All quiet on the LDR front?

Wow, I haven't seen this forum this quiet in a long time. Maybe that's a GOOD thing as far as LDRs go. Maybe things are going so well for everyone that you don't need LDR support right now?

What's up everyone?

*S* yeah, i was gonna ask the same thing...

no news is GOOD news right??? so lets keep this forum quiet... ;)

Well, just got through a glorious week with my ym!! :) He traveled to my state (Michigan) and we spent a week "playing house". Had our first RL argument (over nothing of course) and learned a lot about each other...all good. This was our fourth in person time together and darn it, it just gets harder each time to say goodbye! :( We continue to talk nightly on the phone and the last two nights have been all about how we are going to build a future. He has actually used the "m" word. :) We are going to spend a weekend together in 3 weeks and then a trip to Orlando around Halloween. We are also planning Xmas time. He has never seen snow and wants to spend a week here. Don't know WHEN the LD stuff is gonna change, but obviously, its gonna!

Hello everyone,

I'm here now. Have been trying to cope on my own with my LDR and YM. By going about it alone, I'm totally exhausted! I've read some of your threads and replies throughout the board. I've even posted some replies to give others some support about OW/YM relationships. But, I need support with my LDR. So here I am. I've read threads about LDR who live in different countries. I can't imagine having a loved one so far away. I don't know how you cope. My LDR pales in distance in comparison to some of you. My Ym (30), I'm (41), lives 374 miles away, but we live in the same state. And the age gap doesn't seem so large in comparison to some of you. Again, I don't know how you all cope.

He'll be flying to Northern, CA this labor day weekend to see me from Southern, CA. It's been one month since we've seen each other. It's been agony. But after reading some of the posts, some of you have not seen your love for a year! How do you cope? Adam and I call each other daily. But we don't like phones and we don't like e-mails because it's so easy to misunderstand each other. We're both good at expressing ourselves face to face. Again, how does one cope?

Norie

Well one thing that has helped immensely in this relationship is finally getting to the point where I can talk about it with a very close friend and the therapist. Just having a place to validate this relationship makes it so much easier to cope! I would also much prefer face to face conversation, but he is a great listener and we are getting pretty good at creating intimacy over the phone. Planning the next encounter and knowing exactly when we can get together really helps. I honestly don't know how WR and some of these ladies who are half a world away from their loves do it either. :eek:

uhg...been dealing with internet privacy issues tonight. I did a whois on my domain and it showed all my personal contact information: name, phone number, address, email addresses.

I was unaware that I had to personally edit out that information in my account settings after registering it and now I have a stalker from an irc channel :@

Gotta love technology.

OMG Charlotte! :eek: Has he threatened to come to your house?? yikes!

Hello everyone,

I'm here now. Have been trying to cope on my own with my LDR and YM. By going about it alone, I'm totally exhausted! I've read some of your threads and replies throughout the board. I've even posted some replies to give others some support about OW/YM relationships. But, I need support with my LDR. So here I am. I've read threads about LDR who live in different countries. I can't imagine having a loved one so far away. I don't know how you cope. My LDR pales in distance in comparison to some of you. My Ym (30), I'm (41), lives 374 miles away, but we live in the same state. And the age gap doesn't seem so large in comparison to some of you. Again, I don't know how you all cope.

He'll be flying to Northern, CA this labor day weekend to see me from Southern, CA. It's been one month since we've seen each other. It's been agony. But after reading some of the posts, some of you have not seen your love for a year! How do you cope? Adam and I call each other daily. But we don't like phones and we don't like e-mails because it's so easy to misunderstand each other. We're both good at expressing ourselves face to face. Again, how does one cope?

Norie

Norie -- I'll tell you what my b/f once told me... distance is relative. In your case, I DO think 374 miles is huge! That's about a 6 hour drive. Pretty far to me! So, don't worry about comparing your distance with mine or others who are in international relationships. We even have one member who, up until recently, had only an hour drive distance and the distance was distressing to her. So, it's all relative. If the distance and age gap are bothering you, then it's definitely something you should not compare to other's situations.

