dashies 06-23-2005, 09:04 AM i am having an issue with my bf. i am 18, he's 30. i think he is being patronizing to me, he is from a different country and his frst lang is not english. i think that when you ask someone if they did something that has ended up or would potentially wrecking something you ask them with the negative first. For examp: he says "did you use a knife in the toastie machine, it's got scratches. -others use it too
i would say "you didn't put a knife in the toastie maker, did you? The list goes on, but the fact is when i ask i am giving the person the benefit that they might have knowwn better, it is respectful and kinder. But when he approaches it assuming nothing, not making any presumptions of what i might know and keeping in mind that i have no level of knowledge. sure, it's a clear question, wanting a clear answer yes or no but it feels like he asks these questions first assuming i no nothing, and the fact is, things like taking a plug out we should all know, and if the question must ne asked, it should be asked kindly, or it is patronizing to the person. Please would some people tell me if i'm right or wrong :)
Susansdaydream 06-23-2005, 09:38 AM I understand completely. My love is from Europe and English is not his primary language either.
I tease him and call it European English. I don't think your bf is being patronizing. I have noticed with mine, his sentence structure is what I consider backwards. He puts the predicate before the subject.
We have had some misunderstandings too. :) I found the best way to handle this is to just say, "are you saying.....?" Hope this helps. Good luck. :)
fos4snt 06-23-2005, 09:43 AM Ahhhh... semantics! Isn't it amazing how words can get in the way of decent communication? LOL.
Well, I would suspect you would know better whether or not your BF's use of English is being patronizing or simply just not understanding proper usage. If you think he KNOWS how to ask a question without being condescending or patronizing, then you have a right to be offended. If he treats others differently in HOW he asks the same question, then you have your answer... he is being patronizing. BUT, if he's pretty consistent regardless, then chock it up to a lack of understanding of the proper use and try to find a way to explain it to him so that he doesn't make the mistake with others?
... but really, if it feels patronizing to you, then you need to sit him down and explain it to him! Whether he wants to hear it or not.
BTW: I leave my toaster oven plugged in all the time. LOL. AND I use a fork to get my toast out of a regular toaster, too! :p For crying out loud, a toaster costs a whopping $6 around these parts. Who cares if it gets scratched? ROFLAO. It's a TOASTER. (People are more important to me than replacable objects that will die out LONG, LONG before they will be ugly... )
~phos
1love 06-23-2005, 11:10 AM I think you should tell him to blow it out his toastie machine... :p
Welcome to Ageless, btw!
dashies 06-23-2005, 11:11 AM thanks for your oppinions, they helped lots! we talked about it and discovered it was semantics. and next time i'm unsure i will say "are you saying?" and if he says no then no toasties for him! :p amina, a toastie maker is a machine that you put 2 pieces of bread in with jam in between and it toasts them together :)
dashies 06-23-2005, 11:16 AM why are u's calling me btw? He said blowing is my responsibility
1love 06-23-2005, 11:52 AM Hmmm..... ;) On that note, I'm gonna go check my toastie machine..... :p
DaBollocks 06-23-2005, 12:07 PM Are semantics like ebonics?!! :p :D
fos4snt 06-23-2005, 12:57 PM I thought ebonics were like eColi or the bubonic plague!!!
AAAAHHHHH... stop confusing me people!!! :eek:
~phos
Sdoah1972 06-23-2005, 01:17 PM Not that I have any amazing, earth shattering advice or anything, but it all reminded me of a phrase my YM uses. He's from Australia and every time I'd thank him for something he'd say, "No worries."
Now, to me, coming from the southern portion of the states where our tongues drip with pleasantires such as honey and sweetie, I thought the remark was kind of careless or flippant, if you will. Anyways, it just didn't set right with me. I'd give a heartfelt, "Thank you, baby." and he'd say, "No worries."
Well, having just come back from Australia and hearing numerous, "No worries" after I'd purchased something I finally realized that it's their way of saying, "You're welcome." I kind of felt silly when I realized this after an Aisian woman (immigrant) replied, "You're welcome." after my "Thank you." and it was the first one I'd heard my entire trip.
See, english is his first language and there is still the cultural slang barrier we have to get past. :D
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