Great OW/YM articles

Know of a great article about OW/YM relationships? Post an excerpt and a link here! If you need help, PM me the article and I'll post it for you!

NOTE: Please be sure to post a link to the original article, too, to give the author & website proper credit.

by Leanna James

Do we dare date -- or better yet marry -- a younger man? You bet! Writer Leanna James shares her experience.

Can it work?
I couldn't resist the headline: "Older Women, Younger Men: This Year's Hottest Trend!" I plucked the magazine from the stand near the checkout counter and flipped to the article. The photo inside featured a stylish woman of about 35 in a cherry-red power suit clasping hands across a restaurant table with her dinner date. He was a clean-cut, clearly muscular young man wearing a snug white shirt and a satisfied-looking smile. A half-finished bottle of wine and a slender vase holding a tropical flower rested on the tablecloth, still-life fashion, between the glowing pair.

There was nothing else in the photograph. No other diners sneaking glances, no waiters raising eyebrows, no former spouses or lovers storming into the restaurant to stage a jealous scene. A snapshot of my own life three years ago would have included all the above in the first take. And that would have left 23 more exposures on the roll, each documenting another reaction, another consequence, another sea change flowing from the choice I made.


I skimmed the article, looking for any parallels between the women I was reading about and me. "Fabulous sex!" the first woman, "Geri," announced. I could almost hear her contented purr. "Barbara," a 30-ish accountant who had dated a 22-year-old lifeguard, confessed: "My affair with Steve worked wonders for my self-esteem!" "Revitalized my life!" a therapist called "Karina" exclaimed, who went on to describe scuba-diving and motorcycle adventures with her 20-something sugar. All this checked out with my own experience -- the sexy parts especially -- but it was still too tame for me.

Wait a minute: tame? Harleys, coral reefs, Olympian sex-a-thons? How much further can you go? I'll tell you how much: I broke a taboo none of these women spoke about. None of them mentioned, God forbid, love. None talked about a future. And none were so extravagant, so wild, so foolish as to marry the guy … and then have a baby with him. I did.

The roar of social approval dies down awfully quickly when your "wild side" turns into a wedding -- and less than a year later, a brightly painted nursery. I was supposed to have had my fun and moved on. What woman in her right mind would choose a man not quite old enough to rent a car to be the father of her child? Or, as my best friend put it: "How can you be serious about a guy who was just learning the alphabet when you started college?"

When I met D, I was 36 years old; he was 24. I had been married once before; he had lived with a girlfriend for two years after college. Our experiences were not comparable. Nothing in our backgrounds suggested our paths would ever cross, much less merge: D grew up in the South Bronx, where life unfolded (and sometimes exploded) on the streets, the stoops and the asphalt lots. I grew up in a Southern California suburb, where life was contained within beige-colored walls and plushly upholstered cars, and walking anywhere was considered as uncivilized as cleaning your teeth with a twig.

D won scholarships to Ivy League schools, studied economics and went to parties with the sons of senators. I went to a liberal women's college where I studied feminist literary theory and performance. At our parties, people drank wine and debated sexual symbolism in Victorian women's poetry. When we met, he was working at a bank and I was working on a novel. He knew how old I was (he looked up my statistics in the bank's database); I thought he was older, or at least old enough to have a cup of coffee with. When he told me, I almost spilled my latte in his lap. "Twenty-four! But … you're a baby!" I thought.

He was, by definition, emotionally immature, reckless, unwise about women. How could he be otherwise? He probably thought dating meant splitting a pizza and rolling around on the couch, and kept nothing but beer and mustard in his fridge. I pictured evenings watching The Simpsons reruns with his roommates and crossed his name briskly off my list.

Read page two of this article. (http://sheknows.com/about/look/4173.htm)

Women have more options than ever - including men!

By Star Lawrence


Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These pioneering couples are just the most visible December-May hookups of older women dating younger men.

Braving "robbing the cradle" jokes, almost one-third of women between ages 40 and 69 are dating younger men (defined as 10 or more years younger). According to a recent AARP poll, one-sixth of women in their 50s, in fact, prefer men in their 40s.

It's not what you think -- the stamina or "re-boot" ability of the younger male. The women like the flexibility and sense of adventure of their more spontaneous, younger companions, Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a licensed family therapist in practice in Long Beach, Calif., and author of "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again", tells WebMD. For their part, the men like the sophistication and life success of their older mates, she explains. The much touted idea that women peak sexually in their 30s and men in their teens does not enter into it -- most of these couples are beyond both those age periods.

Other reasons behind this trend
According to Tessina, other reasons underlying this expansion of everyone's dating choices include:

<li>Older women are looking better every day, thanks to creative medical advances and a gym on every corner.
<li>Women are more likely to come back on the dating market because of divorce and a longer expected life span.
<li>Not as many women are looking for the picket fence and two cars. Now companionship, travel, and fun are coming to the forefront.
<li>Women may also want a man with a less-developed career who could follow her or take care of children, if that is a factor.
<li>For their part, younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually.

But what about the notion that men are "hard-wired" to seek a smooth-faced, curvy receptacle for reproduction and thus are drawn to younger women? "Humans are relatively flexible species," Michael R. Cunningham, Ph.D., a psychologist in the department of communications at the University of Louisville, tells WebMD. "Factors other than biological can be attractive. You can override a lot of biology in pursuit of other goals."

Interestingly, Cunningham did an unpublished study of 60 women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, who were shown pictures of men aged to those decades. "The women," he says, "were more interested in men their own age or older."

As for the men, he says: "I guess it could be nice not to hang around a ditz with no knowledge of music or something like that."

Getting over the "shoulds"
"We have strong 'shoulds' on ways of partnering up," Kathryn Elliott, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, explains to WebMD. "We are victims of inner-critic constrictedness. We think we should only weigh 120. We should marry people within two years of our age. We pathologize anything that isn't within those shoulds."


Read Full Article-> (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3679116/)

Kristen Houghton

The bride is glowing. Her dress is sleek, stylish, and white with a low-neckline. Instead of a veil she has chosen to wear sprays of white and blue flowers in her upswept hair. She looks beautiful.