How do I cope? Not very well, especially when he and I are so close to finalizing the visa requirements, and then little bumps come up. But, after this length of time, it's probably much easier than when I first came home from being with him. THAT was the hard part... wanting to be with him again. If he and I travelled back and forth it would be wonderful, but very painful to constantly part.

So, for now, we try our best to deal with the circumstances set before us and I definitely pray alot, and of course, rely on trusted friends who I can count on to support me during those dark moments when I crash.

Well one thing that has helped immensely in this relationship is finally getting to the point where I can talk about it with a very close friend and the therapist. Just having a place to validate this relationship makes it so much easier to cope! I would also much prefer face to face conversation, but he is a great listener and we are getting pretty good at creating intimacy over the phone. Planning the next encounter and knowing exactly when we can get together really helps. I honestly don't know how WR and some of these ladies who are half a world away from their loves do it either. :eek:

It's definitely very stressful Rozie. There are times when I just ACHE to touch him. I have a video I made of him that I rely on when I am missing seeing him just being himself. That helps a lot.

I could walk away from this anytime. But, as I've told Christina923 so many times, I really don't want to consider the "what if's" if we end this relationship. I mean, I obviously know that's still a possibility. But for now, I take it one day at a time, and pray about it. I believe that if it's meant to be, it will be in due time. It's not like I'm putting my life on hold -- I wasn't even looking for THIS relationship when it began. :) But, until we see this whole process all the way through, neither of us are ready to just walk away and wonder for the rest of our lives what we may be missing together.

Besides, I've known others who have endured longer LDRs than this one. I know people whose immigration process has lasted MUCH longer than ours. So, if they can do it, we can do it. ;)

I hope folks won't misunderstand this... Loripop and I have many of the same feelings mentioned on this thread: the longing for touch, the deep desire to be in the same space...

But we don't focus on what we're missing, we focus on what we have. We've joked that we probably spend more time together (chat, email, text) than most couples who live together. But it's not just the quantity. We feel so connected it's incredible.

Maybe we should start calling these things ldRs and get the emphasis on Relationship and off the long distance! I look at how Loripop loves me and I know that I would not trade her love for anything, including a relationship with someone who happens to live closer. Did I say "closer?" Nobody can ever be closer to me than she is!

We don't measure distance in miles, we measure it in how we love each other and how we connect.

It would be easy to spend time chatting and just sending back and forth "I miss you" and we do that occasionally, but not usually for long. More often we send back and forth "I love you." (One of our regular arguments: "I love you more!" LOL) We miss each other's touch, for sure... but in another way we don't miss each other at all because we feel each other constantly in ways that are so deep and so special.

We do spend a lot of time figuring out how to make things work for us and that's exciting because it's part of how together we are. In that sense, we are letting the distance make us even closer.

Rozie mentioned "creating intimacy." In a very real way, intimacy is not a function of distance - or at least it does not have to be. Intimacy, connection, love are the measures of relationships, not miles.

He'll be flying to Northern, CA this labor day weekend to see me from Southern, CA. It's been one month since we've seen each other. It's been agony. But after reading some of the posts, some of you have not seen your love for a year! How do you cope? Adam and I call each other daily. But we don't like phones and we don't like e-mails because it's so easy to misunderstand each other. We're both good at expressing ourselves face to face. Again, how does one cope?


It's not so much the distance, but maybe the expectations... by that I mean how long you expect to be apart. 1 month or 2 months, or being apart for 6 months at a time all pretty much suck because you want to be together like in a 'regular' relationship, where you can see each other pretty much whenever you feel like it. So, those of us who are apart for longer set ourselves up mentally and expect to be apart longer? I don't know if I explained that quite properly!

Anyway, I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone either, but it's the best thing you have, unless you can set yourself up with a phone and webcam or video phone or something. I've found the best ways to cope are to keep regular contact, which it sounds like you do, and to always try to have your next visit planned. It helps me so much to know that I will be seeing my g/f in x number of days, rather than things just being up in the air. Other people here did things like start a film at the same time and watch it whilst on the phone to each other, which helped them feel closer together.

