M1K3L 08-23-2005, 03:35 AM So I started dating a 25 year old female a month ago (I'm 20). We've been spending all our free time with each other and we talked for a few weeks before we started dating. We both clicked really good.
She call's me several times a day, we sometimes talk for hours at a time. She will tell me exactly everything she does everyday. She even wrote Thank You Card's to my family when she stayed the night and when they took us out to eat. She's a very sweet girl, and everyone seems to really like her a lot.
However, She doesn't have a stable job, and she lives off her family. She drags her feet a lot, and she's a bit controling (One of my friends who seen us together for a few mins said I was like a puppy dog) and her car isn't in the best shape.. so guess what... She lives 60 Miles away.. so I'm always going over there, or bringing her here, and paying for most everything.
I feel like a "couple" when I'm with her, but at the same time, I feel "used".
We've been dating a month, and she's already talking about marrage.
I do like her a lot, but I don't see her as the "girl of my dreams".
I've had people tell me that "nobody is perfect" and that I'm often too shallow on who I pick.
My question is.. What should I do? Why is she is such a hurry to get married? Does she just really love me that much or is she using me for something?
sheila4pd 08-23-2005, 03:40 AM I do not know if she loves you or if she is using you but there is definitely no hurry to get married!
You (and her) are still young and there is no reason to rush things, specially if you know she is not the girl of your dreams. What I do think you should do is be very straightforward with her and tell her that you do not have any intention of marrying her.
kyle83 08-23-2005, 10:10 AM Yeah man i here ya about no rush to be married im 22 myself and my girl is 35(or whatever we r now)how do u feel about this girl?? And i would tell her im in no hurry to rush into a marriage. Maybe you make her feel comfortable since you do so much for her etc and thats why she is saying this.
greeneyedgirl 08-23-2005, 10:23 AM So I started dating a 25 year old female a month ago (I'm 20). We've been spending all our free time with each other and we talked for a few weeks before we started dating. We both clicked really good.
I feel like a "couple" when I'm with her, but at the same time, I feel "used".
We've been dating a month, and she's already talking about marrage.
I do like her a lot, but I don't see her as the "girl of my dreams".
I've had people tell me that "nobody is perfect" and that I'm often too shallow on who I pick.
My question is.. What should I do? Why is she is such a hurry to get married? Does she just really love me that much or is she using me for something?
so here's what i see:
you click
you feel like a 'couple' when you're with her
only a month and she's talking marriage
you like her, but don't feel she's 'the one'
you're picky
sounds to me like you have fun spending time with her, you don't so much like feeling like she's moochin', mainly i think because you always provide transportation?
do you think if she WEREN'T already talking marriage that you'd feel a lil more comfortable with the relationship? i mean, the relationship hasn't even had time to really develop and here she is wanting to get married. i wonder if it's to YOU or just to BE married, if it's this soon.
she's not the girl of you dreams.......enough said there.
you're picky? SO WHAT!?!? never settle, never never. you gotta be happy with your decision in a lifetime commitment. my gal Tash is picky, i tease her about it, sure, but that's HER choice and it's a grand thing, indeed.
definately need to talk to her. explain that maybe she's moving too fast, that for now you're only interested in casual dating. that's if you ARE only interested in casual dating. if you don't feel she's the girl of your dreams, i'd personally cut it loose now and move on. don't waste her time and yours. it's not fair to either of you or your potential partners who are out there somewhere.
eh, sometimes i type before i think so maybe i don't make alot of sense, but hopefully SOME of what i said was easily interpreted, lol
good luck!!
Tracy
yellowrose 08-23-2005, 10:27 AM I don't think that she is "using you" so much as she is infatuated with you. Gals usually picture marriage when they have a crush and guys usually picture a great time in bed. :p Both scenarios are usually rushed.
If you FEEL you are being used then set some boundaries with her. Tell her you will call her NEXT and take turns calling each other.
Did you mention marriage at all to her... like "maybe"? :confused:
Faith47 08-23-2005, 10:42 AM so here's what i see:
you click
you feel like a 'couple' when you're with her
only a month and she's talking marriage
you like her, but don't feel she's 'the one'
you're picky
sounds to me like you have fun spending time with her, you don't so much like feeling like she's moochin', mainly i think because you always provide transportation?
do you think if she WEREN'T already talking marriage that you'd feel a lil more comfortable with the relationship? i mean, the relationship hasn't even had time to really develop and here she is wanting to get married. i wonder if it's to YOU or just to BE married, if it's this soon.
she's not the girl of you dreams.......enough said there.
you're picky? SO WHAT!?!? never settle, never never. you gotta be happy with your decision in a lifetime commitment. my gal Tash is picky, i tease her about it, sure, but that's HER choice and it's a grand thing, indeed.
definately need to talk to her. explain that maybe she's moving too fast, that for now you're only interested in casual dating. that's if you ARE only interested in casual dating. if you don't feel she's the girl of your dreams, i'd personally cut it loose now and move on. don't waste her time and yours. it's not fair to either of you or your potential partners who are out there somewhere.
eh, sometimes i type before i think so maybe i don't make alot of sense, but hopefully SOME of what i said was easily interpreted, lol
good luck!!
Tracy
girl, keep writing before you think cause it makes total sense ;)
I second Greeneye here. Believe me, if it was the right person you wouldnt have doubt like you have right now. Its OK to be picky. And I dont call it picky. I call it "knowing what you want".
Going with your gut feeling applies as much to men as it applies to women.
;)
irparis 08-23-2005, 11:13 AM But also, I wonder if, did she specifically say she wanted to marry YOU.
Its just that when I was her age, every guy I dated was a potential husband and I had to think about if this relationship turns long term, and possibly marriage was this the guy I wanted to marry. I was trying to be logical about his faults and positives...it didn't necessarily mean I wanted to marry him.
If she's living at home, please don't hold it aganist her, if her parents don't have a problem, neither should you. Now if you feel she's unstable financially, drags her feet alot (which shows she has no purpose, no discipline since she's thinking a guy will provide what her parents have been dishing out) and she's controlling, well those things you have to decide if you can put up with in a relationship. Because it doesn't get any better as time goes on.
And if she's not "the one", and all the other faults you pointed out are a bit more of a challenge than you're willing to bear, then there's no need to continue this relationship, because in actuality then it would be YOU who is using her as a booty call until someone better comes along.
Its time to make a decision and choose the right.
Paris
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