66 years old woman obsessed with dating very young men

About a year ago I had enough of my boring life and asked for divorse. For 43 years I spent my time in the home because my husbond was a succesful businessman. We raised 3 children - all well running persons. Our love life did not exist the last 15 years of our marriage.

I was encouraged by a woman friend who opened out after her divorce. In short I needed excitement, experiences, a love life and confirmation of my female qualities.
I have taken care of my self by exercising, eating healty and have had a few minor rejuvenating treatments by specialists during the last 15 years. I feel and look a lot younger than my age. I just reached 66 but according to people around me I look at least 20 years younger.
Today I live alone with my youngest daughter who is 22 years old.

Seven months ago I visited a couple of dating sites and acquired a taste for dating younger men. In my profiles I gave my self out to be somewhere between 37 and 46 years old. I had my moral scruples about lying but my attached pictures supported the age in my profile.
I started dating men between 40 and 50. Because these men never suspected that somthing was wrong about my age my self-confidence grew and I acquired a taste for dating much younger men because the are more energetic.

Normally I meet my dates on neutral ground the firste time, but it is now more or less the rule that I invite very young men to my place if I feel attracted and have confidence in them after our first meeting. Here I am on homeground, self-confident and are able to control the whole situation in the direction I want. The young men I have invited are often quite insecure when they arrive to my place. After dinner and a couple of drinks in my sitting room they normally become more relaxed and I start taking small initiatives like asking for at dance, taking his hand or comparing our hights standing bottom against bottom. If everything goes right he does not resist my try for at kiss and perfectly he stays overnight.

By this model I have dated several men between the age of 24 and 31 since April. To begin with it was all about sex and I easily ended our relationship because I was not emotionally involved. Once I told a 26 year old man about my age when we woke up and I also told a 32 year old the same - they both ran away, so I stopped telling my dates about my real age.
Today I am actually more interested in a long term relationship with a younger man. My dilemma is that the young men run away if I do not keep my real age as a secret. I do have problems with my daughter now because she sees young men coming here and unfortunately also somtimes hearing me having sex with them. She thinks I make use of these young men by giving them hopes about a relationship to a woman in her erly/mid forties. I can follow her view and I am not satisfied about lying about my age but at the same time I experience a fantastic contact with my body when I date and sleep with these young men.

How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?

Pam

I'm at a loss for words. How would you feel if the reverse were happening and you were being deceived? If you have not gained integrity after 66 years, don't you think it is about time to try?

What kind of example are you setting for your daughter and how do you think she feels "hearing you?"

A marriage that is not fulfillling is very difficult to endure. However, that does not give the right to declare "open season" on younger men.


Physically beauty quickly fades in the light of dishonesty.

On the other hand, she would not even have a chance with most young men who see or hear the word "sixty-six."

Wouldn't you agree, Peggy?

....How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?

Pam

I think that the best approach would be to meet men as friends first, either through volunteer activities or work, or whatever. That way you have a non-threatening way of disclosing your age to them, and they get to see you as a beautiful sexy woman first, and a 66-year-old second.

I think that friendships that develop into love affairs are the nicest types of relationships.

Harrison has given some wonderful advice. True friendship at the core of a relationship can develop into something very substantial.

The statement "aquired a taste for younger men" just didn't set well.

"Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly..."

I think Harrisons advice is right on....

However, I do have to say....The whole detailed story of how you basically seduce young men soley for sex has played right into that whole negative stereotype that we wish to disprove. ARGH.

You can be a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, warm and wonderful 66-year-old woman, and definitely not be ashamed of your age. I am totally against lying in a profile....about most anything. I have known too many people who have been hurt. Maybe you could just leave the age option blank?

But I honestly don't agree with your methods thus far....and I think it's unfair to not allow someone to make a completely informed decision before they get involved. Especially if you are now interested in a stable relationship, lying definitely will not be starting out on the right foot, and it could even cause YOU pain later on when they find out your true age. Fact is they may want to not continue the relationship because of the dishonesty, not actually because of your age.

So I think that I would just put my profile out there with no age listed at all, but if anyone directly asked I would be honest. There isn't going to be any way for you to have a long-term relationship without being honest about your age.....

I wish you luck honestly, and I hope I haven't been too harsh.

I think I should be quiet now. ;)

While reading this post.......I got that queezy feeling in the pit of my stomach.........there's something about this post that just doesn't quite sit right with me...........

I'm sorry if I'm wrong, but it sounds so transparent........almost like a made up story.........

just my thoughts.......

sora

agreeing with sora... think this post is just another one to get us going

How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?
Why is it so important that you reveal your age? Loose lips sink ships. If I was attracted to a woman, it wouldn't matter to me what she told me her age was. By the way, if you continue to post here, I would consider buying a fire-resistant suit for all the flaming you're going to get from the other older women here.

Hi!

I note a lot of criticism and only few advise.
Have to emphasize that I do have morals but I admit that I my dating succes might have gone a bit out of control. I knew that already that is why I am here. I need advise no lectures.
At first I WAS dating men over 50 but we do not match I realized. They are too old for my temper and needs. I might be 66 years old but that does not mean that I behave, appear or look like that. If my grandchild 25 fell in love with a 66 years old woman I would not recognize such a relationship. I agree that my attitude implies double standards but visualize my dilemma. If I tell a 50 years old man how old I am he will run away. If I tell a 40 years old man how old I am he will run away and so on. Why should I settle down with a 65 year old man just to keep the moral standards?
I like young men for many other reasons than good sex and I really think I could be a good match for a young man if we openly are able to discuss important issues like children, marriage....mutual expectations before we get too serious. But how do I get the oppurtunity.

The woman friend who I mentioned in my first letter shared the same dilemma but she succeded in finding a young man by keeping her age secret 1½ month. It is true that she has not put all cards on the table, but she wanted him to leave because of her personality at not because of her age. He has forgiven her for keeping her age secret because he likes her as the person she is. To me it does make sense but I agree she has been manipulating him.

I still do not know how to handle my future love life...maybe I get a few more construvtive comments in here.

Pam

My take on this is quite simple - first of all, there is nothing wrong with preferring younger men. And "morals" have nothing to do with any of this, in my view.

The problem is, as others have hinted, is the way you are finding the guys. In other words: if you want to get certain RESULTS, then the process you use has to have a chance of LEADING to those results.

Your process has been to get the attention of guys who are not necessarily interested in a RELATIONSHIP at all. Mainstream dating sites are set up to emphasize certain qualities about people, not least their LOOKS, and using them as a method to meet guys is going to bring you a lot of guys who make your OUTSIDE APPEARANCE their priority. Then you have sex with them as soon as possible. How many of these guys are going to be true relationship material?

Unlike most of the world, who think that relationships begin with finding a hot-looking person, we here understand that it is the WHOLE person that counts. Your methods are not so great for showing off who you really are.

Harrison is RIGHT ON about some better ways to find the type of man you are interested in. It worked for me! And I have NEVER lied about my age. What is the point of ever dating someone who would reject you for something you can't change?

I HATED the mainstream dating sites, the typical dating methods are so not me, I would have known not to do things the way you've been...but I can see this is a learning process for you and you *have* gained awareness that you're not getting what you really want with your current MO. Change gears to tailor your search for someone who will love you for who you really are, don't fish in the minnow pond for lobster, ya dig?

:)

Well, I've never seen a woman who looks about 25 years younger than she actually is.... Women looking their real age are attractive enough for me ;-)
So, men visiting you and spending time naked with you must have a feeling already that you are not in your early 40s..

