Teens Drinking at Parties

I've heard of some of my daughters friends parents allowing kids to drink at parties. They actually let them drink beer or wine coolers if the kids wanted it.

But just yesterday I heard on the news that this was actually better for kids, to allow them to drink liquor at parties supervised by parents. The thought behind this is that a high % of teens drink these days. Its better for them to consume liquor in a supervised location than to drink on the streets, in cars, or un-supervised parties.

I also understand that MADD is totally against this.

What are your thoughts on this ????

it's contributing to the delinquency of a minor and it's against the law.

there was a humongous scandal here a few years back, a graduation party, a few parents 'chipped in' and they all were arrested.
and had MY babies been there, those parents would've had some knuckle-bumps from momz.

once they're 21, got a job and are out of my house, hit it wide open but don't call me for bail money.

you reap what you sow.

My take... MY kids, I want them to learn how to drink in the appropriate, supervised situations. MINE. I would NOT consider giving alcohol to someone else's kids, though. Oh hell no.

Now, take a situation like this: My family is visiting, we're having a BBQ, my brother and his wife are there with my niece and all the kids are over 14. (That'd make my son 19). My neighbors are there with their over 14 kids. This is a family situation on private property and sharing wine coolers with our own kids with their own parents there in a supervised situation, everything is FINE in my book.

The problem arises when my son brings a buddy along whose parents AREN'T there. Hey, hell no I'm not lettin' ya drink.

This was how I was raised.

When I went off to college, I had had enough experiences with drinking, I didn't drink to get drunk, binge drink or sneak around to drink.

It IS a parents duty to teach their children the appropriate times to drink socially, be responsible for how much you drink, etc., etc..

MY kids, my property, my problem. Other peoples kids, oh HELL no.

~phos

Hmmm.......interesting concept.

This thread came at a funny time for me. My son is almost 15 and has just started sneaking around drinking with his friends.

As a matter of fact, last Friday he stayed at a friends house and called me Sat morning around 9:00 am to come get him because he was sick. Throwing up all night due to something he "ate". I went to get him and when he got in the car, he REEKED of alcohol ........so I say "What did you have to drink with that chicken that made you so sick" ...........I hear the standard "how come you never believe me" ........to which I say "It's not that I don't believe you, it's obvious"

Needless to say, we get home, he takes a shower and I make him do yard work until 3:00 that afternoon.

Anyway .........I think because my mom let us drink at home, supervised, I never ran around sneaking.

But then again, I have a hard time telling my son it's okay to drink.

I don't know what to do?

Also .......at WHAT age would it be okay to drink at home, supervised, with parents?

In my country it is illegal to sell alcohol to minors (under 18) but one thing is the law and another thing is the tradition.

Here after a child is 15 they are taught how to drink, which is basically to know your body and responsibilities. I have taught my son not to get drunk, to limit his drinking to special occasions and to never drink when there is school the next day. He knows not to drink and drive. He never gives me problems in this regards.

I also drank for the first time when I was 15, a bunch of girls would get together and prepare this wicked fruit punch and get drunk safely away from boys and adults. After getting sick the first time I said... bah! this is not worth it! and never got drunk again.

I think it all has to do with the example that parents set. If your kid sees that you only drink moderately on a few special occasions, that normally there is no alcohol at home, he will most probably be like that when he grows up.

Quote: What are your thoughts on this ???? Sure!! Get 'em all liquored up, and what the hell...throw on some pornos and let 'em have an orgy while they're @ it!! :rolleyes: Imagine if your parents let you do this when you were growing up!?!! HA!! :eek:

:eek: Ah yes, so extremist. LOL

Growing up, when I turned the double digits, I was honored with a small glass of wine at each family holiday gathering. One, with dinner.

When I got my first period, my mother gave me a small glass of sherry to take the edge off and every month thereafter, when I became premenstral and weepy (cramps, irritable, crying!!!) she'd sit me down with a small glass of sherry. :eek:

By the time I was 14 (which is why I chose that number), I could drink a beer or two at family parties in social situations where I was supervised. I got drunk a couple times, and quickly learned how little I liked the sensation and being publicly CHASTIZED and HUMILIATED with all the adults laughing at me and making a mockery of my idiocy. Hey, it works wonders.

In all those years, I never ONCE snuck out of my parents house or had a party when they weren't home or went to other people's parties. In my senior year, I went to one small party where there were no parents and kids were drinking. I stayed a total of 15 minutes and left, because I didn't want to get pulled over and have it ASSUMED I was drinking ~ I wasn't ~ and driving.