Her groom is handsome and his hair has the blonde “surfer” streaks. He wears a modern tuxedo with a vest and without a bow tie.

Everyone is smiling as the new Mr. and Mrs. enter the reception. Typical wedding? In all ways but one; the bride is 48 and the groom is 31. Older woman, younger man.

Attitudes about May-December marriages have been around forever it seems, but usually the “December” part of the duo was an older, well-to-do man, sometimes referred to sarcastically as a “Sugar Daddy.” Not any more. Women are just as likely as men to be the older partner in a marriage but their “December” is usually anything but old; they are healthy, fit, sexy, and glamorous. While they may have a better income than their younger husbands, they’re not necessarily playing “Sugar Mommy.” But still, many wonder, what is the allure of an older woman?

“I was attracted to my wife not only because of her beauty,” said Brandon, 26, of his 43 year-old spouse, Deidre. “It’s the way she carries herself, the confidence she has when meeting people, and her powerful sense of self that intrigues me. I find that to be sexy.”

Read Full Article-> (http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art34696.asp)

Older Woman Younger Man

By Kay Kopit,

Consumer
I Survived: One Woman's Journey of Self-Healing and Transformation

Kay Kopit is an accomplished artist, actor, writer, speaker and gifted teacher.

My husband and I have been happily married for 17 years. What makes our relationship unique is that Bryan was born in 1960 the year after I graduated high school. He is 19 years my junior; I am older than his mother. The secret of our success is a deeply committed love for one another. Ours is a passionate romance. Each of us is whole, happy and healthy. Bryan and I have a love that keeps my spirit young. I am sharing our story to give older women hope that they too can find peace and love with a younger man.

We met in 1985 during a rainy winter in San Francisco. We were neighbors on a tiny street near the historic Mission Dolores. The worst storm of the season was on its way and my roof was leaking profusely. I was in dire straits financially, having been newly divorced. I was preparing to fix it myself. Unfortunately my ladder wasn't tall enough. I needed help. None of the folks I knew were home that Saturday morning but I noticed an open door directly across from my house. I hurried upstairs to the second story flat in the azure painted duplex and walked down the long corridor to the living room. There on the sofa was a guy watching the football game on T.V. I introduced myself and then proceeded to ask for his assistance. He looked at me like I was crazy. The silence was deafening. How often does a stranger enter your apartment with a request for help with a major repair? I was flushed with embarrassment but was in too deep to recover. Fortunately he agreed to help me.

This uncommon beginning signaled the magic that lay before us. The sparks flew. We went on our first date within days of this meeting. Bryan's car was broken so we took the bus across the city to an authentic Moroccan restaurant where we sat on paisley cushions and ate with our fingers. I remember clearly how primitive this felt and how natural it was to be with him. He didn't seem the least bit concerned about my age. I, on the other hand, was more sensitive. I was healing from a codependent relationship of 12 years and had never experienced true intimacy. I wasn't sure it was the proper thing to do but I couldn't help myself; I was falling in love. I was scared because these feelings were coming so quickly.

Bryan moved in with me within weeks of our first meeting. I remember thinking if it didn't work out it would be easy to ask him to leave because all he owned was a T.V.

For Valentine's Day he created a hanging wire mobile in the shape of intertwined hearts and presented it to me with flowers and chocolate.

This type of thoughtful gesture is typical of Bryan. He has never missed a special occasion and has often surprised me with jewelry when he returns from a business trip.

One evening in the spring we were waiting to board a dinner train in Mendocino. A drunken man approached us and said, "How come you two are dressed up? Are you getting married?" Bryan looked at me and said, "Yes, we are aren't we?" That was his proposal. It was decided we would plan a wedding for later that year. But, first I needed to meet Bryan's mother.

Just the thought of it terrified me! Bryan and his mother, Sharon, have a truly special bond. He insisted he would not tell anyone about our engagement until she and I met. We drove to southern California where Sharon was visiting her sister, Bryan's aunt. I felt sick the entire trip. I knew in advance he was going to take his mother shopping the next morning alone to break the news to her. I couldn't sleep at all that night. What felt so "right" to Bryan and me was unusual, especially in the eyes of a parent. When they returned from their excursion Sharon looked like she had just come from a funeral. Fortunately, for me, Aunt Toby accepted the situation and eased the tension by giving me a white angel ornament. His mother is a wonderful woman. In spite of her disappointment, she welcomed me into their family. Over the years our relationship has evolved into a unique friendship, a cross between a peer and a sister.

December 7, 1986, dressed in an ivory colored Victorian gown, I was driven to our wedding in a horse drawn carriage. I remember the sensation well. As I heard the clip-pity clop of the hoofs hitting the pavement I felt it was the happiest day of my life. The ride was several miles long and I enjoyed cars honking loudly at every turn. When we arrived at the elegant Alamo Square Inn Bryan was waiting to escort me inside to the nuptials. It was a good thing he took my hand, for as I exited the carriage, my knees collapsed from shaking so hard. The day was spectacular marking a lifetime of love.

Both Bryan and I had always wanted kids. By the time we met my biological clock had run out. He told me he would rather marry a woman he loved deeply than to wait for someone to bear his children. For several years we were content to be a unit of two. After my dear Aunt Letha died in 1992 I longed for a child. I knew we would be good parents. Bryan agreed to adoption. It was an arduous experience requiring patience and resilience. We had several birthmothers who changed their minds for different reasons. This process took three years and a great deal of money. Ultimately we were blessed with a baby girl we named Mariah. Our daughter is now 8 years old and the light of our life.

Bryan continues to be my rock, strength and loving support. During our years together I have had many tragedies including: my brother John's suicide in 1988, my ex- husband Joey's death from alcoholism in 1989, and my girlfriend Debra's suicide in 2002. I was hospitalized with a potentially life threatening blood clot in my lungs in 1998. Bryan stood by me through all of these. I married a great guy! I am a fortunate woman to have found true love in the heart of a younger man.

Age is but a notch on the tree of life. Does it really matter that I have more than he. We are all on a spiritual path. We choose lovers, friends and family to mirror our soul's development. Partners of different ages can accelerate this growth. These diverse emotional experiences are opportunities of a lifetime. Let's enjoy them.

