age gap success?

Hey everyone, I'm another new one to this board. I am 20 yrs old and just coming out of a relationship I had this summer with a much older woman. I have poked around the site a bit and am curious: what is the largest age gap relationship you have been in? How did you meet? And what made it successful or unsuccessful? I would love to hear from all of you. Take care.

I'm a 34 year old man, am in the early stages of dating with a lovely 53 year old female. The age issue is definitely an issue for us, more for her than for me. SHe doesn't look her age or act old. Over time, I think that the important parts of a relationship will over shadow our age difference to such a great degree that we will be able to consider marrying.

I must say that the age difference has nothing to do with why this woman is so special to me. I would prefer that She were closer to me in age, not so much for me but in order to assuage her worries about our age difference. What attracts me to her is the kind of person she is.

what is the largest age gap relationship you have been in? How did you meet? And what made it successful or unsuccessful?

Welcome to Ageless, tfrederick.

I'm sorry that your relationship didn't work out for you this time.

I don't know how successful my relationship is but we're in a long distance, age gap relationship. We are 13 years apart, me being the older woman.

We have our ups and downs but we're generally happy and very much in love. There are so many details to comb through before we can be together every day but we have a plan and it takes time...we're working on it!

It's successful I suppose in that we are understanding and forgiving, loving and empathetic towards each other. We realize that there are people who are already together and don't realize how lucky they are and waste that chance, and we refuse to waste our time together when we talk online, on the phone, write, visit each other.

We are unsuccessful in that we don't always see eye to eye, have trivial arguments over things I think he should know by now or he wishing I was more independant at this point. Sometimes the language barrier itself is a bit of a challenge :) He's German and I am English, we speak together in English and my very broken German when I have to.

Again, welcome and I hope you stay and continue to contribute to the forums!

The gap between Joe and I is more than 25 years -- I am 54 and he is 28. We met here on this site about 2 and a half years ago. We have never had any age gap issues because he is attracted to older women and I am fairly secure with myself.

What has made it successful? That's easy . . . we love each other http://bestsmileys.com/love2/3.gif

Hi Peachy,
Great to see you posting...you've been miss.

Hope you and Joe had a great summer.

Paris

i've been in an on-again off-again relationship with a guy for over four years. he's now 27 and i'm 54. we met at work. now, we are long distance because he left town after about a year of dating. our age gap has always been an issue for him on some levels, and for me as well, just because of the different life stages that we are experiencing. why are we even still in contact and visiting? we love each other and have enormous respect for each other's intellect, beliefs, commonalities and sense of humor.

i would say it's more of a lasting friendship now that we like to hold close to our hearts. additionally, we are still attracted to each other.

Thanks, Paris . . . good summer . . . but seems we've been too busy to enjoy it . . . can't believe it's almost fall!!!!

I'm 52, and my husband is 26. We met online close to five years ago, and we've been very happily married for almost four years now.

I think that the reasons we are so happy together is that we don't care about our age gap, and we both listen to each other, talk a lot with each other, and discuss any and all problems/concerns that we have right when they come up.

like the others, you cant put an age on love. my husband is 20 years younger, we dont think of the age difference when we are together, the attraction is because of who we both are as people, not because of our age differences, it has however become an added plus, we ENJOY the differences in age. we both bring things to our relationship that we would have missed out on if we were the same age, viva la differance, it sure works for us.

LIVE AND ENJOY THE DIFFERENCE!!!!

Largest agegap between me and my also-ex younger partner was 25 years.
Most recent...22 year dif.

A 10-15 year age gap seems like a dream to me...after being in relatively huge-gap partnerships I seriously don't even think that a 15 year difference IS a gap any more. No one blinks an eye when it's a guy 45 and a woman 30....that's how I view smaller-gap ow/ym relationships now.

tfred....how old was your girlfriend, by the way?

"what is the largest age gap relationship you have been in?"

16 years. This one. I was 11 years younger than my late husband. The others were all within two years or so of my age. We've been together for six years, living together for five.

"How did you meet?"

I was helping to organize a protest and he was attending it as a free-lance protestor. He was cute, dedicated, energetic and helpful. We ended up friends and took it up a notch about seven weeks after meeting - with no intention of it being all that serious. And we got hornswaggled :>

"And what made it successful or unsuccessful?"

The friendship. We laughed constantly, did off-beat things, and made each other feel like everything, even life's BS was fun. The first three years were an amazing honeymoon. And even as real life has crashed down upon us, we're still pretty fond of each other :>

our gap is 22 years..him 32 me 54...my last husband was 12 years younger than me. This one is 10 years younger but more mature.

I heard of this 23 y/o who married a 98 y/o. They lived happily forever and ever.

Funny... very funny... forever and ever? That must be a short forever, 5 years tops.

