Life Was Good. But The Fun Is Over.i'm Thinking Of Goin Back To Older,ex.husband.

YEAH, THATS RITE KIDS.

FOR ME IT WAS, LIKE WAKING UP FROM A BAD DREAM. >OR <

CINDERELLA REALLY DID GET TO GO TO THE BALL. BUT WHEN THE CLOCK STRUCK 12 , SHE HAD TO SAY GOOD BYE TO THE FAIRY TAIL,BALL, PRINCESS GOWN, CHERRIOT, HORSE MEN,FOOTMEN,AND GLASS SLIPPERS. nOW ALL THATS LEFT IS "REALITY" AND NOT EVEN A FAIRY GODMOTHER TO TELL HER,SHE CAN HAVE IT ALL BACK.


*shakes head* Ok im done dreaming now,

but for real, it was all good while it lasted, but now I think im ready to face reality, single life isnt what I thought it might be, I have no scocial life really, unless you call co-workers . a scocial life. and im so broke i cant even afford mc. donalds.


I have been paying my ex-husband visits, gradually. and i can't even get turned on, or even feel any attraction to him, because by the time i think about it, i glance over and he is passed out from the beer. more pittiful looking then attractive. but.............


he wants to take care of me, and give me everything...................

I dont know....... I can't even meet anyone online....Because, every guy i chat to, lives 50 hundred miles away, my young ex- lover begs,for me all the time, but I had to close the door on that chapter too

.. besides....... my kids ,they are begging me to go back.......

they want me to stop whareing make up, ...."I dont talk to any" but if a younger guys says hello to me . they even say i need to talk to guys my own, age or go back to daddy.

I had a sexxless, lovless marriage, but the bills were getting paid, and the kids were happy........

am i crazy, or should i just get a cat.

and forget men, all together?


"edit " to say... i have been celibit... for a long time now.

I have to say that I think that going back to your husband would be a HUGE misstake.
You can't live with someone jsut b/c money, and for the kids... they should want for you what makes you happy... and your ex-husband doesn't seam like the one that will make you that.

You say that you don't have any social-life anymore, what happened? Did all your "friends" turn the back to you once you got devorced? If thats the case... do you really need them?

And yes, many people have only co-workers as friends... nothing wrong with that... two of my best friends are co-workers :p

I really think you should think this through once more... think about all the reasons you had for leaving your ex-husband.

One more thing- I think that its pretty unfair to your ex-husband to go back... cause you obviously are not thinking of if b/c you still love him... the probability of you leaving him once more for the exact same reasons you left him the first time seam to be BIG and he will end up being hurt once more...

Well Kits.,...

At least you got the having children bit out of the way, and you don't have to worry about that side of it....

All I can say is....... it happens when you least expect it....and yeah, dont go back....go forward....

You wouldn't want to eat McDonalds anyway....

Things can get better, they really can, you just have to believe it.....yeah, I know its hard right now..,,.But it wont always be.....

Gotta keep on trucking girl.....;)

Oh...and dont stop the dreaming....a balance of dream and reality....thats what you need....!!!

I read your post and kept seeing myself, so many times ....
Sometimes even when life is pretty good I think about going back, there are things I miss but you really have to hang in there. If you can't be happy alone you sure won't be happy going back.
What works for me when I hit one of thoses spots is to fill up those hours so you don't think about it so much.

read some good books (try the local library)
start a self improvement project (exercise, lose weight, whatever you could use)
join a support group (any kind )
join a game club (bridge?)
go for lots of walks (nice way to sometimes meet interesting people, see things, you notice things you never did in a car)
take a class (often community centers and librarys have free ones)

Can anythng be more boring than sitting and waching a man drink himself to sleep?

Stray kitty...

I hear you loud and clear. I understand what you are saying. But......do you honestly want to go back? i mean really ask yourself that. Do you really want to go back to someone that you left for certain reasons.

Like my favorite character says in the 'Incredibles'.....'No no no....i NEVER look back...it distracts from the NOW'. And that is really what it is that is happening to you. You are being distracted from owning the phase that you are in right now. By thinking about your ex and considering going back you are being distracted. By thinking about the why's of your single status you are being distracted.

When u own the phase that you are in....i mean really accept the fact that you are single and enjoy it.....then and only then do things fall into place. No matter how good we are at masking our true intentions our body language betrays us. It doesnt matter if you have an academy award for acting....body language says alot more. My guess is that your body language and demeanor are shouting out to the world that you are 'desperatly seeking'. (i am not inclining that you are desperate here....just trying to illustrate the impression i get from your post). This 'desperateness' works like a repellent for men. Its like a big red flag for them.