I think this one is really sweet. :rolleyes:

Check it out.

http://www.youngerlover.com/confessions.htm

Great idea Kristin,

Thanks!! :)

Thank you SinfulWays for a very nice article. :)

by Chris K. Olander

Barbara Lovenheim, author of Beating the Marriage Odds When You Are Smart, Single, And Over 35, asks, "Why would a tall, successful, good-looking man commute 1,000 miles to take up with an older woman when men in their fifties were looking for women who were 25?"

I can answer that. I was powerless to do otherwise. Falling in love with an older woman is the best thing I ever did. I discovered what true love was and could no longer live without it. Like an addict looking for a fix, I would go anywhere, do anything, and spend any amount to be with her.

When I met Beverly, I was an athletic, competitive, thirty-four year old foundation executive with a dream job giving away other people's money and an apartment overlooking Manhattan's Central Park. I didn't realize how lonely I was until an older woman showed me what I was missing. Bev, who lived in Seattle, was different in a way I couldn't describe; sexy, but motherly; mature, but playful; worldly, but down to earth. I was immediately attracted to her warmth, experience, and openness. Loving her was so unexpected and exciting, like falling in love for the first time.

Bev's caring love gave me one of life's greatest gifts-the freedom to say what I was really thinking and feeling instead of what I should be thinking and feeling. I discovered that a mature woman can help a man explore his inner self, decide what he wants in life, and develop as a human being. With an older friend and lover, I found it easier to accept aging and to win the battles that were killing my contemporaries.

Middle-aged men face an internal combat zone of stress and hypertension that shortens their lives. They are far more likely than women to die of heart disease, commit suicide, or be institutionalized. As one man put it, "I feel like I'm running, but I don't even know what I'm chasing any more." Men often seek younger women, but they'd do so much better with older ones. Women of a certain age have great resiliency, capacity for intimacy, and social skills. Men need these emotional strengths.

Younger men see older women differently these days because they are different. More women than men are graduating from college, entering professional careers, and starting their own businesses. Their beauty is enhanced by an inner glow of accomplishment, independence, and self-assurance. Gail Sheehy, the nation's expert on mid-life passages, notes, "Fifty is what 40 used to be; 60 is what 50 used to be."

Like most women, Bev was concerned about loving a younger man. "What about when I get older?" she asked one afternoon, "Will you still love me?

"I'll always love you," I said. "I don't love you despite your age; I love you because of it. I've been talking with couples like us, and time after time, younger men appreciate what older men don't."

"Why are younger men interested in older women?"

"For the same reason I'm interested in you. Because they're exciting and experienced. Because they..."

"Have wrinkles?" Bev interrupted, "And cellulite? Look at this," she demanded, pointing to a deep scar on her side from the kidney operation that almost killed her. "Isn't it disgusting?"

I smiled as I bent down to kiss it.

"You're not paying attention," she said, beaming.

"Younger guys already have their own youth, so they don't need to recapture it," I pointed out. "Older men attract younger women because they can. Older women will attract younger men when they believe they can."

"It's not that easy," Bev declared, "Men hold all the cards. They're still in control."

"Things are changing," I replied. "Madonna and Tina Turner aren't the only ones with younger guys. Almost a fourth of all women are marrying younger men and women marrying for the second time are seven times more likely to have younger husbands. Besides, men decline sexually faster than women. Instead of chasing sex symbols, a man with an older woman is one."

The first time we made love, it was unbelievable. "Finally," I thought, "A woman who wants me as much as I want her."

Afraid that we'd awakened the entire inn, I asked, "What if someone calls the police?"

"All right Olander, we know you're in there," Bev teased. "Come out with your hands up."

"I'll never come out alive, copper," I hissed. "You'll have to come in and get me."

Holding her tightly, I continued, "Everyone talks about how women reach their sexual peak in their '40s. You just proved it."

She caressed my face, looked into my eyes, and replied, "I've never given myself to anyone like I have to you, Chris. I'll never love anyone like I love you."


Read More-> (http://www.youngerlover.com/confessions.htm)

Read Part II: The Woman's Guide to Younger Men -> (http://www.youngerlover.com/guide.htm)

Read Part III: The Zen of Older Women & Younger Men -> (http://www.youngerlover.com/zen.htm)

Kristin...Can you get a sticky put on this...or perhaps you already have...that way we can access it much easier. I would do it...but don't have the capability...perhaps Trace or Whiterose could? :D

P.S. This is a great idea btw Kristin... :) :cool:

Hi Kathy, there is a link to this thread at the bottom of the "Common OW/YM Questions" thread, which is stickied at the top of the "Relationship Support" forum. Will that work?

Inspired by Hollywood, increasing numbers of New York women are aiming younger -- and scoring higher.

By Sarah Bernard

When Jessica first met Nick at a friend's party, it felt like the perfect fit. She was a divorced former model, now working for a white-shoe law firm, and though he was vague about what he did for a living, the chemistry was there. She thought he was around 30, and he made the same assumption about her. It wasn't until three months later that they discovered each other's actual ages. He was 24 and she was 37.

"When I found out how old he really was, I wasn't sure I even wanted to be friends," Jessica says now. As it turned out, though, the thirteen-year age barrier wasn't as daunting as she thought: Today they are married and raising a 3-year-old in their Upper West Side apartment. Still, Nick can't forget her first reaction when she learned how young he was. It was like a brick wall going up, he says.

Now, nearly a decade after they first met, the gap seems, if not normal, at least far more acceptable than it once was. (Although Jessica still avoids discussing her age with her mother-in-law.) And judging from what's been going on in yoga classes, Soho lounges, and the celebrity-gossip pages this summer (not to mention movie screens), the long-standing taboo against older women dating younger men is finally losing much of its primal power. New York women in particular are openly dipping into lower age brackets in numbers that would have been unimaginable in the past.

Thanks to their increasing financial independence, women are freer to consider romantic options once filed under INAPPROPRIATE. And thanks to the ruling gym and fitness craze (not to mention Botox and plastic surgery), they hardly look their age anyway. "Women have to stop thinking guys under 35 are not an option," says Jessica, "or that it will make them look foolish."