Good luck anyway, I'm sure you can find a way to deal with it all.

Oh, and I guess this part of the site is quiet because Joelstrouble is now happil married and living with Joel and I'm STILL in Philly with my g/f, and enjoying myself very much! There aren't that many people who post on here, are there?

Hello everyone!

What a wonderful, supportive community we have here! I feel so much better after reading all your posts. Thank you so much for sharing your situations!

I don't feel so alone anymore. With support from friends, including from those of you here at AL, I can tackle the rough times. Adam and I call each other at least twice a day. In the morning it's just the "I love you's." Although very brief, we do feed off of that. Then the nightly phone calls, which range from 15 minutes to an hour and 1/2, we end the call with a prayer. Either he prays or I do.

We've been trying the intimacy thing over the phone, but he has admitted to me that its difficult for him to express himself while on the phone and e-mail. He said he wants to hold my hand, see my face when he expresses himself. I really miss his hugs, kisses, his touch. I miss holding him. While on the phone, I became very upset, frustrated because I'm missing him so much. And you know what he did? He really tried with all his might to pour out his heart to me over the phone.

He said very firmly, "I love you with all my heart. I want to build a future. I want to spend every waking moment with you. What hurts me is when I hear the negatives. I love you so much. You are a big part of my life. Yes, DISTANCE SUCKS!
I want to sit down and hold you, and see each other's eyes. I love you, Norie. I don't want anybody else! I gave you my heart. All I want is you! Relationship with someone takes work. I love you and I'll do what I can to make you happy. You ask me how I'm coping with our LDR? I put my trust and faith in this relationship. I don't want to let go of this relationship. I gave you my heart and I don't want it back. I want you to keep it. Never in my life have I met someone like you. You basically stole my heart. You need to feel my heart everytime I tell you I love you. What we've got is one of the best relationship. Because we have Christ in our life. I pray that I'm strong enough for the both of us. We are going to be a shining light for other couples. They'll want to know why we're so happy. I just know I have someone worth fighting for. Just be patient. You're in this for the long haul!"

After that, I cried my head off! I cried as if the flood gates of heaven opened up, and it rained. And, Adam cried............for the first time.........he cried on the phone.............

I could walk away from this anytime. But, as I've told Christina923 so many times, I really don't want to consider the "what if's" if we end this relationship. I mean, I obviously know that's still a possibility. But for now, I take it one day at a time, and pray about it. I believe that if it's meant to be, it will be in due time. It's not like I'm putting my life on hold -- I wasn't even looking for THIS relationship when it began. :) But, until we see this whole process all the way through, neither of us are ready to just walk away and wonder for the rest of our lives what we may be missing together.


Oh girl, you have just expressed what I've been trying to express for ages now. People don't understand that you aren't putting your life on hold and how it's not as if I'm on a time line. I wasn't even looking for a relationship period when this happened. It just happened and we can't walk away from it.

And concerning the distance is relative thing.......my YM says the exact same thing. He also says time is relative when I start bemoaning the fact that we don't get to touch again until July 2006. :(

As far as keeping in touch we rely on audio chat, phone, web cam, regular chat, e-mail, text messaging, and exchanging requested pictures. *blushes*. Basically, anything and everything we can use to be closer. It's frustrating sometimes, but I'd rather be frustrated and be with him than frustration free and without him. Does that make sense?

~Shan

US~OW/33

Australia~YM/20

I hope folks won't misunderstand this... Loripop and I have many of the same feelings mentioned on this thread: the longing for touch, the deep desire to be in the same space...

But we don't focus on what we're missing, we focus on what we have. We've joked that we probably spend more time together (chat, email, text) than most couples who live together. But it's not just the quantity. We feel so connected it's incredible.

