Hello everybody (long thread, sorry)

I'm new to this site and just wanted to say "hi". I've been reading the posts here and feel as if I've gotten to know each one of you "regulars" and am impressed at how level-headed and grounded you women (and your YM) are. The advice and support you offer each other is amazing.

I'm a bit older than most of you (51), and like the women here I am attracted to younger men. My last boyfriend was 10 years younger, and the men I have dated have ranged from 33 to 49. Its not that I am ruling out dating men closer to my age......it's just that younger men seem to appreciate me for the qualities that come with age - experience (life, not just sexual), wisdom, patience, etc. Okay, so I look young for my age, too, which is another factor I think they may find attractive (By the way, I think all you women on this site look very young for your ages and are attractive. I think us OW can give YW a run for their money!)

Currently, I am seeing a man who is 33, the youngest guy I have dated so far. He saw my profile on a dating site, thought I was "cute" and sent me a message. I responded because I thought he looked "angelic" and because he mentioned that he volunteers with Special Olympics. I let him know that he was waaay too young for me but that I would be interested in a friendship.

Well, when we finally talked on the phone, I got the impression that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me so I let him know that I wasn't interested. He apologized and promised not to mention it again, but that he was still interested in getting to know me better. He left for his hometown shortly after we talked on the phone, but called me every week to ask how I was doing, letting me know that he was thinking about me, etc. He asked me if I ever thought about him, and I honestly told him that there really was nothing to think about since we hadn't met and had only talked a few times.

Well, he came back a month later, and we met in person. We had talked over the phone previously about my values concerning sex - he and I have a great difference in opinion about it. He thinks its no big deal... as long as two people are attracted to one another and like one another, why not? Whereas I feel that there has to be an emotional and spiritual intimacy and a deeper feeling than just attraction and liking one another. He says he will wait until I'm ready, but he thinks I'm being old-fashioned and depriving myself of one of life's pleasures.

I enjoy talking to this guy; I can be honest and frank with him and him with me. He thinks that I'm being silly about waiting for my Prince Charming and sticking to my standards before I will sleep with anyone. He honestly feels that I will end up alone and sexless because no man will want to wait, even though he said he would, but he said he has his limits. He also said, "Don't expect me to fall in love with you or anything like that." His advice to me was to lighten up and enjoy life. He keeps mentioning how he is looking forward to bedding me, and I keep asking him if that is all he can think about. And he replied, "I'm a man. What do you expect?"

For what its worth, I'm surprised that he is still sticking around even though he knows how I feel about sexual relationships. I've told him that I enjoy talking to him and that I find him very attractive and he says he feels the same way. I should mention that we are of different races; he's white, I'm Asian and I mention it because I'm usually not attracted to white guys. I dated them in college but felt that they were interested in me only because I was "exotic" or something and didn't really see me as a person. But, I digress. So, what do you all think about this relationship? Personally, I think I should end it because I'm afraid I'll get hurt. Or maybe I should just chuck my standards and have a wild fling with him and lose my self-respect in the process. Nah! Or who knows, he may not call back and that will solve my problem!

He thinks that I'm being silly about waiting for my Prince Charming and sticking to my standards before I will sleep with anyone. He honestly feels that I will end up alone and sexless because no man will want to wait, even though he said he would, but he said he has his limits. He also said, "Don't expect me to fall in love with you or anything like that." His advice to me was to lighten up and enjoy life. He keeps mentioning how he is looking forward to bedding me, and I keep asking him if that is all he can think about. And he replied, "I'm a man. What do you expect?"

What do you expect? You expect RESPECT, and you're not getting it from him! Anyone who would TELL YOU he expects you to end up alone and sexless if you don't give it up to him belongs in a DITCH.

Hi singlelady, welcome to ageless...I just gotta tell you, this guy is being a complete d*ck. There *is* no relationship here. You have a guy pressuring you for sex, that's all. You may be able to be honest with him, but he's not LISTENING to you. He couldn't care less about you or your values. He has TOLD you, also, that he wants SEX but NOT LOVE in no uncertain terms. Is that what you want? It is all that you'll get from him.

When I was still in a dating phase, anyone who started off talking sex without even knowing me (and my STARS this is dirt common...so many guys have absolutely no class, it amazes me) got written off immediately. We aren't here to service them for gods' sake. Find yourself a real man and not someone looking for a free prostitute.

