girl, are you ready? sex clouds the clearest of thinkers.... you were hurt, what does this man want? is it just because you are at the supposed stage where you are "supposed" to have sex? make sure that he understands WHO you are and take some responsibility for any actions that do occur. I am ALL for love but i feel that you are being pushed a tiny bit and my protective side came out.

sex is so much more emotional for a women, just make sure that you are at a point that you are able to go on and deal with new consequences.

take care, God bless... wishing you the love that YOU deserve.

Skatie Girl ;)
Hold your position on this. I totally agree on how you are going on this. Even if you have doubts, follow your feeling and intuition.
I understand how you feel. I know for a fact if I ever get into another relationship, I will take the time to know the guy, what he is all about, what he really wants out of the relationship. I wont give my heart so easily cause I also been hurt.
So I completely relate.
You have great values.
Follow your heart ;)
"Hug"
Faith

Oh! one more thing...thanks for sharing this with us and if you need to talk, I'm also here.
Faith

Faith, Values, and Beleifs. The heart tends to play tricks on us and it can be a more convincing force than that of your brain. However, not matter what they tell you just remain true to yourself and if in anyway you feel that either one is getting in the way of your sense of values dont let them. In the future you might not be able to live with yourself if you compromise. However, all this might be a mute point because the heart wants what the heart wants. Just do the things that make you happy because I truly beleive that in this life good people like you deserve to be happy for as long as it lasts. It's hard to open your heart after having been through difficult situations in the past, I know what that feels like and my heart is still buried behind an endless amount of walls and cold steel, but to tell you the truth, if you remain in this state forever instead of the walls protecting your heart they will crush it and any hope you might have left in it. And that's no way to live. Go at your own pace but its important to begin opening your heart and to seek happiness again. I still want to beleive that love will prevail and that somewhere out there there are amazing people, like the members of this site, who still beleive in it and know the true meaning of the word. And sex is not love nor should it be the driving force of a relationship. It is a way of expressing love and the bond you have with your partner, but love does not begin there or end there. Love is what remains after physical beauty is gone and what you have left is your inner beauty. It's when two people can be just as crazy about each other 30-50 years after first going out. It's when you fall completely nuts for the soul of that person and not just for their body. In your current situation do what you feel is right and have confidence in your inner intuition. I wish you the best this life has to offer. - Angel

GREEN-EYES

I .....Love your.......... PAPERCLIP!!!!!!!!!


why ty kindly lol

it's a tough one. Just be cautious a little bit.
and how long have you been seeing him? i think if he's real, he could helping you in the healing process, but you have to be careful on this, since i guess, you recently been hurt from you past relationship.

just take it slow and if he's real with you, and i hope he is, you shouldn't change or lose anything about who you are. He would love you for who you are, if he wanted a lasting future with you.

Good luck Skatergirl! :)

Faith, Values, and Beleifs. The heart tends to play tricks on us and it can be a more convincing force than that of your brain. However, not matter what they tell you just remain true to yourself and if in anyway you feel that either one is getting in the way of your sense of values dont let them. In the future you might not be able to live with yourself if you compromise. However, all this might be a mute point because the heart wants what the heart wants. Just do the things that make you happy because I truly beleive that in this life good people like you deserve to be happy for as long as it lasts. It's hard to open your heart after having been through difficult situations in the past, I know what that feels like and my heart is still buried behind an endless amount of walls and cold steel, but to tell you the truth, if you remain in this state forever instead of the walls protecting your heart they will crush it and any hope you might have left in it. And that's no way to live. Go at your own pace but its important to begin opening your heart and to seek happiness again. I still want to beleive that love will prevail and that somewhere out there there are amazing people, like the members of this site, who still beleive in it and know the true meaning of the word. And sex is not love nor should it be the driving force of a relationship. It is a way of expressing love and the bond you have with your partner, but love does not begin there or end there. Love is what remains after physical beauty is gone and what you have left is your inner beauty. It's when two people can be just as crazy about each other 30-50 years after first going out. It's when you fall completely nuts for the soul of that person and not just for their body. In your current situation do what you feel is right and have confidence in your inner intuition. I wish you the best this life has to offer. - Angel

I apologize for the double post, my computer is acting a bit weird. :(

I agree with you knightshine, and that is real love. Love is beyond that physical expression for each other. Like in the movie "The Notebook", it illustrate the real meaning of love.