Take Justine, a makeup artist in her mid-forties who first started dating younger men last year, after a twelve-year relationship with a man twenty years her senior. She had previously dated only older guys, but now the ones she met were either attached, too involved in their work, or just plain unappealing. Luckily, she noticed a strange thing happening: Many of the men who approached her were half her age. Her Chanel boots and leather pants might have had something to do with it. And her devotion to Pilates. When a friend had a costume party, she says, "the theme was 'Bond girl,' but I just showed up in my usual Friday-night outfit, and everyone said I had the best costume in the room."

At another friend's birthday party, a restaurateur named Paul, who was only 34, kept wanting to dance with her. "Every time I turned around, he was there," she says. They danced, they drank champagne, and she kissed him good night, but the next morning she congratulated herself for not giving him her phone number. Then the phone rang at work.

Justine tried to get rid of him by insisting she was too busy to talk. "Can I call you at your other numbers?" he asked.

"Which numbers did I give you?" she shot back.

"All of them," he said. And with that, Justine gave in -- at least for a drink. "I wondered if my subconscious wasn't trying to tell me something," she says.

Then came the orchids. And the caviar. Paul talked about their future together. "I found myself getting involved in the dreams I thought I had passed," she says now. "He re-instilled in me the sense that it's not over yet."

In the past, when people thought of older women with younger men, they usually pictured a widow of a certain age with a mother-obsessed gigolo, or a past-her-prime movie star with a muscle-bound stud of ambiguous sexuality and unambiguous greed. But the new dispensation isn't about Leona Helmsley or Mae West. It's about Madonna, 43, marrying Guy Ritchie, 33; or Sandra Bullock, 38, who's seeing Ryan Gosling, seventeen years younger. Daryl Hannah, 42, has been spotted around Paris and London with David Blaine, 29. And Janet Jackson, 36, made "Page Six" two weeks ago by canoodling with Justin Timberlake, 21.

Message boards on MSN and iVillage, and sites like Agelesslove.com...

Read Full Article-> (http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/nightlife/features/6267/index.html)

Hi Kathy, there is a link to this thread at the bottom of the "Common OW/YM Questions" thread, which is stickied at the top of the "Relationship Support" forum. Will that work?

Yep...sounds good! Thanks Kristin. :D

Thanks to Whiterose for finding this article:

Posted on Sun, Oct. 16, 2005

By Johanna D. Wilson

The Sun News

Maryanne Robinson lives life off the cuff. She is lively, lovely and a soccer mom who fell in love with her kids' soccer coach.

Neal Robinson is a pudgy-face Englishman - her self-proclaimed teddy bear - who isn't afraid to show his sensitive side through passionate words and heartfelt tears. And a single trip to their Forestbrook community home reveals that much easily.

"I can see the essence of his soul," said Maryanne Robinson, who will celebrate their third year wedding anniversary Oct. 19. "I could see the person inside."

Scrutiny, however, does not reveal another reality, which is that she is 13 years older than her husband.

"The English weather put a few years on me, and the American sunshine has allowed her to blossom," said Neal Robinson, 30, about his Noxzema-skinned wife.

The Robinsons believe love is ageless, and they are not alone. Long before Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore caused a brighter spotlight to shine on the so-called May-December romance, older women and younger men have been falling in love and have stayed knee-deep in love's creek.

"Older women find that younger men are a useful elixir," said Deborah Leask, 37-year-old owner of Froo Froo The Boutique in Myrtle Beach, who dates 23-year-old Moti Kobin, a fashion designer who has smoky good looks and deep olive skin.

"Younger men have more stamina sexually, and they are not set in their ways."
Leask, who is also a writer, interviewed 67 couples in which the women were older than the men.

Leask said she talked to the women to help calm her anxieties about dating a man 14 years younger than she.

"Younger men find older women more mature and less demanding than their younger counterparts," Leask said. "Younger men find older women more trustworthy - the twentysomething females still feel the need to establish their sexual identity."

On the Grand Strand, there are numerous women, of various ethnic backgrounds, dating younger men.

Older women contacted by The Sun News, although they declined to be interviewed because their boyfriends or husbands didn't want them discussing the relationships, dated or married men 14 to 23 years younger.

"I think women are starting to say, 'Wait a minute! What is fair for men is fair for us!,'" said Dr. Robert Butterworth, a Los Angeles-based psychologist who deals with relationships. "And it is powerful. ... Life after 30 doesn't have to be miserable. People don't look at age as the taboo it used to be."

Butterworth said part of the attraction is sex, although sex, as it is in other relationships, is but one part a multifaceted partnership.

"Men nowadays don't have to feel so inferior about not being the one who brings the most money home," Butterworth said. "Men like that used to be called gigolos. Women were taking care of the guys, and the guys were made to think they should be ashamed. However, women have been taken care of for years by men, and they have never been ashamed."

For instance, Neal Robinson, who is a stepdad to his wife's two sons and daughter from a previous marriage, said if he never has a child with his wife he is happy and feels blessed to already have "three beautiful children."

Still, like all other relationships, certain aspects aren't rosy.

Cathy Battle, a licensed marriage and family therapist of Cathy Battle-Family Counseling in Conway, said challenges can and do arise for couples who ignore the gap between their ages.

Battle described a scenario in which a woman eight years older than her husband began getting wrinkles and was concerned that her husband would not be as attracted to her as she aged.

"There is a certain pressure for women because the emphasis is on looks and being appealing," Battle said.

"Couples can work it out, however, and gain an open trust and honesty."

Such challenges, however, are dismantled when the two people in love know what really matters, according to the Robinsons, whose faith in Christ and love for one another keeps them from faltering.

Neal Robinson said he wanted a mature woman because he has always been an independent, mature person.

"She is energetic, exciting and never boring," he said. "I was attracted to her smile. I get warm feelings every time she smiles."

Brittany Pecora, Robinson's 19-year-old stepdaughter who plays soccer at Presbyterian College in Clinton, thinks her mom made a good choice when she chose Neal Robinson.

"I gave her a high-five," Pecora said.


