Do you want him to want you?

So after my extremely long first post, I have a much shorter second post, which deals with an issue raised by the first. All other things being equal, do OW prefer to date YM who actually prefer OW? Or would they rather go after YM who have no preference? I'm asking because I wonder if it is a turnoff for OW if they know that their guy actually likes older women. Sorry if this is a dumb question, I'm still learning how you women's minds work :)

But really, I just don't see how you could blame guys for going after OW - why wouldn't they want to dispense with all the game-playing and get something more substantial - mentally, sexually and spiritually? (I know that's idealizing things, but that's just what I see :) )

All other things being equal, do OW prefer to date YM who actually prefer OW? Or would they rather go after YM who have no preference? I'm asking because I wonder if it is a turnoff for OW if they know that their guy actually likes older women. Sorry if this is a dumb question, I'm still learning how you women's minds work :)




One thing that you probably do need to learn is that we women are not all alike. We are not like the Stepford Wives. :)

http://xenix.ch/archiv/okt99/img_okt99/stepford.jpg

We are all unique and have our own individual preferences and personalities just like you guys do.

As far as the YM's preference goes, it wouldn't matter to me at all if he has a preference for OW or if he has no preference. All that would matter to me is whether he is genuinely interested in me as a person.

It's not a dumb question at all. But in my opinion it's hard to generalize about what "women prefer". We are all so different (in backgrounds, in our history of relations etc.) that it's very hard to tell what each of us really like.

Speaking for myself and dating, I first of all have to feel that a man "likes" to be with me. That we could communicate and that we have certain level of "chemistry". I wouldn't run off if he said he liked OW but if he told me he didn't like OW I certainly would react and wonder what the heck he was doing out dating me :)

I would definately want a younger guy to prefer older women.. of course. Everyone wants to be accepeted for who and what they are :)

I wouldn't find it insulting if he preferred older women AND liked me for me. However, an "any older woman will do" attitude would be a turn off. It's also ok if the attraction was so strong on a personal level that age doesn't matter. I think in the former, the pressure would be off as far as wondering "am I too old for him" because thats one hurdle that you're already over.

The answer to the original question is, yes, of course.

But, because he prefers an older woman? Would I be insulted if he was just into older women? I don't think so if it were for the reasons I presume younger men might prefer older women, like: We have our lives together - we're established; we're more worldy (so they say) as in, we have something to talk about, think about, more life experience (wisdom?); we are confident; I suppose, what you've added about not playing games - maybe that's just maturity. These are the things I've read that men have said here about their preference for older women. These are things that I think most older women take pride in so it's feels good to have someone admire the things we like about ourselves.

That said, we want to be loved as individuals, not only that we fall into some category. We all have 'limits' to who we are attracted to and who we are not attracted to; it's a way we narrow the field.

I have had the experience of being with a younger man (-9 years) who may be one who seeks older women for a free ride, so to speak. I'm not saying he does this purposely but he managed to stay financially unsettled for the four years we were together so that I picked-up the pieces. That time I mistakenly thought that 'age' - a person in his later 30s would have been more established himself. His former girlfriend was 18 years older than he was. There's another thread.

Because of your question, I'm asking myself again why I find myself in relationships with younger men - do I have a preference? I've been asking myself that question a lot lately. I just don't seem to meet men my age or they are happily married.

Although I don't want him to be attracted to me JUST because I am older, it doesn't matter to me whether he usually has a preference for older women and I'm one of them or he usually has a preference for same age women and I'm an exception. Or that he has no preference and takes each woman on a "case by case" basis lol.

What IS important to me, and I've posted this before, is that if he's attracted to older women because they "don't play games" like younger women do, then he should give me the same consideration and respect and not play games with me!

For me it wouldnt be an issue if the guy wanted to date just OW, unless his reasons were something that I didnt agree with. You know those stupid reasons that some people think.......OW are so great in bed, OW only want sex, OW have more money, OW will take care of you financially, OW are easy to take advantage of. If those were his reasons then we would probably have a problem....lol.

In my y/m's case, he had dated older and younger women, he had also dated outside of his race. But none of that was a concern for me, it was his interest in me and how we relate to each other that matters.

I also think when you're just dating you shouldnt limit yourself to a certain age, race or background. You should be open to new experiences and people, you never know what life has to offer.

My YM likes women of all ages (within reason, of course), as long as they look good. That being said, and him being my only experience as a YM, I like the fact that he is an equal opportunity kind of guy, :p .

I would feel distrustful of someone who only likes older women.

P. S. I do not look that good so I figure I am the exception to his rule. :D

I don't really care what he likes, as long as he likes me! :D

I don't like it when a guy has a ton of women he's interested in.

The man I'm seeing says he's real picky and I like that.

Thanks for the helpful feedback. Of course, women are individuals and I'm sorry if it sounded like I was asking you all to speak for ALL women - what I wanted was a bunch of different responses, which is what I got.

As for myself, I find attractive qualities in women of all ages. But as far as love goes, the two women who I can honestly say I've loved have been older. Though past experience doesn't necessarily dictate future results, I am still inclined to believe that I have a better chance of finding a meaningful relationship with older women. But who knows? It's a wide world :)

All other things being equal, do OW prefer to date YM who actually prefer OW? Or would they rather go after YM who have no preference?

Didn't go after him and not planning any future pursuits, so this is sort of hard to answer. I know I am the oldest woman my YM has been with, but he has dated other older women. I wouldn't say he is "into" older women. His most significant relationship was with a woman a few years younger than he. Guess I would like a man to be into me for who I am, and age is such a small part of that. So my answer is I prefer men who have no preference.

Knowing that a ym "prefers" to be with ow for the reasons we hear over and over again on the boards (and I and other ow have personally heard time and time again from ym we meet or who contact us with that preference) ,eg., that our maturity, wisdom, self confidence, etc. are a huge attraction to them DEFINITELY draws my attention. Why? Because it is basically saying that our inner beauty is valued and attractive rather than just outer beauty (that fades)....tends to imply the ym has a deeper sense of values that I embrace and would love me for what I inherently have to offer rather than a list of beauty/youth traits continually pushed by the media.

Also, because I am 48, it definitely feels good to have a ym say that they are attracted to older women and know that that attraction means no biological children in the future (and they are good with that, or actually prefer it). It would be too hard to fall in love with a ym who wasn't sure that he didn't want to be with someone younger later to have kids.

To answer your question, yes, I give more attention to the ym who say they have a preference for being with older women by experience....note:**this is quite the opposite of a ym who has some fantasy about just being with a ow sexually or whatever.

do OW prefer to date YM who actually prefer OW? Or would they rather go after YM who have no preference?


as long as his preference is for ME i wouldn't mind either way.