Need some help with this...

I have heard some women said that they are afraid or become worrisome when they felt or perceived as that, they are become the sole family of their man.
Some comments I’ve heard such as, I don’t want to be his entire family because that is scary, or I don’t want to be his only family because that is dangerous.
And I'm wondering why some women are feeling that way and what is the reason(s) behind that.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

I'm sorry seascent....but this post doesn't make a lick of sense to me... I may just be tired, but can you explain a little more about your question?

I have heard some women said that they are afraid or become worrisome when they felt or perceived as that, they are become the sole family of their man.
Some comments I’ve heard such as, I don’t want to be his entire family because that is scary, or I don’t want to be his only family because that is dangerous.
And I'm wondering why some women are feeling that way and what is the reason(s) behind that.

Any thoughts?

Thanks

Yeah.....Scents......Im not Sure what you mean here.......Either!!!

Dy mean, if the youngster doesn't have any other family, ......or something...?

I think she means that a woman might worry if the guy gives up all his family and friends, etc, to be able to be with her, and whether it is healthy for the guy to do that and not have the support of family and friends and stuff. I don't know if that makes it any clearer, but I think I know what she means!!!!

In fact, one day, to be with my g/f, I will have to leave my family and friends behind, leave this country and go to live with her. That IS going to be difficult, because what do I have over there apart from my g/f? What if that goes wrong, who do I have then? (it won't, but I think this is where the OP is coming from).

Yes, Rob, I think that is what the OP is saying too. That it may not be healthy for either party involved.

Seascent, I personally see that point of view as an excuse. Some people just don't have much family, either YM or OW. Other people have family that aren't on the best terms with them, regardless of an age gap relationship or not.

Phil is an only child and chooses to keep his distance from his folks. He'd do that whether he was in a relationship with me or some other woman closer in age to him. It DOES feel a little scary at times to be "everything" to him. Unlike other women on here who aren't sure how their YM feels about them, he consistently tells me that I am his world and I mean everything to him. But in all fairness, I've had so many difficult moments with my family, my mom and my girls, that there's many a day he holds me tight and tells me we'll make it through all that difficulty somehow together. It's at times like that that he feels like everything to me, too.

I think she means that a woman might worry if the guy gives up all his family and friends, etc, to be able to be with her, and whether it is healthy for the guy to do that and not have the support of family and friends and stuff. I don't know if that makes it any clearer, but I think I know what she means!!!!

In fact, one day, to be with my g/f, I will have to leave my family and friends behind, leave this country and go to live with her. That IS going to be difficult, because what do I have over there apart from my g/f? What if that goes wrong, who do I have then? (it won't, but I think this is where the OP is coming from).

>>>> Yes, Rob, I think that is what the OP is saying too. That it may not be healthy for either party involved.

Seascent, I personally see that point of view as an excuse. Some people just don't have much family, either YM or OW. Other people have family that aren't on the best terms with them, regardless of an age gap relationship or not.

Phil is an only child and chooses to keep his distance from his folks. He'd do that whether he was in a relationship with me or some other woman closer in age to him. It DOES feel a little scary at times to be "everything" to him. Unlike other women on here who aren't sure how their YM feels about them, he consistently tells me that I am his world and I mean everything to him. But in all fairness, I've had so many difficult moments with my family, my mom and my girls, that there's many a day he holds me tight and tells me we'll make it through all that difficulty somehow together. It's at times like that that he feels like everything to me, too.<<<<

Thanks guys. I'm sorry about my question for not elaborated it enough.
Yes, Rob and Bubbleee are on the point of my question where each have similar circumstances.

Because I've heard some women expressed their feelings about worrying that she mingt be his only family, and I wondered why. I thought about that and asked myself; is it because he is not her top priority or he's not that important in her life? and that's just an excuse?
Because from my point of view as a guy (oh, by the way I'm a guy Rob), if I marry her, she would be my first priority because she would be my immediate family.

I'd look around on a few couples in regarding to this issue and what I've found is interesting, and of course, this doesn't speak for the mass.
I've found that for couple who have been together for years and still very attached or in love I guess, to each other. They are almost always together in most of their activities. Where as, other couple where the woman insisted that her partner should wider their/his social network and subsequently their lifestyle, eventually their relationship were falling apart.

That's why I wondered when woman insisted her partner to space out because she's not really love this guy and searching for a wider social circle for new opportunities or whatever?
Because the other couples that have been together for years, everytime one of them are apart just for a short period, they got upset for not being together.

Rob, I think you will be ok. I belief as long as you both love each other and keeping that bond, you wouldn't miss a thing. You can always makes new friends.

seascent

Because the other couples that have been together for years, everytime one of them are apart just for a short period, they got upset for not being together.

That doesn't mean they don't have a network of their own friends to bounce off from or vent to. Remember you're just looking at that from the outside looking in, you have no idea what kind of friends they had before marriage/hookup or what they've made since. No man is an island.

Now do i want my guy to make me his main focus of total happiness, heck no. He should have his own friends and his own activities and most of all his own identity. I love men who are strong in their own skin, its not that they don't need me or I them but have an authentic self made up of kindness, intelligence and service to others.

I also I'm not so selfish as to think that I should be his catch all...we all must die at some point and I would want him to have family and friends to support him and comfort him and he can't do that if he's sticking to me like sin, he needs his own growth on his own and accountablity is his own. I would hope that after an x amount of time with him, when he goes, yes I will miss him terribly, that is the way of people who have love eternally, will I get upset...nah, I understand this great mega plan of God for us, His children and am secure in what the bigger pic is.

