New here in need of your support

Hi All, I am new to this board, and I need some re-assurance about dating younger men. I've been out of the dating scene since before my son was born, and now that he's 13 he doesn't need me anymore. I've decided it's time for me to finally try to meet someone and date. To my surprise, I have a few prospects... both younger men! I'm 41 and can't get over the "I'm old enough to be his Mother" thing. Both men are probably around 22 to 25 years old. Please help me get over this, because I want to have some fun. Thank you for your support.

Welcome, Sharnjean! If you spend some time reading, you'll find everything you need to believe that it's okay to date younger men. In the meantime, here's some ideas for self-talk.

"I may be old enough to be his mother, but I'm not his mother!" ;)

"Men have been doing this since the beginning of time, it's no big deal."

"Hey, look at the women that are in an older woman/younger man (OW/YM) relationships - I'm in good company!

"It's only dating! If he wants to spend time with me and I want to spend time with him, what's the harm? There is no harm!"

welcome to ageless!!!

Hope you will like it here, I sure do.
I have found a lot of support being here and to come over some of the things that troubled me and I'm sure you will too.

-Aina

Your son still needs you, for starters.

As for the rest, yes there is a lot of apprehension with this; takes a little getting over.

You said, "date" and "have fun" so presuming you're just checking out this whole arrangement, go ahead and check it out.

Your son still needs you, by the way. Oh, I already said that.

Yes, Ruthie you are right. He does still need me but not as much as he used to. I'm glad you reminded me, because I get a little bit lonely when he's off doing his own thing.
As for the others... thanks to you, too. I have never dated much at all, and now that I'm ready, I am SCARED. I tell you one thing, the main ym I'm interested in works at the grocery store, and I'm going broke just stopping by to pick up a "little something"!

I tell you one thing, the main ym I'm interested in works at the grocery store, and I'm going broke just stopping by to pick up a "little something"!

This made me LAUGH, woman!

Not that I've even done this. ;)

Welcome, stick around. You're in good company.

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It is your time to have some fun. It's OK to see anyone that you like and enjoy and who treats you with respect. But 13 is a funny age for kids. I'd definitely have a sit down with your son and ask him how he would feel if you went out on a few dates to get your feet wet. I know my guy was the only son of a single mom and it was an adjustment for him when his mom started dating again. Talking is good. Take it slow and watch his reactions.

You know what's really fun when you throw yourself back in the dating scene...c'mon we've all done it...flirting...its great, you get to check out how guys respond, make changes,pick up on signals again, find yourself again as a sexy woman who wants to get to know some new people on THAT level...

also its really safe coz you're in control of who you flirt with, who you let flirt with you, how long you flirt for...going down to the shop all the time to initiate contact...thats flirting...hey have some fun it shouldn't be serious...

bringing up kids on your own is all consuming...then they get a life yes its true, and there are long periods where they don't need your energy or input...so all those lists of to do things that have been accumulating over the years, should be pulled out and gone over.....what's your passion, whats interesting to you...develop your own identity as woman...its a great opportunity to do whatever you want....


If your son sees you happy and exploring life, which may include a few dates, it would be less of a shock than if you just started going out...anyway i agree with DS talk to him, he'll probably just want you to be happy. My son is 10, he gets on with my partner and he just loves that we are happy, but we talk about it all the time, he's included...

relationships with younger men do work, mine is long term, 20 yr difference...we are both strong people, different interests, but lots of connection and loving...

I've talked to my son a little bit about me dating. He isn't totally opposed to the idea, but he does understand that I need to have a life. He certainly doesn't like me going out with my friends for a girls night out. He texts messages my phone to make sure I'm OK and then stays up until I get home. Almost a role reversal!! Sometimes I wonder who takes care of who more... me taking care of him, or him taking care of me. He's my best friend.

I'm just surprised to find out, when I finally decided to take time for myself and start being a lady again, the men who are interested in me are yms! I'm just so stupidly shy, I don't realize when they're hitting on me. (I've been out of practice a looonnng time.) It is exciting, though.

Years ago my dad gave me a complex about dating a younger man, and it has never left me. I need to get over it, because I'm missing out on some of the best times of my life. I've spent the last 5 or so years wasting my time on a man 3 years older than me, and he never knew a good thing when he saw it. I'm finding younger men aren't so afraid and they're willing to take a chance.

Evaluate the man based upon his character, not his age. If he happens to be younger than you, then don't let the age get in the way of what could become something wonderful for you. Good men come in all sizes, shapes and ages.