I think my parents did a helluva job, thank you. Three kids and none of us needed to go out sneaking around getting drunk. My sister's experience getting drunk ONE TIME and chastised by the family was enough to keep her from liking alcohol until... oh, maybe 2 years ago when she had her first martini (first real drink in over 20 years... she's 39 now.)

~phos

My parents always let me have wine or Cinzano with dinner if I wanted it. My mom's French, so... yeah. I don't see any problem with it. I never once got drunk under those circumstances or anything. I have to say, though, it didn't prevent me from drinking lots with my friends when I was a teen... in fact, in my situation, I barely made the connection that the nice bottle of wine my mom would serve with a roast beef had ANYTHING to do with the $7 bottle of draft beer my friends and I would drink in someone's basement when their parents were away...

Fos - what if at 14 when your parents were letting you drink one or two beers .....you wanted more?

did you ask? were you allowed?

Please don't think I'm downing anything about how you were raised, I'm honestly thinking about how I'm handling my son.

The only times I ever asked to drink were at family parties, and usually I only DARED have one or two. There were a couple times I did ask for more (or was served more, by various people LOL) and did get drunk and was then correspondingly chastised when I showed any reaction to alcohol. LOL. It's kind of hard to miss a teen slurring their speech, trying to jump in on adult political conversations with assinine observations totally out of context, and/or spilling things or falling over them. :eek:

I think the TEASING is a bigger deterent than most people know. My kids aren't teeners yet and I don't let them drink... yet... but, I suspect I will probably use the same tactics as my folks did with us, as it seems to me to be quite good. ;)

~phos

Fos.......I'm beginning to think we're related. :)

My parents had liquor around the house and as a child I saw them drink, but never to the point of being drunk.

When I was in my teens(16), I asked if I could taste some beer, I was given a can of beer by my dad. The taste was so bad to me that I've never liked beer since. I tried to drink beer when I was older and its just not a drink for me.

But my Dad didnt make it out to be a big thing because I wanted a beer. He just gave it to me.

I also asked for wine as a teen on holiday, and I was given a small glass of wine with dinner. I never got drunk and no big deal was made of it.

My daughters have asked for wine at holidays and I've given them wine or sparkling juices on New Years. Its been a tradition for us to have a toast on New Years since they were small.

My 24 yr old daughter to this day has never had a problem with drinking. She only drinks wine coolers and normally only one or two. She does not like beer either.

My 16 yr old has only drank wine with the family on holidays if she ask for it.

I would never allow someone else's child to drink in my home, even if they were staying over and I knew they would be safe. I just wouldnt do it.

If I ever have kids (which I don't plan to so this is all hypothetical), I would let them drink in my home only under certain conditions:

~ I knew that they were already drinking elsewhere

~ I got permission from the other kids parent(s)

~ they are sleeping over and not leaving my home under any circumstances until they are totally sober

My reasoning behind this is along the lines of miss b's OP. I would rather have my kid drinking in a supervised, controlled enviornment than out on the streets. I would rather have them safe at home than driving around or in a park or at someone's house who's parents are out of town where things can get way out of control.

I started drinking when I was 13 and we had nowhere safe to do it. But that didn't stop us; we were going to drink anyway and so we did many EXTREMELY unsafe things. I lucked out that nothing horrible happened to me, but many of my friends were NOT so lucky. Things happened that I KNOW would not have had they been in a safe, supervised enviornment.

My last year of high school I did have a friend who's parents let us drink and it was so much better. The experience was SO much better, the amount of liquor consumed was controlled, no one got out of control, everyone stayed safe.

JMHO. :)

Okay...I am totally against these parents allowing kids to drink in their homes without explicit permission from the child's parents, and frankly even then I'm not sure it's legal.

My daughter, who is 14 and just starting her first year of high school, just recently did this for the second time. A friend's family had a huge weekend barbeque...lots of people...kind of open bar/open cooler or WHATEVER. There were quite a few kids from the high school there, and apparently they were either allowed to drink or no-one paid attention, but Im going for the first one because it was VERY obvious these kids were intoxicated. I, personally, do not want my 14-year-old daughter drinking, especially not around a bunch of boys who are seniors at her high school and also were intoxicated. ARGH. Silly me, I thought family barbeque sounds safe. As a weird aside..my daughter bumped into her cheerleading coach at this party (who also happens to be the secretary at the high school) with her own daughter, and they were both intoxicated too and hanging around with the other high school kids.

As I mentioned, this is also the second time this has happened, and not even with the same set of parents. Im beginning to wonder where it is safe to let her go...because even with supposed parental supervision she seems to be doing things I don't allow.

