Day 2...the pain is overwhelming

Well it's day 2 of the rest of my life. I slept ok last night, I think that is because I took some tylenol PM. My therapist said lay off the alcohol (I have a temptation to drink when I want to drown my sorrows), so that is exactly what I am doing...I didn't drink a drop last night. But that means I have to feel all this pain...God this is tough...I am all alone, live alone...I have no one to go to. Does anyone have any coping strategies I might find useful?

No one to go to? No one to whom you can say "Listen I just went through a breakup I don't want to talk about yet, but need hangout to take my mind off it" ?
There's a coping strategy, go somewhere and do something!

I'm not lying...I live alone...all my friends are scattered at least 2 hours away...that is what is making this so difficult.

Crawl into a fetal position and just cry your eyes out for however long it takes.

Crying is good for the soul and our bodies. And I think that’s very productive - you need to acknowledge your tears and your sadness and see them as a valid reaction to things that are going on in your life and not to be upset by the fact that you’re crying.

I think it allows you to move on in some sense during the day that you have a cry and then somehow you have a better ability to move on to the next thing that you have to do to pull yourself together a bit. And I think that crying is probably really good for you because it means that you’re forced to be in the moment and confront your feelings. I think that’s very important to do that with so called negative feelings as well as the positive or happy feelings that you feel.

And when you need friends, remember that we are here for you. We're your champions through this and we will do everything we can to get you through this. All you have to do is asked.

Paris

And...not to be blunt or insensitive, cus I don't mean it that way at all..but after having a good friend get killed last week I've started to end all my whiney sentences with "but..I'm alive"...How's work? "oh work sucks it's really stressing me out I don't know what I'm going to do I need to find a new job I have no money I'm so worried...............................but....I'M ALIVE!!!" And..it's a BEAUTIFUL thing. Embrace life and focus less on the pain, pain is a natural part of life and it's beautiful in it's own sense. Pain is an emotion that we could not feel if we did not have life.

I could have written this myself.... what wonderful, beautiful and honest words, dear Emily.... this is something I learned a long time ago. I remember coming out of surgery and being in so much pain but feeling glad for the pain because at least I didn't die.... I think we have to put things into perspective.

Millions of people are in pain each day, whether their hearts are broken emotionally or physically. As a social worker I see people and hear their stories on a daily basis that let me know I don't have it so bad. I get down and I get depressed.....I feel hurt, sad and all kinds of things. But dang if hearing other people's problems doesn't make me know how fortunate I am.

I just had a client leave my office who within the last year has had cancer, lost both her father and grandfather to cancer, whose mother just told her she has cancer and is dying, whose children both have seizure disorder, who had to have surgery on both her shoulders and elbows, whose brother-in-law was hit by a truck and in a coma in the hospital for three months and is now living with her but is in a terrible depression because of memory loss and whose husband was laid off from his job while she was out on medical leave...... and again, what am I upset about??? :eek:

I am not trying to minimize your pain, I know what it's like to have a broken heart, Fusc.... just want you to know you are not alone. Paris gave excellent advice and Amina, too, about crying..... Cry, cry, cry.... it really does help cleanse your spirit.

(((hugs)))

Damn!! Who is that poor woman! Anyway....all that keeps running through my head is why...why did she do this so cold? We said so many things to each other...spent so many great times together....I really thought she loved me, but now looking back, it always had to be on her terms...and the moment I tried to take some control of the relationship, that was it. You're right..she used me as an escape from her unbareable living situation, and nopw that she needs her family because of her eye condition, I am the odd man out. I don't think she'll go back to her husband, but some of this was precipitated I know because some of her colleagues have seen us together and started to ask questions. She loves her carrer more than anyone in the world..pretty sick huh? As much as I want to hate her, I just can't....there are so many things I want to say to her, but will never get the chance to.

You need your healing time. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time, but I recently was involved with someone online and he ended it abruptly. It's hard to understand how someone can say they like you and want to meet you one minute and then turn around and blow you off, but that's the risk you take when you give your heart.

And life without risk isn't really living. What's helped me is interaction with new people. I'm a member in a couple online dating clubs so there's no shortage of meeting men. I choose to have fun and that's what I'm doing.

