How can we respond to oppression?

I'm 38, been seeing 23-year-old guy 5 months. It's both our first ow/ym relationship. Twice we've gone to dinner, we both get carded for drinks, ok fine, then the boss man comes & cards us both AGAIN. Once the sherriff caught us making out (NOT making "it") in the car & his first question was, "How old are you, son?" Our friends, family & co-workers constantly tell us to forget it.

With formal settings (dinner, sherriff), it's probably best to just be matter-of-fact, despite the annoyance. But we WISH we could openly tell our friends about our dates or ask for personal advice LIKE ANYONE ELSE CAN. We have nothing to hide, but they're driving us into hiding. I feel like I have to prove something more than a similar-age couple otherwise doesn't.

Is there some canned statement we can say to just get them off it?

Ouch, Mama - I feel for you! I've heard insinuations that this sort of thing can happen, but I've never heard so many nasty problems!

I'm sure you'll get some suggestions for some good retorts from the members here. ;)

Welcome - you found the right place!

Where do you live Mama? What part of the country?

I don't know about this stuff. I've never had the problems you describe.

For harrassment! Or, you could just not make out in the car. I'm afraid if it were push come to shove, the whole ym/ow thingie could look like a prostitute and her john to a law enforcment official, in the situation you describe (car). Your only defense is having your guy pal say: I'm her bf!
Ali

Thanks for your replies. I suppose legallyblonde has a point: making out in a car isn't such a great idea whether or not you're an odd couple!

Bubbleee asked where we live: Denver, Colorado, & this occurred in a farmer-type neighborhood. I guess that answers that!

And, now that you've got me thinking, the restaraunts were family Italian & family Mexican, both very traditional cultures.

As for the friends, family & co-workers, though, I'm still stumped. We tell them to knock it off but only one of them has come to accept it. I'm starting to get angry with my friends & I don't like to feel this way. For example, one on my girlfriends called me a cradle robber & I called her a grave robber because she was seeing a guy about 20 years older. One of my ex-boyfriends asked me if my "new boy" isn't able to do the job & do I need "daddy." Maybe Colorado is just behind in accepting this?

Comments from strangers - blow 'em off. Jabs from an ex-boyfriend - pffft! But friends and family are supposed to care about you so if they say something thoughtless or hurtful, say something like, "Ouch! That hurt! I really like this guy."

This might do the trick for some of these people: "What are ya, jealous?"

Also, watch that TV show with Fran Drescher and a younger man - they've got GREAT lines. In one show, someone said disapprovingly, "I can't believe you're doing this! What do your friends say?" and Fran yelled back, "They say, 'Does he have a brother????" :D

Mama, I know how you feel when it comes to the family part. My friends are happy for me, but the family is about as supportive as a pit full of spiders. The only thing to do is be patient and not get defensive and show them through action just how special this relationship is becoming.

The most common remark I've gotten is "What could you possibly have in common to talk about?", so I usually respond that there is quite a lot since my ym and I share the same interests and values. But, on the whole, you state your case once and let them get used to it. I come from a traditional spanish culture, so it's going to take longer, but I've found the patience to deal with it (the disapproval) because this relationship is very dear to me. It seems they'd like him just fine if he was a my age or older...and I quote :(

Hope this helps.

Well I'm 37 and my guy is 20 and we have never experienced the kinds of things you are talking about here. However, we don't neck in the car ;) :P. We have a home for that. Teasing aside... I absolutely love Chatter's words here.

"Ouch! That hurt! I really like this guy." Friends and family are supposed to love and care about us... if they can't agree, the least they can do is be kind, right? Afterall... you are both consenting adults... they may not choose this relationship for themselves, but that doesn't mean that they should make you feel badly for being happy.

Strangers? F'em ;)

Comments from strangers - blow 'em off. Jabs from an ex-boyfriend - pffft! But friends and family are supposed to care about you so if they say something thoughtless or hurtful, say something like, "Ouch! That hurt! I really like this guy."

This might do the trick for some of these people: "What are ya, jealous?"

Also, watch that TV show with Fran Drescher and a younger man - they've got GREAT lines. In one show, someone said disapprovingly, "I can't believe you're doing this! What do your friends say?" and Fran yelled back, "They say, 'Does he have a brother????" :D


LOL Chatter! Great line! ROFLMAO
Also the "What are ya, jealous?" I would go fo this one too.
You are both adults and vaccinated. And there will always be prejudiced whether its age, race differences, etc...
I have to tell you that where I work, a colleague of mine. She is 54. When she learned I was dating younger men, she wasnt quite for it without being too judgmental. BUT, guess what?? Now she is dating a 35 years old! And vlam in her face lol....Now she is laughing when she thinks of how she was viewing my own interest for younger men.
So, take this with a grain of salt. And be happy!
Faith

Now ya know how the black man feels!! Well, after Mary Kay & Villi I guess some suspicions will arise here & there. In AGR's this will happen. More so where you live than say San Francisco!!