Have you ever tried to give your real age right from the beginning when starting contact to these young men thru the internet? I'm not so sure if all younger guys would run away. If it were me, I'd stay in contact with you.

Or maybe you should not tell your age until you're asked - but then, pls tell them the truth.

You need to take the lying and manipulation out of the mix if you ever plan to have a successful, long-term relationship. Don't mention your age unless you're asked and when you're asked, tell the truth.

I *think* the age alone doesn't "scare" the ym away, I think it's a combination of all the staging you do for sex and THEN finding out about your age. It's a one-two punch that probably leaves these guys feeling like they've been taken for one heck of a ride. No one likes to played a fool. Seriously, if that kind of thing happened to me, I'd run too. You're completely sending the wrong message on what you're about when you act in such a manner.

Just hope that one day a guy doesn't roll around, and tell you he's 16....

Have to emphasize that I do have morals but I admit that I my dating succes might have gone a bit out of control. I knew that already that is why I am here. I need advise no lectures.

We don't lecture, we give advice...if you read it as a lecture, you have two choices to continue to read them as 'doom and damnation' or read them as pebbles of steel to further strengthen your foundation and integrity.

I agree with Goldie, your methods of finding quality men is flawed. Lets face it, we're all sexual beings and if you're putting your booty up aganist some ym still actively engaging in his sexual peak, well dang, he's not exactly going to say no...you haven't, why should he. Being a booty call is just that...lying flat on your back and saying 'next' but not getting pay for it. Its not attractive and the fact that your daughter sees and hears, well that's just tacky...way below bad form. I sure hope you're wearing condoms, because if you think you're unapproachable now...well? :rolleyes:

Being manipulative like your friend has its drawbacks...just because it worked for her doesn't mean it may work for you (and she's still not sure he's there for the long haul anyway). So what to do, put your profile in a website that actually is looking for huge agr like Agematch.com. State your age and what age you're looking for (or don't state it and let the ask before you become wrapped up in the dating scene, you don't need anyone to waste your time)...believe me, there are loads of hits there. What will keep a guy to your side is not so much as the age as the authentic person you present and how you make him feel when you're together. Hold off on sex for at least 2 months...the guy who's looking for a serious long term relationship is looking for a meeting of the minds and spirits, not just of the body.

You know, I love watching 'All my children' and have watched it since I was 12 I think...there's a character on there name Myrtle, full of wisdom, in her late 70s I think...one of her lines yesterday was..."Love is like an hourglass. It feeds the heart and empties the brain. So sometimes you ought to turn it around to get the right perspective"...Ding, Ding, Ding...Bingo has been called.

Remember sex starts in the mind first. Give them time to miss you...what to be with you, look forward to spending another day with you, to talk on the phone, to engage in some form of courtship...let them do the work that's require to be with you...not because of age, but because you're worth it.

Paris

By the way, if you continue to post here, I would consider buying a fire-resistant suit for all the flaming you're going to get from the other older women here.

LMFAO @ you, Mark! I bet you have one of those suits in every color! :p

What a dilemma!
If you tell your real age from the start, even in a friendly situation (not seduction), yes, you can get young friends but they will not consider you a potential partner. They may have sex with you but they will not be interested in a relationship.

Finding the ONE young man who would be willing to have a commited relationship with a woman 40 years older is as hard to find as a needle in a haystack. Heck, finding a man OF ANY AGE willing to commit is hard enough.

Lying is like starting a relationship with the wrong foot.

Your best bet would be to focus on personality rather than age. I see from your post that you want somebody fun, energetic, active... but let me tell you, youth does not guarantee that. Conversely, there are many men in their 40, 50 and 60s, whose energy and "joy de vivre" (Loucine help with the French) are enviable.

Do not discriminate of account of age, and capitalize on your good looks and fitness to find an attractive and fun man who loves you for who you are.

LMFAO @ you, Mark! I bet you have one of those suits in every color! :p

OMG... I cannot stop laughing!

LMFAO @ you, Mark! I bet you have one of those suits in every color! :p

:D Mark is my wholesale supplier, and gives me a good discount. ;)

Finding the ONE young man who would be willing to have a commited relationship with a woman 40 years older is as hard to find as a needle in a haystack. Heck, finding a man OF ANY AGE willing to commit is hard enough.


Woah! There are hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of men, all very willing to commit. I must have said this any times already, but if it is SO hard to find a man that is unwilling to, then why do I know so many that are?

However, I do think it would be a bit more difficult to find a guy that is willing to be in a relationship (of any kind) with a woman that much older. It IS possible, there are people that have been/are still on this forum who are testament to that, but is a bit more difficult. The reason being that it dosn't fit with peoples preconceptions of what relationships are like. Typically, relationships are between two people (male and female) of approximately the same age, although a few years either way is easily acceptable. If someone finds themselves attracted to someone that breaks that preconception it is hard to deal with for them, at keast it is often. That is because it is jst not the way they see the world to be.

So, given that it will be more difficult, why not take this advice, which I think is really good:

Your best bet would be to focus on personality rather than age. I see from your post that you want somebody fun, energetic, active... but let me tell you, youth does not guarantee that. Conversely, there are many men in their 40, 50 and 60s, whose energy and "joy de vivre" (Loucine help with the French) are enviable.

Do not discriminate of account of age, and capitalize on your good looks and fitness to find an attractive and fun man who loves you for who you are.

My g/f is 18 years older than me, but she is active, fun and does not seem that way at all. I didn't go looking for an o/w, it just happened that this one was exactly what I would have wanted anyway. She could have been 25 like me and I would feel the same. It's about her personality and how we fit together as a couple that is what matters, not whether or not we're attracted to o/w r y/m. What they'e like is more important than their age, so why not look for someone according to that first, and then look at the age as just something that dosn't matter, i.e. it dosn't matter if he's 40 years younger? A lot of people on here did not go looking for an AGR, it just happened to them.

Woah! There are hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of men, all very willing to commit. I must have said this any times already, but if it is SO hard to find a man that is unwilling to, then why do I know so many that are?

Sorry, maybe I am talking about Panama. Here men have to be led to church at the other end of a shotgun!

Sorry, maybe I am talking about Panama. Here men have to be led to church at the other end of a shotgun!

Not just in Panama, in the US and everywhere else. But let's be fair, we've shouted loud enough, we don't need that piece of paper...don't you think men would eventually hear and jump at the chance not to be legally bound. Sign of the times, dear lady. Haven't you heard...No shotgun needed anymore.

Paris

Go for it Lady!! Live and let Love Blossom...After all You Only Die Twice !!(Paraphrasing Agent 007)

I think that the best approach would be to meet men as friends first, either through volunteer activities or work, or whatever. That way you have a non-threatening way of disclosing your age to them, and they get to see you as a beautiful sexy woman first, and a 66-year-old second.

I think that friendships that develop into love affairs are the nicest types of relationships.


Excellent advice; it worked magic on me. I was good friends with my lady, who happens to be eighteen years older than I am. Just to put it in perspective, I am almost forty.

When we first met, I thought she was a nice lady, and for some reason, just thought that she must be very special, but that was about it. I was still married at the time, and was not entertaining any new relationships. My lady and I became good friends, and when my wife left, she was very supportive, having been through a similar situation not too long before we had met. Slowly, our friendship deepened. I dated a number of people, but none very seriously.

Finally, after months of frequent and often very long conversation, I realized that I had fallen in love with her. We began dating, and since that time, our relationship has grown and has become the love that I had always dreamed of having, but had never been able to find. Keep in mind, however, that from the time I met her to the time we began dating was over two years. We have been dating now for almost two years, and I must say that it is a wonderful relationship. But had we not been friends first, things would not have gone in the direction they did.