I cannot thank each and every one of you enough; I am truly touched by all of your words and appreciate the time you've taken to write me. I'll write more tomorrow, I've gotta go now. Oh, and Mag, no hard feelings! :)

Take it from this 22 year old guy...it's nice to have friends when your in unsettling stages of your life. Their like a beacon guiding you in the darkness. As the musketeers would say, "All for one, and one for all." ;) - Angel

Faith, Values, and Beleifs. The heart tends to play tricks on us and it can be a more convincing force than that of your brain. However, not matter what they tell you just remain true to yourself and if in anyway you feel that either one is getting in the way of your sense of values dont let them. In the future you might not be able to live with yourself if you compromise. However, all this might be a mute point because the heart wants what the heart wants. Just do the things that make you happy because I truly beleive that in this life good people like you deserve to be happy for as long as it lasts. It's hard to open your heart after having been through difficult situations in the past, I know what that feels like and my heart is still buried behind an endless amount of walls and cold steel, but to tell you the truth, if you remain in this state forever instead of the walls protecting your heart they will crush it and any hope you might have left in it. And that's no way to live. Go at your own pace but its important to begin opening your heart and to seek happiness again. I still want to beleive that love will prevail and that somewhere out there there are amazing people, like the members of this site, who still beleive in it and know the true meaning of the word. And sex is not love nor should it be the driving force of a relationship. It is a way of expressing love and the bond you have with your partner, but love does not begin there or end there. Love is what remains after physical beauty is gone and what you have left is your inner beauty. It's when two people can be just as crazy about each other 30-50 years after first going out. It's when you fall completely nuts for the soul of that person and not just for their body. In your current situation do what you feel is right and have confidence in your inner intuition. I wish you the best this life has to offer. - Angel

Knight,
That is so true. I always say that sex is the extension of love. Not sex first.
Very well said! :)

Skate............

I just want to say congrats on having a boyfriend :)

I'm sure you'll think everything thru and do the right thing for you.

Remember you're the one that has to live with the decisions that you make. :)

Best of luck to ya.

Skatergirl ~

As some members have posted above, it is important to remain true to yourself - your principles, your dignity, your integrity - in this and all situations.

I tried to explain to someone that by doing my best to remain true to myself, my values, my integrity during my last relationship (or whatever it was), I somehow just know that doing so lessened the impact of the fallout. This person (the explainee) didn't quite get it and I couldn't quite explain it.

However, as "fate" would have it, God and the Universe presented the idea to me in a book recently.

"Nobody is taking anything from me. I am freely giving it to them."

In other words, no matter what happens in the long run, make your decisions based on your own true Self. Then, even if the other person is not 'true' to you, the most important person has been: You.

While there is no denying that I was betrayed, if I had made decisions based mainly on my expectations of the other person, I would have felt even more 'ripped off' than I did. In reality, he probably feels as if he got away with more than he actually did. Do I care if he thinks this? Not really. Because I know the truth about how I feel and how I made my decisions during the relationship.

Sorry, this is a bit of a tangent but I guess what I'm trying to say is to make your choices based on what you really want to do, and then be okay with those choices...no matter the outcome. We cannot control the future or the actions of others.

**SG steps down from her Personal Integrity soapbox**

I'm a little bugged by the 'asking' and the pressure that this puts on the situation. Personally, if a guy kept asking the first time around instead of just letting it happen, it would turn me off. (Asking for sex once you're intimate is a whole separate situation. ;) )

Skatergirl ~

As some members have posted above, it is important to remain true to yourself - your principles, your dignity, your integrity - in this and all situations.

I tried to explain to someone that by doing my best to remain true to myself, my values, my integrity during my last relationship (or whatever it was), I somehow just know that doing so lessened the impact of the fallout. This person (the explainee) didn't quite get it and I couldn't quite explain it.

However, as "fate" would have it, God and the Universe presented the idea to me in a book recently.

"Nobody is taking anything from me. I am freely giving it to them."

In other words, no matter what happens in the long run, make your decisions based on your own true Self. Then, even if the other person is not 'true' to you, the most important person has been: You.

While there is no denying that I was betrayed, if I had made decisions based mainly on expectations of the other person, I would have felt even more 'ripped off' than I did. In reality, he probably feels as if he got away with more than he actually did. Do I care if he thinks this? Not really. Because I know the truth about how I feel and how I made my decisions during the relationship.

