A continuing tale of love and obsession

Hello! I'm Chad and I live in Los Angeles. I moved out here in May of 2004 to start a new life and enjoy a new part of the country. I was fresh in town and not really looking to fall in love with anyone, just here to start a new.

August of 2004 while on the set of a TV show I spotted a beautiful woman sitting by herself reading a book in the sun. Her long curly brown hair shined in the sun and her brown skin looked amazing in her orange summer dress. After I worked up some internal courage I managed to approach her and say "hi".

Since that day we'd kept in touch via the phone and e-mail but I definitely had interest in her. Salsa dancing was a common hobby and as a native Dominican she could dance very well.

At the beginning of November we had our first date (much to my persuading) and it was a magical night. We held hands and enjoyed dinner alllll night long. My heart and mind were getting so excited about this "hermosa" woman.

Shortly thereafter I got to know and love her three kids, three girls ages 11, 15 and 16. We all would get together and enjoy time and the holidays were special that year.

Perhaps moving too quickly we decided to get an apartment together for convenience. Her kids were living with their father in Beverly Hills. Soon after we moved in she was very cautious about letting her kids get the wrong idea about things, and I didn't blame her on that.

But our relationships seemed at that point to turn as well. She said she wanted more of a roommate/friendship status but we'd both be loyal to each other. We still enjoyed a nice sex life and hung out with each other a lot. Most of our friends still saw us as a couple.

She had bad credit so I purchased a car for her under my name. I also got the apartment and all utilities in my name. As a beginning loan consultant money for her is sporadic. So I've even helped her with everything my money will allow me to do. AKA gas money, paying her bills, bla bla bla.

Over Memorial Day we received another event. The father abandoned the kids at our apartment and snuck off without having to pay child support. We welcomed the kids but that made our budget much tighter. I've done everything I can do to feed the kids, get them to school and try to provide a nice home life for everyone in this hard time.

My "roommate" and I have yet to be together now since the kids got here and her stress level is very high. Mine is too as my budget is blown and I'm going thru money much quicker then I'd ever accounted for.

Now I accept the fact that I moved in on and in with too quickly with this woman. But I feel in love with her and the family and just did what my heart longed for. I could see the signs on the wall that her feelings perhaps we weakening and choose to ignore them hoping that she'd come around if I continued to help her out and do everything I could.

So at this point I'm really rather imbedded with her and not sure if I should run or stick it out.

Any tips or advice would be appreciated. I still deeply love this woman and her kids, but I'm just not sure if it'll ever turn around.

Lost in Los Angeles,

Chad

PS. I'm 33, she's 45.

Chad..or anyone actually...I have a question or two.

What is the difference between living together a monogamous roommates, and ummm..being in a relationship?

This is not the first time I have read that someone's partner made that distinction....saying they are going to step back a bit, be friends/room-mates, but still have sex and not see other people.

What is the difference? Im trying to wrap my mind around what the status of your relationship is before I comment. Does this mean she is your girlfriend? She is a friend with benefits? I do understand that you love her. Does she tell you she loves you as well?

It's very odd huh?

We were boyfriend/girlfriend and I really still consider her my GF. I'd say she's thinking she's my "special friend" and does not want to be with anyone else but also does not want to be deep into with me.

She'd say it's her kids that she needs to focus on. She does have a ton on her plate right now, true, but then again so I do because I'VE choosen to take it upon myself to help.

Chad

Well Chad...all I can do is give my opinion here, and then someone will come along most likely and give a totally different one. *smiles* However...

It sounds like you are far more committed to the relationship/situation than she is. It may be because, as you say, her plate is very full. However, you are giving a lot of yourself, and you deserve to get more back then what you are getting.

Your living together, paying bills together, you are helping support her children and her.....and Im kind of bleary-eyed here trying to see what you get out of the deal...other than "special friendship", and it doesn't seem your getting a whole heck of a lot of that.

If it was me, and it's not, I would think if at this point if she would like to stay on some sort of friendship level, I would kindly point out that friends don't normally live in this type of situation, and it would be better that we be friends while living in separate homes.