Maybe we should start calling these things ldRs and get the emphasis on Relationship and off the long distance! I look at how Loripop loves me and I know that I would not trade her love for anything, including a relationship with someone who happens to live closer. Did I say "closer?" Nobody can ever be closer to me than she is!

We don't measure distance in miles, we measure it in how we love each other and how we connect.

It would be easy to spend time chatting and just sending back and forth "I miss you" and we do that occasionally, but not usually for long. More often we send back and forth "I love you." (One of our regular arguments: "I love you more!" LOL) We miss each other's touch, for sure... but in another way we don't miss each other at all because we feel each other constantly in ways that are so deep and so special.

We do spend a lot of time figuring out how to make things work for us and that's exciting because it's part of how together we are. In that sense, we are letting the distance make us even closer.

Rozie mentioned "creating intimacy." In a very real way, intimacy is not a function of distance - or at least it does not have to be. Intimacy, connection, love are the measures of relationships, not miles.


EXCELLENT POST! Thank you. You have definitely inspired me today to consider thinking of this situation very differently.

THANK YOU

It's frustrating sometimes, but I'd rather be frustrated and be with him than frustration free and without him. Does that make sense?

~Shan

US~OW/33

Australia~YM/20

Makes PERFECT sense to me. If I walk away now, am I going to be any happier? Nope. I will be sitting there wondering what I would be missing without him in my life.

I thought I would post this for everyone in LDR's, especially if you haven't gotten together offline and in RL yet. I found it when I first started dating my guy.... I hope you like as much as I have.


A TOUCH NEVER FELT

Author: Carola Dittmann McJunkin

How can you ache and crave for someone's touch
When you have never felt it?
I do this for yours, though,
And the yearning grows more each day

I have never wanted anything in my life
As much as I want you
When you whisper such sweet love
In my ear when we talk

You make me melt into a puddle
Of complete helplessness
You have become my every waking thought
And my every dream at night

I breathe in so hard
Trying to catch my breath when we can't talk
I close my eyes so tight
Hoping when I open them you will be there

But I know I have to wait
Until the time is right
It seems so far away
That I think I am losing my mind

I want to breathe in your scent
And keep it with me all day long
I want to taste your love for me
By kissing your sweet lips

I want to feel your body next to me
So when you leave for awhile I can hold on
I just want you to know
That I really do love you

When the day comes and we are together
You will always know and feel this
I will always hug, kiss and love you
Every moment of the day and night

...You will never have another touch unfelt


Chessa~

Hi Everyone,

It's an important time for us at the moment in our LDR, I'll be flying to the USA in just over a day, to spend a few weeks with my beautiful Fiance, and we'll be getting married next Saturday :D Yiipppeee

We're both really excited about it, and of course we'll be posting some wedding pictures for all you Guy's to see as well :D

Oh yeah, you can see above on my location, I got a bit carried away, and think I'm there already LOL.

Hope you're all doing well.

Jim.

well, and we thought it was a quiet time in the LDR!!! congratulations you two!
dreams do come true!!!

the rest that are still waiting... your turn next!!

beautiful poem!!

what is really special about this forum, and why i keep coming back .... even though my LD is now over, it keeps me "grounded" to remember how special my relationship is and the trials we went through.
thank you for the reminders....

:) Aww Chessa, that's beautiful and it particularly touches me, because we met in an online game and he swears he knew he loved me looong before we even contemplated meeting in person.

Wallypop, that was a great post. You made me smile because we also do the "I love you more" thing; it is really sort of a game now. I agree whole heartedly that focusing on the distance only makes it harder. So for now I am learning to accept that we are doing all we can do to make this great, given our circumstances and trying not to doubt that we will eventually be together in the same state, same town, same street, same house. :)

Congratulations gtsnapper!! Will be looking forward to some pics. See nbr2005, THIS is the stuff that helps me to keep going...hard as it is. :D

Lovely poem Chessare. Brought a huge tear to my eye.

Congrats to Jim and Candy!