Sorry, this is a bit of a tangent but I guess what I'm trying to say is to make your choices based on what you really want to do, and then be okay with those choices...no matter the outcome. We cannot control the future or the actions of others.

**SG steps down from her Personal Integrity soapbox**

I'm a little bugged by the 'asking' and the pressure that this puts on the situation. Personally, if a guy kept asking the first time around instead of just letting it happen, it would turn me off. (Asking for sex once you're intimate is a whole separate situation. ;) )

Thank you SG. I am sorry that you went through that but I totally hear you; by standing by your principles you held on to yourself, your center. I am inspired to do the same. I just know if I do the right thing...good will happen, whatever form that takes. I have learned after 42 years of life that we mustn’t give too much; we must give only what we can. We must earn our own self respect as I say. Some lessons are harder and take longer to learn, but when they finally sink in...It is such a blessing...to have learned is the thing.

Thank you SG. I am sorry that you went through that but I totally hear you; by standing by your principles you held on to yourself, your center. I am inspired to do the same. I just know if I do the right thing...good will happen, whatever form that takes. I have learned after 42 years of life that we mustn’t give too much; we must give only what we can. We must earn our own self respect as I say. Some lessons are harder and take longer to learn, but when they finally sink in...It is such a blessing...to have learned is the thing.


I believe in giving as much as I can. And I believe that the definition of 'what we can' may be different today than what it was yesterday. It better be...because I better be learning to grow and give more every day.


We cannot know what we can do in advance.
The only way to find out is to go all-out trying,
Thinking only success.

~ Royal Robbins

well, thanks about the 'no hard feelings' message :)

But, I just think that feelings can be kissed good-bye when you are with someone...Love can make a fool out of anyone ;)

well, thanks about the 'no hard feelings' message :)

But, I just think that feelings can be kissed good-bye when you are with someone...Love can make a fool out of anyone ;)

I'm so sorry I did not understand until later then I was like "Oh I get it!" :) Just because I am a good girl doesn't guarantee the relationship will last. I shouldn't be such a baby, sometimes I'm too sensitive! Anyway, I'll just follow my conscience...who knows he could bail over something else or I could back off. My goal is to be happy and successful with or without someone.

But, I just think that feelings can be kissed good-bye when you are with someone...Love can make a fool out of anyone ;)

Really? I think that if someone can just 'kiss their feelings good-bye' then they weren't true feelings in the first place, or at least they weren't truly in love in the first place.

I don't fall in love easily so I can't just toss my feelings out the window. I've never quite learned how to do this, although I occasionally work on it.

And, yes, Love CAN make a fool out of anyone...but rather a fool for love than a queen (or king) alone.

Life is one fool thing after another,
where as love is two fool things after each other. - Oscar Wilde

I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things. - Billy Joel, "The Longest Time"

.

Come on, I didn't sound this political, did I? :D

and yes Love C.A.N. ;)

Come on, I didn't sound this political, did I? :D

Nah, just making conversation/debate. :)

Really? I think that if someone can just 'kiss their feelings good-bye' then they weren't true feelings in the first place, or at least they weren't truly in love in the first place.

I don't fall in love easily so I can't just toss my feelings out the window. I've never quite learned how to do this, although I occasionally work on it.

And, yes, Love CAN make a fool out of anyone...but rather a fool for love than a queen (or king) alone.

Life is one fool thing after another,
where as love is two fool things after each other. - Oscar Wilde

I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things. - Billy Joel, "The Longest Time"

.

Thank you, this lifted my spirits, & beloved Oscar Wilde.

Just because I am a good girl doesn't guarantee the relationship will last. I shouldn't be such a baby, sometimes I'm too sensitive! Anyway, I'll just follow my conscience...who knows he could bail over something else or I could back off. My goal is to be happy and successful with or without someone.

It takes two good intentions for a relationship to last. So, if both shared that same feelings/values then you will find that happiness there after.
Well, I'm going to stay in-line here.... ;)...
Hopefully, I will find that happiness and peace soon, too... :)

It takes two good intentions for a relationship to last. So, if both shared that same feelings/values then you will find that happiness there after.
Well, I'm going to stay in-line here.... ;)...
Hopefully, I will find that happiness and peace soon, too... :)

And I hope that for you too! :)

That's sweet! :)