Need Help Fast!!!!!!!!Someone Please

Ok heres the deal with me. first off im 22 yrs old the woman i have been seeing for the past 6 months or so is 35 and i absolutely love her in every possibly way. Shes always had some what of a problem with our age gap but now she is saying that we want different things out of life and that because of this we cant be together like in a relationship. I have no idea what to do i cant eat cant sleep and its driving me crazy not to have her. And the thing is we get along great and we love each other more than anything. I need advice/help on what to do i understand that since she is older she is going to see things different and have different view points but i mean if your happy together and enjoy one another shouldnt that be enough. I dont want anything different than she does-I just dont know what to do and im going absolutely insane worrying about this. I love this girl and want to be with her and do whatever it is i need to do to make things the right way!! PLEASE HELP!!

Kyle

she is saying that we want different things out of life Did she say what the 'different things' are? :confused:

Yeah like that i want kids and i still have alot of things that i havent done and she has. I have always said that if it is meant for me to have a child then so be it if not then it just isnt meant to be. Otherwise we have the likes and interests its just now im confused and have no idea what to do at all. Its like its mixed feelings or something. If we are both happy then what is the problem here??

Could you refer her to this site? So maybe she can see for herself that there ARE other people out there with the same age gap making it WORK? (*ahem* Club 13. LOL)

Does she already have kids? Can she not have more? Or does she NOT want them? The kid issue can definitely be a BIG thing in some peoples minds...

~phos

No she already has a son that is 14 just started high school. I get along excellent with her son and we can all do things but i thing that since im 22 and shes 35 and her son is 14 she thinks that is weird and people always tease her(co-workers)saying that i am a baby and all. But its only a 13yr age difference and i treat her like no other and would do anything for her. I just dont get it have we hit a hard spot and just need some time or what??

You can't MAKE someone be with you. They have to want to.

*shrug*

Litical is 13 years younger than me and I'm so NOT embarassed by him, his youth or anything and could care LESS what other people say about us. At least now... ;)

There are other options to having kids... like adoption or fostering children. At 35, she's YOUNG, too. Drives me nuts when people in their 30s act like their OLD. :rolleyes: GADS!

Know the serenity prayer? It's a good one... god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference...

You can't change your age... you can't change her decision... you just gotta be you and let her be her and if its meant to be, it will be.

Sorry.
~phos

You know, I'm really starting to wonder if there isn't something to the Club 13 thing.


I myself have the baby issue, which freaked me out for a long time in my relationship, but my children are still very young so, my YM could technically be their father. It's hard and it isn't like I wouldn't have a child with him, but I made a mistake and closed down the baby factory after my second child was born. But you know what, there is a great place at UNC that is having tremendous success with tubal reversals.....if that's the reason she can't have anymore.....and if my YM and I get to that point, I'll be more than happy to have that reversal surgery. If this is the issue, let me know and I'll give you some more information.

Make sure that she knows that even if you want a child then you are open to adoption and would love to share that experience with her. And yes, invite her here. I'm sure she needs some reassurance from others and we'll give it to her.

Proud Member of Club 13 :)

I totally understand where she is coming from Kyle. My SO is 16 yrs younger and we have faced this before.

A few thoughts that come to mind:
1. Maybe she thinks you do want children and doesn't want to hold you back. If she did the resentement could be horrible.

2. Its easy to feel like you want different things in life when she is dealing with a whole different set of issues and problems than you are.

3. Another issue for us is that while I was working and be the responsible one he was going out and having fun...thus two different places in life.

What helped us was that he made the effort to put my fears to rest.
The children thing, we discussed all the options and know we may still adopt.

The different issues and problems are now not just mine but he shares in them all with me, as in discussing them and coming to solutions as a couple.

He also stopped going out all the time on when I couldn't and we try to go out together more .

I hope this helps you in some way.

Good luck!

Well for one i dont go out with my friends that often she will occasionally go out with her friends and then we do go out together every once and a while. I dont think the issue is having kids but more less she is thinking that i want different things in life or that because she is at a certain point and im not she is thinking that we have no future. The thing is she makes more than happy i make her the same but becasue of our age differences she is thinking we cant possibly have a future cause she is at this point and i am not. Is this considered a problem can it be worked through and have solutions. I want to make this work and thats it. Its not that she doesnt want to be with me or doesnt like me.

Tell her to come here.

Seriously. You CAN delete this WHOLE thread, too, if you want. Give her the webaddress and ask her to come check it out.

Club 13 is a GOOD club to be in. ;) I know I might not have gotten past the age difference if I hadn't found this place... and now that I'm PAST it in my own head, all I can say is WTH was wrong with me??? I could have missed out on the BEST THING that ever happened to me! Okay, the third best thing, since I have two wonderful kids. :D LOL.