Things are going well here. I was in Wisconsin last week visiting Bob. :) I was only there for 3 days, but what a lovely 3 days they were. We'll be together again very soon when he'll come here in October.

Chessaere, that was a beautiful poem you posted. I felt exactly as it described before Bob and I finally met in person.

To Christina923: This forum isn't quiet after all! I'm glad your LD is over. Thanks for thinking of us all!

To Rozie: You must be very excited about your up coming plans with your YM! Wow, a weekend together, a trip to Orlando, and christmas plans! Have fun!

To Whiterose: I'll try not to worry about comparing my distance with others. Yes, distance is relative. Any more news about the visa? I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

To Wallypop: What a great post! Thank you! I'll try not to focus on the miles!

To Rob: You're absolutely right! I want to be with Adam like in a "regular" relationship. Thanks for the great post! I'm sure I will find a way to deal with it all.

To Sdoah1972: Wow! Not being able to be with your YM until July 2006 is tough! You and whiterose are an inspiration to us all.

To Chessaere: I love that poem! It's so beautiful! It also brought tears to my eyes.

To gtsnapper: Congrats to the both of you! Keep us posted!

I'll be back online next Tuesday after the Labor Day holiday. Take care to all and we shall "talk" again.

Norie, Adam's girl!

Just wanted to say "hi" and as I haven't been around for a bit, here a quick update:

I am still with my Norwegian b/f (21 yrs to my 37), but we are planning to end the LDR thingy, by him moving over here and in with me while doing his uni prep course.

Initially, our plan was for me to look for a job in Norway but with me being accepted into the management development programm of my company (some coroporate "goldfish pond" here), I want to make most of my current career track in an environment already set to support me. So, he will be moving over here, probably in about a month or so :)

I haven't been much around, mostly due to work (project issues = long working hours lol). And the fact that I had to actually log in the past 2 weeks or so was a bit of deterrent too, tbh, glad this is no longer necessary ...

Oh, and as I got 2 new kittens, looking after them and my "big" cat is taking some of my limited spare time too, so less time for being online ;)

Either way, LDRs suck and tbh, I think it's necessary that they will come to an end, at some time ;) for good or for bad .. ^_^

NBR2005-

You are in the right place!!

It doesn't matter if you are only about 350 miles apart, you still have the right to miss him as much as someone who lives 2,000 miles from their S/O. It doesn't matter the miles, if you're not with the person you love, you miss them reguardless.

Like for me, all my friends consider my relationship long distance, b/c I am living 60 miles from my boyfriend and hadn't seen him in a week (until I arrived here late last nite). My friends all live in like their same town as their s/o's. In some ways they are right considering it long distance b/c despite the fact that it is only an hour or so drive...between his odd work scheduale, NJ traffic, the price of gas and me having a large social life and taking 400 level courses, it doesn't leave much time to randomly put all else aside and hop in the car.

I'd miss him just as much no matter it were 2 days or 10 days that passed. And I am sure that's how everyone else on here feels about their S/o. It might be days between visits for some, weeks for others, months for others...but we still all can use support...so don't be afraid to open up, no one is gonna judge you :)

congrats to gtsnapper and Candy.....another ageless love story!!! :)
Send pics please!!

Rick and I are doing fine, and I agree with you Whiterose, who wants what ifs?

I love that man, we are going to get married some day, just dont' know when yet.


My son only has 1 more year after this one to graduate from high school. He is 16 going on 30 and he is about to make me lose my mind. lol He is a good kid, but typical teen and right now he is into thinking he is grown and he doesnt need my advice. I almost throttled him tonight. ANYWAY.....that aside, (can you tell Im still upset, having to take deep breaths here LOL) RICK has really been helpful in helping me understand this bundle of hormones called a teenage boy.

I dont know what I would do without him. I cant remember what it was like to not have him to talk to everyday and dream with. The more I know about him, the more I love him. I miss him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad, but like most of yall, I just keep praying and trying to stay strong.