I'm sorry you're hurting - but this too will pass.

Sorry for your pain. We all know how it feels. This relationship had purpose though. You need to think about what those qualities were that you loved about her and what were those things that you had to look past. Use these things to help you when you're ready to meet the next woman in your life (and there will be one).

For now, I find the best thing that helps me with the kind of pain you're going through is:

1. Talking to friends and getting it out of my system
2. Sports...particularly cycling in the country. Really helps me think things out

I'm a fatalist and believe things happen for a reason. This wasn't the person you were meant to be with. They're out there somewhere, so take your time to heal and when you feel good about yourself again then you'll be ready to find them... :)

K

I too am going through a horrible break-up. God do I know the pain.

Here's the thing. The truth is, we are hurting less about WHO we lost, and mre about the fact that our ego is bruised. It's tough. Basically, someone is telling you that your BESt wasn't good enough.

These days, I try to keep it simple by giving myself some tough love- ' he's just not that into me'. It is the cold reality. You can't beat someone into giving you what you want or need. It takes two to have a relat. and she's just not there. She jumped the boat. I know it hurts like a mother... but we dont' always get what we want.

I also read alot of articles on the web ( try breakup articles for a search word) adn read posts, they really help. Try to focus on the good things about you, adn say, hey , she just didn't love me enough to accept me with my flaws. Again, it's tough, but it's better than keeping hope, which is what I am stupidly doing. Youare one step ahead of me buddy. And believe me , mine is a hell. When you accept it, all you have to deal with is the pain. I feel like the feeling you get before you throw up- just a feeling of unwellness and confusion and not knowing. At least you have passed that stage, now there's just the healing..

Give yourself 3 months- it's not THAT long when you think about it. I have passed the hurtign stage after 3 months. Take it one day at a time. And let time do it's magic. Time does heal.

I really feel for you...It feels like someone is pulling your arm out doesn't it ?

keep yourself in check, talk to your physician, be proactive in at least one thing daily to eliminate the pain, if this is too much for you talk to your doctor. he or she may recommend an anti depression medication. find a group to join, whether it is a singles group or a spiritual group or even a book group. be proactive, realize that the pain is very real and you need to take care of yourself. this is tough, i went thru a terrible divorce and very nearly died, abused alcohol and drove.... all because i could not deal with the pain and mine lingered for over one year, until i came clean and my doctor told me i was severly depressed....

keep talking, whether on this site or others, spill your guts until there is nothing left to say, pray for the awareness that you learned from this relationship, see your part in its failure and learn from it, think of it as a gift.

pray to forgive, pray to not judge, pray to move on and be a better person yourself from this experience. you are wiser from it, despite the pain.

I would get in my car and drive the two hours just to be with someone/anyone.... but that's just me.

Just wanted to say sorry for the way things worked out... this week I'm visiting the same area where I had my last relationship and just can't seem to shake the memories. And it's been SIX months since I was really with her. So the pain might not go away that quickly for you. Even today, when I think about her, and that I can't be with her, life suddenly seems less precious. If you have similar feelings, please try to talk yourself out of them because they are destructive and irrational. And they pass. Even now, writing this, I'm still wishing I could be with her, but I'm also happy to be alive and looking towards the future. I hope you get to this point. Good luck -

fus, I hope you are doing better today. When you feel like you are ready to forget her, I will tell you a trick to stop thinking about her so much. :)

yellowrose...I am so ready to stop thinking about her

Okay, here goes... put a rubber band on your wrist. Every time you think of her, give the band a flick to the wrist giving the wrist a small sting. At first you will think that your wrist is going to end up bloody red.

The thinking WILL be increased at FIRST. Then in about 3 days, you will see that the thinking is less and less. Do this for about a week until the 'behavior' or thinking about her is SIGNIFICANTLY less or "extinguished". Good luck!

ahhh conditioning!!

my step-momma always told me.....it takes 7 days to make or break a habit. now i shall add.....or to pop a trench in your wrist LMAO.

i'm sending you strength!!!! and endurance with that rubber band thing ;)

Tracy