On top of these two incidents....when staying the night at yet another friend's house (with parental supervision) she left the house at 2 a.m. with a friend and went out to "field party" that subsequently got busted by the police just as she was arriving. Luckily she wasn't even out of the car yet and got the standard "don't let me catch you out here again" talk from the officer...

Maybe I am an overly strict parent. I don't allow my children to drink, and if I catch them drinking they will be in trouble and they will be punished. I have a curfew, and I expect them to uphold it. Even when I had my foster daughter, who was almost 18, her curfew was midnight, and if she wasn't going to be home by then she needed to call.

When I entrust my children to another adult, I expect them to TRY their best to also enforce the rules I have for my kids at home. I don't expect them to be drinking, and I expect them to be in the house by a decent hour.

Okay, now please excuse my rant. I can just see my daughter running 100 miles an hour down the wrong path (which by the way is the path I went down), and I would like to prevent that...but it seems that SOME other parents not only condone this sort of behavior but almost encourage it!

I allow my 15 year old daughter to have a smirnoff ice or two, together with me. I don't see whats wrong about that, she only get to learn how alcohol works under supervision. The drinking age here in Norway is 18 for softdrinks and 20 for hard liqur.

Thinking of it, my husband is not allowed to drink when he is in america... shall I tell him no if he wants a drink....? LOL :D

Jody, I think its definitely negligent for people to let kids drink without permission from their parents. That's just plain stupid, its undermining the parents authority over their own children and its illegal, to boot.

When I was talking about how I will address alcohol, I strictly mean with my own kids. No way would I let other kids come over and partake. That's just plain wrong. IF their parents are here and responsible for them and okay with it, that's one thing.

I really do believe, however, that with some kids, too strict a hand will lead to a LOT of sneaking around and I will do anything I can to discourage my children from sneaking, unsafe behaviors. I want them to feel safe with me, safe to talk to me about things I might not be thrilled about, comfortable and ensured that I'm doing my job teaching them what's right...

Funny you mention curfew. Because in all that my parents were not strict about never letting me drink, I did have a very strict curfew and while it was definitely a bone of contention with my parents, I always honored it. Because? They alloted other freedoms my friends didn't have. :eek: Like sitting around at family parties having a beer and feeling like I am one of the adults. LOL Hell if I wanted to jeopardize THAT arrangement.

Concessions. A little give and take. :D
~phos

I do and have allowed my daughter (and her brother before her) to have a drink at home during celebration times (i.e. maybe a wine cooler or a glass of champagne)....

It just completely GALLS me that these people take it upon themselves to allow all these kids to drink without checking with their parents, and without even worrying about the legal ramifications....My daughter's boyfriend is old enough to drive...as are many of the kids there. Someone could really get hurt. UGH.

Case in point!! Are you willing to chance this?!! Would you like this to be your kid?

http://www.courttv.com/trials/obrien/061305_ctv.html

*hard eye roll* at DaBollocks extremist responses.

~phos

Growing up I watched my parents drink very rarely....and then as i became a teenager...they stopped drinking all together.

I can remember going to my best friends house and her mom would give us a small glass of wine or on New Years a glass of champagne. It was never a big deal....and honestly she was like a second mother to me.

I did most of my drinking in community college....cuz it was easier....i was hanging out with people much older than me....so i never had to worry about buying alcohol..it was always there.

Now that im older and much wiser....I don't really drink much anymore....save a margarita with dinner every now and then. *grin*

When I have kids...you had better believe they won't be drinking without my permission til there at least 18. But I will teach them the responsibillities that come with drinking and the concequences that can happen when you drink.

As for other kids....In a situation where its like a best best friend....i would give them alcohol....in small amounts...under my supervision....just like i experianced. As for a party situation....no way. Too much can go wrong.

Nadine.

I really do believe, however, that with some kids, too strict a hand will lead to a LOT of sneaking around and I will do anything I can to discourage my children from sneaking, unsafe behaviors. I want them to feel safe with me, safe to talk to me about things I might not be thrilled about, comfortable and ensured that I'm doing my job teaching them what's right...

I agree with this.

About Bollock's article... What I do not understand about the US is why is it legal for a minor to drive. Cars can be lethal weapons.

About parties. When my son (15) asks me permission to go to a party, he knows what he is allowed and what he is not allowed to do. He knows he can drink but not get drunk, he knows he cannot drive, or leave the party without my permission. I call once during the party to make sure everything is ok. I pick him up when he is ready to come home. It could be across town at 10, at midnight, or at 2 am, I am there to pick him up. If I cannot pick him up because I have to get up early the next day, he is not allowed to go.