ANyway, just dont have much else to say. I keep dreaming and holding to the day that I post our wedding pics on here!!!!!
:)

Hi to all,

I noticed some of you have great Avatars and Signatures. Also have pics attached to your posts. How do I go about it? Also.....I'd love to have one of those cute "Ticker Factory" and the club keychain. How long do you have to be a member to get the keychain?

To In Your Eyes: Thanks for your post! and your support! I do MISS my Adam so much! Just like you MISS your SO. Wow! Your ticker factory states 4 months until your cruise. Lucky you! Where are you guys heading? Adam and I have been talking about going on a cruise as well. You guys have fun!!!

To Marie Zunck: Wow! Can't wait to see your wedding pics too, someday. Yes, keep on Praying and staying Strong!!!!

Norie, Adam's Girl

Norie, the keychains were created by Kristin and can be found on this thread:

http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=20075&highlight=keychain

If you don't find the one that fits your age gap there, just send a PM to Kristin and I'm sure she'll make one for you. Then, you just copy and paste the code into your signature line (go to User CP, edit signature).

And you can get a free ticker at this site:


http://tickerfactory.com/ezticker/ticker_designer.php

well we were fine a few hours ago. now hes upset with me because he thought i was ignoring him online :rolleyes: my computer shutdown and was having some technical difficulties not to mention a bunch of spyware/popups going on. by the time i made it back online he went into ***** mode. now im just going to give him the good ole silent treatment for a couple of days and maybe he will come to his senses and realize what a jackass he has been. the beauty of being in a ldr :rolleyes:

I hope you two can work things out TxCaramel. It's so easy to have misunderstandings when things like that happen online. Hopefully you two can discuss this and come to an agreement to not assume the worst next time.

Good luck to you!

I hope you two can work things out TxCaramel. It's so easy to have misunderstandings when things like that happen online. Hopefully you two can discuss this and come to an agreement to not assume the worst next time.

Good luck to you!


thanks :) ive been thinking about him all day and was pretty upset after last night but cant bring myself to call him. oh well - :(

Norie, the keychains were created by Kristin and can be found on this thread:

http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?t=20075&highlight=keychain

If you don't find the one that fits your age gap there, just send a PM to Kristin and I'm sure she'll make one for you. Then, you just copy and paste the code into your signature line (go to User CP, edit signature).

And you can get a free ticker at this site:


http://tickerfactory.com/ezticker/ticker_designer.php

Thank you so much! I was able to get them! I'm now a happy camper!

Norie

not easy to be in a LDR..sigh..but going to see him tomorrow... :D
four days..just me and him..

Bump.

It's been a little quiet in the LDR forum recently, how's things for everyone?

I just came back on Saturday after being with him for just 5 days.I can't belive it went by sooooo fast.The goodbye at the airport was horrible and on my way to the airport in the taxi I was so sad I couldn't even say anything to him.Well it already started a couple of days earlier when he came out of the shower and I was sitting on the bed.I just couldn't stop crying.Just the thought that just being like that isn't normal for us was enough for me to break down.Luckily he felt the same!!

Now I've been home for 4 days and I miss him like crazy.I'm going to see him on Jan 23th so that's in 69 days.The time between the last 2 times we saw eachother was more than 5 months so 69 days doesn't sound so long but to me it does.

I miss him,his smile,laugh,hugs,eyes,hair,hands,kisses,touch,smel l......everything.
And it seems to get worse every day.

I'm sorry to hear that Charlotte... maybe you just need a bit of time out?

I'm finding that this just gets harder and harder, I miss my gf more and more every time we have to be apart. On one hand it's good because it means our relationship is getting better and better, but on the other hand it's bad because it means it's a bit less bearable being apart. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. :confused:

It's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way. Right now I'm feeling exhausted about the whole LDR thing. The last time I saw Adam, I felt really sad as I drove him to the airport. I was not very good company at all. It was difficult holding back the tears. But my little girl said, "Mommy, are you going to cry?"