The only way to have love come to you, is to BE love itself first. You have to like to spend time with yourself. You basically have to fall in love with yourself before somebody's loves you. When u are in search of a relationship to fill a void...it will never be filled. No matter how nice and comfortable and sweet and loving the man is....the relationship will not be all that you want it to be...because you are not fully happy with yourself. A man should compliment you in a relationship....not complete you. You are whole already...he just makes it an added bonus to be you everday.

Having said all the above...i will admit that the 'down- in -the- dumps-why- cant- i- find -a- man' moments are distressing and disturbing, and make you want to throw in the towel. But its not permanent....its a temporary phase. An illusion, a trick if you will. The key is to not give into that feeling. Like Chetty said. Keep yourself busy. The time that you are alone is a great time to find out about yourself. Your likes, dislikes, boundaries etc. When u have figured all these things out......everything else usually falls into place.

I would rather be single for the rest of my life than to be in an unhappy relationship!

Dear Stray Kitty,

The name "stray kitty" says it all for you. You see yourself as a stray kitty and all it implies. It is NOT a good place to be for your mental health.

You've been on here before by another SN years ago, because I remember you. I'm pointing this out because I've been at AL almost three years and you've been struggling with the same issues for all of this time. You are SOOOOO stuck.

Please get an appointment with a counselor who can help you move forward. Let me say this loud and clear, THE ANSWER TO BEING UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD IS NOT MOVING BACKWARD. The answer to being unable to move forward is finding someone, a counselor, a pastor, etc. to help you move forward.
That, stray kitty, is what you must do.

Many women have been where you are. It's not easy and I'm really sorry. There is no magical man out there to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself first and then maybe, just maybe, a man will appear.

I hope you take our advice to heart. You are just so lost.

Hugs,
Bub

The only way to have love come to you, is to BE love itself first. You have to like to spend time with yourself. You basically have to fall in love with yourself before somebody's loves you. When u are in search of a relationship to fill a void...it will never be filled. No matter how nice and comfortable and sweet and loving the man is....the relationship will not be all that you want it to be...because you are not fully happy with yourself. A man should compliment you in a relationship....not complete you. You are whole already...he just makes it an added bonus to be you everday.

Boy is Anenda right on. I just finished reading the except same thing in a self-help book about making relationship choices. You have to like yourself first before you are capable of loving/sharing yourself with a man. Chetty gave you a good list of things that can help you feel better about yourself and a lot of them are free. I just recently divorced myself and I understand what your going through about the financial thing, loneliness, and worrying about the future. You have to be strong. You obviously made the right decision about divorcing based on what you said about your ex. Don't look back....look ahead. And regarding your kids comments...do what makes you feel good about yourself...makeup, clothes, smiling...in the end a happy you translates into happy kids.

Good luck to you...you can get through this...believe in yourself. Hugs..

K :)

I see lack of money as 90% of your problem.. are you getting enough child support?

It is so easy to think when we are broke that a man could make it all go away. In some cases it can, but look at what you have to take on. You would totally lose yourself if you did that.

Good friends are hard to come by. Have you really tried to make friends? Don't make the mistake that I made a long time ago, and immediately tell them all your troubles. It is too much for them to take in when first meeting someone. Save all that for a therapist. :)

Are you spiritual? I think that is what got me through those times of "no money, no man" more than anything. I would make a gratitude list every morning. The house I owned was in foreclosure, the man I had to let go had started dating someone else, my baby had been molested... My gratitude list looked like this: grateful for a roof over my head, air to breath, my child is alive, library books :p , the stars, Tylenol, $5 in my purse... Then I would ask for strength and wisdom to get me through the day.

Bottom line... take it one day at a time... it will get better if you stay the course and make the right choices...

I have been paying my ex-husband visits, gradually. and i can't even get turned on, or even feel any attraction to him, because by the time i think about it, i glance over and he is passed out from the beer. more pittiful looking then attractive. but.............


he wants to take care of me, and give me everything...................


Kitty, I think you have received wonderful advice on things to do if you decide to stay single. It is better to stay single than being with someone you do not love just for economic reasons.

For some people though, loneliness is unbearable, empty. The kids will soon grow up and leave you even more alone.

