a new older woman

Okay, I'm new here. I am an OW, but I'm new to this experience too. I have been in a relationship with someone 15 years younger than me for the past two months. I truly have never felt quite like this with anyone. We didn't know our ages when we first got together (we met at a party), but found out a week or so later. He says he's just fine with it, but I'm having a harder time. I feel vulnerable, I think. How can someone so gorgeous and wonderful, who could be with about anybody, want to be with someone older than he? Yes, I am younger looking than I am chronologically, and have much to offer, but still....

I was in a 15 year marriage with a same-age-as-me man, and have since dated men my age or a bit younger, but never felt like it would last a long time, so didn't think about it much. I feel strange about being older, in a different era, really, though I am encouraged by this site... He was recently in a long term marriage with someone his own age. The thing is, I am starting late... I am 59. Most people on this site seem a lot younger. Does anyone have the experience of starting out with a younger man at such a late date? Or men in their 40's who started with older women? Thank you for this wonderful forum.

Love your screen name!

Well, I am almost 47, my bf is 25. So my gap is bigger. I would feel really comfy with a 15 yr gap. Go for it!

Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

40's and 50's are irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. I met my younger man at 50 and he was 23.....it's four years later now, and I would consider dating someone in their 40's as kind of weird...a bit too old for me. See? It's all relative.

Yes, i can see where you would be anxious about this, but you know, you're only into this relationship 2 months...give it some time, you will work through all that anxiety and get to a better place where it won't matter.

At the beginning its a bit much to take in, but after you go out on a couple of more dates and as you get to know him, you can then gauge as to where and what his expectations or yours for that matter are. yes, he makes you feel great but in 6 or 8 months, you might just change your mind and keep it as a friendship. So don't freak out now. you're both are at the get-to-know stage...you're getting your feet wet, maybe you want to dry them out later but if you don't test the temperature how will you know if its right for you.

Take it slow, take a deep breathe, enjoy each moment...

Paris

Well, I am almost 47, my bf is 25. So my gap is bigger. I would feel really comfy with a 15 yr gap. Go for it!

I'm 52, and my husband is 26. We're so happy together and have been for close to five years now. Like sheila, I, too, would feel really comfy with a 15 year gap. My husband and I seldom even notice our 26 year gap.

I like what Paris wrote, especially the last sentence. Try to relax and enjoy each moment.

Whisper !! I LOVE YOUR NEW AVATAR....you are gorgeous, girl...your hubby is a lucky man!...

Supernova, Honey, for some reason I'm just so encouraged by the fact that you are 59 and finding a great ym who adores you obviously. So many times around here young "older" women lament : "What will my ymbf think of me when I'm 45 and he's 28??!!" Sheesh, I'm 48... Bella, Sheila, Paris and a bunch of other amazing women here are also in their mid-late 40's....you're 59, Whisper is 52, bubble,Kat,Barb and others here are in their 50's, and we ARE ALL FREAKIN HOT !!!!! We all need to stop obsessing about what the age dif. will mean when we are older and "not as beautiful, wrinkly or whatever." If they love us, they love us, and THAT is truly ageless. Let's be thankful, and not look back.

Fifteen years is a very manageable age gap, supernova...and after both partners reach about 35 - 40, there really isn't any appreciable "era" dysfunction at all! I'm sure no one can even tell the age difference by looking at you two. If you are happy, and he is happy, just accept the blessing and go with it :)

Stick around the boards here, and share your wisdom with us, will you? You can be one more of my role models of what I hope to become.

Hi Supernova,

Not only am I new to this site, I'm also new (one month) in an OW/YM relationship. I'm 41 and Adam will be 31 this October. It's a 10-year 6-month gap. I was also apprehensive about the age gap at first. But after joining this site and reading some of the threads and replies, I am now feeling great about my relationship.
I, too, don't look my age at 41. People mistake me as being in my late 20s or early 30s. Yes, we look great for our age and our YM thinks so too!
I'm giving my relationship with Adam, time to grow. In addition, I plan to stay on this site because of its supportive community that it offers.
There are so many reasons to talk yourself out of the opportunity to experience a healthy and loving OW/YM relationship. Age difference doesn't matter. Trust your intuition instead. By doing so, you are more likely to find what you feel is a truly meaningful love.
I agree with special k and the others, enjoy the moment and go for it!

Norie

Thank you, Special K.

I don't think that age matters, either. I sometimes wonder if my husband and I are unconcerned about age differences because of the fact that neither of us was ever really into the "only hanging out with our peers thing" in our lives. We've both always gotten along well with people of all ages. I think it might make a difference.

I will be 59 next month. I feel like I have more to offer a guy at this age than at any other time in my life. Guys have been dating younger women for decades and they never feel 'less than'. :rolleyes: People are living longer and staying in better shape so I think a relationship at this time in life has as much chance of longevity or MORE, than one started when both people are in their 20's. :p

So enjoy this time in your life. Seize the DAY!

:rolleyes: Umm, actually an ideal age. ;)

Welcome to AL!! :D
The thing is, I am starting late... I am 59.

I am 53 and husband is 35...Welcome to Ageless!

Thank you SO much, everybody, for your caring replies. I've been reading a lot of the material here, in other threads too, and am amazed at the quality of response and the thoughtfulness and depth involved. I was especially interested in nbr2005's response because you are new here too. I am feeling more comfortable about my situation already. My friends have told me to "just get over" my qualms, and that it's not that uncommon anymore to have OW/YM relationships. I'm not normally "prejudiced" about anything, but I guess I had to be "tested" in this way by being thrown into a situation I felt was a bit weird. I certainly didn't feel strange when my brother married a 15 year younger woman, in fact I adore her... and my ex married a woman 17 years younger than himself... and I get along just fine with her, and him too, for that matter. It was the older OW/YM thing that was strange... for me.

I am just going to enjoy it and go with the flow, so to speak... I REALLY like this man, and I truly think it is mutual. I will be checking here regularly now. I've never done this communicating thing online before, with people I don't know... love to all... :)

Honey, if I could find a guy 15 years younger that was a sweetheart and wanted to be my boyfriend I'd be jumping for joy and shakin my booty! ;) Go for it girl and I've learned from this site that lots of younger guys are into girls in their 50's and beyond. I wish you true love and happiness!!!!!

I am 54 and was agonizing about the age difference between my ym amd myself - (he is 40). i am having a much harder time than he is and was ready to maybe call it quits but he has been so so good for me..i think the same things-how could someone so 'right' want me at this age ( i'm a late starter too) but know what?? he does' and when i read some of the other replies, i think we'll be okay.

Welcome marlita (and stan) - I just have to say (also to the OP), if your YM is 40 or over...you should be dealing with a pretty well developed adult there. Most of us OW on the site here have partners who are in their 20s, some of them quite early 20s, or even as young as 19 in many cases.

Soooo...in some ways we might theorize your situation is less dissonant than those with really young guys, because the experience and life stage differential can be so great with them. Have you experienced major issues even when your guy is that established and experienced at life? I guess when it's your first AGR, things seem a little weird at first, but are there truly that many reasons to keep feeling weird? I'm curious.

Oh, and welcome to ageless. :)

ROFL!!! Ok, this girl made me laugh out loud, lol!!! Men in their 40's DO get a bit set in their ways, lol!!! I could never see dating one. Too rich.....

:p

Age doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

40's and 50's are irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. I met my younger man at 50 and he was 23.....it's four years later now, and I would consider dating someone in their 40's as kind of weird...a bit too old for me. See? It's all relative.