Right now I need a break from him. Although we have plans to see each other on Dec. 3rd, I really don't know at this time. I've tried making changes to cope with this LDR. Nothing is working. Adam has been very patient with me. It's me having the problem.

(((sigh)))

hang in there guys!!! this is sounding all to familiar... i was the one who would flip. 2 years of LD as a couple, a year of knowing each other before that... time does become very hard to deal with.
live each day, but have a goal and an idea when the LD will end.

LD is far from easy, but we have survivors here!
*H's* to you all that are still on the journey

While I do agree that LDRs can be hard, I'd rather have that with Loripop than a relationship that wasn't LDR with someone else!

Looking over the last few posts, there are some familiarities! LDRs are very technologically dependent and it is easy to forget that technology doesn't always cooperatate. Loripop and I have learned to immediately assume the technology has failed, not either one of us. So much of this is about learning how to think and learning how to trust each other.

We're also learning to assume we haven't communicated well before "jumping" on things... in fact we are starting to develop our own shorthand to help with that. One of our earliest and still favorites is WMDT. Nope, it's not a radio station. "We make decisions together." Another useful one is "DRTM" (Don't read to much into what I'm saying.)

It does require a lot of maturity to maintain an LDR. Loripop and I have our moments certainly! I'm the OM but sometimes think I have more emotional outbursts than she does, so I'm not sure it's all about age. LOL

Some of it is just about the intensity of the relationship. We've occasionally felt the need to take a break from an intense situation, but NEVER taken a break from each other.

hang in there guys!!! this is sounding all to familiar... i was the one who would flip. 2 years of LD as a couple, a year of knowing each other before that... time does become very hard to deal with.
live each day, but have a goal and an idea when the LD will end.

LD is far from easy, but we have survivors here!
*H's* to you all that are still on the journey




While I do agree that LDRs can be hard, I'd rather have that with Loripop than a relationship that wasn't LDR with someone else!

Looking over the last few posts, there are some familiarities! LDRs are very technologically dependent and it is easy to forget that technology doesn't always cooperatate. Loripop and I have learned to immediately assume the technology has failed, not either one of us. So much of this is about learning how to think and learning how to trust each other.

We're also learning to assume we haven't communicated well before "jumping" on things... in fact we are starting to develop our own shorthand to help with that. One of our earliest and still favorites is WMDT. Nope, it's not a radio station. "We make decisions together." Another useful one is "DRTM" (Don't read to much into what I'm saying.)

It does require a lot of maturity to maintain an LDR. Loripop and I have our moments certainly! I'm the OM but sometimes think I have more emotional outbursts than she does, so I'm not sure it's all about age. LOL

Some of it is just about the intensity of the relationship. We've occasionally felt the need to take a break from an intense situation, but NEVER taken a break from each other.


I have to tell you, you both inspire me so much. Chris, you have proven to us that it is possible for AGR/LDRs to work. And, a year after you married, you still come back here and share with us and encourage us to not give up.

And, Wally, you, too. You remind me of what I should remind myself each day. And, that's to focus on the love that brought us together in the first place.

I, too, would rather be in my relationship with Remi, than be in another relationship without him. He has my heart and I can't imagine my life going onward without him in it.

In mine and Remi's situation, it's not really been technology so much as other circumstances that have caused us difficulties. I am reminded frequently by good friends here that I need to continue to have faith in God and turn things over to Him. Walking away now would make me even more unhappy than I already am with this distance. Because I would always wonder what might have been. I'd rather see this thing through as far as it can possibly go first. And, for me, I'm not there yet.

Oh there's absolutely no way in the world that I would consider ending things because it's getting hard... I would rather be in this situation than us not be together at all, no doubt about that. I know that, one day, this will be over (the distance I mean) and this is just part of the journey to get there. In the end I think it will make our relationship stronger, it's just a hard road to travel.