Why did you leave your husband in the first place? Is love totally gone or is there a little spark? Could it be possible to mend things that were broken? What would it take to find your ex-husband desirable again? Is he begging you to come back or are you the one initiating this?

If he is the one insisting you go back to him, you could take hold of the opportunity to take the upper hand and impose certain conditions for your return. The first one would be communication. You should tell each other things where you want to see improvements. For example, (and just as an example), you could ask him to improve his appearance, go to counselling, not drink so much, or be more loving.

I am sure that he could think of areas where you could improve too.

The odds of having a successful come-back are slim. Statistics say so. But then, who knows, my mom and dad got married, divorced, remarried each other, separated again, started dating each other again, went back together and have been happily living together for the last 10 years. What made this possible? Love.

Was just thinking what great advice everyone has given Stray Kitty. And it occured to me that what I learned in college about "Maslow's pyramid of needs" kind of applies. When our basic needs are not being met....it is hard to think about our higher needs. But as soon as need for food, clothing, shelter is satisfied.....we want to have social needs, and self actualization eventually.

So, if Stray Kitty goes back to the same situation without any change in her ex husband or her way of relating to him.....as soon as she is no longer worried about bills and money.....she will again have the yearning for more.

I do not have direct experience to draw upon here, except for the lack of friends part, when I left my husband (and even after I came back) everyone who had claimed to be my friend turned away from me. Even now I am tolerated but no one seeks me out as a friend anymore and if I seek them out I am rebuffed. It sucks. I am trying to make my marriage work, but it seems to me that from what you have said, that going back to a marriage simply for financial reasons is a bad idea. You will eventually become fed up again and want to leave again.

I think others here are right, learn to love yourself and to live for YOU and no one else for a little while, and when you are comfortable with who you are and what you are doing for yourself, you will find a whole world opened up to you that may include men who are interested.

I hope things work for you, I really do.

Just my quick two cents that seems to echo everyone elses...

You should NEVER recycle when it comes to men.

Going back to a past love almost never works out...and it makes it harder to leave in the end.

Nadine.

You should NEVER recycle when it comes to men.

ROFL!! Great way to put that!

Anenda said it REALLY well too, don't go backward.

In some rare cases one does get separated from someone and realize there is love that should be reclaimed - but it doesn't sound like LOVE has a thing to do with this. It sounds like survival mode, and Softsong made an EXCELLENT point about that. It is SO important to get your basic needs met, but doing it this way is probably dooming oneself to never getting anything MORE than that, which is hardly a satisfactory way to go about life.

Forward! :) LOTS of us left exes and went out on our own. I did, and now I am in the best relationship I've ever had. I couldn't have experienced this if I'd gone backward.

......you do stray, but then all my ex has to do is eat a couple downers, open his mouth and start the non-stop babble and I get a real quick metaphorical slap upside the head! Then I remember I'm completely turned off by his physique (I know that sounds shallow, but I do find fitness a turn on and I don't apologize for my preference- men don't, why should I? ;) ) It would be totally easier to go back, but to what? Someone I never want to sleep with again? Someone I have no respect for? Someone I basically don't really like cause he's a controlling, intrusive slob who's only redeeming quality is that he makes beautiful children?

It would be easy to let this man support me, cause for some reason he's an excellent salesman (can we get clue here?!) and makes really good money, usually gives me what I want, cause I know his buttons. My son would really love this, cause like all children he wants his parents together. The thing is, everyone gets what they want, and I have to settle for being miserable to the point of suicide. That is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE. Since making the life altering deciscion to end my 13 year relationship, I couldn't be happier. If a great guy comes along, then that's the icing on the cake, not the cake. If I have to make sacrifices to live my life on MY terms, then at least nobody is "keeping" me to be a live-in slave/sex-doll/doormat/nanny.

Sorry if this seems a little bit like venting, it is. I would just hate to see stray go back to a miserable situation just because it's easier. There is nothing easy about spending your life unhappy.

bubbleee Dear Stray Kitty,The name "stray kitty" says it all for you. You see yourself as a stray kitty and all it implies. It is NOT a good place to be for your mental health.



Haaa, Bubbleee, sorry to burst your bubble, but im not mental.

it's just a screen name, *rolls eyes*


I dont need tharapy. I specialize in medical. i get to be around plenty of that from work.*rolls eyes*







You've been on here before by another SN years ago, because I remember you. I'm pointing this out because I've been at AL almost three years and you've been struggling with the same issues for all of this time. You are SOOOOO stuck.

