She would leave me if...

I got a bit of delemia here. I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 34. We have been seeing each other for about 8 months now and are very much in love. We spend so much time together you would swear we were just married, and we both love every second of it. She has told me that she feels physically ill when she can't see more for an extended period of time. She went back to Iowa for 6 days to see here family but had to cut it short because she said she couldn't stand to be apart from me for that long. So here's my problem.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to go into law enforcment. I have wanted to make a life that is worth something, a life that has an impact on my community, a life that means something. So one morning here and I were talking and we somehow got on the subject of me wanting to be a cop. When I told here this, she was taken back. She said that she couldn't be in a relationship with a cop. That they tend to become alcholics and abusive, and even if that didn't turn out to be so, she didn't want to deal with fear of me at work, the fear of me not coming home. Now this all happened before she told me she loved me.

I'm in a real bind here, we haven't spoken of this since then, but it nags at me now and again. Honeslty in my heart, I don;t think she would leave me, and I would fight to the end to try and keep her, but I'm not sure how I should approach this. I got about a year before I would become one (got to finish school). Any advice on what I should to. Right now I am just hoping that by the time I am able to become a Police Officer, we would be at the point in our relationship in which she couldn't leave me for something so frugal.

Welcome, Finch! I relate to the not wanting to be apart. I couldn't see my ladyfriend at all on Monday, and I really missed her. I may have to work on Sundays soon, but am unsure about taking the job because Sundays are a day that we spend the whole day together.

About the cop thing: Two questions: 1) Are you a CJA major? 2) Are you planning on beign a cop in a small town, or a big city? The way you speak of community makes it sound like you are from a small town. If so, I think that your ladyfriend's fears may be overblown. Many small town cops are pretty gentle souls. Campus cops at colleges also seem to be pretty easy going, and I've heard that their jobs are gravy jobs as police jobs go. If you think you can land such a position, I suggest introducing her to some local police people who are nice folks, the kind of town cops that folks respect but also like. If you can have ajob where gun battles are rare to nonexistent, I think She will feel much more at ease.

Most of all, though, you must show her, through your daily actions, that you are capable of beign assertive with others; firm, yet compassionate, one who will not tolerate ill behavior because of your core values. A good cop whom everyone likes is firm with those who are out of line because they believe in holding lawbreakers accountable, in standing up for what is right. Such a person would never hurt the one they love. If you are clear and convicted in your own mind on these things, your ladyfriend will begin to believe in your convictions over time.

Could you consider a compromise within the sphere of law enforcement? There are so many ways to work in that field, to serve your community, but not be in the line of fire, so to speak. Detective work, juvenile detention, etc.. If after a year, you are still together and are just as sure about your love for one another and future together, I think this issue would be worth considering a compromise on your part. I totally understand her hesitance in not wanting to worry about you...and the statistics sadly support the validity of her worry.

I am a civilian employee in a police department. Sure there are abusers and alcoholics within the law enforcement community, but there is in EVERY profession, even clergy have a problem. The majority of officers that I work with are family men first, yes first , putting family before job. These men take time off to be with sick kids sharing the responsibility with the wife..
It is a dangerous job, for sure, but so is working at the post office!!