Anyways...
Age gap: 21 years
Where we met: Political chat room, over 2 years ago.
Where we met for real: Arizona, 1 year and 10 months ago
What made this work: Love, friendship, faithfulness, sexual attraction, mutual admiration, common beliefs and willingness to spend lots of time at the computer. (We are into a LDR)

Im a 22 yr old male currently in a reltionship with an o/w of 35!! Of course we have our ups and downs as every reltionship does. I could not be any happier i think she would agree as well!! We met through a car group and started talking on the phone and hanging out and doing things this was nearly 3 years ago when we first met and i have to admit i was a little shy at first but started relaxing after awhile.

Me 33, him 20. We met hanging out in the old "hood" where we both use to live through a mutual friend (his best friend). We've been dating since Feb, 2004 and living together since June, 2004.

It couldn't be better and I wouldn't change a thing about him... :D

~phos

You should check out the Long Term RElationship forum... You may have to do a small search their to find the older threads but we have some great stories on successful LTR !!

Thanks everyone for your info and insights. To answer the question posed my way: she was quite a bit older, just over 50. I met her through a friend of mine who I was visiting for a bit this summer. We were attracted to each other instantly (I have always been attracted to older women), although before we got together I thought I was imagining her flirtation. Anyhow, we never went public with our friends or family, although we did have a few date. It was great though and I would dive into the experience again if given the chance. I would love to meet another older woman but I fear that age gap is going to be hard to find. I suppose you all have given me hope though. Thanks, take care.
-Tom

I'm 38, she's 56. Known eachother for four years, been dating two. I didn't date her out of attraction to older women, but rather out of attraction to her . I think that that has been a huge reason why our relationship has grown. Had I gotten involved with her simply because she were older, eventually, the novelty would wear off.

People's tastes sometimes change over time. I used to love blondes; you can thank Top Gun for that, then I saw Star Trek: The Next Generation, and thought Marina Sirtis was gorgeous, so then it was brunettes. I saw Masterpiece Theatre one day, and Diana Rigg was gorgeous, so I developed an appreciation for older women. I could go on, but people are into different things at different times, so unless there is a relationship that transcendes that, the relationship won't last. In my case, it was the person she was on the inside that attracted me to her, not just her great looks. It was the person inside who I fell in love with, and the person inside that I want to spend the rest of my life with (or hers, whichever comes first); the external is incidental.

Dan Echo

But I thought all age gap relationships regardless of age should last forever?! :confused:

Actually I interpreted your original comment as sarcasm... 23 and 98!? Forever and ever?

The relationship lasts only while both parties are alive. Love lasts only until the last breath of whoever is still in love.

Dan, the happiness seems to radiate from between the lines in your posting. I am glad you were able to find her. I hope I can find that happiness in my own life. My recent experience was not built on that foundation of inner beauty. It was great fun, but I liken it more to miniature golf...while you are teeing it up at pebble beach with tiger woods. I have read about love, I have even shed a tear or two during those excrutiatingly beautiful moments found in romantic movies, but my young age has prevented me from letting my heart view that side of life from beyond the bed sheets, so to speak. Physically, I have been beyond fulfilled, but as so many have pointed out on these boards, the heart yearns for more, and if that 'more' is found I will then consider myself a happy young man!

The gap between Joe and I is more than 25 years -- I am 54 and he is 28. We met here on this site about 2 and a half years ago. We have never had any age gap issues because he is attracted to older women and I am fairly secure with myself.

Question for you: My ladyfriend knows that I'm not bothered by her age. She knows that I enjoy her company immensely (we spend nearly all of our free time together), and that I don't think She looks 53. One of my friends, who is honest to the point of rudeness, thought She was about 39.

Despite all of this, my ladyfriend seems to have a nagging voice or something telling her that she is old. We went to a concert tonight that a lot of elderly folks attended. Before the concert, we both overheard an old woman comment on being old. My ladyfriend laughed to me about "knowing the feeling". I kidded her that She will sabotage herself thinking that way, but it kind of bothers me. She is healthy, fun, alert and pretty. Waitresses her age and younger call her "dear", and old ladies call her "young lady". She is aware that she looks young, and is pretty healthy. What is up?I need a female opinion on this....

Buffeaut...it's just that we have been literally inundated with standards set by the media and current American culture that women over the age of about 45 are old, wrinkly, used up, lackluster, etc....while men of the same age and older are "distinguished", maturely handsome, rugged, etc. I found it telling that many of the younger women with older boyfriends on the other side of the board think gray hair on their man is "sexy". Not sure the same feeling would be transferred to women of the same age on this side? How many female newscasters or actresses do you know (under the age of about 65) that have salt and pepper, or gray hair. Non existant?

Unconsciously, we ow often buy into the cultural assessment that our age determines our "oldness". What you can continue to do to combat this is to keep telling your OW that she is the most beautiful woman you know, that you love her exactly how she is, that her age is just a number because she is the resident of your heart...mushy, but genuine stuff like that ;) My ym has often said things like, "Don't ever lose one pound because if you do, I'll miss it." .... or, "Wow, have you been working out extra on the stair stepper? You tusch is so perfect!".... Now, I know he is kidding, but it helps dispell the picture in my mind that I have to be a size 2 to be beautiful (another buy-in of media insanity).

Didn't mean to hijack the thread, but I think the question applies in general, and was a good one to answer here.