Come on, send her here...
~phos

I will and im going too i just hope it helps out because she is the BEST thing that has ever happend to me period!! All i can say is that im the lucky one here i just want everything to work out between us. im not asking her to marry me or anything but sure i would love to spend the rest of my life with her without a question!! I just dont think she ever wants to be married again which is fine by me we can still have what we have and not be married. i think this is all still some what of a new thing for her(as it is me to)and i think sometimes what people say and do just pushes things over the edge and makes her think about it to much.

Great Idea Phos....
I never realized there were so many OW/YM relationships out there till I came here. The ladies here are amazing and all knowing about dealing with you YM.

Kyle~I'm glad to hear you are so interested in making this work. I think she really needs to understand the depth of your commitment to her and the relationship you share.

You sound like a good guy. If she really cares for you, she may feel she's being selfish in keeping you from the things you want like kids and other things on your list she's already done. I know for a fact this can be an issue because it happened to me. I was willing to let a YM I felt very strong about move out of state for post-graduate work because I knew it was best for him (he ended up not moving). It didn't mean I didn't care for him, the reverse...I cared for him enough to let him go. What you need to do is to tell her how much you love her and that you're incomplete without her and the other things (like kids) don't matter (if that's how you truly feel). All you can do is to profess your love and let her make the decision for herself...it can't be forced. Good luck...pulling for you.

K

Thanks guys and yeah i feel empty and like something is missing without her. I will keep posted.

YES!! Tell her to come here! I'm 37 and my love is 24 - we're Club 13 charter members!! (OK, I want that in my siggy!) :D

But - you do need to decide if you want kids or not. If she says she's done, don't expect her to change her mind later. Don't continue this unless you both have agreed on the kid thing.

Ive already agreed on the child situation. She has an awesome son that works great for me. Plus i told her if its meant to be fine if not thats fine as well-i just dont want her to think she is holding me back because if i didnt want this or want her i would of already moved on. Obviously i want her!!

Hey Kristin, you need to pass out that keychain!!! :D Sdoah, me, goldie ~ right off the top of my head now. SHARE CLUBBIE!!! LOL!
~phos

Also just another thing to add here is that she has a physcho ex that will not leave her alone and threatens me and her both. I think this also plays a huge factor in what is going on with her and I at this point. She can't be happy nor will she happy with a realtionship until this guy is completely out of her life and leaves her alone. I wont go in detail about the things that he does but lets just say there things normal people would not do and he does them repetive to the point where she has to somewhat talk with him just so he doesnt do worse things. This is also something that has been bottled up inside me for so long(the stuff with her ex)and im not sure if we should even try to be together until he is out of the picture totally. What do you guys think about this? Any input??

Two words...

Restraining Order?

~phos

Yeah but the thing is this has been going on for a while now and nothing has been done. Its finally got to the point where it is so bad i think she will do the right thing and press charges on him and keep him away. She also worries about me(like him doing stuff etc)which im not worried about him im worried about her and her well being more then me. Do you think this could play a factor in her not wanting to be in a relationship right now with all this crap going on?

Ummm.. yeah. I would want to resolve my own issues with the closing relationship before beginning a new one.

Back off and be patient, best advice I can give.
~phos

Advise that is well taken too. I think this should be done as well because we are not going to able to enjoy one another or anyhting or be ourselves with this physcho dude always causing problem after problem. Thanks for the advise as i will be putting it to use. I appreciate the help so far guys. Thanks!!

I'm usually on the yw/OM side, but came across this thread. Kyle83 (btw is that your birth year? mine too), I relate to you soooo much. The only difference is that my OM has already broken up with me because he was convinced that the age gap was too much and that we wanted different things. I do not agree and am not too happy that he thinks what I want will change. He is about to retire and will be moving. I am interested in moving too since I've always lived in the same place for much of my life. For me, I think we want the same things in life--to find some nice place to settle down in that has a warm climate and is not too expensive in terms of cost of living. He thinks I need to find someone my age, get married, have kids...blah. None of that interests me. No one turns me on anymore except him. I would much rather be his forever friend than to never be able to see or hear from him again.

wow!! here is an example of an archived post, i guess...from 2005?!? the fact that in 2008 someone replied to a 2005 post may be another good reason why threads shouldn't be forever archived or are deleted beyond a certain time (as discussed on Mentallly21's post about deleted threads...)

wow!! here is an example of an archived post, i guess...from 2005?!? the fact that in 2008 someone replied to a 2005 post may be another good reason why threads shouldn't be forever archived or are deleted beyond a certain time (as discussed on Mentallly21's post about deleted threads...)

I agree that your posts shouldn't be forever archived but leave other people’s posts alone, I enjoy reading them.