honeybee
08-16-2005, 06:17 PM
Hi, I'm a new member. Just before my 51st BD I met a younger man. I wasn't looking for someone 18 years younger. He pursued me. At first I thought that it was a novelty, especially while going through an ugly divorce. I had been married for 24 years. THen when I let my guard down, he pulled back and decided he wanted to keep our relationship on the friendship level. This is after the physical intimacy happened. I just figured I wouldn't hear from him again, but he has kept in contact with me for the last two years. He was also ending marriage, a short one of 18 months. Anyway, We have become very close friends, lots of emotionally intimacy but the physical stopped. He met someone his own age who he is dating. Whenever I mention that we should end contact, he becomes upset and says that he needs our friendship. I have deep feelings for him and don't want to hurt or abandon him, but the friendship is distracting me from keeping my mind open to other men who may be potential partners. I have explained this to him. Sometimes I think that this OW/YM thing is a nurturing issue. I would have liked our relationship to become more but he chose against that. It's like he won't let go and won't stay. To me, he's a very special man, but his ambivalence is holding me back.
Is this standard in these generationally gapped frienships ? In many ways this man is very mature, very sensitive, passionate, but I feel that he uses his youth as a power chip in the relationship. One other interesting factor is that he is very attracted to full-figured woman, which I am, not fat but curvy and well-padded. I can pass for ten years younger than I am. Then my other concern is: aren't these men embarrassed to be seen with a woman who is much older. I am told that I'm very attractive. But I feel vulnerable and insecure knowing that I couldn't compete with a woman his age. He told me that his current girlfriend reminds him of me. It's like he found a younger version of me.
This is really screwed up, isn't it ? Here I am 52 years and find a 34 year old fascinating.
Is this standard in these generationally gapped frienships ? In many ways this man is very mature, very sensitive, passionate, but I feel that he uses his youth as a power chip in the relationship. One other interesting factor is that he is very attracted to full-figured woman, which I am, not fat but curvy and well-padded. I can pass for ten years younger than I am. Then my other concern is: aren't these men embarrassed to be seen with a woman who is much older. I am told that I'm very attractive. But I feel vulnerable and insecure knowing that I couldn't compete with a woman his age. He told me that his current girlfriend reminds him of me. It's like he found a younger version of me.
This is really screwed up, isn't it ? Here I am 52 years and find a 34 year old fascinating.