Just from what you have written, it sounds like your playing the role of husband/stepfather, without all the really good parts of that position, and thats just not fair.

Someone very intelligent told me not so very long ago (and you'll have to trust me on that part) that giving is wonderful, but when it gets to the point where you are giving so much that you are forgetting to look out for what you need, it becomes a problem.

You got into this situation pretty quickly, and I can't help but wonder in a way if you aren't feeling a bit trapped and/or overwhelmed. I know I would be.....

If all she wants at this point is a room mate or a friend, then I would make sure to keep it on that level. Im sure that sounds harsh, but.....Im actually trying to think of you here. I would take a step back if it's possible.

HI Chad--

Real briefly here, let me quote Jody:

Just from what you have written, it sounds like your playing the role of husband/stepfather, without all the really good parts of that position, and thats just not fair.

Thats what I feel in a nutshell. It really kind of burns my cookies that this happened to you in this way. You are ready to give and receive love and have a real relationship with this woman but she's pushing you away.
THEN....this unexpected life-changing thing happens and she and her 3 kids are leaning on you and sucking you dry financially.
I dont want to imply that children or family are burdens of course---but as Jody points out you're not getting any of the GOOD stuff here are you?

I think you should talk to her about changing the living situation as soon as possible. Ive never heard of monogomous "roomates" before and I bet you if any one of us ladies came here and posted that someone we considered to be our boyfriends proposed such an arrangement we'd be all up in arms! :eek:

You deserve a lot more and its time for this woman to stand on her own and make a home for herself and her children in whatever way she can.

Good luck to you, you seem like such a really wonderful guy Chad :)

Just from what you have written, it sounds like your playing the role of husband/stepfather, without all the really good parts of that position, and thats just not fair.

I agree with Jo.

And "chico", you need to sit down with this woman and find out what the deal is. Let me tell you a story of one of my cousins'. We're puerto rican by the way, but it reminds me very much of your "lady". Being raised in a culture where the men wear the pants and we service them has pitted my cousin aganist her daughter. My cousin will always, always choose whichever man is in her life aganist her daughter, but she has this, what i call "low level prostitution" going on. She can't stand to live with the man she's with but in order to have someone pay for her rent, phone etc... she'll sleep with him and he lives in her house. She never leaves a man, unless there's another waiting in the wings. Ticks me off, royally.

I don't know what the lifestyle of your woman was before you meet her, or whether she was born here or at her age, could be on the island, either way ow of my age or older have been conditioned to accept that as long as he's bringing in the dough, a cook meal and some piece or arse here and then is enough to satisfy the relationship and all the women have to do is provide for their basic necessities. Is there romance, "nada", that's not part of the deal, for us hispanic ow, we are no longer desirable and/or need to be sexually fulfil to continue on in a what they perceive as a normal relationship.

This is why I say, talk to her. Tell her how you feel and than if you're not happy with what she says, than g/f has to move out. Do not even consider leaving her your apartment or the car or anything else that is not in her name, (the one good thing you did) trust me on this. But in the meantime, talk and talk some more. if after talking things don't change and sometimes you have to demand (please don't be a wimp on this) that THEY change. Than you have your answer and you're going to have to make other choices. This is your life too and you should live it as joyfully as you can.

Paris

I agree everyone, but esp. with Paris, as I think her background may have something to do with her behavior. Your really do need to talk, and donot let your emotions cloud you when you do. However with that said, I have two comments to add. First about your title of this thread... is it love or an obsession ? If it is the latter, then that is not good at all, for obsessions are never good. The second, you mentioned that she said told you that she had to focus on her kids... well if that is the case, then why were they living with their dad?? I am sorry, but that is always suspect to me of something being amiss. I don't mean that the father has custody, but her comment negates her actions, for if they were her focus, I would think they would be living with her.

Good luck to you... and please, put you first in this one! You seem like a really good guy!


GRRR I cannot get my fingers to cooperate this morning!

Quite simply, I'd run for the hills.

This situation will not get better I promise you.