On the other hand, if he doesn't understand and gets upset, that would scare me as I wonder how much of me I didn't prepare him to love and learn anything in that love so he might use it for comfort in any event and/or to pass it on to another (if there's another). And what will happen if he becomes obessess, will he kill me because he hasn't learn his identity is his and his alone, that I am a blessing for a season.

No, I don't need to have to stick to a guy like glue, but when he's with me, yes, he is who I focus on and love unconditionally and want to have this great big love story with, but even i know we're both responsibile for creating such a story.

Paris

Firstly, I just assumed you were female because most of the people on here are! Sorry about that.

Because I've heard some women expressed their feelings about worrying that she mingt be his only family, and I wondered why. I thought about that and asked myself; is it because he is not her top priority or he's not that important in her life? and that's just an excuse?

I'd look around on a few couples in regarding to this issue and what I've found is interesting, and of course, this doesn't speak for the mass.
I've found that for couple who have been together for years and still very attached or in love I guess, to each other. They are almost always together in most of their activities. Where as, other couple where the woman insisted that her partner should wider their/his social network and subsequently their lifestyle, eventually their relationship were falling apart.



I think I kind of half agree with what you're saying because, firstly, the more you have in common, the more time you will be able to spend together doing things you both enjoy. If that's the case, I could imagine that you would get on and understand each other very well.

But... if either of you wanted the other to make friends, I don't think it necessarily means that you aren't the others priority. For example, when I go over to the US, some time in the future, I'm going to want to watch and play football (Soccer if you're american!). I wouldn't expect my g/f to tag along with me everytime I want to watch it on tv, so it's something I'm likely to do separate to her, and rather than do that on my own it'd be nice to have friends to do it with. Plus, as irparis mentioned, eventually you'll need someone to talk to. Imagine if you had a little bit of a falling out, and had no-one to get it off your chest with. That'd suck.

That doesn't mean they don't have a network of their own friends to bounce off from or vent to. Remember you're just looking at that from the outside looking in, you have no idea what kind of friends they had before marriage/hookup or what they've made since. No man is an island.

Now do i want my guy to make me his main focus of total happiness, heck no. He should have his own friends and his own activities and most of all his own identity. I love men who are strong in their own skin, its not that they don't need me or I them but have an authentic self made up of kindness, intelligence and service to others.

I also I'm not so selfish as to think that I should be his catch all...we all must die at some point and I would want him to have family and friends to support him and comfort him and he can't do that if he's sticking to me like sin, he needs his own growth on his own and accountablity is his own. I would hope that after an x amount of time with him, when he goes, yes I will miss him terribly, that is the way of people who have love eternally, will I get upset...nah, I understand this great mega plan of God for us, His children and am secure in what the bigger pic is.

On the other hand, if he doesn't understand and gets upset, that would scare me as I wonder how much of me I didn't prepare him to love and learn anything in that love so he might use it for comfort in any event and/or to pass it on to another (if there's another). And what will happen if he becomes obessess, will he kill me because he hasn't learn his identity is his and his alone, that I am a blessing for a season.

No, I don't need to have to stick to a guy like glue, but when he's with me, yes, he is who I focus on and love unconditionally and want to have this great big love story with, but even i know we're both responsibile for creating such a story.

Paris


In regarding to the couples in quote, they do have a few friends who they vent to beside their family members, and that including me.

I agree with you and how you feel about it. So, basically in your views that the reason you wanted him to have his own identities and activities...etc. is because that you feel it would be selfishness if you would not, and that you're prefer men who are authentic in his own skin.
Also, an interesting point is that if your man goes, yes you'll miss him terribly, but no, you will not upset about it...that is a very interesting and I'll bet it required a different and a strong perception about life.

I think the movie "Shall We Dance" in somewhat related to this issue.

Thanks irparis for sharing you thoughts.

Hi seascent! I have never encountered this problem, but if I were in love with someone and they didn't have any family...then my family would become their family! :)

Firstly, I just assumed you were female because most of the people on here are! Sorry about that.



I think I kind of half agree with what you're saying because, firstly, the more you have in common, the more time you will be able to spend together doing things you both enjoy. If that's the case, I could imagine that you would get on and understand each other very well.

But... if either of you wanted the other to make friends, I don't think it necessarily means that you aren't the others priority. For example, when I go over to the US, some time in the future, I'm going to want to watch and play football (Soccer if you're american!). I wouldn't expect my g/f to tag along with me everytime I want to watch it on tv, so it's something I'm likely to do separate to her, and rather than do that on my own it'd be nice to have friends to do it with. Plus, as irparis mentioned, eventually you'll need someone to talk to. Imagine if you had a little bit of a falling out, and had no-one to get it off your chest with. That'd suck.


I couldn't agree with you more on the issue that you should have your own activities and friends. And If both have in common in interests/hobbies, then they can spend more time together doing things that they're both enjoy, no doubt.

I just have some hypothetical questions and wanted to know why some women feel that way and other's not.

Thanks for sharing you thoughts.

Hi seascent! I have never encountered this problem, but if I were in love with someone and they didn't have any family...then my family would become their family! :)

Hi Annie! nice picture.
That's very nice of you. I guess that it's depends on each individuals of how she feel.
For some women that's not an issue but for other it might not. That's why I wondered what's the reason for some to express that concern about their guy.

Thanks for sharing you thoughts!