Yeah I'm being harsh...but these guys disgust me, you sound like a great lady and DO NOT lower yourself. NEXT!!!

:)

Oh BTW, let me add: If you're afraid of getting hurt, what you need to do is SCREEN people before you get involved. This guy is guaranteed hurt, and that should be obvious. The gambles you take should be with GOOD bets, not those that are clearly bad from the beginning.

What do you expect? You expect RESPECT, and you're not getting it from him! Anyone who would TELL YOU he expects you to end up alone and sexless if you don't give it up to him belongs in a DITCH.

Hi singlelady, welcome to ageless...I just gotta tell you, this guy is being a complete d*ck. There *is* no relationship here. You have a guy pressuring you for sex, that's all. You may be able to be honest with him, but he's not LISTENING to you. He couldn't care less about you or your values. He has TOLD you, also, that he wants SEX but NOT LOVE in no uncertain terms. Is that what you want? It is all that you'll get from him.

When I was still in a dating phase, anyone who started off talking sex without even knowing me (and my STARS this is dirt common...so many guys have absolutely no class, it amazes me) got written off immediately. We aren't here to service them for gods' sake. Find yourself a real man and not someone looking for a free prostitute.

Yeah I'm being harsh...but these guys disgust me, you sound like a great lady and DO NOT lower yourself. NEXT!!!

:)

Oh BTW, let me add: If you're afraid of getting hurt, what you need to do is SCREEN people before you get involved. This guy is guaranteed hurt, and that should be obvious. The gambles you take should be with GOOD bets, not those that are clearly bad from the beginning.

I agree with Goldie...dump him and move on...these type are a "dime a dozen"...and no, they have no class at all. If a guy starts off by talking about sex...and continues to bring it up, after you've already explained your feelings about it...he is being disrespectful..not a trait you want in a relationship...and obviously he's not into a relationship...he's into having a "free" sexual encounter...guys like this make me sick...and you'll find lots and lots of them on the Internet...best way to get rid of them..avoid them like the plague to begin with.

Yep, I agree with Goldie and kathy as well.... let this guy go faster than you can bat your eyelashes, singlelady! There really is no mystery as to why he is hanging in there. He is sticking around purely because you have thrown down a challenge... you have made it clear how you feel about sex and he is going to try to wear you down until you give in! Remember, men are natural hunters and have their hunting techniques mastered a lot of times! ;)

Welcome to Ageless!

I'm new to this site and just wanted to say "hi". I've been reading the posts here and feel as if I've gotten to know each one of you "regulars" and am impressed at how level-headed and grounded you women (and your YM) are. The advice and support you offer each other is amazing.

I'm a bit older than most of you (51), and like the women here I am attracted to younger men. My last boyfriend was 10 years younger, and the men I have dated have ranged from 33 to 49. Its not that I am ruling out dating men closer to my age......it's just that younger men seem to appreciate me for the qualities that come with age - experience (life, not just sexual), wisdom, patience, etc. Okay, so I look young for my age, too, which is another factor I think they may find attractive (By the way, I think all you women on this site look very young for your ages and are attractive. I think us OW can give YW a run for their money!)

Currently, I am seeing a man who is 33, the youngest guy I have dated so far. He saw my profile on a dating site, thought I was "cute" and sent me a message. I responded because I thought he looked "angelic" and because he mentioned that he volunteers with Special Olympics. I let him know that he was waaay too young for me but that I would be interested in a friendship.

Well, when we finally talked on the phone, I got the impression that he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me so I let him know that I wasn't interested. He apologized and promised not to mention it again, but that he was still interested in getting to know me better. He left for his hometown shortly after we talked on the phone, but called me every week to ask how I was doing, letting me know that he was thinking about me, etc. He asked me if I ever thought about him, and I honestly told him that there really was nothing to think about since we hadn't met and had only talked a few times.

Well, he came back a month later, and we met in person. We had talked over the phone previously about my values concerning sex - he and I have a great difference in opinion about it. He thinks its no big deal... as long as two people are attracted to one another and like one another, why not? Whereas I feel that there has to be an emotional and spiritual intimacy and a deeper feeling than just attraction and liking one another. He says he will wait until I'm ready, but he thinks I'm being old-fashioned and depriving myself of one of life's pleasures.