And for another thing, you said in your original post that her credit was bad, but that she was also working as a first time loan (officer, originator, salesperson)? Trust me on this one, if you work in the financial services industry the companies won't take on a person with bad credit. Too many firms have been burned...and typically companies have caps to hire, say you can't have more than about 5k or so in arrears debt. I would want to know two things if I were you: how much she actually owes, (can you see her credit report?) and if the debt is in her and her hubby's name or just her own. I agree with Paris, something just doesn't feel right here. Also, the Beverly Hill connection: why isn't her hubby paying for her chidrens' expenses? They have no child support enforcement in California? Something is just rotten here, I'd find out the truth before I did anything else for this lady.

Hugs though, it may not be that bad.

Ali

I'm a recovering fool & even I knew to get out my umbrella just to READ this! GET OUT... ALL THE WAY OUT... NOWWWWWWW!

I've done the same, damn stupid thing (different details) over & over I got used & used & used, while only receiving tiny tidbits of "love" that just kept me hooked. It nearly killed me & it really hurt my kids. She will suck you dry - you think it's bad NOW? If you stay in it (which you will if you don't take this very seriously & handle it very thoroughly) you'll see how much worse it will get. She will RUIN you if you keep giving her the chance. People like that are incapable of giving - they just need, need, need. You must KILL your feelings for her & accept that you can not let her feed off of you. No matter how much we wish we could, the reality is we can not feed all the stray kittens.

But it's even MORE complicated than that: even if you decide to get out you will need to be very thorough. To accomplish this you must be focused & strong or you will feel guilty that you should still give her something, like the car so she can go to work & because she has kids & because she'll offer to make the payments or she'll become more affectionate, just to keep you hooked - she might even get nasty & admonish you for being so "cold-hearted," & it'll be really hard to scrape her off your shoes. Be prepared to be brief (can all your statements, don't let her drag it out because that's one way users keep givers hooked), be ready to be tough, even mean - use legal resources if need be (ie: if she won't go peacefully, get an eviction notice & call the sherriff to watch her pack). To someone like you this may sound cruel & inhumane, but trust me I learned the HARD way. Some people are like vampires, & I don't know why... You MUST handle this thoroughly, or you won't have anything left to give someone who deserves it, who's capable of a mutually beneficial, loving relationship. It boils down to this: you or her?

The second, you mentioned that she said told you that she had to focus on her kids... well if that is the case, then why were they living with their dad?? I am sorry, but that is always suspect to me of something being amiss. I don't mean that the father has custody, but her comment negates her actions, for if they were her focus, I would think they would be living with her.



I agree. That is always a red flag to me as well.

mama you took the words right out of my mouth!!

quote ".........I knew to get out my umbrella just to READ this! GET OUT... ALL THE WAY OUT... NOWWWWWWW" unquote and let me add !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to have to say this Chad, but she saw you coming a mile away! She is sucking you dry emotionally as well as financially and will continue to do so until you have nothing left to give.....then she will move on and leave you totally devastated!!!

And another thing, the kids, how can dad abandon them on Memorial Day and "sneak" off with out paying child support?? This is only June 24.....Child support is a court order and either he was ordered to pay or not. Either he was given custody or not. Who did have court ordered custody?? Have you seen the divorce and custody papers??? I think that you should ask to see them. Since you are supporting "his" kids you need to know just how things are supposed to be... and don't let her tell you otherwise!!!!!


I whole heartedly agree with legallyblonde, mama and thatgirl!!

Teddikat has good points. I did wonder if the father & her even plotted the abandonment so someone else could support their kids. However, if you don't plan to stay with her, I reiterate that you should keep everything very brief; don't make a case out of it & ask about court details & child support.

Unless you want her business in your nose, keep your nose out of her business. Again, the more you say, the longer it will take to end it. Just amputate.

mama, we must be sisters, we are thinking the same things!

I too wondered if hubby and her did not plan this, but I thought I was way off base....but if someone else is thinking that, well maybe there is something to it....

I also wondered how many other men she did this to..

Chad...

