A breakup after 10 yrs, i need some advise

FYI - I'm 27 and she's 26


Here's my little problem, my 10yr old girlfriend and i just ended our
> > relationship sunday june 12th. She said she's not in love with
> > me anymore (we just got
> > too comfortable with each other, we're almost like
> > best friends), which i'm
> > fine with because people change. I still like her
> > and want her to come back
> > one day, but if nothing comes out of it, I'm not
> > worried. I'm moving on with
> > other girls but i still want to keep my options open
> > with my ex. She'd even
> > mentioned "nothing is written in stone" which i'm
> > optimistic about.
> >
> > The only thing i could think i could do is make her
> > jealous and compete for
> > me. By talking to her only 2-3 time a month and
> > letting her know i'm see
> > other people. Do you have anymore amazing advice? I
> > know this is AFC but i
> > just wanna talk to her, (but i don't know if i'll
> > break and try to get begg
> > and get back with her then) is this a good idea to
> > call a couple of days later after
> > the break up? Can i just call and talk about stuff?
> > Might sound needy, but i
> > don't know.
> >

Here's more info,

We used to have shared friends but over the years it seems like we started to meet and hang out with other people. So seeing her without arranging a meeting would be pretty rare.

I could almost say we were like an old married couple that didn't do much other than save money and chill. Even friends were saying that too.

The only thing we have to talk about is a camping trip we were planning alone with her in August but after the separation she said she'll have to think about it. We don't have as much things to talk about then before because I think the conversations tends to lead to facts now a days than to "feeling chit chat". It just seems like we just lost the connection.

She has a lot of **** over at my house and vice versa. Should i just put it all in one box or let her come over and collect it herself?

She also told me that she wants to find "herself". We been together for so long that it sometime seems that we didn't have room to grow ourselves. What do you think about that?

We are also in different times in our lives, she is totally finished school and working on her career, while I decided to switch industries from engineering to become a teacher by going back to school for the next couple of years. When we were discussing the breaking up, i first acted like that what i wanted, but after she told me her plan was to purpose to me to marry her in 2008 because of the Feb 29th day (she said that day, there are no rules) (I'm not the one to be purposed to cause i know its the man that does it!)

Staying friend isn't a problem, she really wants to stay friends. Actually a little history her, we were friend to begin with. And 6 months without speaking to her, she found out i had a gf and she started getting jealous. Do you think that will happen again?

"Is it easy my friend... nope because to gain
Attraction back is alot of work and requires
patience.... and self control..." -- I understand ya here

What should i do? :confused:

thanks,

Nobody??? is this not serious enough?

Sorry Docka, it is not that it is not serious, sometimes people take their time to answer.

I think you are going at it the right way by giving her space.

If you start dating other women to make her jealous, just make sure you do not hurt a third party in the process.

I am sure other people have better advice than mine.

Docka: I think you probably didn't get any answers because.. well, I don't know. This is chitchat and not relationship support? *shrug* But, I'll try! :p

FYI - I'm 27 and she's 26 This isn't an age gap, but whether you have a gap or not doesn't mean we can't help you. Somehow.

Here's my little problem, my 10yr old girlfriend and i just ended our relationship sunday june 12th. She said she's not in love with me anymore (we just got too comfortable with each other, we're almost like best friends), which i'm fine with because people change. I still like her and want her to come back one day, but if nothing comes out of it, I'm not worried. I'm moving on with other girls but i still want to keep my options open with my ex.

If she's not in love with you anymore, I would just let her go. Be friends. Move on. You can't do that, though, if you're still holding on to your ex or hopes of getting back with her. The letting go and moving on can't be followed by a "but..."

The only thing i could think i could do is make her jealous and compete for me.

This is holding on. This is playing games. This is also cruel to yourself. Make her jealous and compete for you? Just sounds so immature for someone in his mid-20s, yes? Letting go means LETTING GO.

The only thing we have to talk about is a camping trip we were planning alone with her in August but after the separation she said she'll have to think about it. We don't have as much things to talk about then before because I think the conversations tends to lead to facts now a days than to "feeling chit chat". It just seems like we just lost the connection.

Stop talking to her. Don't plan on camping with her. Find someone else to go camping with.

She has a lot of **** over at my house and vice versa. Should i just put it all in one box or let her come over and collect it herself?

Call her up and tell her you want (list of stuff) back and if she'd please put it in a box for you, you would bring her stuff back to her and collect yours at the same time. If she says no, then drop the stuff off at Salvation Army and forget about anything you have there.

She also told me that she wants to find "herself". We been together for so long that it sometime seems that we didn't have room to grow ourselves. What do you think about that?

Take her at her word. She's not lying to you. She's being honest with you and herself.

Staying friend isn't a problem, she really wants to stay friends. Actually a little history her, we were friend to begin with. And 6 months without speaking to her, she found out i had a gf and she started getting jealous. Do you think that will happen again?

I think trying to stay friends is an absurd expectation. YOU will play games with her and she might play games with you. IT's unhealthy. Let her go. Move on with your life, find yourself and find some maturity. Really. HOPING to make someone jealous is very immature.

Being a friend means being there for the other person without hopes and expectations of "more." You can't be there. You HOPE for and WANT more. Therefore, to help YOU heal, you should sever all ties to her and move on.

Good luck.
~phos

Hi Docka and welcome to agelesslove. I think possibly one reason you didn't receive a lot of responses was because (a) you posted this in our chit chat section and (b) you don't have an age gap relationship, which is what this site is about. But, like Fos said, we can still offer advice. I am going to move your thread to one of the relationship support areas (I guess younger woman/older man since you are older and hopefully you'll receive more advice.

Another reason I was at first reluctant to respond is that the first half of your first post looks like it was copied from an email. So, I was a little confused.

Anyway, about your situation. It sounds to me like you at first told her "ok" but then started realizing what you would miss if you two break up permanently. Have you talked to her about how you feel about all this? If not, you should. But, then if she still wants to part ways for now, you need to let her go. Otherwise, trying to hold onto her will probably only make her want to go more.

It's a tough situation and I'm sorry you're hurting over this. Best of luck to you and I hope you two are able to resolve the situation in a way that works best for BOTH of you.