Dan Echo

I am sorry but a 40 year age gap is hard to swallow.... on either side of the board. I am not sure what is going on here.... we have almost 10,000 members (but of whom I think only 500 may be active) as the word is spreading this is the IN thing! And now that women have been empowered with their own money and the ability to look younger via medical miracles, many are taking advantage of it by divorcing their older husbands who were the ones who offered them security when they needed or wanted that, to "hook up" with a much younger male in the form of a "trophy" bf and/or husband (so said a newscaster today). This may or may or may not be the case, esp. here, but what I am seeing recently are more and more pople who are not being realistic. This is the second thread in two days where a woman had lied by DECADES about her age in hopes of getting/keeping/having/ a young man... and I am saying YOUNG and not YOUNGER as that would mean someone old due to the woman's age, and I am at a loss of what to think....except that I do feel that these women are trying to recapture their youth... There I said it! And I would bet they married young and had children at a young age, hence they want to recapture something they feel they have lost as they grew up. And each woman has to lie as they know the man will run if he knows the age upfront. It is almost common sense. The OP stated that she would have a problem with her grandson dating a 66 year old, yet that is what "she" wants. I wonder what HIS mom would say? I am not saying any of this is morally wrong, a morals are personal. However, it is mentally wrong. And sometimes I wonder about myself as well. Yes, I love it when 20 somethings find me attractive, but I am realistic in the fact that for long term, for the most part, it AIN'T GONNA WORK! AT that age we are facing the end of our lives, and those younger men are just beginning theirs for all practical purposes. I don't care how much "maintenance" one has had on one's body, after 60 the skin changes and there is not a lot one can do...and then their are your insides, which begin to fall apart as well for many of us. Like Katemup said, one cannot stop age; and unless the ym is blind or inexperienced, I agree with Sunflower that he would know the difference between a woman in her early 40's to that of being 66. I am 56 but I too feel like I am in my 20's, but I am not going to foolishly ACT that way for goodness sakes! I am scared about my skin changing as that will be my dead giveaway as I enter into my 60's, for on all other fronts I probably will still be able to "pass" for a woman a decade younger. Again, we cannot stop the aging process no matter how hard we try; we may slow it down, but one day POOF, it will come. I have no words of wisdom for the OP, except to do what Harrison suggested; friends first with someone, and then have that grow into something. BUT stop kidding yourself, esp on those dating sites. You cannot regain what you lost....and that is your youth. BUT then, I may be all wrong, for who knows, there just may be another LADave out there somewhere!

OK I am done lecturing, ranting and rambling....

PS I forgot to write why what I did... the OP said she was "obsessed" with younger men... hence, her feelings are not due to any one warm loving relationship that may have formed.

[QUOTE=suicideblonde] BUT then, I may be all wrong, for who knows, there just may be another LADave out there somewhere!
[QUOTE]

LOL! My 15 minutes of fame are here! But I'm not for this lady--casual booty call's just not my thang! I'm a RELATIONSHIP kind of guy. :D

Seven months ago I visited a couple of dating sites and acquired a taste for dating younger men. In my profiles I gave my self out to be somewhere between 37 and 46 years old. I had my moral scruples about lying but my attached pictures supported the age in my profile.
I started dating men between 40 and 50. Because these men never suspected that somthing was wrong about my age my self-confidence grew and I acquired a taste for dating much younger men because the are more energetic.

<SNIP>

How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?


If you can really pass for 20-30 years younger than your chronological age, and I've certainly seen some women who can, I can understand why you wouldn't want to list your age in a profile, because many guys who would be happy to date you might not ever even see your profile because they're searching for somebody who looks younger than 66, and therefore are going to do searches for a younger age group.

Maybe you could try this approach -- list your age just as you do now, but then say something like the following in your profile: "I'm actually significantly older than my listed age, but I do look, act and feel the age that's listed in my profile, as I think you can see from my photo, which was taken on [whatever date the photo was taken]. I want to be honest, but I don't want to be automatically eliminated by guys who set their searches for women who are the age that I look, act, and feel."

Any guy who responds to that profile is going to know that he's dating somebody who is older than she appears, and I can't imagine that a guy who goes into it knowing that is going to immediately run away when he finds out exactly how much older. In fact, I think a lot of guys would be very impressed!

If you can really pass for 20-30 years younger than your chronological age, and I've certainly seen some women who can, I can understand why you wouldn't want to list your age in a profile, because many guys who would be happy to date you might not ever even see your profile because they're searching for somebody who looks younger than 66, and therefore are going to do searches for a younger age group.

Maybe you could try this approach -- list your age just as you do now, but then say something like the following in your profile: "I'm actually significantly older than my listed age, but I do look, act and feel the age that's listed in my profile, as I think you can see from my photo, which was taken on [whatever date the photo was taken]. I want to be honest, but I don't want to be automatically eliminated by guys who set their searches for women who are the age that I look, act, and feel."

Any guy who responds to that profile is going to know that he's dating somebody who is older than she appears, and I can't imagine that a guy who goes into it knowing that is going to immediately run away when he finds out exactly how much older. In fact, I think a lot of guys would be very impressed!


I agree with this one...good idea. You know what, I wouldn't stress about it. Do you ever get asked out by younger guys when you're out and about? If you're dating someone...you can wait for the right time to disclose your age...you don't have to right away. Wait and see if you guys are going to be more serious. The thing about your daughter...I'm sure she means more to you than any of these guys...so I'm sure you won't act in any way that would make her uncomfortable or feel bad. I agree with LADave about a woman’s beauty changing, not ending in her mature years. If you take care of yourself, you should be proud of your age. There's nothing wrong with the skin of a woman in her 60's!

"How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?"

Are you sure you are absolutely ready for a long-term relationship? From what you wrote, I sensed that you were playing the field for your enjoyment, satisfaction, and perhaps fantasy. You obviously have a desire for younger men. I think that you don't mean to be dishonest about your age. I also think that you're trying too hard at this. I suggest that you slow down and regroup. At 66, a mature woman, I am a bit concerned about how you described your dating behaviors. I would expect those behaviors from someone who is not mature intellectually and emotionally.

To be able to fulfill your desire for young men, I suggest that you not rush into any relationship. A strong foundation is essential in any relationship. As others have suggested, please start out as friends. Take time to get to know one another. Communication is very important along with compassion and honesty. In time, things will fall into place.

I suggest to give it some thought about what your priorities and values are. Then keep those priorities and values in mind as you meet people. I say this because one of the most important quality in a relationship is having similar priorities and values. Your compatibility matters as well.

Please have more self-confidence in yourself as well as self-respect. You deserve so much better than being with those who have slept with you the first night. The same goes for the young men you slept with. With compassion and honesty, you can respect each other. To feel loved, supported, and respected in any relationship, matters a lot.

I wish you the best in your search for a truly meaningful love. The opportunity will come when you'll be able to experience a healthy, loving, long-term relationship. Just please slow down for now and regroup.

Norie

Dave, I meant it as an honor as I KNOW you are not into that one night stand thing.

Earl, false advertising is deceitful; if she lists her age as 30 something, as that is how she feels and even says she is considerably older, most would then think she is in her late 40's early 50's. What man would even think over 65?? Would you? That is why like what the others said, meeting someone in real life first maybe the better way to go, but then one should not be deceitful there either. Look at the mental anguish our one member is going through as he just found out the woman he has been seeing is not the age he thought. I mean, I am sure he had to accpet the fact that she is old enough to be his mom, but then to find out she could be his grandmother?? How would you feel??? (shakes head over all of this),

And Skater, you are just over 40; wait until you get closer to 60, then some back and respond to me, for I am not talking about those areas that cannot be helped by vitamins, creams or "the miracle of science". My doctor even told me that no one cannot stop that process, and he is an expert in that field. If you have a grandmother over 65, take a close look at her arms and hands, then look at yours. Yes we can "pass" in regards to our face and most parts of our body, but age cannot be stopped in some areas as the skin just becomes loose/wrinkly and thin no matter how much one works out.