I just realized that I witnessed firsthand while growing up, the ultimate AGR success story:

My grandmother was born in 1900. She met and married a man who was 22 when she was 34 in 1934. (scandalous back in those days, especially since a 34 yo woman was considered old back then!) They had a family and stayed happily married for 52 years until his death at age 74 in 1986. She was 86. She lived a vibrant, healthy, active life for another 10 years and died at 96 in 1996.

Funny, it never even occurred to me as a child that she was older than he was. His health began declining in his 60s, while she never had a single health issue until her 90s.

TFrederick-We have an 18 year gap, have been a couple for 10+ years. I am 60, he is 42. I totally agree with DanEcho. Look for the person inside and let the age thing take care of itself.
Question for you: My ladyfriend knows that I'm not bothered by her age. She knows that I enjoy her company immensely (we spend nearly all of our free time together), and that I don't think She looks 53. One of my friends, who is honest to the point of rudeness, thought She was about 39.
Despite all of this, my ladyfriend seems to have a nagging voice or something telling her that she is old. We went to a concert tonight that a lot of elderly folks attended. Before the concert, we both overheard an old woman comment on being old. My ladyfriend laughed to me about "knowing the feeling". I kidded her that She will sabotage herself thinking that way, but it kind of bothers me. She is healthy, fun, alert and pretty. Waitresses her age and younger call her "dear", and old ladies call her "young lady". She is aware that she looks young, and is pretty healthy. What is up?I need a female opinion on this....
Buffeat, I, too, wonder why she says that. I am 60 years old and firmly believe that you are only as old as you feel. I feel like I'm 35. I have a sister who is 52 and she feels old, but, understandably, she is the caretaker of her significant other who has constant back pain and has great difficulty with walking. You're right I think your girlfriend is sabotaging herself and will become old if she believes she is old. My thinking is that there is something going on in her life that she is tired of dealing with. Problems that don't seem to go away can make you feel tired and old. I've met many people younger than me who tell me they feel old. You know, you don't have to be old to feel old. Find out what's making her feel dragged down.

I'm 25 and my wife is 37. We met through mutual friends on a Metallica website in 2000.

Been happily married for 3 and a half years and have a 2 year old daughter together.

Before I forget, I'm Dutch and she's American, so it even started as a long distance relationship in the beginning. :)

I'm 46, my YM is 27.

We get along great, have alot of fun, lots of great sex.

He wants kids, with someone closer to his own age. A couple times when we were together, he's said "if only you were like 10 years younger."

I havent let nagging worries bother me all along, but now i'm starting to fall in love with him, so i will probably end it.

We met at work...he trained me when i started a new job. We were friends and co-workers for about a year before anything sexual happened. We've been seeing each other now for almost 2 years.

I see alot of great stories here, and wish mine could be one of them. But i will move on if i have to, to avoid the hurt.

I'm 46, my YM is 27.

We get along great, have alot of fun, lots of great sex.

He wants kids, with someone closer to his own age. A couple times when we were together, he's said "if only you were like 10 years younger."

I havent let nagging worries bother me all along, but now i'm starting to fall in love with him, so i will probably end it.

We met at work...he trained me when i started a new job. We were friends and co-workers for about a year before anything sexual happened. We've been seeing each other now for almost 2 years.

I see alot of great stories here, and wish mine could be one of them. But i will move on if i have to, to avoid the hurt.

Damn, I feel sorry for you. :(

Ask him if he thinks he can have with someone else what he now has with you. I don't know, just an idea. Hope it works out for the best for you.

I met my first YM in 1980 when I was 32 in a Covent Garden nightclub in London, UK. He was 19. He was a very mature 19 year old though, so I don't think I stole his youth, perhaps he stole the little I had left of mine! He was a wonderful father to my 2 year old, we got married after 4 years living together and we stayed together until the end of the year 2000, so 20 years, most of them good ones. I never expected our relationship to end during our lifetimes, even when he moved out to a flat in London, it was "our" flat to begin with. Now we are properly separated, no sign of divorce yet. We are still good riends five years later (when we are not arguing about money that is). The reasons he left I discover (as he won't admit he left me) are nothing to do with the age gap. What I will say though is that he became less mature as he got older , quite the reverse of most men and he is still going through that. I have a lot more I could say but will save it for other posts.

When my husband moved out (first YM) I had just met second YM on an internet dating site, a slightly dodgy one called IWANTU. This time the age gap was even greater, 17 years instead of 12. I do not seek out YMs believe me it just happened that way. YM no.2 I have now been with for nearly five years. He lives in a city a bit over 100 miles away (a fair distance if you live in England), so we stay in each other's homes for several days at a time, when the travelling gets tiring we spend 10 days or so apart to recharge our batteries. So we are semi-livingtogether, it suits us. We have email, webcam and phone in between and are in touch on most days. He is political, a bit musical and a bit bohemian with long hair and he has a cheeky face and mischievous smile. So life (and sex) is often fun. He has a disability but he deals with it with a lot of courage, one of the things I admire him for.