I am in agreement with all of these smart women! You are thoroughly being taken advantage of....I would get my own place or tell her to get her own place, immediately! Forget the love part....because she is not showing you any. :rolleyes:

I love this anonymous group internet therapy! :)

I guess I'm just a sucker for love. I'm going to fight with all my willpower to start to break away from this whole situation. Being a reasonably intelligent guy I should have seen this coming but I turned a blind eye to my gut feelings in hopes of a relationship with someone I really felt was special.

It's just hard when even now I find her very very attractive and sometimes, fun to be around. But when comparing the good and bad I should wise up and start anew.

To answer a few of the questions. The Father had the kids for about a year with full custodial duties and reasonability. The Mother wanted them back so they were working out the terms of what he'd give her in child support when the negations broke down and three kids landed on our (my) apartment door. Child support may come down the road but in the mean time who's to pay for the problem?

In her defense she has told me lately that she does not have a place in her heart for me in THAT way. I guess I wanted to ignore that and keep trying to win her over. I thought that maybe she was just distracted and would turn back around.

I just never thought that someone would let another give and give if they really didn't have any real intentions to be with that person. She likes to bring up the fact that I do it voluntarily.

But I bring up the point now that it's not really voluntarily, I mean what happens if I don't pay the power or the rent. What happens if I don't give up gas money so the kids don't go to school. What happens if I don't knock out the phone bill and internet, it'll all go away.

Anyway. Case closed. I'm going to try to figure a way out of this mess I've allowed to get myself in and move on once again.

Signed - frustrated in Los Angeles,

Chad

We will be thinking about you Chad....it will not be easy, but you can now see what has to be done.
You are not voluntarily supporting her family!! YOU are trying to live and support yourself. These are bills that have to be paid anyway and apparently she hasn't had to do this in a very long time....
DO NOT let her put a guilt trip on you! Be strong and stay in touch.

Chad, I don't know if you have read any of my past threads, but I went (and am still kinda going- through a relationship with a 46 yr. old drop dead gorgeous Mexican woman (a 10, trust me) for the past year and I can relate with what you are going through.
I am 26 and I fell deeply in love/obsession/lust with her the moment I laid eyes on her a year and a half ago, much like you did when you saw your OW's brown skin glistening in the sunlight.
I see so many similarities with the way that our OW treated us and the way we treated them.
I see that you tried and tried to love as best you could because this woman was extremely beautiful and desirable to you, as was Alicia to me.
And you guys probably had a real connection like we did too.
Well, Alicia was dealing with baggage from her previous relationship as the man she dumped for me-Jim- would not (still, to this day) let go of her. The basis of their relationship-she would later tell me- was sex here and there in exchange for financial security. Unhealthy stuff. Not the foundation for a good relationship.

Jim was very wealthy and took care of her financially but she wasn't even attracted to him and only gave him sex like once every few months just to keep him happy.
I think most Latin women their age were raised or conditioned to lean on a man for money and they would sell their soul just to achieve this financial freedom.
Well when we went out I paid for everything 85% of the time and got back a great deal of love from her initially so I kept giving....
...and kept loving and loving unconditionally, hoping that she would see how worthy I was of her love.
I spent all my money, lost my sense of self, wasn't getting back what I needed and deserved as a man. I got sex/love/intimacy less and less but a good wet kiss here and there at the gym would leave me feeling optimistic the relationship could work again.
...so I kept loving and still not getting enough back.
Well, all this drove me into a very bad place one night and -long story short- I ended up in jail and we were broken up the next morning..
I learned that:
I will NEVER settle for less than I deserve again, and neither should you.
I didn't know it while I was in this "bubble" with her, but now I see that this neglect by her and lack of self-respect on my part drove me CRAZY!!!

You seem like a nice guy and nice guys should be cherished by their women, not used.
There might be some truth to the notion that culture, heritage and generation might have something to do with our OW's behavior.
I can't really pin it down, but for some reason she was stuck in this unhealthy sort of relationship for over a decade-and I let myself get wrapped up in the unhappiness/unhealthiness as well.