I do agree with the others about slowing down, but also to be more realistic.

And I also have to wonder in a way if we would be looking at this the same way if it were a man who had written that he was obsessed with younger women?

Oh....God..

1Love,,....that was funny....

Sparks and those Suits....!!!!


Youths....

Dont know if you will be passing this way again..., or if you are even a 'Real Person'....but who knows.,..,

Look I am not supprised that these youngsters 'Run Like The Wind'...once you have told that you are 66......That would be a definate....THUD for me

The thing is....I don't really like the way you go about your seduction process...It makes me feel ....well, weird....

Plus, to be honest with you.....I don't really agree with that lying about the age thing, so that they won't run away....I feel like you are setting yourself UP for the running away process, by lying to them in the first place....

Im going to go with Hars, on this one....

Try and abstain from sleeping with these youngsters five seconds after you've met them ....Because if you REALLY want a relationship, then the hopping in the sack straight away, doesn't really manifest the successful relationship process...(well not usually anyway)

Take it slow....and get to know the next one......or the next....or, um even the next one then.....!!!

Dear Pam!

I am a beginner in here and have actually joined this place to get some advise about my own situation but I have benefited from my visit here already because people in here has comment on my situation on different perspectives. The thing is that I am 27 years old and in a relationship with an older women who has kept her real age secret from me. She has not been lying but she has been silent about it and has avoided the subject.

I have been living here in the USA for only a short period of time. Though I am from a vestern country in Scandinavia, I do experience major differences in lifestyle and social standards.
In my new working enviroment and the circle of acquaintances I am now a part of I experience a female lifestyle and a pattern of sex roles which confuse me because I compare with traditions/social norms from my own culture. More than a handful of women in the age group (53-62) date or are in a relationship with young men of their childrens age or even younger. The common denominator of these women seems to be, that they are divorsed, self-supporting/independent, they have grown up children, they have a young circle of acquaintances and they have a very youthful look and -life style. They relive their youth becauce they are able to and prevailing social standards do not stop them - they challenge them by disqualifying men at the same age and choosing very young men as a furture partner. In a way one could claim that the sex roles are reversed. You are close Pam, close to be a perfect example of this modern/trendy woman who challenge the traditional pattern of sex roles.

Do you also have a young circle of acquaintances?

I have no reason to believe that you do not look 40 years old Pam. Money (surgery and products), exercising and proper diet help a lot, and some of the above mentioned women really do look 10-20 years younger. I have stopped quessing how old women are over here.....age and look often do not match.

We don´t know a lot about your life when you were married Pam, just that you was bored. In a way I get the picture that you now try to make up for lost ground/time (am I right?). You take advantage of your youthfulness and confirm your female qualities (remember! only your appearance) by demonstrating that you are able to date, attract and have sex with men at your grandchilds age - men who are more than 40 years younger than yourself. It might confirm that you are an attractive and good looking woman Pam but it does not confirm your human qualities and they are essential in a relationship. I think the dating sites are the wrong way for you Pam if you seek a stable relationship - the dating world is too superficial and it is an untenable situation that you make these men think that you are about 40 years old.

Have you tried to get in touch with young men other ways? - night life, clubs, etc.?

I feel it on my own body these weeks becauce my girlfriend is close to 59 years old and for a long period of time I had the imperssion that she was much younger. I am very insecure right know because a lot of questions araise. Have I gone the wrong way? has she other secrets? how will my parents react when they realize that she is 10-12 years older than they are? what about children? has she used me?...etc. ..emotions Pam!...caused by an older woman who has not been open about her real age. I can not recommend this method.

You are 66 years old Pam and having an eye on that it seems almost impossible for you to get a serious long term relationship with a man in his early/mid twenties because you are in differnt stages in life. The easiest thing to do is of course to adjust your expectations becauce you are entering enemy territory (social standards, angry mothers of these young men, the opinion of your daughters and your circle of acquaintances....). But it is possible but only by bringing your human qualities in play you will be able to achieve your goal.

Some thoughts from Scandinavian

No advice here ..........except to say if you really feel the need to lure all these men into your bed ............can't you do it somewhere else?

You've stated your daughter has taken offense and "hears you having sex", but this hasn't stopped you from bringing multiple men home.

BLAH

Hi!

I didn´t sleep well this night - thoughts and speculation. Some of your comments are tough and rough but others are supporting and forward looking.

I married young and have given birth to three daughters. They are now 46, 41 and 22 years old. I have a close relationship to all my children but my middle daughter is also like a woman friend because our views and interests coincide. She actually pushed me on asking for divorce now my youngest daughter is going to live away. My two oldest daughters were both divorced years ago - now we are all in the same boat. They have been very supportive because I was locked in this marriage - repressed and kept in a role I didn´t like and deserved.

I have been exercising since I gave birth to my youngest daughter. I also brought my middle daughter to the gym when she gave birth to her first-born child. We exercise daily - preferably and mostly together. We spent a lot of hours there together why we have a lot of common friends from this environment. I have no real education and have never hold a real job. For a couple of years I worked as personal trainer but my husband took the attitude that I was too much away from home so I gave up the job. I have had no friends of my own age for more years. My woman friends are about 30-45 years old. Some live in a relationship and some do not. I train with some of them, go out with other (restaurant, night club, fitness contest….), we pay visit to each other, travel…the list is long. They never comment on my age but they see and treat me like an equal woman their age because I look and live the way I do.

A few months ago a single woman friend of mine invited me to a night club not far from my place because my dating life lead to nothing serious. At first it cost me a great effort to do it but she encouraged me and so far it has been exciting and has boosted my self-confidence. I have visited this place several times now because I have fun there and I do not have to lie about my age. I have had interesting and funny conversations and experiences with men in their early/mid twenties down there. One passed on my long artificial nails, another passed on my biceps and a few took the liberty of asking about our age (my woman friend is 38). The age distribution is big down there but I guess only a minority is older than 30. They do know we are older than they are, but still they seem to be attracted and not frightend. My visits in the night club have resulted in kissing on the dance floor, in the bar, outside the club,in a burger bar in a taxi and at my place. Yes I do enjoy my freedom and I probably do make up for lost ground/time as one of you hint me. I am sure this is a phase - it must be as I do know that the human qualities and friendship are the most essential in a relationship. But sex is important too.
When I started dating after my divorce I was convinced that kissing a young man was like kissing my own arm. I don´t feel I that way. I often feel attracted to these young men if they are athletic, good looking, sensible and are able to talk at a satisfactory level. Then I do feel heart beats and my hormones when kissing or having sex with them. I am not just laying on my back as one of you claimed I am involved. And to another critic “yes we always use condom” I do have butterflies in my stomach and I do hope that they will call for another meeting in the club or another place. In the club we meet on the same conditions but still it is difficult to bring my age to discussion.

As regards my youngest daughter I am very cautious about bringing a young man to our place. She is living here only partly and it really was an accident that she heard me moaning that night. But she is a grown up woman and have her own sexual experiences. We have given her a very good upbringing and she knows I am a sensible woman and she also wish me some good and alternative experiences. That is what she says but of course she is in a dilemma. My oldest daughter is now in a relationship with a 35 year old man and my middle daughter is in a relationship with a 32 year old man. They do not comment much on my lifestyle but encourage me to not to end a relationship every time a guy asks for my age. I will try to comply with this request because it is in accordance with the recommendations more of you have given me.