LoL gee thanks. I wasn't sure i was soooooo stuck,but now that you'v pointed that out to me, i know for certain dont i?


Yes I am a long time veteren member, and registered for a new screen name because my ex,ym looks for my posts here. (privacey ) heres your brownie.


thank you everyone else for the posts..... I needed to be reminded of all the other single moms who have been through these things.....

My life isnt all that bad..... I originaly posted this on one of my down moments........
there have been some good things that have happened in my life since the divorce, things that never would have happened if i hadnt of gotten the divorce in the first place....

I have started my own home based buisness.....( still in the beginning stages).

I chose this insted of college.

I have a new career in medical.

I have alot of wonder co-workers

my 2 best friends happen to be my mother,and sister.

I bought a house...

Im closer with my kids.

Im stable with my job/ and home. ( Independance).



yellowrose and softsong -- you 2 always seem to be so wise in your post's....



thank you..


glad to see a responce from so many others....

and see the different views.....

Im going to start a new day tomorrow, and count my blessings...

and have decided to hang on to my apartment for as long as i posibly can.

and get myself that new stray kitty..:) Im sure she will understand me.

I understand like many of the others the inner struggle you are having. Although we had no children, when I first left my ex husband, I couldn't even feed myself after the bills were paid, there was nothing left over. But I managed and I struggled and got through it by working a full time job and tutoring at night. But I lived in a one room apt for a few years and worked my butt off. There are jobs you can do at home, including babysitting if necessary to make extra cash.

I think going back to your ex is a huge mistake unless you feel love and want to work throught the numerous problems. But you can't live your life completely sexless and unhappy, you are fooling yourself if you think you can. This will come around again and the rollercoaster you put your children on isn't fair to them.

I like others believe you need some time to "find" yourself. You seem lost and the worst thing to do at this point is bring another person into your life. Maybe doing some reading, finding religion and working at bettering yourself, will bring upon a much needed change.

I wish you luck and pray you find happiness.

Err...no need to find religion. There are lots of other choices, that's not everyone's thing.

Err...no need to find religion.

Where IS it anyway....Ive never been able to find it....*shrug*

By meditation many people find strength and peace. No one knows what tool may work for someone. It is up to the poster to reject or try ANY idea that someone may have.

It has been in the pits that people will search their minds and hearts for a greater purpose and understanding. Read Victor Frankls' book -- "Mans search for Meaning" and then make a remark like the one's we read so often here. :rolleyes:

Clearly "finding religion" means different things to different people. Maybe I should have said "finding spirituality"

Err...no need to find religion. There are lots of other choices, that's not everyone's thing.

But if she does find it and it gives her peace and a template from which to work from, there's nothing wrong with that.

Paris

Didn't say there would be anything wrong with it paris if that was what she chose to do. But we aren't here to recommend religion. My point was that religion, per se, is not necessary to building oneself back to wholeness. Maybe for some it is, but for lots it is not.

I do understand the richness that spirituality can bring, of whatever type it may be, I am just saying that a lot of people just assume that joining an organized religion is what we should all do. Where I live now, there is a lot of assumption that everyone is Christian as a matter of course and I find that strange.

Just so ya know, I was brought up by a Catholic mother, studied medieval culture in grad school, and have myself had mystical experiences. I'm no stranger to the subject, although I am not a Christian. I just feel that people shouldn't make assumptions about what choices in that area are best for others.

No offense nita, I thought you were being specific about religion per se.

I just feel that people shouldn't make assumptions about what choices in that area are best for others.
Have you ever made assumptions about what choices are best for others?

Have you ever made assumptions about what choices are best for others?

I said choices IN THAT AREA. Do you ever read my posts? You're about to go on the list too. :rolleyes:

As long as someone is not ramming a certain religion down someone's throat, I find it no different than saying 'see a therapist'.

I understand that those who have a definite opinion that all religion should not be suggested or discussed, think this way. However, I do not see it that way and support ALL well-intentioned suggestions, not just those that agree with my fundamental beliefs.

It is NOT up to me to say which topics will help and which topics should not be discussed as options. I am not that omnipotent. :p It is up to the OP whether to take the advice or not.

My point was that religion, per se, is not necessary to building oneself back to wholeness. Maybe for some it is, but for lots it is not.

