Saying things that might hurt someone

Do you at times, on certain boards, begin to feel as if you "know" someone? Of course, you really don't, but you read their stories, listen to their heart aches, their happy times, etc, and you begin to feel like you know them.

Then while reading certain posts of theirs, something doesn't seem right .......and you just want to say that, but you don't because you don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad ...............but your insides are screaming to say "open your eyes" ......

I don't know ...........when you feel this way ..........do you a - say something, knowing it MIGHT hurt their feelings and you honestly don't want to hurt them, or b - say nothing and act as if you're happy for them?

I think it's much more constructive to be honest, therefore I am. Too honest for some folks because I don't sugar coat things and send people away with a hug...

Do you at times, on certain boards, begin to feel as if you "know" someone? Of course, you really don't, but you read their stories, listen to their heart aches, their happy times, etc, and you begin to feel like you know them.

Then while reading certain posts of theirs, something doesn't seem right .......and you just want to say that, but you don't because you don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad ...............but your insides are screaming to say "open your eyes" ......

I don't know ...........when you feel this way ..........do you a - say something, knowing it MIGHT hurt their feelings and you honestly don't want to hurt them, or b - say nothing and act as if you're happy for them?

I am a firm believer in offering advice only when it is asked for, especially on a message board where there is no way you can possibly know everything there is to know about another individual's personal situation.

What I do think is appropriate is to say to that person privately, "I care about you and hope everything is alright. And I am here for you if you need a friend."

It can also depend on the individual as well, their sensitivity level.
For me, the reason that I posted is because I wanted advices, comments, what other people think and supportive. So, sincere advices, comments, thoughts or privates are all welcome here.

I agree...however the way I see it their is a "good way" and a "not so good" way to pose/say things without hurting other peoples feelings, a tactful way of expressing your thoughst and a downright "mean" way of expressing them.

I agree..I don't sugar coat things either, and that's ok...I guess I was always taught that the best way to approach someone or treat a person is how you yourself would like to be treated (unless you're being openly attacked..then I was going to say attack back...but in this forum ummm report it to a mod, let them handle it)...if you see someone who isn't even aware that they are under attack (or being made out as a laughing stock) what should you do?? I dunno..in these cases, personally, I try to defend...it's inside my soul...to automatically fight back...make an injustice "just"....but do we really ever...often we are misunderstood and belittled for the very things we stand up for .....time and time again....and all in the name of ...what....the need to be right? jealousy? evny? unhappiness? getting even? revenge?

Who knows...the problem with online...is that no one ever really knows you as you really are irl...I don't know how to fix everything..but I DO know...that many people are misunderstood online (and irl as well for that matter)...because they are different...and the very people who preach about not being judgmental ...turn around and end up themselves in the judgement seat. I don't think I'll ever understand certain things in life...I'm starting to accept this... so I'm gonna try to now accept it and move on. An added note on respect (i.e. as in EDIT) Yes, respect is very important...however, to get respect, you have to give it...some people need to learn this concept. :(

Many of the people who post here seem in genuine need of support, reassurance, and respectful comment on what they are enduring or enjoying. It's all a matter of spirit. If you phrase your "criticism" or comment in a way that shows you respect the person, they won't take offense -- or if he or she does, that says more about them than you. If you have come to care about someone who is posting, it seems natural to offer them your thoughts as you would a close friend -- which means respectfully and honestly.

I think if someone comes on here to state a problem, they are looking for honest answers. They may not agree with you and you may not know all the facts, but I don't think any one would be offended over a polite honest answer, even if it seems harsh. Sometimes the truth hurts.

I would just PM the person and ASK if you can make an observation because you care and are concerned. Then they have the choice of taking what you say or not, and it doesn't have public repercussions.

And put a smile in there somewhere. :)

...oh yeah, whiterose already said that. :)

I am a firm believer in offering advice only when it is asked for, especially on a message board where there is no way you can possibly know everything there is to know about another individual's personal situation.

What I do think is appropriate is to say to that person privately, "I care about you and hope everything is alright. And I am here for you if you need a friend."
Words of wisdom. Probably words I should think about :) Thank you.

Thanks. I have decided NOT to say anything at this point. Advice was NOT asked for, it's just so obvious in reading the "events" that something is not right, but I am keeping quiet on it, as I do not feel my comment would be welcomed, and I do not WISH to hurt this person.

I would just PM the person and ASK if you can make an observation because you care and are concerned. Then they have the choice of taking what you say or not, and it doesn't have public repercussions.

And put a smile in there somewhere. :)

...oh yeah, whiterose already said that. :)

I was just going to say the same thing. This actually happened to me a week or so ago when someone thought I might be offended by a comment she made. I was so touched by her consideration I wanted to reach out and hug her. It makes all the difference.

Btw, I wasn't the least offended by any comment she'd made. But I am glad she pm'ed me. :)

Me too! The Private Message (PM) is so powerful! I have been very touched when someone approached me in a PM to work out a problem - it made me feel terrific, like she really cared about me and my feelings.

If I can't think of a nice way to say something, I always wait a few days. Someone else almost always says what I was thinking and sometimes they say it in a very nice way that impresses the heck out of me! If not, then I'll PM the person.

On the other hand, I have seen some posts that I thought were just AWFUL and made me say, "I can't believe he/she said that!!!!" and, MUCH to my surprise, the person who started the thread came back and said, "Thank you, I needed that."