I now my attitude implies double standards because I would not appreciate that my 25 years old grandchild have a serious or sexual relationship to a woman my age. Though I am young looking I do know I attract attention when walking hand in hand with the 24 year old man I have met in the club. He still do not know my age so he and his parents might believe that am ?? old. If he is asking I will tell him my real age….but not anytime and anywhere. I am sure his parents hate me for seeing him because they know our relationship involves sex and they do not see me as his future woman. I do know that women my age who look older and do not have the same possibilities will make fun of me and shake the head at me. I hate moral standards and yes! I do challenge them for the moment but it will end. What I really want is just wind back the tape and pretend I am 40 years old and start a relationship from there. I DON´T WANT MY AGE TO PREVENT ME FROM LIVING LIFE FULLY. Age is just a number or a mark - not saying anything about sell-by date.


Pam

(((Pam)))

I understand where you are coming from. It is very sad really. You do feel like you have missed out on your youth by being married all those years and now that you are older, you are feeling how unfair it is that you are older, when you are just now ready to hit the dance floor.

My advice would be to slow down.... give yourself some time to reflect and decide what you really want. Age is just a measurement of how long we have lived in this lifetime. However, a 40 yr. agegap is quite difficult. You would have the issues of children and so on.... someone at age 24 will be so different in 5, 10 years.

Maybe seeing a counselor would help you work through some of the things you are experiencing. I really do understand and I agree that life is not always fair.

wellllllllllll.... humm.......... alot of my friends are looking for guys and are looking for whats on the outside before knowing if they what is inside the person, a relationship based on friendship already had the ground work in that you really like the person, i agree it is the best place to start.

if you want sex, then you have proven you can do this, i know alot of men who sleep with women and it isnt exactly a compliment, some guys are just dogs, some women are just dogs also. bow wow.

love is ageless, i hate to go back to the name of our site, but love does not come in an age, size, color, or shape. i think thats why there are so many people who never find it, i finally got it in my forties, think outside the box and try to meet people you truly like as human beings and go from there.

About a year ago I had enough of my boring life and asked for divorse. For 43 years I spent my time in the home because my husbond was a succesful businessman. We raised 3 children - all well running persons. Our love life did not exist the last 15 years of our marriage.

I was encouraged by a woman friend who opened out after her divorce. In short I needed excitement, experiences, a love life and confirmation of my female qualities.
I have taken care of my self by exercising, eating healty and have had a few minor rejuvenating treatments by specialists during the last 15 years. I feel and look a lot younger than my age. I just reached 66 but according to people around me I look at least 20 years younger.
Today I live alone with my youngest daughter who is 22 years old.

Seven months ago I visited a couple of dating sites and acquired a taste for dating younger men. In my profiles I gave my self out to be somewhere between 37 and 46 years old. I had my moral scruples about lying but my attached pictures supported the age in my profile.
I started dating men between 40 and 50. Because these men never suspected that somthing was wrong about my age my self-confidence grew and I acquired a taste for dating much younger men because the are more energetic.

Normally I meet my dates on neutral ground the firste time, but it is now more or less the rule that I invite very young men to my place if I feel attracted and have confidence in them after our first meeting. Here I am on homeground, self-confident and are able to control the whole situation in the direction I want. The young men I have invited are often quite insecure when they arrive to my place. After dinner and a couple of drinks in my sitting room they normally become more relaxed and I start taking small initiatives like asking for at dance, taking his hand or comparing our hights standing bottom against bottom. If everything goes right he does not resist my try for at kiss and perfectly he stays overnight.

By this model I have dated several men between the age of 24 and 31 since April. To begin with it was all about sex and I easily ended our relationship because I was not emotionally involved. Once I told a 26 year old man about my age when we woke up and I also told a 32 year old the same - they both ran away, so I stopped telling my dates about my real age.
Today I am actually more interested in a long term relationship with a younger man. My dilemma is that the young men run away if I do not keep my real age as a secret. I do have problems with my daughter now because she sees young men coming here and unfortunately also somtimes hearing me having sex with them. She thinks I make use of these young men by giving them hopes about a relationship to a woman in her erly/mid forties. I can follow her view and I am not satisfied about lying about my age but at the same time I experience a fantastic contact with my body when I date and sleep with these young men.

How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?

Pam

You can't keep a guy with a lie!
I can't say that you will find any guys who will want to go out with you, but I can't say that you won't, do you know what I mean? You should be honest and up front FROM THE BEGINNING!!! BTW, is this all sex for you? Or are you trying to make up for what you missed along the way? Have you ever been *truly in love with any of these ym*? It does NOT sound like it from the way you write about your experiences.

Big Sigh.

You are asking for trouble...and when you do you get it!!!

I don't have the same value system as you do in sleeping with a lot of guys. But I do understand your dilemma in dating and telling your age. It is easy when one is under 50 to say, tell them your age right away. They are not there yet. :rolleyes:

I can remember back in the 1950's and 1960's, where you NEVER asked someone their age, especially a woman. It was considered to be very rude. It was also common to say you are 39 AFTER you are over 39. :)

I think the time to tell someone your age is when you see the relationship could be serious. Then I would say, I am in my 60's for example. I know this will generate criticism, but all I can say is, wait until you are there to judge. There is definitely an age bias for over 60 crowd. :(

. I hate moral standards and yes! I do challenge them for the moment but it will end. What I really want is just wind back the tape and pretend I am 40 years old and start a relationship from there. I DON´T WANT MY AGE TO PREVENT ME FROM LIVING LIFE FULLY. Age is just a number or a mark - not saying anything about sell-by date.

You hate moral standards? Yes, I find that to be true in your post.

Why do you feel you must "challenge" men?

Why do you feel you have to "pretend" you are 40 if you believe that age is just a number or a mark, like you said?

You know.......you're actually living a lie each time you bed down a guy..........but you're not lying to them..........you're lying to yourself.........

it seems to me that you're attempting to relive your youth, regain what was lost.....and you're fooling yourself to think that these guys don't know your age.....you say they run off when you reveal your age? i think that was their intention all along to just have some fun with you.....

66 years old........there's no way of hiding it.......you can dress and act the part of someone much younger.....you can feel younger, but 66 is 66....just like I'm 47 is 47.....I can go around saying, oh but I look 20 years younger but I'd be lying to myself and others as well..........these guys know what they're getting into........and I'm sorry to say, they're using you as much as your using them and you seem to be only interested in them sexually, and they getting what they want from you too........it's not the way to finding a true relationship........

If your heart desires a relationship........then start being true to the most important person..........YOU. Stop all this BS talk.....get real!

Your 66 years old and from what you have said, you take care of yourself, eat right, exercise.....don't you think YOU deserve so much more then you're giving yourself credit? Stop messing with these boys who just want sex........search your heart deep......you've had your sexual pleasures........now its time to find someone who you can be honest with from day one, who'll accept you for who you are......and treat you the way you WANT to be treated.

just my thoughts,
sora

I suppose the problem is going to find a long term relationship with somebody who is 40 years younger than yourself. If it is just the sex then there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't mind spending a night of passion with you, even men in their early 30's. But with that big of an age gap I don't think there are very many men who would be willing to get into that relationship. It seems to me that a 20-25 year age difference is workable but not 40.
And the idea that you are having noisy sex with these younger men with your daughter in the house probably doesn't go well in your daughter's mind. If I was living with my Mother and she brought in a man who was my age and I could hear them having sex I probably would burst into the room and throw the guy out.