And you're assuming I'm talking about organize religion. Hey, if you can ask for prayer for a sick parent, child, friend, whatever...you can handle someone mentioning religion, whether organized or not. The word, should not be off limits and no one has the right to censor someone else from using it by having them rewrite their post to make it clearer for someone else not to get offended. This wasn't a debate on religion per se.

Oh yeah, we all know for many its not necessary. When someone mentions religion I don't automatically assume their talking about organize just because I go to one, maybe they worshipped their therapist (alot of people seem to worship them alot these days, don't they), hydrangeas or the goldfish in their tank...I don't know, its all about what will keep them focus on strengthening themselves through ALL their senses, spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. I say they should explore ALL their options and not just the easy ones.

Its the easy ones that might get them in a bit of a mess. But I would think its backbone work to pull themself out in however strength they find it. I would think we would support the strength, however it was found, not worry about the means in which it was found, although it can be appreciated it, couldn't it.

Paris

Ok YR...I don't see recommendations for therapy and recommendations for religion as equivalents at all. But ya know, I also have opinions against conventional therapy. ;)

Yep it's true, I don't think religion is something that should be recommended. If someone says "religion really helped me" that is different, because that's their experience. In that case there's no suggestion that others should take it up. There's just been so much pressure over the centuries to believe in one thing or another, regardless of whether it's right for someone, so I'm simply saying that I don't think it is the purview of this place, neither is it necessary for wholeness.

Know what, I think it would be quite interesting to have a place for discussion of religion here (maybe in the discussion/debate sections we can? I dunno) - but it is a controversial subject and part of the reason for that controversiality is that some people really DO think they follow the One True Path and the rest of us are wrong for not doing so. There are good reasons that religion is not a legal topic of debate on tons of forums.

Anyway...

Oh yeah, we all know for many its not necessary, one only has to look at the life choices they made or watch the 6 o'clock news.

Its the worldly ones that got them in a bit of a mess, eh, maybe, just maybe, it might just pull them out in however strength they find it.

Paris, as you can see, I agree with you about therapists. But let's not insinuate that those of us without religion are all on the news and have no direction in life. It is JUST that kind of comment that I mean, you are alleging that we need religion to be good/together/whole/right-acting. And that is NOT true.

The world is not divided between the religious and the "worldly." Yes, some people sure do make terrible choices. Plenty of religious ones do too, it is no magic bullet.

Paris, as you can see, I agree with you about therapists. But let's not insinuate that those of us without religion are all on the news and have no direction in life.

Nope, you're right about that...after I wrote that sentence I realize you would proably read like that and but I do agree with you:

you are alleging that we need religion to be good/together/whole/right-acting. And that is NOT true.

But the point was that religion could be anything to anybody and not necessarily organize (since that was really your beef) since Nita wasn't advocating for any particular sect or inviting anyone to believe in any one thing. I'm sure she was mentioning it in terms of the spiritual. It may not be your thing or even necessary for wholeness for YOU...or the OP's for that matter, but its something esle in which to meditate (I mean that is a form of religion to some people) and find other OPTIONS as a means to still maintain her individuality.

If we can say the word prayer/spiritual/souls etc, we can certainly say the word religion without being blasted for using it, the word itself was not up for debate.
(Shot, my religion is ageless right now as I'm so bloody bored of being at home I'm going nuts, maybe I should find something else to clean...oh yak, now I really must be going out of my mind if I'm considering cleaning...bad form :eek: )

Paris

Look at my original post. You call that blasting?

I think what we have here is a difference in how we use words. To me the difference between "religion" and "spirituality" is very clear, to my mind they are not interchangeable. The word "religion" to me definitely connotes something organized or established like a nameable sect or tradition of worship, while "spirituality" can be far less structured and far less outer-directed, that is, one's beliefs are far less regulated by others or by rules, books, or tradition. And I feel that recommending "religion" is just out of bounds here. I'm not bashing nita, ok...I'm saying that let's not assume that religion is a necessary component of self-care. While SOME things, like self-respect, or not living with abuse, or being aware of one's relationship patterns, pretty much ARE.

Anyway, this is too subtle a discussion for this thread.

Sorry Neats...I gues I shouldnt have made that Joke about 'finding religion'

But to me, when someone uses it in that 'sense'.....Finding...It usually means Organised Religion....and personally, I gues I will use any chance I get to have a dig at it....

But it wasn't against you....

And yes, when you think about it....'finding religion' in the organised sense...HAS helped 'many' people....We are ALL at different stages in the evolution I guess....