Here's a link to the original article: http://www.myrtlebeachonline.com/ml...ne/12916557.htm

Thanks to Kathyw for finding this article:

- Jane Ganahl
Sunday, October 9, 2005

So Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have gotten married -- spoiling the fun of those who dismissed the relationship as being the union of a cradle robber and a boy toy. As descriptions of the ultra-private wedding trickle out, we learn that she wore a cream-colored Lanvin gown and that he wept for joy. And although Moore, 42, did not smudge her mascara by weeping, she did one better by telling Harper's Bazaar magazine that Kutcher, 27, is her "soul mate." She also implied that they wanted to be in the family way as soon as possible.

Could this be ... true love? Why the heck not? Love is available in all genders, colors and age differences these days.

The Moore-Kutcher nuptials indicate a couple of things to me. One: We need to get over ourselves as a culture if we still think the older woman-younger man syndrome is somehow weird. Two: The perception of single women with children is shifting from undesirable to desirable -- even glamorous.

It's about time. That's never been a fair stereotype, and besides, how can you generalize about 10 million women? Yes, that's how many single mothers there are in this country, according to the most recent stats from the U.S. Census Bureau. And not surprisingly, that number is up from only 3 million in 1970. While teenage pregnancy is responsible for some of this increase, so is the divorce rate. And the picture of the harried unmarried mother balancing baby and briefcase is no longer in focus.

Single women -- especially those of a certain age -- are smarter and savvier and in better shape than ever before. Why, then, should single mothers not follow suit? (Well, OK -- besides crummy economic conditions and horrific hours worked in a day?) Unmarried moms can be -- if not movie-star-devastating -- sexy indeed.

I am new to the term MILF, but now it seems to be everywhere. Heard first in the film "American Pie," that landmark of raunch, it means "mother I'd like to ... ." As an illustration, imagine being a teenage boy who goes to school with Demi Moore's teenage daughters and sees her pick them up from school (assuming she ever does such mundane things). Zing! Can I carry your groceries for you, Ms. Moore? Mow your lawn? Meet you at midnight in the toolshed?

But teenage boys are one thing; it's a big stroke for single moms that someone as dishy as Kutcher could meet Moore, with her brood of three girls, and not see a barrier to their relationship. Not dishy enough? How about Brad Pitt? After vocalizing in interviews how he craved becoming a father, he's been seen all over the world cuddling Angelina Jolie's adopted boy, Maddox, and even went to Ethiopia with her to pick up her second baby, Zahara.

Madonna made single motherhood look hot and was swept off her feet by Guy Ritchie -- who is, incidentally, a decade younger. Matt Damon just proposed to a single mom, Luciana Barroso. Matt Le Blanc recently married a former model and mother of two, and singer Seal married unwed mother Heidi Klum.

OK, but what attracts normal men to normal women with kids -- women who don't look like Heidi Klum? I have no scientific evidence to back my notions, but having been a single mother for most of my daughter's life, I think it's fair to say single moms have a lot to offer in the dating department. Many of them have no need to procreate again; their biological clock has stopped ticking. This is very appealing to men who are ambivalent about becoming fathers themselves, but think they might have room in their hearts for a child.

Single mothers don't seem to be in a rush to marry or remarry. They either have been there/done that, or are now concerned about introducing their children to a new man too quickly. Most single mothers I knew when my daughter was young would date privately for weeks, if not months, before introducing the suitor to their kids. And women in their 40s generally have their lives running pretty well, balancing home and kids and career. It makes dating something they do for fun -- not for life support.

Single mothers have also undergone an image change in the media. Remember when former Vice President Dan Quayle all but blamed the TV character Murphy Brown for the decline of Western civilization when she opted to have a child out of wedlock? Since then, shows like "The Gilmore Girls" and "Friends" have made mothering without a father seem positively fun.

And as a survivor of single parenthood, who raised a child almost single-handedly, I can say that it can be very fun. And rewarding, and full of love and joy. And if Ashton or Brad had come knocking on my door, that would have been icing on the cake.

E-mail Jane Ganahl at jganahl@sfchronicle.com.


San Francisco Chronicle

Thanks to Kathyw for finding this article:

Can you handle an age gap relationship? Perhaps we should all ask ourselves these questions "before" getting involved, not after .....long thread..but worth the time to review.

Does your maturity match your chronological age? Do you grow a little wiser, a little more mature each year of your life? Or have you just lived one year that many times? To find out if you're growing up or just getting older consider the following measurements of age.
MEASUREMENTS OF AGE
1. Chronological Age
Chronological age is a measurement of the time a person has lived---his or her age in years.
2. Physiological Age
Physiological age refers to the degree to which systems of the body have developed relative to chronological age.
3. Intellectual Age
Intellectual age refers to whether a person's intelligence is below, above, or equal to his chronological age.
4. Social Age
Social age compares social development with chronological age. It asks the question; "Does this person relate as well socially as he should for his age?"
5. Emotional Age
Emotional, like social age, compares emotional maturity with chronological age. It asks the question; "Does this person handle his emotions as well as he should for his age?"

We have no control over chronological age, and only minimal control over intellectual and physiological age; however, we can choose our social and emotional age. Social and emotional retardation can be remedied with effort. Learning appropriate social skills and developing emotional maturity are choices afforded to every person.

A person may be chronologically mature, but emotionally immature. A person may also be intellectually mature, but emotionally immature. There is no correlation between chronological age, intellectual age, social age, or emotional age. Just because someone is "grown-up" by chronological age doesn't mean they are "grown-up" emotionally.

A person whose body and mind is adult, but whose emotional development is that of a child can wreak havoc in the lives of others as well as himself.

Your relationships are dependent upon your total emotional development. The best way to understand your relationships is to understand yourself.