And, yeah, it's nice to hear from people that are managing better or are more optimistic, and especially from people that have been there, done it and come out the other side. :)

and you all will get to the other side...remember that always!
believe... know it does end!


katrina...*H*
how could i not come back here?? my sanity was saved a few times here ;) so hopefully i can return the favor

Charlotte, I have to confess that there have been times that I've been mean to Remi as well. And it's just so out of character for me. LDRs can be very stressful and sometimes we just feel so overwhelmed by the stress that the only way we know how to react at the time is in anger.

I don't know what he said to you, but fighting is a normal part of a relationship, even from afar. The bad part about fighting from a distance is that when you make up with each other, you can only throw each other cyber kisses and not the real thing. :( But, the most important thing is that you are going through these periods which will help you both grow and learn ways to deal with the difficult times together.

Glad you two worked things out. :)

charlotte... *H* hard stuff to hear from him. i realize he is young, you two also seem to have a long time till your LD ends.
i don't know how he is when you two are together, i assume fine...but the things he said...a bit over the top. now i at times was insecure(heck my middle name at times) but when i was reading your post, i saw a tiny red flag...could this level of "insecurity and control" be the beginning of something bigger?

but when i was reading your post, i saw a tiny red flag...could this level of "insecurity and control" be the beginning of something bigger?

was thinking the same thing when i read it.

Me too. :( I agree with Chris in that the stress of the LDR, especially lengthy ones like ours, can cause one to become irritable. But, being so jealous that he's making your life miserable is definitely a red flag. I think you may have mentioned before that he has not ever really socialized much? Maybe he has some self-esteem issues he needs to work on.

I don't blame you for being upset. That kind of treatment would drive me insane.

Saw my YM off to the airport today after another great visit. We will miss the Holidays this year so we put up a Christmas tree and cooked a Thanksgiving turkey. Had a wonderful time! Yesterday it snowed and he got to see his first snowfall. :) This event made us both feel like someone in the heavens is looking out for us. I came home from work today to find signs of him everywhere; started to cry. I'm better now and he'll be calling me soon. Can't bear to change the sheets though!

I feel long distance like....it's been a week since I saw my man. On the last day we were together, we had a fight (our first) we made up, but I was still hurt. The next day we made up again via phone and then I was over it for real (it was 100% his fault, even he admitts, he made a stupid comment). So now to make it up to me he literally calls 5 times a day to say he loves me and he said he bought me the DVD I wanted, but I am so busy with an interview and tests and a birthday party I was invited to over a month ago....that I won't see him til tuesday nite at the earliest. Even though things are great again, i wish i could give him a kiss in person. It's like not the same to make up over the phone...ya know??? It's so funny how 60 miles can seem like a world away when things get crazy.

Charlotte, you are definitely taking the right approach with him. You've already known that a relationship with him will be very long term. If he can't get through his insecurities now, he may never.

Charlotte, amiga, you do not need the agonies you YM is inflicting on you. LD is bad as it is, and if he does not trust with so much distance in between, he will trust you less when you are together. I do not think his insecurities and his controlling has much to do with his age, but more with who he is.

I have read some of your post in other threads and you are dealing with so much in you present time that you do not need a man that, from what I have read, it is always you who is giving to him and catering to him. Gosh, he cannot even deal with the food you like to eat. He does not like you to go grocery shopping. What happens if he were to move to your world, will he be attached to your belly button?

Please think hard..... the word CONTROL jumps at me more than a red flag, but a burning red flag.

Is all the agony worth the love?

I have not tried to be hard on you, just want you to be realistic and objective.

I wish you the best.

so he can grow up a bit on his own time.................

Charlotte, I am sorry to hear your BF has been showing jealousy, I wouldnt say it was a red flag, but in a nice way, needs to grow up a little bit.

I hope you two manage to sort things out.

Charlotte~

It sounds like your bf needs counseling in order to work through his emotional issues. As you said, you are not his therapist. My question to you is, do you need another child to raise? He has A LOT of growing up to do and you have your own children to take care of. I know it's hard when you love someone, but I honestly do not see any benefit in this relationship for you.

Congrats on your motivation to get moved and start a life with your children! I bet you will gain some clarity once you are completely on your own. :)