A serious question for mothers with sons

This is a serious question.... when a boy starts noticing girls and all that stuff... does it make you feel replaced in any way? I'm wondering if there is a jealousy factor there at all. I'm not implying there's a sexual component or anything.

This question could also apply to fathers with daughters, I suppose...

I don't have kids, and this is just something I've wondered about.

Hmmm... interesting question.

My son is only 9, so it's really hard to tell how I will feel... I doubt it will be a feeling of being replaced so much as probably thinking she's not good enough for him. :eek: (I have the tendency to feel that way about male relatives choices in women... like my brother and his wife. And my Uncle and his... and both these women proved the point, more than once, too...)

I hope I will remain open minded and respectful of his growth. I think I will probably be proud of him, too, when he DOES have his first girlfriend. Although, I will know (and not say) she won't be the "last" either. LOL.

~phos

Hmmm... interesting question.

My son is only 9, so it's really hard to tell how I will feel... I doubt it will be a feeling of being replaced so much as probably thinking she's not good enough for him. :eek: (I have the tendency to feel that way about male relatives choices in women... like my brother and his wife. And my Uncle and his... and both these women proved the point, more than once, too...)

I hope I will remain open minded and respectful of his growth. I think I will probably be proud of him, too, when he DOES have his first girlfriend. Although, I will know (and not say) she won't be the "last" either. LOL.

~phos
same thing i was thinking. not so much 'replaced' as 'she's not good enough for MY baby' lol
of course, my oldest is 6 so i have awhile, i hope, lol.

i remember the oldest had a crush on a lil girl last year in kindergarten and i was asking....who are her parents? is she smart? is she nice?
and when i talked to the ex about it......i joked that if she hurt my baby, well, it wouldn't be anything for me to give the beat down to a 5 year old LOL joking!

i just gotta hope and wish and pray that they make good choices in female friends and girlfriends, i don't want to have to knuckle bump too many. i'm getting older and i'm tired....dangit.

This is a serious question.... when a boy starts noticing girls and all that stuff... does it make you feel replaced in any way? I'm wondering if there is a jealousy factor there at all. I'm not implying there's a sexual component or anything.

This question could also apply to fathers with daughters, I suppose...

I don't have kids, and this is just something I've wondered about.

Well, at this point, my son is 21. He has had a couple of serious relationships so far, neither of which really pulled him away from me. HOWEVER, having had 4 brothers, and have seen how they have pulled away from our family to do more things with their wives' families, yeah, this is something I am kind of worried about.

I have always been very close to my son and I hope that he won't do the same as my brothers have done. My strategy is to become as close to his wife/girlfriend as possible so that she wants to spend time at my house. :D

....

My strategy is to become as close to his wife/girlfriend as possible so that she wants to spend time at my house. :D


I think that's really smart! Plus it would be nice for all involved, I think.

This is a serious question.... when a boy starts noticing girls and all that stuff... does it make you feel replaced in any way? I'm wondering if there is a jealousy factor there at all. I'm not implying there's a sexual component or anything.

This question could also apply to fathers with daughters, I suppose...

I don't have kids, and this is just something I've wondered about.


My sons are 20 and 23 and nope I dont feel replaced at all. No jealousy on my part anyway. My sons have always been closed to me, maybe thats why. A mother's bond with their sons is a very different thing and so even if they have a girlfriend it doesnt change anything. And I could say they have their life now and I have mine. I always been protective (up to a point) but never possessive. Its different. I think it really depends of the person.

I think that all parents go thru the "they're not good enough for my kid stage". For my oldest daughter, her Dad gave several young men a really hard time. For my youngest daughter its been me giving young boys the hard time.

I think when our kids become interested in others we automatically hope the person has the same kinds of standards that we've tried to raise our kids to have. We get nervous when sometimes we dont see what we want in them. This is done out of love for our kids and our wanting the best for them.

I've never been jealous.......but I can nit pick a kid to death :)

My son is 22, and I don't feel jealous when he is dating. I have the same feeling as many who have responded, "Is she good enough". No one wants to see their son or daughter get hurt.

My son is 27 (sheeeeeeeeeesh that makes me feel old) and I cannot recall a single girlfriend he has had (he has been dating since he was 14, so there have been a few over the years) that I haven't really liked. Then again my son has always gone for girls that are different from the mainstream, he goes for women that feel passionate about life and are very clever and artistic. They have including a couple that have been older then him........ I still get christmas and birthday greetings from several of them

My 26 year old daughter's boyfriends however have been a different story.... Most of them have been people that are very, in my view, superficial and materialistic. Rich, goodlooking guys that are all about appearances and position. My daughter is a stunning woman and, it seems to me, they are all far more into her value as 'arm candy' then who she is as a person.......... Saying that my daughter is also guilty of picking guys based on their looks and style as opposed to personality.


I have never felt jealous or worried about being 'replaced' in any way......... As I see it, I raised them to be independant adults and to make their own choices and mistakes.

I have always been told that I'm a Jewish mum, the last person who told me this was my ex ym who is Jewish so I guess he knew what he was talking about.

Not just with my kid (9 years-old) but also with my friends. "don't get cold, here wear this scarf, can I make you some hot chocolate? , don't cry talk to me"

I have almost never taken my kid to fast food but always cooked meals all from scratch, never any frozen or canned stuff, and I'm an excellent cook.

What I'm worried about is not that the day he finds a girlfriend (or maybe a boyfriend) I will feel replaced but even worse, I'm afraid that he's always going to look for someone to replace me. And that's VERY BAD.