I enjoy talking to this guy; I can be honest and frank with him and him with me. He thinks that I'm being silly about waiting for my Prince Charming and sticking to my standards before I will sleep with anyone. He honestly feels that I will end up alone and sexless because no man will want to wait, even though he said he would, but he said he has his limits. He also said, "Don't expect me to fall in love with you or anything like that." His advice to me was to lighten up and enjoy life. He keeps mentioning how he is looking forward to bedding me, and I keep asking him if that is all he can think about. And he replied, "I'm a man. What do you expect?"

For what its worth, I'm surprised that he is still sticking around even though he knows how I feel about sexual relationships. I've told him that I enjoy talking to him and that I find him very attractive and he says he feels the same way. I should mention that we are of different races; he's white, I'm Asian and I mention it because I'm usually not attracted to white guys. I dated them in college but felt that they were interested in me only because I was "exotic" or something and didn't really see me as a person. But, I digress. So, what do you all think about this relationship? Personally, I think I should end it because I'm afraid I'll get hurt. Or maybe I should just chuck my standards and have a wild fling with him and lose my self-respect in the process. Nah! Or who knows, he may not call back and that will solve my problem!


Since the islands are like a small town I'll bet some day you will hear that he's playing other women too! Do you Yahoo? I'll bet he does. I was planning on moving to the islands and had a Honolulu profile and let me tell you...I heard from some guys. The problem in dating in any small town is that you see the same people over and over again and have To Live Each Day with all of your mistakes romantically. Puhlease! Do not let this guy become one of your romantic mistakes, that is all he could ever be to you. He is such a player and he's playing you! Now let me tell you what all smart men know, but they rarely tell women: men who are serial cheaters/players won't ever admit to it--never! So if you have any more contact with this fella he's going to tell you that you've been speaking with a ton of people just as uptight as yourself. WRONGO!!! If I want to have sex for sex's sake, I will. But you don't, so you should not! Don't let him change your mind!!!
Ali

I agree with all the other ladies... and he's sticking around right now because he sees you as a conquest... a challenge.

Wow! Thanks for the response and your advice. You guys are brutally frank, and what you said makes a lot of sense. I guess deep down I knew where this guy was coming from.......you've just validated my suspicions.

I was already contemplating calling it off... I will definitely do so now. Time to move on.......

Mahalo and aloha to all of you,
Singlelady

You are who you are, dont' let anyone else tell you who or what you should be, he's a jerk and everything else Goldie stated is right on.

paris

Some guys need taming really...

First I just want to say that in this he does not respect you for the fact you have spoken your values, and he still says you should let them slide, that is not respect. He is playin a game so he can try and get what he wants, wich is sex. I saw drop him right now and dont look back, even if he comes crawling back sayin he is sorry for how he disrespected you in that way. Someone that cares for another will respect there values. end of story. Though times do get lonly, just rember there are those out there that dont think like this. And stick to your values for you have them for a reason. You believe in them.

"He honestly feels that I will end up alone and sexless because no man will want to wait"

Oh really?

"Don't expect me to fall in love with you or anything like that."

Ah. Ok then, Hasta! Later!

This would be when I would walk. How dare he be so insulting and manipulative! Please don't believe any of that...he's trying to make you feel insecure so you'll cave. 51 can be a very sexy age...do not believe otherwise. Own your power, take care or yourself, work on yourself and bail on this dude. (Sorry so intense, just going thru the same thing so believe me, I feel you!)

Thanks Idolence and Skatergirl, for your advice. I have decided to drop him and I feel really good about making that decision. I appreciate having all of you understand what I am going through and nudging me in the right direction. In my heart, I knew this whole thing with him was wrong..... it just helps immensely when others confirm my feelings.

I'm going to adopt you all as my "ohana" and will write again when I need advice.

With much aloha,
Singlelady

Hi, everyone.
I told my ym that due to our difference in values our relationship wouldn't work out, and that we shouldn't see each other any more. He understood and was okay with the decision. So...... thanks everyone for your advice. I will miss him, but I know I'll get over him a lot more quickly than I would have if I had gotten more involved with him in the first place.

I'm sure there's someone out there for me who is right for me and accepts me for who I am and what I believe in. I'll let you know when I do find him. Until then....

Aloha

Singlelady