I don't think these young men run away because of your age difference. I think it is the deceipt. Mark is actually right when he says there is no reason you have to tell your age, BUT, don't expect a relationship that is anything but open and honest to turn into anything that is permanent and emotionally satisfying. Successful relationships are built on trust and acceptance. If you want acceptance, then at some point you have to trust that there is someone out there who is going to accept you for exactly who you are. What you tell everyone else is a moot point. Fib all you want! ;) But I think the potential mate needs to know exactly who you are early on in the relationship. And I might add, just maybe a LTR with a much younger man isn't what you really want right now. Maybe you aren't done sowing your wild oats. Only you can figure out what's right for you.

I think you should be honest about your age if you want a lasting relationship. A lie like that will probably eat away at you after a while, even if you get away with it. You'll find someone who will accept you completely with a little patience. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

I've gone out with a man 3 times in the past couple of weeks and he asked me my age on our first date. He's 37, I'm 47 and even though he said the age difference "didn't bother him" and followed that remark with "why would it?" You see he isn't looking for a relationship, just someone to party/fool around with while I'm ready for a lasting relationship. Not even sure why we're bothering with one another ... we're not on the same page.

I lied about my age today when a student at my school asked how old I was, and I replied, how old do you think I am? She said 25, I told her she was right and she squeeled with delight. Gotta love 7 year olds. They're the ONLY ones who think I'm decades younger. :)

K

koo-koo-kaa-choo Ms. Robinson, eh?

yep ~ koo-koo-kaa-choo :p

and I like to have a sexual relationship, but she must be healthy, good-looking, good-tempered, and educated. You don't have to lie, you just haven't met the one yet.

I suspect that Hugh Hefner would never have a problem with having a relationship and his age is widely known! So, is it because the guy is a multi $$$$ or is it his looks/age? Wonder if you took all that stuff away, what would you have? :rolleyes:

Pam...can't you take it slow as well as feeling proud of your alluring looks at your age? I think if you did, that would speak for itself...they would see a proud woman rather than a person hiding. And, if they don't agree they ain't worth it Honey, except for a good flop in the sack and a swift boot out the door....with the used rubber. ;)

she no come back yet...*shrug*

Youthful, I am 60 years old and my boyfriend is 42. We have been together for ten years and he has known my age from the beginning. Because we started out as friends and not lovers our relationship was built on really liking each other and becoming each other's best friend. I have read that happy long-term relationships are based first on being best friends. I cannot imagine any friendship starting in a situation where one has lied to the other. Definitely not a good beginning. If you are truly looking for a long-term relationship then you must be honest. You don't have to volunteer the information, but, if you are asked you must tell the truth. I believe it was a couple of years of being just friends before my b/f ever asked me how old I was, and by then, he was in love with me. I believe that if you are a reasonably attractive lady who has kept herself up AND is intelligent, compassionate, interesting, has a good sense of humor, is honest, responsible, fair, good attitude, active, sincere, etc., that you will have no problem attracting a man in his 40's. Men in their 40's hopefully have acquired enough wisdom to realize that age is for the most part irrelevant when it comes to love and your age will not be an unsurmountable barrier. I can see, however, that a man in his 20's would probably run away from involvement with a woman who is more than 40 years older, and I can understand that. I tend to believe that if you are in fact a real catch, meaning that you are a beautiful (in the inside) human being, then, you will not have to worry about finding someone. They will find you.
Just a note, hypocrisy is not okay.

Oops, submitted it twice. Apologies.

Everythings been said already, really. But... my 2 cents:

I look and act younger than i am. But even though i'd like to think i look WAY younger, most people tell me i look around 38-40 (i'm 46). I dont have kids, live alone, and maybe never really grew up ;)

I've hung out with younger people for about the last 10 years, mostly because music and concerts is my hobby, and i like the same music as younger people. I had alot of guy friends that i went to concerts with, ages 21-35.

But i gotta say, when i met my YM (27), we got along great, had fun together at work, but the FANTASY of it really got me. I'll be honest...i started fantasizing about being with him...the "younger man." What would it be like? And will he really want me...him being so young and hot!? Its flattering!! It makes you feel young, and good!

Now i care about him, and its not just about his body, how hot he is, how much fun we have...its about the fact the he really wants a "real relationship" with someone his own age someday (and yes he's had g/f's his age before).

To echo what everyone has said...if you want a real, loving relationship with a younger man, dont lie about your age, dont sleep with them right away...be yourself. If you post on dating sites, i agree that you dont have to put your age. Meet someone first and let them like you for who you are.

I used to hate telling my age to my younger friends at work...but all of them make me feel great when i tell it, and some dont believe me and have asked to see my license.

Nobody wants to get OLD...we all like feeling younger. I have realized that that's not why i'm with my YM, though. I really do care about him, and i have to make sure i dont get hurt. If youre with guys in their 20's, you have to wonder just how serious they will want to be.

Hi everybody!

It happened once again. When I told him my real age he ran away...surprise surprise!
It seems impossible to obtain a relationship to a young man in his early-mid twenties. I think I have realized that. It might be possible to obtain a relationship to a man older than thirty but my experience is that such a relationship easily becomes complicated because these men very often have expectations which I can not fulfil. I prefer men younger than 25 because the are more uncomplicated.

At the same time I have to realize that I like the excitement of dating very young men. I now you advised me to stop using dating sites to make contact with young men but honestly I can not stop. I missed the excitement of the whole dating process. The challenge of making a young man intereseted by sending him emails/pictures and persuading him to a telephone converstation, a couple of meetings in a neutral place, dinner at my place and an overnight stay gives me an adrenaline kick.
We have talked about being honest about age. I have realized that the great majority of women wo seek young men through the internet are lying about their real age. If we didn´t lie we would never be able to obtain contact to these young men meaning no excitement, no kisses and no sex. The well-being I feel/experience when having sex with a 21-25 year old man is an indescirbable feeling. It gives me a feeling of power, of being attractive and young again. My sexual fantasies come true.

For a while you made me feel quilty. But I have these needs and all I so is lying about my age. On paper they are grown up men who should be able to take care of them selves. On reflection I treat these young men no different from how men have been treating women for decades. I am a free woman now. I have been supressed for many years why I now have an appetite for the fun and the experiences I missed.

I know people are talking behind my back but I can handle it - I guess! Do not tell me that I am the only woman in this country who take advantage of my youthfulness by dating much younger through dating sites. If you think so you are naive.

Pam

Pam...let me say here that I admire you. You go girl! I am not part of a clique or whatever and don't give a bloody hoot what others might think about your actions. Your life is your own and enjoy it. My cousin just died of breast cancer and is younger than yourself. If she were alive she would probably do the same although she wasn't married with ONE guy the majority of her life either like yourself. You have paid your dues, woman!

You go get what you missed out on and so be it. Not many can. And yes, men have been doing this forever and still do. If the ones you are sleeping with are shocked at your revelation and disappear so be it...obviously the extent of their maturity was in the erection in their pant leg. Fun to use it, eh? ;)

And as an image pops up in my head of the asparagus field of dreams of male penises, enjoy the freeing of your labia lips! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!!

Incidentally there is a woman in Berkeley who did a Personal Ad thingy who was in your age category even older I think, although her lovers were older. She had a blast and guess what...she has a following of women learning her whimsical attitude. But of course this is CA and, well, we are the trend setters for the USA! :p

It's great that you look and feel young. Lying is just wrong. Dating men that are young enough to be your grandchildren, I'm not so sure.