Hopefully the person that started this thread has found a heap of other stuff......but not including the X-husband;)

I may only be 21, but I got some good advice from my mom when I was 12 that I live by.

If you're not happy alone then you won't be happy with anyone else.

No one can make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. And you're right, maybe you should stop focusing on romantic relationships, and start focusing on yourself. Don't go back to your ex b/c one of 2 things is going to happen: 1) you're going to leave him again, or 2) you're going to be alone and unhappy for the rest of your life. And life's too short for that. So my advice is quit dating for a while and just try to have fun and enjoy your life. You can be happy with out a man. And if you are meant to get married again God will give you someone who's perfect fore you.

I got another piece of good advice from a friend.

Don't marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without.

AND DON'T SETTLE!!!!!!!!!!

AND DON'T SETTLE!!!!!!!!!!

Right ON. Great post qp. :)

but for real, it was all good while it lasted, but now I think im ready to face reality, single life isnt what I thought it might be, I have no scocial life really, unless you call co-workers . a scocial life. and im so broke i cant even afford mc. donalds. I have been paying my ex-husband visits, gradually. and i can't even get turned on, or even feel any attraction to him, because by the time i think about it, i glance over and he is passed out from the beer. more pittiful looking then attractive. but............. he wants to take care of me, and give me everything................... I dont know....... I can't even meet anyone online....Because, every guy i chat to, lives 50 hundred miles away, my young ex- lover begs,for me all the time, but I had to close the door on that chapter too
.. besides....... my kids ,they are begging me to go back....... they want me to stop whareing make up, ...."I dont talk to any" but if a younger guys says hello to me . they even say i need to talk to guys my own, age or go back to daddy.
I had a sexxless, lovless marriage, but the bills were getting paid, and the kids were happy........ am i crazy, or should i just get a cat. and forget men, all together? "edit " to say... i have been celibit... for a long time now.

SK--I don't know your whole history so I really can't give much advice, but I can share with you my experience when I felt I had nothing going for me and I returned to a husband who provided very well for me but was emotionally abusive. Within weeks of returning, I knew it was not going to work. All the reasons I had left in the first place were still there. Feeling stuck, I became very very depressed. I finally came to the realization that it was better to live alone for the rest of my life but to also give myself the chance for finding happiness versus staying in a situation that guaranteed severe depression with no reason to live. I have been living alone for many years and surprisingly, I love it! I did get a dog and that really helps. I have a boyfriend but I don't want to ever marry again. I really like being single. I don't have any really close friends, but I do have some great co-workers that I enjoy spending time with, and I have several interests that provide me the opportunity to meet and talk with people. Please give yourself the chance to find happiness in this life. And do what you need to do to set yourself up to find it. Remember, happiness is not a destination, it's a way of traveling. Best Wishes,
Flyer

Sorry to hijack the thread again, but I had to leave before I could post a response about DA DAAA!!! Religion! :eek:

There's just been so much pressure over the centuries to believe in one thing or another, regardless of whether it's right for someone, so I'm simply saying that I don't think it is the purview of this place, But she was not 'pressuring anyone, just making a one word suggestion. And I am sorry, but where in the Ageless rules does it say what the 'purview' is and ISN'T, here at Ageless? It does not say one may recommend everything but religion or you may recommend it IF it has been "your experience".

And I don't want to sound rude, but sincerely, where do YOU get to say what the 'purview' of this place is??? (I had to look that word up in the dictionary :D ) All I know is that it is to SUPPORT, and as long as that is being the intent of poster's, it may take any direction the poster wishes.

difference between "religion" and "spirituality" is very clear, to my mind they are not interchangeable. To millions of people everywhere and the Dictionary, they are.

I'm saying that let's not assume that religion is a necessary component of self-care. The poster did not say that it was NECESSARY, it was merely mentioned as an idea.

Anyway, this is too subtle a discussion for this thread. I totally agree, however it was not too subtle, Goldie, for you to tell someone not to post something. (Don't mean to sound like I am hammering on you, I am just trying to make my points... :p )

Here is the definition of RELIGION:
re·li·gion [ ri líjjən ] (plural re·li·gions) noun
Definitions:
1. beliefs and worship: people's beliefs and opinions concerning the existence, nature, and worship of a deity or deities, and divine involvement in the universe and human life
2. system: an institutionalized or personal system of beliefs and practices relating to the divine
3. personal beliefs or values: a set of strongly-held beliefs, values, and attitudes that somebody lives by
4. obsession: an object, practice, cause, or activity that somebody is completely devoted to or obsessed by
The danger is that you start to make fitness a religion.
5. christianity monk's or nun's life: life as a monk or a nun, especially in the Roman Catholic Church

I could go on and on... but again I think the bottom line is that you had a very bad experience with an organized religion and it has colored your interpretation of the WORD: RELIGION. I am sorry that you have experienced this if that is the case.