SYMPTOMS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
1. Volatile Emotions
Emotional volatility is indicated by such things as explosive behavior, temper tantrums, low frustration tolerance, responses out of proportion to cause, oversensitivity, inability to take criticism, unreasonable jealousy, unwillingness to forgive, and a capricious fluctuation of moods.
2. Over-Dependence
Healthy human development proceeds from dependence (I need you), to independence (I don't need anyone), to interdependence (we need each other). Over-dependence is indicated by; a) inappropriate dependence, e.g. relying on someone when it is preferable to be self-reliant, and b) too great a degree of dependence for too long. This includes being too easily influenced, indecisive, and prone to snap judgments. Overly-dependent people fear change preferring accustomed situations and behavior to the uncertainty of change and the challenge of adjustment. Extreme conservatism may even be a symptom.
3. Stimulation Hunger
This includes demanding immediate attention or gratification and being unable to wait for anything. Stimulation hungry people are incapable of deferred gratification, which means putting off present desires in order to gain a future reward. Stimulation hungry people are superficial and live thoughtlessly and impulsively. Their personal loyalty lasts only as long as the usefulness of the relationship. They have superficial values and are too concerned with trivia (their appearance, etc.). Their social and financial lives are chaotic.
4. Egocentricity
Egocentricity is self-centeredness. It's major manifestation is selfishness. It is associated with low self-esteem. Self-centered people have no regard for others, but they also have only slight regard for themselves. An egocentric person is preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms. He demands constant attention and insists on self-gratifying sympathy, fishes for compliments, and makes unreasonable demands. He is typically overly-competitive, a poor loser, perfectionistic, and refuses to play or work if he can't have his own way.
A self-centered person does not see himself realistically, does not take responsibility for his own mistakes or deficiencies, is unable to constructively criticize himself, and is insensitive to the feelings of others. Only emotionally mature people can experience true empathy, and empathy is a prime requirement for successful relationships.

CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY
1. The Ability to Give and Receive Love
Emotional maturity fosters a sense of security which permits vulnerability. A mature person can show his vulnerability by expressing love and accepting expressions of love from those who love him. An immature person is unduly concerned with signs of "weakness" and has difficulty showing and accepting love. The egocentricity of immaturity will allow the acceptance of love, but fails to recognize the needs of others to receive love. They'll take it, but they won't give it.

2. The Ability to Face Reality and Deal with it
The immature avoid facing reality. Overdue bills, interpersonal problems, indeed any difficulties which demand character and integrity are avoided and even denied by the immature. Mature people eagerly face reality knowing the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it promptly. A person's level of maturity can be directly related to the degree to which they face their problems, or avoid their problems. Mature people confront their problems, immature people avoid their problems.

3. Just as Interested in Giving as Receiving
A mature person's sense of personal security permits him to consider the needs of others and give from his personal resources, whether money, time, or effort, to enhance the quality of life of those he loves. They are also able to allow others to give to them. Balance and maturity go hand in hand. Immaturity is indicated by being willing to give, but unwilling to receive; or willing to receive, but unwilling to give.

4. The Capacity to Relate Positively to Life Experiences
A mature person views life experiences as learning experiences and when they are positive he enjoys and revels in life. When they are negative he accepts personal responsibility and is confident he can learn from them to improve his life. When things do not go well he looks for an opportunity to succeed. The immature person curses the rain while a mature person sells umbrellas.

5. The Ability to Learn from Experience
The ability to face reality and to relate positively to life experiences derive from the ability to learn from experience. Immature people do not learn from experience, whether the experience is positive or negative. They act as if there is no relationship between how they act and the consequences that occur to them. They view good or bad experiences as being caused by luck, or fate. They do not accept personal responsibility.

6. The Ability to Accept Frustration
When things don't go as anticipated the immature person stamps his feet, holds his breath, and bemoans his fate. The mature person considers using another approach or going another direction and moves on with his life.

7. The Ability to Handle Hostility Constructively
When frustrated, the immature person looks for someone to blame. The mature person looks for a solution. Immature people attack people; mature people attack problems. The mature person uses his anger as an energy source and, when frustrated, redoubles his efforts to find solutions to his problems.

8. Relative Freedom from Tension Symptoms
Immature people feel unloved, avoid reality, .are pessimistic about life, get angry easily, attack the people closest to them when frustrated --- no wonder they are constantly anxious. The mature person's mature approach to live imbues him with a relaxed confidence in his ability to get what he wants from life.

TO GROW MORE EMOTIONALLY MATURE...

Work on self-understanding and self-acceptance. Seek insight by asking significant others to provide candid feedback about your behavior. Then be objective---see yourself as others see you. Avoid defensiveness, it will prevent you from being the best you you are capable of being. Face reality and deal with it, don't avoid it.

Practice unselfish behavior. Actually experiment with it and notice how it feels and how others react to you. Compare the difference with how others react to your selfishness. You'll prefer unselfishness. It might even be said that giving to others is "altruistic selfishness" because the person who gives is benefited more than the person who receives.

Do not dominate others. Cooperate with others and seek "win-win" solutions to conflicts. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both parties to the relationship it won't be good for the relationship. In a successful relationship neither partner can be a winner if both aren't winners. Only the relationship should be the winner.

Be willing to change your social contacts. Avoid people and situations which bring out the worst in you. Instead, expose yourself to people and situations which bring out the best in you.

Search for a meaning in life which is bigger than you. It should give you a perspective of the majestic scope of life, not the narrow and limiting perspective of mere self-interest. It should provide goals for you to strive for; for in struggle we build the "character muscles" that give us inner strength and make life meaningful. The ultimate test of your sense of meaning of life is this: does it enhance and enrich, not only your life, but the lives of others? If it does, you'll find a rich satisfaction, available only to the emotionally mature.

Can it work?
I couldn't resist the headline: "Older Women, Younger Men: This Year's Hottest Trend!" I plucked the magazine from the stand near the checkout counter and flipped to the article. The photo inside featured a stylish woman of about 35 in a cherry-red power suit clasping hands across a restaurant table with her dinner date. He was a clean-cut, clearly muscular young man wearing a snug white shirt and a satisfied-looking smile. A half-finished bottle of wine and a slender vase holding a tropical flower rested on the tablecloth, still-life fashion, between the glowing pair.