Of course my dream is to retire with friends somewhere in the countryside and have my son call me to ask to visit on weekends and me answering "son, I have plans this weekend, why don't you call me next week ?"

I have to work on that because I think it's a much healthier approach.

I raised three sons and two daughters the majority of time on my own. ( Another reason I did allot of praying! )

Remember the saying...."A son is a son until he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life." There is some truth to that!

However, I agree with others in that the object of raising children is to develop independence and self-reliance. I don't think I have ever felt threatened by a girl friend. We have totally different roles.

I also happen to have the most incredible daughter-in-law in the world! I thank God for her and the happiness she has brought my son and all who know her.

My son is 27 (sheeeeeeeeeesh that makes me feel old)

My son is also 27! He got married at 19 to a girl just to spite his father! We didn;t like her and because he wouldn't stop seeing her, my husband kicked him out! Shows what kind of man he is!

Anyway, the marriage didn't work. She was abusive! He nows lives with a woman 9 years older than he is. They have 2 children together and she and I get along well. I have never felt jealous or replaced. I have a close relationship with my son and we may go a while without communication, but if he needs to talk he knows I'm there and he knows I don't judge him or any lifestyle he chooses to live.

When he was in high school he had girls after him all the time! He is gorgeous! I never felt jealous of them either. But he never dated in high school. It wasn't until he was out of school. He is a Leo, so thinks he is the center of the universe...LOL...and likes lots of friends aorund him both guys and gals! He's still that way, and he is lucky that his partner is not jealous! He has a lot of gay friends too! Which is why he thinks he is god! Because not only does he have women after him all the time, he has men after him too! LOL

Here is a picture of my son sleeping! LOL...

His t-shirt says: "Scientific Theory Proven...the world does revolve around me!"LOL Typical Leo!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v305/guinavere/Matthew_asleep.jpg

My son is over thirty, so I've had time to evaluate this whole situation. And I am pleased to say, I agree with several women who have posted here (though I will not go back and name each one and what they said as I am not that gifted at puter stuffola (ie cutting and pasting the right phrase in the right place, etc.)).

Having said that, I will just say that I raised my daughter and my son from the ages of 7 and 5 on my own. I believe I treated them both the same, and had a special connection with each of them. I put motherhood first as I believe you will put in the time while they are growing up or after they are grown.

For this thread, my son and I have always been very very close. When he was dating his now wife, she wondered what we would speak about on the phone for so long a time (we've been known to chat for hours at times, and that, just about stuff). Well, he's been married for five years, and this is two children later, and we still talk just about every day (now he is wanting children, advice, lol). But nonetheless, we either speak or chat just about every day.

I've never been jealous of my son because he's always included me in most of his decisions. Funny story. He went out with this girl named Karen all through college. My daughter did NOT like her (I was in Florida, they lived together in the condo I left for them), as she would not speak or acknowledge my daughter. Whenever we would speak, my daughter would say to me, "Mom, what if he MARRIES her??? What will we do???" The culmination was when I went back to CT to attend his graduation and she was a little put off by ME holding my sons arm and giving him hugs and such ... huh? what? Lol. Anyway, I held my tongue as my daughter said spoke of her concerns during ever conversation with me.

After college (three years into their relationship), my son got offered a great opportunity in the DC area and had to decide if he was going to take Karen with him. Long story short, I finally expressed my concerns, he decided that it wasn't in his heart to continue to be with her, went to DC on his own with friends and met his now wife ... a very good match ... which, btw, my daughter fully approves of.

All this to say, that there is no woman who will ever really replace the bond between a mother and her son (or daughter for that matter). We are irreplacable, lol. Kidding but not. Today, my son would do anything for me, though I would not ask him ... and shows the concern I hope I encouraged as he was growing for other people to me, and I to him ... It all works very well.

Even if they stray for a bit, the love and respect and caring are still there ... no one can take our sons from us ... after all, we are the first woman they ever loved, lol ... and how can you replace your first love, lol.

Lastly (and then I promise I will stop, lol), I've even written a book, which I have yet to have published, with which my son has contributed greatly, called, "How To Be The Best Father A Mother Can Be", especially written for those women who are raising boys without fathers. I can tell you that I used to feel a bit guilty until I saw what a wonderful young man my son turned out to be withOUT a father figure. :)

princessdy :)

PS Hope I didn't go on too much ... loll Loved chatting about my precious son ... thanks for presenting me the opportunity. :)

I don't think I ever felt jealous of either of my sons' girlfriends. Actually it was nice to know they found someone they could be so compatible with. Although my oldest son, Jeremy, married a girl I knew wasn't right for him. A year later they divorced and soon after he met a girl a couple years older than him and she is a sweetheart. I don't think he could find a better girl.

My 22 year old son, Jason, has been with the same girl for 5 years now... his first and only love. They just became parents 2 weeks ago, to a little girl.

Now Jason was always my cuddly child. Even when he was 18 he liked to stretch out on the sofa with his head in my lap. He always liked being pampered and stroked and all the stuff. Now Sarah does it, but it doesn't bother me in the least because she is now my child as well, LOL.

What does bother me somewhat is that my oldest son spends so much time with his dad, on a weekly basis, and doesn't call me or come over but a couple times a year. And I live closer!! Yet when we do talk he always treats me fine. I just feel like he chose a side when I divorced his father.

Jason, on the other hand, spends more time with me. In fact it is about the opposite of his brother. So I guess I shouldn't feel bothered.... I don't know. Now I feel like I'm rambling on.... Sorry folks. :(