A lot of Christians are always saying "How many people have you SAVED today?" I think more need to think about "how many they totally lost and pushed away" by their arrogance, their bullying, and their 'shame based techniques'.

I also think that I have now outlived my intended life when 'religion' has become a prohibited word for someone who is having problems. How sad...

Sorry this has riled you YR. But I wasn't telling anyone not to use a certain word. I thought I explained myself well enough already, but there is no way to be logical in a discussion where one side is going to defend a way of thinking which is just as flawed as any other belief system yet not acknowledge that.

I also wasn't saying the poster was pressuring anyone. What I was trying to convey is that with a matter like religion, there has been a sensibility that people SHOULD be pressured to accept it (unlike many other points of view), and because of this, and the constitution of our country, it is generally thought to be a very personal decision to be respected by all. Therefore for anyone to suggest that religion might be an answer to a self-esteem problem is to me a bit out of bounds.

When I say religion is not the purview of this site I have no idea why you feel this is so incredibly arrogant of me. Is this a religious site? Do we all believe the same things? It is ONE thing to suggest that people take a deep look at themselves, to perhaps connect with something in a spiritual way, but sorry, "religion" and "spirituality" are NOT identical. One is a SUBSET of the other at the most. What I have trouble with is the subset taking the view that it does, or should, define the whole. The phrase "find religion" has a specific character that "seek spiritually" does not.

I'm not going to dice words with you anymore YR. It appears that you want to defend your beliefs and I have no intention of dissuading you. I'm not the only one here who finds an injection of religious sentiment here somewhat inappropriate at times. I'm not going to discuss this any further, my one sentence post about it was what I had to say, and this has gotten blown way out of proportion now.

Father in Heaven,
You made us Your children
and called us to walk in the Light of Christ.
Free us from darkness
and keep us in the Light of Your Truth. Amen

Ah, yes...

The praying wife beater...

It just means *so* much.

:rolleyes:

PERSONAL ATTACK!! MODERATORS!! MODERATORS!! Whack her pee pee!!! :p :rolleyes:

how one word has managed to excite so many into so many different types of responses.

Please understand that I have been through two horrible marriages and two even worse divorces. "One" of the things that helped me; I say one cause I listed numerous in my post, was going to church. Feeling like part of something much larger than my immediate world and feeling a sense of community, strength and love.

I grew up jewish, however never felt connected to my religion. When I needed something to renew my faith in the world, I went to Christian Church. I'm not Christian, nor Jewish, but the experience was humbling and taught me some very important lessons, for instance, no matter how bad things may be for me, there are always others who have it much worse. Their ability to cope, only helped me dig deep enough to find my own ability to pull myself up and become stronger than I ever believed I could.

In a sense I found spirituality..which in numerous dictionaries is defined as:

The state, quality, manner, or fact of being spiritual.
The clergy.
Something, such as property or revenue, that belongs to the church or to a cleric. Often used in the plural.


Spirituality is a search for the sacred.

Religiousness is a search for the sacred (or non-sacred things) in a socially-sanctioned context that typically facilitates searches for the sacred.

Faith is a form of spirituality or religiousness
The Sacred is an ultimate, transcendent, or divine being, reality, or truth as perceived by an individual.

Anyway..thats how the comment was meant to be taken. It was simply a suggestion based on my own personal experience, not meant to say that without religion a person is unable to become strong or cope. Just a means in which one may be able to find strength.

Goldie, I tried to word my post so you would not hear any rant... just calm sentences explaining why I think telling someone not to suggest 'religion' because YOU think it is wrong. I and the moderators (evidently) do not think it wrong or they would have deleted it.

I apologize about the word arrogant. I don't mean that you are arrogant. What I was trying to say is that if I make MYSELF the authority on what subjects should be discussed at Ageless or proposed, then I would be putting myself above the Ageless mods and policy. I can't and won't do that.

You know how much I cheer you on with the great advice you give. I think you are tops.... okay? Friends??? Please???

Yes, God will judge me AND you.

I for one have got nothing to worry about.