.... I do remember when a gent simply didn't ask a lady's age. Yes, I am a younger man, and no, I do not believe that saying 'over thirty' is wrong. I have been following this thread, and have posted earlier on. I haven't made any comments about the keeping your age a secret, mainly because everyone else seems to have already done so. Enough people have been critical of you for this, so I figured I'd give a different perspective.

I am a firm believer in honesty, but there is a difference between dishonety and disclosure. You may feel free to disclose personal information about yourself to another at any time you see fit, provided that witholding it won't hurt the other party. Lying about an s.t.d., for example would be immoral and wrong if you are planning to be intimate; saying you're younger than you are, while it isn't what I would do, isn't going to injure your partner. I do think that a more appropriate response is to say 'over 29', or 'how old do you think I am?', rather than picking a believable number and stating it. I never ask a lady her age, because I believe it is ungentlemanly.

Now if the relationship is going to become more than just a fling, there does come a point when the truth must come out. Obviously, if you have lied about your age, it could be a problem for some gents. That is a factor that you will have to weigh. Also, if the gent is clear that he is willing to commit to a long term relationship, telling the truth is certainly more condusive to an LTR's success.

Just a few thoughts, no judgement.

Dan Echo

I said somewhat the same thing, Dan. People DO judge older people with bias and prejudice. One must give them time to know you, so they will know the person, not the age bracket.

I must add something however. Your scenario of feel/experience when having sex with a 21-25 year old man is an indescribably feeling. It gives me a feeling of power, of being attractive and young again. My sexual fantasies come true. This means that you do NOT feel that way if you do not do this.

My belief, FOR ME, is that if I have meaningless shallow sexual relationships, I become a shallow, shell of a person. I would feel powerless over my desire to have sex with YM and then be discarded like that. It would also make me feel very old and useless.

I don't think that you can get to where a guy doesn't run when you tell him your age, because all he has had with you up to now, is a physical relationship.

If you really want a YM... go out and volunteer where YM are. Don't jump in the sack with them... get to know them personally and become friends with each other. The kind of guy that would be ok with a relationship with a much older woman, would not want a party girl, you know? I hope you can work this problem out... good luck!

I dont understand why ppl are critical...I mean ALMOST EVERYTHING GOES IN DATING LOVE AND WAR IS IT NOT????

There are many ppl here who act one way and then get all moralistic about someone else...

TOTAL DOUBLE STANDARDS

......I find it so amazing how sometimes a certain post strikes me in a completely different way than it strikes most others. 66, you have my sympathy. While many others here are aghast over your dalliances, I can't see that for being struck by the fact that you have been a kept woman most of your life and basically, having a mid-life wake up call 20-25 years too late!
But I'm too much of a feminist to say I'm totally sorry for you that your 'husband' was this control freak who didn't let you have a life. I still think you also have to accept and owe up to the accountability that you did indeed stick it out that long and I can't help but believe that no doubt it was the comfortable, financially secure life that kept you there.
And to have a third child 20 years later??? Wow, was that an accident or were you even then trying to figure out something you could do to bring fulfillment to your life?
Again, my heart goes out to you, 66. I understand what it's like to discover your sexuality at a late age. I was in my late 40s before I even had a clue of what I had been missing. HUNGRY. That's how I felt. Hungry for touch, for passion. Hungry. Starving.
You may already be seeing a counselor, 66. I hope so. You have to get the proper perspective on your 66 years and realistically figure out what you can make up, what's irreversible, how to proceed -- and own up to all those emotions of grieve, regrets, etc. for your unlived life.
To be honest, maybe what you really need is a young man who is willing to have .... a 20-year career (that puts you at 86, right?) or even 10 year-career of being your.... consort, gigilo? Everyone else has urged honesty and I agree. Maybe you need to even be more honest with yourself as to what you can expect and what you want and need. Time is of the essence. How are you goig to use it? Yes, you could meet a 20-something guy who falls in love with you and takes care of you till your dieing day (past life connections or something???) but let's be realistic at what the odds are of that happening. And get honest about what you want and need. In essence (I'm thinking as I write this......) you need to find what you were! You need to find a YM who is willing to be a kept man! You could get lucky and with time, a real love could develop.....
Like you, I come from a very moral background. so I can't believe i'm suggesting you find yourself a consort but....I guess I'm just putting myself in your place and if I had the money to do so, darn if ....yeah, just being practically....I'd be HONEST from the outset. I'm 66. I'm trying to make up for lost decades of my life and I got a lotta living and loving and lusting to do -- wanted: young man who's a workaholic, willing to be on call 24/7, dedicated loyal to his employer.......(I don't mean to sound flippant, 66. It's just that for a nutty emotional woman, I have a logical, practical streak in me a mile wide!)
Bonne chance in making the most of the rest of your life!

one thing dont concern yourself with what others think,do whats best for you,alot of people want to have a younger /older mate,no big deal...stranger things have happened.Younger men and women are atrracted to older men and women because were in most cases...stable and loyal. Just go with the flow.If doesnt work out theres more out there that will love you.For who you are.

I'm not sure how Terminal happened to find this old thread, but I think Youtful Woman has probably been driven away by all the negativity.

But I'll add my 2 cents worth with respect to those who insist that it's impossible for a woman to look 20-30 years younger than her actual age, and that a woman in her mid-60's or older couldn't really look sexy to a guy in his 20's. Before you're so sure that Youtful Woman isn't honest about the age she appears to be, take a look at any recent picture of Mamie Van Doren (age 74), Joan Collins (age 72), or Raquel Welch (age 65). Believe me, when I was in my 20's, I would have been happy to date a woman who looked like any of the 3 of them, would have been convinced that she was lying if she had told me her real age, and I wouldn't have cared HOW old she was.

First of all I will concede that SOME women MAY be able to erase 20 years, but not 30, esp. if you think a 66 year old can pass as a 36 year old. Just ask any 36 year old if Joan Collins looks like her? Sheesh... Second of all, I will agree that the women you mentioned look great, but like read back to what you also said...you saw them in PICTURES! And you know, as well as I do, what one can do with PICTURES for goodness sakes. And third, a woman of that age CANNOT erase that much time (30 years) if you look at her closely. Look at her eyes (her pupils) and her hands and her feet. Look at the back of the nape of her neck and her spine. Look at her teeth and gums. Look at the texture of her skin on her elbows on the both inside and the outside. Look at her skin closely, everywhere where it has been exposed for 66 years (except her face). After that, note how she gets up from sitting or lying down too long. Then come back and tell me she looks 36. I am telling you that it is impossible to erase 30 years, as both my doctors have told me....and I do think they should know! But one thing I will whole heartedly agree with you on, is why Terminal decided to resurrect this thread! :rolleyes:

PS. Frenchkissed... you seem to have changed your tune a bit from the Scandanavian thread! Why the turnabout? Just curious! :D

PPS. Terminal, so you are saying DECEIT is ok in LOVE and WAR??? :rolleyes: Is that why you went back and posted in a thread that was dead for 6 months??? We who responded to the OP,for the most part (except me, as I had another agenda as well) was on her case for THAT moreso than anything else. So why you are upset is beyond me.