As I was reading this article, I couldn't help but remember my 50th birthday surprise two years ago. MY YM (then 23) spent weeks secretly planning the sweetest birthday surprise I've ever had. The morning of my birthday, I answered the door to find a man holding a gigantic vase with 50 red roses plus one white rose (one to grow on). Needless to say, I was overwhelmed with emotion and happy tears. Chance then asked me to dress really nice and to be ready by 6:30 that evening. He wouldn't tell me where we were going. We were picked up by a limo and taken to a fine French restaurant, where I found a dozen roses waiting for me at our reserved table. After dinner, we went to a local park where they often celebrate outdoor weddings, and the driver took some pictures. After we walked and danced around the park, we returned to the house, where my two children were waiting for us with a cake flaming with 50 candles (the tricky ones, too!) The following week, he surprised me again with another celebration. He had invited several of our friends to join us for a dinner cruise and cake.

So as you see, I celebrated my 50th birthday for two weeks! My YM said to me: "This is a big milestone, baby....I want you to always remember this special birthday."

I have posted some of the picturers taken that day in the unofficial members album page.

Thanks Kristing for sharing this article. :D


__________________

Oh, Man...I have a whole file full of great AGR articles, and articles in general. I'll post my favorite one next...but here's the one I just read yesterday....


Age Gap Relationships
by Jan Sawyer

What is an ‘age gap’ relationship? There is usually a five year age difference between the couple to be considered an age gap relationship. Five years really is not that uncommon. It’s when you get into a ten year and over age difference that it becomes more of an issue. Here is where society begins to question and place judgment based on preconceived ideas about the difference between a normal and an abnormal relationship.

For example, an older man with a younger woman is generally more acceptable than an older woman with a younger man, which again points to what is acceptable and what is not generally acceptable in our society, even in today’s seemingly liberal society. Everyone probably knows someone personally who is with a much younger or older partner. And there are a lot of famous people who are in age gap relationships that work just fine for them. If you’ve wondered about them, you’re not alone.

Age gap relationships are different when the parties are in their early 20s than they are when they are older. When we are older, age seems to be less important to us than it once was. What I have found is that younger men find older women attractive for several different reasons. Younger men find their mental stimulation challenging, their self confidence and maturity refreshing, and the fact that the older woman knows what she wants. They find women their own ages for the most part, immature, game playing, high-maintenance, unsatisfied, and hard to please. There is nothing wrong with these men. They just don´t see the sense in pursuing something that has too many pitfalls connected to it so they seek someone more mature.

This has not always been the case. A new generation has been brought up differently, therefore seeking different things in women than before. This generation has grown up with equality standards, knowing how to cook, clean, spend time with children, and how to take care of themselves. They are a very independent breed of men who don´t want to wait until their women mature in order to have a decent relationship. So when they look for their ideal mate they are looking for someone who can match what they are accustomed to and that will enhance what they have already chosen for themselves.

Despite the jokes regarding a younger man dating an older woman, these men have a genuine interest in pursuing them. Those who are bold enough to pursue what they need in a relationship usually are the most successful in their relationships. Younger men are more mature than many of us give them credit for. Given half a chance they can outshine most older men in the ways they make a woman feel. Because of their younger age, they bring more fun back into an older woman´s life, they share in the household responsibilities rather than place that burden on her shoulders completely with the attitude that it’s her job. They enjoy talking, they communicate well, they aren´t afraid to show their emotions, and love spending time with children.

For the older woman this is a dream come true. All the things she needs as a woman are found in the younger man. She finds herself feeling alive and has found her equal that just happens to be a man much younger than herself. She is loved for who she is not for what she looks like. She has found the perfect balance of give and take. For some it means feeling really loved for the first time in their lives by a man because so many older women were abused in one form or another in a previous relationship.

Those who don’t understand or find it strange feel that way because they have no idea the dynamics of such a relationship. Those people need to understand that those two people are attracted to each other for the same reasons any other couple is. Just because there happens to be an age difference of more than a few years doesn´t make it any different or any more abnormal. Most age gap couples never set out to date someone much younger or older than themselves initially. It just happens to work out that way.

Here's my favorite article in general proclaiming the wonders of Older Women


Why Women Over 40 Are Best
by Andy Rooney

I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. An older woman couldn't care less, because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know anyway!

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

An older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal, and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her younger cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off that you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy male relic over 40 in yellow pants making a fool of himself.

Ladies, I apologize.
Andy Rooney

Thanks for sharing Special K! Both are great pieces!

But just to be fair, this wasn't written by Rooney:

Baltimore Sun writer Susan Reimer contacted Andy Rooney, who told her:

"It just bugs me that anybody would put my name on something I didn't write," said Rooney from his New York office. He's been the object of this kind of hoax before, and another, he said, had just crossed his desk.

I asked him if he shared the author's affection for older women, and he said, "Not particularly." :eek:


The true author, Frank Kaiser, had this to say about the misattribution:

I actually wrote it in 2000 but about a year ago [i.e., in 2002], I started seeing it come back to me in e-mails attributed to Andy Rooney. It didn't bother me too much. That's sort of the nature of the Internet. I wrote him and made a joke about it and he called me. You know, he's just as cantankerous on the phone as he is on the air.

So lets give kudos to Frank Kaiser! :D

Doesn't look like anyone has posted this yet...
AARP Magazine

A Love Affair for the Ages?
By Sallie Foley, M.S.W., November & December 2005


He's a bit younger than she is. Okay, a lot younger. Can romance bloom?

Q: I've met a man who's 37 and he's quite interested in me. I like him but have no clue as to why he wants someone so much older. Some of my friends have mentioned that they've also experienced this situation; they get attention from younger men but rarely from those our age. I'm divorced and, ideally, I would like to find a long-term relationship again. Should I encourage him, or would it likely be a waste of time? He's never been married. —E. M., Denver, Colorado

Are you afraid his attraction is only a boyish fantasy? It may be. But I find that younger men are often genuinely attracted to an older woman's self-acceptance and enthusiasm about life. Take comfort in knowing that you're part of a trend. In a recent survey AARP found that one third of older single women who are dating have a younger partner.

As your friends are noticing, women enjoy attention from younger men for the same reasons that many people seek partners who are at least a decade older or younger: it can be refreshing to spend time with someone who isn't facing the same fears, challenges, and hang-ups as you are. This motivation is also in the mix when a middle-aged man dates a younger woman, even though society often chides this as a purely physical pursuit.