Your silly little prayer was an offensive post and should be removed as well--it had no purpose here.

As I said before, you can't come in with your pseudo religion prayer whenever the passive-aggressive tendency strikes you and then give a Honk Honk when someone is discussing their sexuality and it turns you on. On top of that, you insult people on a regular basis--that's not very "God-like" my friend.

Truly, you fool no one but yourself.

YR, of course we are friends. :) I don't mean any disrespect or have any beef with you personally.

The mods...well, I don't know what they think, there is plenty posted here that any thinking person would object to, and it remains. It's not quite a legal issue as far as it being *wrong* to post about religion. Again, my one-line post was more about responding to what sounded like religion being advocated as a method of self-help. Read my post again...I was emphasizing that there are other choices. (I wasn't saying religion shouldn't be discussed, either.)

Nita, it's interesting that you didn't become Christian even after finding comfort in church. But thank you for clarifying what you meant by that post. The way it was written, it sounded a little more...well I don't know how to describe it, but it prompted me to say what I said. Really though...I didn't think this was any big deal.

:)

interesting turn this thred took on.....haaa


i HAVE BEEN READING THE NEW POSTS HERE EVERYDAY


well on the religious side of things.......... i find solitude in yoga/meditation.

I Do not care for organized religion.........

tried it.... not for me...

But I found that in my field of work, i have become a bit spirital..... you cant work in a nursing home, and deny life after.death .. there have been way to many strange things that have happened .to me and other co-workers.. that will definatly turn any "non believer' into a beliver....


real quik

any ways........ I went on a trip and met a new fellow so to speek, he is real nice, and while we agreed to be friends...

he made the whole online meeting thing a very pleasent experience...

i HAVE DECIDED TO COME UT OF MY SHELL, AND START MEETING NEW PEOPLE....


the whole lost thing i may have been feeling could be a result of my shyness, its a downfall of mine.....

anyways..... Im on my way to new me... and a new attitude... I have paid 2 months rent on my apartment so i cant go back for 2 more months.... hahaa

and to anyone who is curious in know the update on the ym...... well i didnt speek to him for days.... and he finly stopped calling me.. thank god'

then i started to get worried about him....

since i didnt know what happened, concidering his state of deep deprecion...

I made the mistake of calling... "just to make sure he was alive"


turned out that he was working ... alot.. the factory had him pulling in alot of extra hours, and his mother has been transpoting him to and from work......


while he sounded good... in the beginning of the call, he turned it all around and started in on the same ol' "wooo is me" crap.....

so i was like, ok just seeing how u are, i have to go now.. and i havnt spooken to him since.

I just thought that he would get the whole, "why cant we just be friends" thing. but he didnt..... so im going to take all the advise as far as cutting all contact.

And "everybody lived happily ever after". The end. :p

Good for you, you find your inner strength to do what is best for you...this life isn't easy, is it...the great part is that in your personal turmoil, you found who you are and where you want to be and who you can continue to be.

I wish you the best of everything and everyone you meet.

paris

It is just amazing to me..... how the ym.... can sound so good, and do so well as long as im not around,


but as soon as he gets me in his site.... he latches on to me like a blood sucking slug that can't survive without it's host.


extremely needy


He tried to tell me in the phone call, how he dosnt sleep and never will sleep again, without me in his arms.... and how misserable it is to live alone, and how he works so much, blaa blaaa blaaaa



When i was around he wouldnt have one single thing to do with another humman sole.... no friends, no humman conntact, scocial events, ext... nuthing...Not even his mother....... cuz he knew others would jump his ***, for quitting his job!!!!!!!!



Now he has to speek to other people, cuz he works with people, and he has to except rides from them..........


if i stay away completely, his life begins to improve.... ( even though he says it will never be good without me init.) and he dosnt care bout anyone else....


*rolls eyes* im sick of slugs.

"believe it if you need it or leave it if you dare"

"Nita, it's interesting that you didn't become Christian even after finding comfort in church."

Thats how I looked at my experience with religion. I know it is always there, however how I chose to worship isn't necessarily how others may. Its a personal thing and I don't often share it with anyone. However, if it helps even one person, then I am glad that I did.

"Good for you, you find your inner strength to do what is best for you...this life isn't easy, is it...the great part is that in your personal turmoil, you found who you are and where you want to be and who you can continue to be.

I wish you the best of everything and everyone you meet."

iparis, I appreciate your kind words of encouragement and support...thank you.