OW/YM Don't be afraid.

My (grown) children say Martina McBride's song, "I Hope You Dance", describes my life. I'm 16 years older than the man I love but I've never been one to sit down when I could be dancing. It's gotten me in deep do-do lots of times, however, I have no regrets. I've been hurt, but it's been worth it. I won't sit this one out either because I'd rather dance and get my toes stepped on than to sit and watch the world go by. I'm 52, he's 36. I have always taken care of myself and always enjoyed an abundant amount of self esteem. I have plenty of energy due to working out at the gym for years and an inherited propensity for a youthful appearance. Healthy as a horse, I take no medications but for a daily dose of vit E every day for the last 18 years and most people think I am in my early to mid 40s, BUT, it's catching up with me and showing in my face... so what! We discussed our age difference at length, and decided to love without holding back, to enjoy today and not worry about the future... and he kissed the wrinkles around my eyes. (He's bald, so I kissed his head!) We have fun together and things are good. If either of us ever changes our mind, then there will be hurt, but that will heal and we won't have missed the love we share today. It would be the same even if he was older! Just because someone you love is close to your age does not guarantee a rosy future! Every opportunity comes with risks of some kind. I won't worry about the future until it arrives ...because I'd rather have one day of wonderful than a whole lifetime of just okay.

Nice post, welcome to ageless, and...right on! :D

You are so right Dancer! There are so many wonderful women and men on Ageless who have been terribly hurt in a relationship with someone their own age, yet when they enter an amazing relationship with a man who is a lot younger (or a woman who is a lot older) they get terrified that it won't work because of the age difference.

Thanks for reminding us all that the love we have right now is the only love we can be sure of. Savor the moment! And if you're fortunate it may turn into forever. If you walk away now it will never have the chance.

Very inspiring, Dancer! Indeed, it is better to try and fail at something than to not try at all.

exactly what I wanted to hear, Dancer! I loved your posting and it inspires me incredibly... Yes, i like to dance too and I will get my toes stepped on any day of the week! And I do dance "like if no one was looking" (I am a latina which makes it even more significant because in my home country nobody ever heard of a dancing school... what for?).

I am starting to feel more optimistic.. and less afraid... He (28, me 45) encourages me very much.. but on the other hand, i know he told only a few friends about me. I was actually going to suggest that he says the rest about me but not my age...And what when his incredibly domineering, rigid, strict mother finally knows? That will be hell.

I need courage to face my fears! Not that he will go away because others did and I survived and I am as ready as I will ever be to have my heart broken again, but that this will LAST and that I have to face my children, his mother and our friends!.

You know that I read today that this OW/ym is called Bill Wyman syndrome? I could not find any reference to that further from that "expert opinion" on how creepy it is to be with someone with an age gap of more than 10 years. (yeah, sure.. 11 is so creepy! but 9 is not! come on! who set the limit exactly?).

It takes all kinds. But are a woman after my own heart Dancer!

Maria

Dancer, that's a great post and it basically sums up where I am with my YM right now. He got there a looong time before I did; this attitude to live for the moment is so unlike how I have approached life in the past. Sadly, I've paid for being reluctant to put my needs out there. Funny thing is happening tho; the more I learn to live in the moment and not get carried away with "What is this all leading to?", the MORE he is talking about what it is leading to!! :D

You know that I read today that this OW/ym is called Bill Wyman syndrome? I could not find any reference to that further from that "expert opinion" on how creepy it is to be with someone with an age gap of more than 10 years. (yeah, sure.. 11 is so creepy! but 9 is not! come on! who set the limit exactly?).
Maria
Whomever said that is an idiot. A large number of women have 13 year gaps. Check out the keychains at the bottom of posts. I believe we have a 34 year gap. Your 17 is minor compared to that! LOL! :D

Dancer, carpe diem (seize the moment) is the motto I live by. You are wise in understanding this now. I don't think I learned this until I was 50. My boyfriend and I long ago decided that we would not try to predict the future. We have an 18 year gap and we have now been together for over 10 years. I never thought he would stick around this long. We met when he was 30 and I was 48, but didn't become a couple for two years. I am now 60 and he's 42.

This website was a major force in my expressing my emotions to my SO. It is very heartening to know that there are other people out there who love beyond the parameters set by a closed minded few.

Thanks for the optimistic and hopeful outlook!

And what when his incredibly domineering, rigid, strict mother finally knows? That will be hell.


Just wanted to say...

Thiat situation might not be AS bad as you are thinking. My g/f's parents and sister didn't exactly like our relationship and I recently net them all for the first time. When my g/f's parents left to go back down south a couple of weeks ago her mum took my hand, gave me a warm handshake and said it had been nice to meet me. Her sister is the person with the strongest opinion of our relationship and I've spent a fair amount of time with her this week (she's been here for a week from california) and she's been nothing but nice to me, even though I know she still has reservations about it. And she loves to get involved in my g/f's life, let me tell you!

Oh, and the original post was nice too. :)

I just found out about this site, i think it's AWESOME!
I'm a little bit younger than a few people over here, but we all share the same concern, rite??? My age difference with my guy is only 6 years, but he's 19, so it is kinda hard. Sometimes i think he might be too young, and he might need to live a little bit more, 2 party more, whatever. And most of my friends judge me because i'm with a guy THAT young. What worse is that i wont tell all my friends because i know they wouldnt approve. 6 years IS NOTHING. Maybe at our ages it kinda is, but in the long run it's nothing! I just needed to read stuff like all the things you all said, i needed to see that. And like one person said: "Carpe Diem". It's the best way to live by.
Thank u all =)
Be happy...that's what it's all about!

Dancer, carpe diem (seize the moment) is the motto I live by. You are wise in understanding this now. I don't think I learned this until I was 50. My boyfriend and I long ago decided that we would not try to predict the future. We have an 18 year gap and we have now been together for over 10 years. I never thought he would stick around this long. We met when he was 30 and I was 48, but didn't become a couple for two years. I am now 60 and he's 42.

just finished because of 19 year age gap , he wants children and was too scared of what people would think about us . kind of half hoping he 'll be back ... i didnt try to hold him ... way to go dancer !

Thank you, Flyer, for being here. You give me much encouragement, because even though my husband tells me every day how much he loves me..I still worry in the back of my mind that in 10 years or so, he will wake up and look at me and say OH my God what am I doing with this old hag? I really don't think he's that shallow, but a lifetime of cultural conditioning is proving VERY hard to break, specially when every day I look in the mirror and see myself starting to look like my mom (who's 78...and has always disliked her looks in one way or another..but is very active and healthy). And unfortunately, my husband has a full head of hair, hardly any grey, and a baby face :(...people think he's younger than he is. I DO SO wish I would just wake up one day and not ever think about it again.

Truly inspiring Dancer...and welcome to Ageless! :)
Wow! You made me see something in a new light. You are a VERY wise lady!

A lady who knows her mind and heart and isn't afraid to act upon it....

Kudos to you... my friend....

Jas