Well, now, we have been split for a couple months, and we still see each other and flirt and stuff- lots of love still remains-but Jim has moved himself back into her place-AGAIN- and is again refusing to leave and move on with his life.
I suspect he may be helping her out financially and she is probably of course okay with this based on the way she was conditioned/raised and her culture.

It is sad that Jim is still caught up with her and also that she still is putting up with him.
But as good, nice, loving men Chad we deserve so much better and even though these women are SO attractive to us it doesn't mean they are treatng us right.
Good luck and respect yourself!

Hang in there brother!


Dave

Chad, I don't know if you have read any of my past threads, but I went (and am still kinda going- through a relationship with a 46 yr. old drop dead gorgeous Mexican woman (a 10, trust me) for the past year and I can relate with what you are going through.
I am 26 and I fell deeply in love/obsession/lust with her the moment I laid eyes on her a year and a half ago, much like you did when you saw your OW's brown skin glistening in the sunlight......

Heh, heh, heh!

I call this the "Brown Sugar Syndrome." Beautiful women of color can leave you utterly bedazzled sometimes --- and devoid of all rational thought.

Dave, I hope both you and Chad get things sorted out okay in the long run.

My personal philosophy as a single dude was to avoid non-self-sufficient women. At the slightest hint of "gold-digging," I'd say RUN --- do not walk --- RUN for the nearest exit.

Also, I place a premium on IQ/smarts. If she ain't got it, all that loveliness is of questionable value.

:)

Good luck, guys!

She'd say it's her kids that she needs to focus on. She does have a ton on her plate right now, true, but then again so I do because I'VE choosen to take it upon myself to help.

If that had been the case she would have steared clear from you in the first place. Andmy personal opinion is that kids can only profit if their mom is in a healthy relationship and to me you seam like the kind of guy that can give that and would have given her that if she had let you.

I'm a recovering fool & even I knew to get out my umbrella just to READ this! GET OUT... ALL THE WAY OUT... NOWWWWWWW!
I know that I should not even take this word in my mouth but I have no better: AMEN!!!

Been there, done that and will NEVER do it again!!!

Please Chad, get OUT!!! Find yourself a nice woman and give her of yourself and let her give the same back to you!!!
I thought that I had learned this many years ago, and that I was done thinking that I had too "pay" in order to be loved... I never felt love so I started to pay a little more (I'm not talking about money) and ended giving away my soul. I got out from that relationship, and I thought that I was so much smarter, but what happened was that I found myself in a new relationship, doing exactly the same thing, only this time I recoqnized it before it "killed" me and I got out.... after that one I had a few flings before I met my husband to be... and he is the only one on this planet that knows everything about my past and he saw this clearer than what I did and he really opened my eyes... and he told me... stop doing this... let me take care of you and love you...just be you, and don't try to "pay" me... I wont take it... I'm yours because I love you and because you love me and I want to be there WITH you for the rest of my life because of that and not what you can "give" me.

It's nice to know you place a high premium on intelligence, Harrison. It seems the word "obsession" in the title of the thread is quite appropriate for some of these young men. What they believe is love is really just infatuation and obsession. It's obvious when they allow themselves to be treated so badly. Either that or they have no sense and no self-esteem. Poor fellows! Blinded by beauty......it's quite pitiful really. It sounds like the women they're involved with are also void of self-esteem.....using one man for financial purposes, and another to feed her ego and tell her how wonderful, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, and desirable she is. All around major dysfunction.....

high Five To Trish. You Said It So Well ;)

It's so good to see you guys here too....I was afraid Chad would think we were just jealous!! LOL.....but really a man to man chat is good.....Dave I'm sorry you had to go to jail to realize what was going on ....... but experience - good and bad - is the best teacher. Good luck guys!

Thanks again to all for the great support. It really does help to hear what others think that have ACTUAL experience in this field of topic. Plus the whole anonymous aspect makes it strangely comforting!

Dave, you're a cool brother. I've seen you respond to my posts before and you're always right on target, we've been thru similar circumstances.