Suicide,
It was indeed interesting to see that I was replying to a thread that was several months old. Didn't notice until earl mentioned it. It came up under new posts :confused: but I see now that the new post was a reply, not an original post.
I believe what we reply to a post says so much more about ourselves than the OP! As for me changing my tune compared to Scandinavia (good point!) I'd say it's because I reply from that person's perspective. Scandinvia was feeling emotionally torn, untrue to himself, like a moth drawn to the flame irresistably. 66 I feel like has wasted her life and is now trying to make up for it. What fodder for a novel! Though my replies were 'opposite,' in a way they were also the same: be true to yourself. IF I was in 66 shoes, I'd do whatever was in my power to make up for my lost years---but again, do it honestly and up front. At one point she talks about men running away because of her age as if she wants a long term committment, but then in another, she admits she just wants the sex and the emotions and the excitement; she wants to feel ALIVE (gawd, I pity such a soul, if she really exists; what a horror to wake up and see you've wasted almost your entire life). So again, be true to herself and whomever she's dealing with up front, honestly: This is what I need. This is the mistake I made and now I'm trying to make the most of what years I have left. It could very well be that after 6 months of indiscriminate banging (or having her own gigolo at her beck and call, she'd get it out of her system and say, Hmmm.... maybe that's NOT what I really missed by staying with my husband..... Does that make sense as to why I changed my tune? Also, Scandinavia's circle of women seemed like vampires denying aging simply because they had the money to do so. 66 seemed like a woman who woke up a couple of decades too late and realized she had exchanged her life for a sense of financial security.
Interestingly too, I notice more and more that some folks do begin to question some of these initial posts. Again, I say: even if the post is fake, OUR response tells us so much about US. I was indeed surprised as I indicated in my reply as to how I saw my own mind reacting, feeling, thinking. Most of all, all said and done, I'm just so grateful that I'm not 66 and I"m not like Scandinavia's circle of women. I woke up at 46 :p and as I face my 50th birthday this year, I am happy and accepting of myself: extra cellulite, crows feet and all (well, I do hate the circles under my eyes but they don't show up under good lighting...so I can live with that but if someone had a mircle eye cream to suggest, I'd sure use it!ha!)

DECEIT IS OK IN WAR ...NOT IN LOVE....i dont know i stumbled onto this thread and just responded...i wrote what i felt...

ok now here goes ...most people said dont lie be completely honest etc etc...but i mean we are humans at the end of the day...we do lie when we really care or feel that the truth puts us at a disadvantage

and lying about age:COME ON..............PPPL HAVE BEEN DOING IT FROM THE VERY BEGINNING

...we do lie when we really care or feel that the truth puts us at a disadvantage

Not if we are mature and aware enough to know how to handle life.

Lying is the coward's way out. What in heck does "we lie when we really care" mean??

Lying about age is a special case, related to insecurity and swallowing society's insistence that it has to approve of you. But just because people have been doing it forever is NO reason for anyone to do it now.

I just came across this thread and for what its worth, Im over 60 ;) and my b/f is in his early 30's. We met online and became the best of friends over an 8 month period before we even met. At first he didnt know my age, and I didnt know his, but by the time we found out it didnt change anything because we loved each other from the inside out, if that makes sense. LOL
I agree with Yellowroses feelings on the situation .................

Quote:
feel/experience when having sex with a 21-25 year old man is an indescribably feeling. It gives me a feeling of power, of being attractive and young again. My sexual fantasies come true.

This means that you do NOT feel that way if you do not do this.

My belief, FOR ME, is that if I have meaningless shallow sexual relationships, I become a shallow, shell of a person. I would feel powerless over my desire to have sex with YM and then be discarded like that. It would also make me feel very old and useless.

I don't think that you can get to where a guy doesn't run when you tell him your age, because all he has had with you up to now, is a physical relationship.

If you really want a YM... go out and volunteer where YM are. Don't jump in the sack with them... get to know them personally and become friends with each other. The kind of guy that would be ok with a relationship with a much older woman, would not want a party girl, you know? I hope you can work this problem out... good luck!
09-18-2005 05:52 PM QUOTE
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I am the opposite from you, Pam, in that I feel probably LESS attractive and young being with my y/m than I do by myself. LOL Im not bad looking but Im not BLIND, and if I was interested in feeling attractive and young, Id probably go pick someone my age or older.

The thing is you may FEEL young with these young guys Pam because you think they finds you sexy etc, although Im afraid I see it as a few others do and think they just see your AVAILABLE......
and in return these young guys probably feel "all grown up" having some "old chick" think they are MATURE and SEXY ,someone who can teach them some tricks and is willing , great.. so in that case I guess your both getting what you want.

Somehow I dont think thats really what you want or you wouldnt be so worried about them finding out your age. Its more like you think as long as you look young someone will be interested in you, and each conquest makes you feel young for a second or so, but it seems like the bigger issue that is sort of sad to me might be that you seem to feel if they knew your age they wouldnt care about you because you have nothing else to offer that anyone would want...other than looking young. Believe me if your 66, unless you can afford lots and lots of plastic surgery... its going to come down to what you have INSIDE thats attractive rather than whats outside. I think lying to someone only shows them something about your character..... that you cant be trusted and that makes most guys run nomatter what age they are.

Id love my b/f to think I was the most attractive woman in the world, and he does, but what makes me attractive to him is who I am, not what I look like.
He loves my sense of humor, my ideas, my energy , honesty, loyalty and its things like that, that turn him on and make me sexy to him. Works for me. LOL
Believe me Pam, I know where your coming from finally being free and feeling you missed a lot etc... but I think in the long run, what Yellowrose and some others have said is right on . Think about it at least.

By this model I have dated several men between the age of 24 and 31 since April. To begin with it was all about sex and I easily ended our relationship because I was not emotionally involved. Once I told a 26 year old man about my age when we woke up and I also told a 32 year old the same - they both ran away, so I stopped telling my dates about my real age.
Today I am actually more interested in a long term relationship with a younger man. My dilemma is that the young men run away if I do not keep my real age as a secret. I do have problems with my daughter now because she sees young men coming here and unfortunately also somtimes hearing me having sex with them. She thinks I make use of these young men by giving them hopes about a relationship to a woman in her erly/mid forties. I can follow her view and I am not satisfied about lying about my age but at the same time I experience a fantastic contact with my body when I date and sleep with these young men.

How can I fulfill my disire for young men and at the same time be honest about my age?

Pam


First of all, in my opinion, it's perfectly OK for you to desire young men, also if the relation in basically sexual. I am not bothered with the "stereotype" image that some other posters seem to be.

However, I can never accept lying, and if you want a more long term relationship, the truth will be revealed sooner or later.

I suggest you to visit some sex site which has personal ads and put an ad where you truly tell your age and you can seek as young men as you want. Also you should say that you prefer a long term relationship.
I'm sure you'll get lots and lots of answers, from young men wanting a woman at your age. Of course, a lot of unpleasant answers from idiots must be expected that you must disregard, but I would be surprised if you don't find a single suitable answer from some young man wanting more than a one night stand with a woman like you...


I wish you good luck!

First of all, in my opinion, it's perfectly OK for you to desire young men, also if the relation in basically sexual. I am not bothered with the "stereotype" image that some other posters seem to be.

However, I can never accept lying, and if you want a more long term relationship, the truth will be revealed sooner or later.

I suggest you to visit some sex site which have personal ads and put an ad where you truly tell your age and you can seek as young men as you want. Also you should say that you prefer a long term relationship.
I'm sure you'll get lots ans lots of answers, from young men wanting a woman at your age. Of course, a lot of unpleasant answers from idiots must be expected that you must disregard, but I would be surprised if you don't find single suitable answer from some young man wanting more than a one night stand with a woman like you...


I wish you good luck!

Totally agree.

Where is the OP, anyway?

I have to agree that telling your age is the right thing to do. If some men are scared off of the age you are , they truly have the right to choose who they would like to spend time with, just as you have that right also.