I assume that in every party in a home parents will be in the house but not supervising. I know that kids would not be happy about a party with adults floating around, so when they pick a house for a party it is because they know there will be minimum supervision.

I still remember my friend in high school would be allowed to have parties at her place and her parents would even buy a little alcohol for her!! And these were upstanding churchmembers (in fact, they ran the choir) and well-respected citizens (her dad was in the government). I know they were going under the thought that if she was at home doing this stuff, they could keep an eye on her, and that's great... but to me I thought they were very selfish. As long as THEIR daughter is okay, it doesn't matter about the other kids who drive home after drinking at her party... selfish.

Well, in the UK we have a lot of problems with youths drinking. Part of the reason (IMO) is because pubs close at 11:30 and have last orders at 11, which means that people get there at about 8 (normally) and then just try to get as many drinks down their necks as possible. If they're going to a club, then they still do this and turn up at the club blind drunk because it is so much more expensive to drink there than in the pub. The closing times have only just now been relaxed because people seem to finally be waking up to why so much heavy drinking is going on.

Why do I say this? Well, it ties in with letting kids drink from a younger age. If laws and parents are too strict, it just forces kids (or in my example legal age drinkers) to find other ways to get drunk/er.

In many European countries they are far more relaxed about drinking. My Italian tutor was gobsmacked about our attitude to drinking because we drink for one big reason... to get blind drunk. In Italy the majority of people don't drink to get blind drunk, at least according to her and it was something I already believed too having been abroad a lot and also spoken to a lot of people from other European countries. I think a big reason for this is because they are far more relaxed about alcohol. Kids drink a glass of wine with meals and are taught to respect alcohol and treat it as an aside to the meal itself, rather than just a drink to get you as drunk as possible. Also, in my Italian group we had one guy who was from Cyprus (the Greek side) and he had the same ideas about alcohol, because there they were brought up the same way. It's in the culture of the country and where you live I think.

Me... it's only in the last few years I have seriously learnt how to drink and not get too drunk. I dislike being too drunk now, even though I very much enjy going to pubs or bars and having a few drinks to unwind. The stories I could tell... I mean, they're funny now, but they could have been tragic.

I have no strong opinion on this matter, one way or the other. But I just want to point out that parental consent of underage drinking is no guarantee of anything as this article (http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=15056558&BRD=1601&PAG=461&dept_id=479861&rfi=6) demonstrates.

I think as kids become teenagers they will experiment with drinking. This is due to peer pressure and wanting to be grown as my parents put it. For my daughter I would rather her have had the experience of drinking at home and know its dangers than to do it out in the streets with her friends and risk other dangers. I'm not saying that this is a sure fire method, but my daughters dont think drinking is a big thing, its not important to them, drinking is not something to do to prove a point to your friends.
I would have some un-nice words for a parent if they allowed my daughter to drink at a party. This is not acceptable to me, even if they thought they provided a safe environment for her.

In many European countries they are far more relaxed about drinking. My Italian tutor was gobsmacked about our attitude to drinking because we drink for one big reason... to get blind drunk. In Italy the majority of people don't drink to get blind drunk, at least according to her and it was something I already believed too having been abroad a lot and also spoken to a lot of people from other European countries. I think a big reason for this is because they are far more relaxed about alcohol. Kids drink a glass of wine with meals and are taught to respect alcohol and treat it as an aside to the meal itself, rather than just a drink to get you as drunk as possible. Also, in my Italian group we had one guy who was from Cyprus (the Greek side) and he had the same ideas about alcohol, because there they were brought up the same way. It's in the culture of the country and where you live I think.

Very true.. I feel that I and other people I know who have always been allowed a glass of wine at meals, and beer/lager when we were older, have a totally different attitude to drinking compared to those who see alcohol as a novelty and merely a means to getting as pissed as possible.

From about the age of 16 my parents knew me and my friends would drink at our parties.. so they'd buy me a few alco-pops/cans of lager.
It just completely GALLS me that these people take it upon themselves to allow all these kids to drink without checking with their parents
That is a good point though... but honestly most kids are going to drink anyway, and because my parents had given the booze to me, in a weird way I felt I had to drink responsibly and would be letting my parents down if I got completely paraletic.

Jo I completely agree with you... I do not condone drinking for underage kids no matter what..... and If there is drinking at the house while parents are home My son will NOT be allowed there .. I think it sets a bad example and definatly leads to trouble....