To those who say that being in love with a woman in whom you also find to be attractive is "pitiful" you should have a better understanding. We all find our partners attractive I assume, there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it just takes time to realize that the physical beauty is sometimes accompanied by other no so attractive attributes.

Good luck to all!!!

Chad in LA

Chad, I am sorry that you are in a bit deeper than I was, as far as finances and kids are concerned. But like everyone is saying the sooner you sever things with her the better off you will be. At least talking about it and explaining your part of the deal will make her respect you more as a man.

I kind of took offense to the "pitiful" comment as well, by- as usual- Trish. There is nothing wrong with learning life's lessons and healing and moving on and never putting yourself through that again.
But to be called "pitiful" is out of line, as everyone has to learn the right way to function in a relationship, somehow. For me, my whole life I have unfortunately learned things the hard way- but I still learn.
So Chad disregard the negativity of some posters and let's be grateful that we have the capacity to love and do great things for the women we love. Even if the love we felt wasn't reciprocated or was actually obsession, that doesn't make us any less than the next man who's in a healthy relationship.
Pitiful? I don't think so. Loving? Misdirected loving? Love that wasn't reciprocated on the same level? Yes.
Nothing wrong with that!

It will be all good in the end Chad! You're in L.A.!!


Dave

Trish said its pitiful to be blinded by beauty to the extent that youre totally compromising yourself and allowing yourself to be trampled again, and again, and again.

Trish did NOT say that Chad was pitiful (or even YOU Dave), nor did she say being attracted to a woman you are in love with is pitiful. :confused:

Trish is a very kind, compassionate woman who I consider a good friend. Personally my take is she was reacting to what I took for the tone of your first post to Chad----all the "yeah dude, high-five" type commentary about these hot women being drop dead gorgeous and perfect 10s. What the hell does that have to do with it??
At some point a pretty package becomes worthless if you open it up and find nothing but blackness. It IS pitiful to have to keep learning THAT particular lesson ad-nauseum IMO.

We've all been blinded by something that seemed so wonderful and in the end been wrong about things; I've been there and dont wish that on anyone. We are ALL suckers for love right? But you get that willpower going, keep your head up and move on.

I think the OP is doing alright here. Chad, you deserve the whole package hon and someday you'll get it.
Time to cut that cord :)

Trish said its pitiful to be blinded by beauty to the extent that youre totally compromising yourself and allowing yourself to be trampled again, and again, and again.

Trish did NOT say that Chad was pitiful (or even YOU Dave), nor did she say being attracted to a woman you are in love with is pitiful. :confused:

Trish is a very kind, compassionate woman who I consider a good friend. Personally my take is she was reacting to what I took for the tone of your first post to Chad----all the "yeah dude, high-five" type commentary about these hot women being drop dead gorgeous and perfect 10s. What the hell does that have to do with it??
At some point a pretty package becomes worthless if you open it up and find nothing but blackness. It IS pitiful to have to keep learning THAT particular lesson ad-nauseum IMO.

We've all been blinded by something that seemed so wonderful and in the end been wrong about things; I've been there and dont wish that on anyone. We are ALL suckers for love right? But you get that willpower going, keep your head up and move on.

I think the OP is doing alright here. Chad, you deserve the whole package hon and someday you'll get it.
Time to cut that cord :)

Glowy.. couldn't have said it better myself!

With all due respect to your thread Chad, and wanting to stay on topic, I totally agree with Ravenglow's take and I never said Trish was calling us out and labeling us as "pitiful men". But, just the fact that she chooses to use that word is what gets me.
Totally unnecessary and unconstructive.
I could sit here and critique EVERYBODY'S situations on this whole website as "pitiful". That's why they're all here! Their situation has become puzzling or unmanageable and maybe they have lost respect for themselves and made bad decisions- and they need help!!
But for someone to come on a thread and just chime in that the way certain people are acting is "pitiful" is TOTALLY out of line. Keep it to yourself if you have nothing constructive and helpful to say.
Ask Whiterose, sometimes people don't get things for 6 years. 6 YEARS!!
She pined for a man that long and lost 6 years in the prime of her life to a man who wasn't the one for her, and would I dare say that during that time Whiterose acted "quite pitifully"? No, I would say she was very confused and entwined in an unhealthy relationship with herself and her spouse. And I would offer suggestions and I would support her and help her pass that difficult stage in her life, having faith that she would eventually pull it together. And if she didn't get it together in a few months I wouldn't write her off as a lost cause. That is just wrong and that doesn't sound like someone I would want to be friends with.
Trish I know you might mean well but you are out of line-once again.
And now to call me a lost cause? You don't even know my situation! Maybe, just maybe, I have overcome a lot in the last two months and maybe I am respecting myself again and not letting Alicia control my happiness anymore! And maybe I have accepted that there are women just as attractive as her out there but minus all the head/heartaches and a whole lot prettier on the inside.
Yes I still see her at the gym occasionally, and we talk as friends and flirt a little bit. But thats it and I am cool with that. It took me a long time to get to that point. So now that you know the situation I would appreciate it if you could please eat those words.

Like I said Chad, I know what you're going through and I know that LIKE ME, you will pull yourself through and overcome this painful situation. Whether it takes you sooner or longer, you will eventually get it, learn from it, and move on. Promise.

Dave

Dave 26 "quite pitifull"

Daves......you jus dont ....."Get It"....do you......!!!

Oh, well, 50 million threads later........kind of explains itself, I guess......;)


And to Chads......You look and seem like 'Such' a nice guy, and Im really sorry that she couldnt return your love......Some things are Just not meant to be, I guess.....I hope it isn't too long before you meet someone, who is more suited to you........:)

Ok y'all. Unless you want to post to help out Chad let's leave the other stuff alone. Everyone seems decent in here and I understand what brother Dave is saying.

I'll meet another soon. I have several possibilities but honestly I just don't want to date anyone else at the moment. I'll get over that soon.

Problem is - is I have her AND her three kids still at my apartment. I won't kick them to the streets. When her child support kicks in in a month or two I imagine that I'll be living single once again.

In the mean time it's online blackjack and earplugs to keep this guy busy!!!

Chad :D

Tink, no, YOU jus don't "Get it"......

I DO "GET IT", that's the irony to this whole situation!!
Just like Chad will eventually rid himself of this situation and get over this woman, I have already gotten to that point with Alicia and it feels good. Looking back I can see how unhealthy and lopsided the relationship had come. But it's hard to see when you're stuck inside your bubble....

....Now that I am out and I "get it", I have patience, faith and understanding that the next person (Chad) stuck in a similar situation will get themselves out as well. Now, will I get impatient and label the way they're acting with an insult? Heck no, but I will do everything in my power (whether it's question-based analysis, metaphors and parallelisms or a simple suggestion to read the book "Siddhartha, which is loosely based on the life of Buddha and a book I recommend to any man seeking their path in life) to show and get across to that person that they need to change their whole mindset and behavior. And I will understand that having patience with people is very important and admirable.
Einstein had a quote that I read right after my breakup that actually started changing my outlook a bit. It went like this: "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
So I took that to heart and really focused on changing my mental approach to the whole situation. And today I am in a much better place with myself and her.

Looking back at this site, I know that for every one person that grew impatient with me and started hurling insults because I wasn't changing my mindset quickly enough for them, there were 2 people who would PM me WHO HAD BEEN THROUGH WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH and knew to be patient and supportive, that things like this sometimes just don't become clear after 5 or six months. In some cases they take years and it's sad that some people fail to realize this fact.

And you women know who you are!!

That's it, I'm done; sorry Chad, I did not want to talk about me in your thread, but I felt the situation warranted that response.

quoting Chad

"Problem is - is I have her AND her three kids still at my apartment. I won't kick them to the streets. When her child support kicks in in a month or two I imagine that I'll be living single once again." unquote

Chad, set a date NOW for her to be out or it may never happen. The kids lived with their dad before and they can live there again...he will not let them live on the street.....You may find yourself on the street.