What happens if you let your kid and their friends drink and one is so drunk and wanders off or gets in a car and bamn tragedy.. who is responsible? the Parent who let them drink.. I know I wouldn't want that burden....

It's illegal for a reason and I think we should respect that... less accidents would occur... So many accidents and deaths from accidents are caused by drinking and driving and a good portion are from underage or teenage drinking

It is way easier to limit the age for kids to get their driver's license or permit or whatever.

Kids can hide and drink but it is impossible to hide that you took the family car.
Parents can effectively control the use of a car.

If a kid learns to manage his drinking, by not making a big production out of it, by the time he drives he will be better off.

It is going to happen anyways. To me it was a shock when I was an exchange student in Kansas way back when Jimma was president that kids would go out to a field to drink! No music, no dancing, no food, just drink! And smoke! To me it was the most boring party I have ever been to.

If that happened back then, imagine now.

It is way easier to limit the age for kids to get their driver's license or permit or whatever.

Kids can hide and drink but it is impossible to hide that you took the family car.
Parents can effectively control the use of a car.

If a kid learns to manage his drinking, by not making a big production out of it, by the time he drives he will be better off.

It is going to happen anyways. To me it was a shock when I was an exchange student in Kansas way back when Jimma was president that kids would go out to a field to drink! No music, no dancing, no food, just drink! And smoke! To me it was the most boring party I have ever been to.

If that happened back then, imagine now.

Some teens over 16 have their own car....They can affectively control the use of their car but some are 17,18 19.20... some are in college at that age w/their own cars... I'm just not sure thats enough

Hold on too tight and they will be come.... sneakers. Suffocate them and they will rebel. Be careful not to hold on too tightly to unrealistic expectations. I would much rather have a slightly freer, more open relationship with my children as they grow into independent people, and have honesty with my kids. I also accept that some things are best when under MY control and/or supervision than that of a gaggle of other kids or someone elses parents. ;)

I like your attitude, sheila and concur. My mother didn't let my brother drive until he was 18 and then, it was only because he was legally an adult ~ NOT because he had proven himself to be trustworthy and responsible. LOL.

Pick your battles very, very carefully.
~phos

Jo I completely agree with you... I do not condone drinking for underage kids no matter what.....

So, what about what I said about European countries then? You know, UK tourists that are generally aged up to mid-twenties go to countries like Cyprus on holiday for one BIG reason... to get as drunk as possible. The Cypriots actually laugh at them because of their attitude to alcohol, they can't understand it. Why? Because, as I said, they have been brought up to treat it as a drink that you can have with meals and to respect it, from an early age. They grow up with it all around them. They don't spend much of their teens (or even a few years before then) wanting to have a drink and being told 'when you're an adult'. That that you can't have is very often more appealing simply because you can't have it.

The problem is that it isn't a matter of changing a law or two, it's the culture inherent in the country that is the problem, and that is much, much harder to change.

That that you can't have is very often more appealing simply because you can't have it.

HUGE THUMBS UP! And I agree with the sentiment entirely. ;)
~phos

You know what the problem is with 16 yr olds and parties? They want to stay at the party until midnight or 2 am! Then it is easier for the parent to give them the car, instead of picking them up themselves.

I know it is against the law for kids to drink, but they do it. I do not transfer the responsability of my son to whoever unknown adult is present. I am still responsible for my son's safety.

I, a single mother, have established the rule for my 15 yr old boy that I will drive him to the party and I will pick him up there. Originally he would not want his friends to know that his mom was picking him up (they all take taxies) but now they are so used to it that I have to drop home a couple of his friends at the end of the party.

I know they drink. But they do not get drunk. The one time my son got drunk I took a picture of him and put it in his baby album next to "My first solid food" "My first tooth", "My first day at the beach" and "My first hangover". I showed it to his friends once and they teased him so much that he has not gotten drunk since.

P. S. My bf helps a lot with this. He stays up voicing with me, keeping me awake until I pick up my son, stays online until I am back home safe. He has the number of my mom in Panama in case I do not return home at a reasonable time.

Ok, I don't have teens, obviously, but I was a terrible "sneaker" as referred to in this thread. My parents did not drink, did not condone drinking ever. So, I snuck out. I stayed with friends and partied out all night, ended up doing things that I look back now at am amazed that I survived. But, I did get it out of my system, and by the time I was of legal drinking age, I would rarely have more than a couple drinks. So, if and when I have kids, I think I'd rather take Phos and Sheila's approach than have my kids sneak out. Then again, I think it might depend on the kids - how mature and responsible they are. But, I'd like to think that my kids would be :D .