Who are the women you think your young admirer should date? Most are either frantic about their biological clocks or single parents trying to establish careers. If he doesn't want children and doesn't want to be immersed in those concerns, what stops you from being his ideal choice?

You know the obvious downside. You grew up with Howdy Doody and he grew up with Scooby-Doo. But that's not why you wrote to me. So I'll answer the questions you wanted to ask but didn't.

First, will he enjoy his Mrs. Robinson fantasy for a while and then drop you for a younger hottie? In my experience, no. In fact, he's at equal risk of having you break his heart.

Second, will he run you ragged? I doubt it. In the couples I see with big age differences, the woman almost always has more energy than the man does.

Third, if your relationship crashes, will people think you're a fool and say, "We told you so"? Maybe. I don't know your neighbors. But you can't escape gossip and avoid all risk and still enjoy living. And, frankly, life is one big country music song, so why pretend it isn't?

Instead of fretting about the rest of your life, answer this: are you interested in this guy? If so, proceed with pleasure. Encourage him. As long as you're both rational and both know all the usual caveats that apply in dating (regarding lifestyles, values, income, etc.), there's no reason to run.

If you must think long-term, remember that women live longer than men do. You two may be more in sync than he'd care to imagine.

HamptonRoads.com
November 2, 2005
Last updated: 11:23 PM
NEW YORK (AP) _ Nowadays in Hollywood -- both on-screen and off -- May is usually a freshly sprouted hunk while December is a fully blossomed female.

From ''The Graduate'' to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, age gaps tilting her way have titillated audiences and tabloid readers for decades -- and the mature female empowerment movement is only getting stronger. In the film ''Prime,'' the May-December scenario takes root once again, proving that age ain't just a number. It's an age-old plot point.

Jerry Hall didn't bat an eye while hunting for a younger man on the VH1 reality series ''Kept'' earlier this year. Nobody's jaw dropped when ''Sex and the City'' ended with saucy Samantha Jones sticking with Smith, a stud many years her junior. And heads continue to turn to Web sites dedicated to mothers you'd like to you-know-what.

Is cradle robbing no longer a crime? Test your knowledge of May-December relationships.

In ''Prime'' (opening Oct. 28), Uma Thurman portrays a 37-year-old divorced professional dating Bryan Greenberg's 23-year-old wannabe artist. The generational ''Romeo and Juliet'' is further divided by Meryl Streep, sassing it up as her psychologist and his ultra Jewish mother.

Unlike the shock of Mrs. Stifler's exploits in ''American Pie'' or Gabrielle Solis' lawn-boy affair on ''Desperate Housewives,'' the romance in ''Prime'' isn't gaspworthy. Actually, it's sorta sweet.

''More than ever, there's less of a taboo about older women with younger men,'' says psychotherapist and relationship coach Toni Coleman. ''They're divorced. They're available. They're youthful. Maybe they had kids young. And they're looking to have some fun with younger guys and the younger guys are finding them interesting and attractive.''

She knows firsthand. Coleman is six years older than her husband, a fact she hid from her in-laws until after they had kids. She's part of the 2.3 million of the 58 million married couples of women wedded to men at least six years younger, according to the U.S. Census Bureau in 2003.

Although this intergenerational acceptance seems psychological, it might just be biological.

''Women tend to outlive men,'' says Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of the 2004 book ''Another Chance for Love: Finding a Partner Late in Life.'' ''When you are having a relationship with a younger man, it sort of evens out the hope you'll enter old age together.''

Of course, older men often have their way with younger women, too. It's just not as alarming as that guy from ''Punk'd'' marrying ''G.I. Jane.'' But on screen, there's 60-year-old Steve Martin canoodling with 26-year-old Claire Danes in ''Shopgirl.'' In real life, there's that always-present 35-year age gap between Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn, which even he admits has an air of craziness.

He tells the December issue of Vanity Fair: ''If somebody told me when I was younger, 'You're going to wind up married to a girl 35 years younger than you and a Korean, not in show business, not having any real interest in show business,' I would have said, 'You're completely crazy.'''

Shimberg and Coleman agree there's really only two deal breakers when it comes to dating outside your age bracket: the desire for children and the perception of friends and family. Whether it's a Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones or Madonna and Guy Ritchie pairing, Shimberg insists interests, values, communication styles and sense of humor are more important than the year on someone's birth certificate.

''It's a tough world,'' she says. ''Go for it. Find happiness and stop worrying about what others may be saying or thinking.'' I AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT!!


WELCOME TO THE GAP


21 years: Barbara Hershey, 57, and Naveen Andrews, 36

19 years: Francesca Annis, 61, and Ralph Fiennes, 42

15 years: Geena Davis, 49, and Reza Jarrah, 34

15 years: Demi Moore, 42, and Ashton Kutcher, 27

12 years: Susan Sarandon, 58, and Tim Robbins, 46

10 years: Madonna, 47, and Guy Ritchie, 37

9 years: Cameron Diaz, 33, and Justin Timberlake, 24

9 years: Julianne Moore, 44, and Bart Freundlich, 35

9 years: Sheryl Crow, 43, and Lance Armstrong, 34

7 years: Courteney Cox, 41, and David Arquette, 34

Derrik J. Lang is an asap reporter in New York.


2005 HamptonRoads.com/PilotOnline.com

Younger Women, Older Men: Vice Versa and Versa Vice
by Marjorie Dorfman

Biologically, it makes more sense for older women to have sex with younger men- unless they want to talk afterwards. – Joan Collins

Are you the only one on your block hanging out with people your own age? Secretly, do you wonder what makes these May-December romances click? Well, ponder no more, yonder or otherwise. Some answers are here as well as a lighter attitude and a few chuckles.

If love between a man and a woman is as old as the hills, how much older then, is love between younger women and older men and vice versa? If opposites attract, as the saying goes, then King Solomon’s words, uttered shortly after he threatened to cut the proverbial infant in two are also true. He is credited with having once said that whatever draws a man to a woman is the greatest mystery of all. He ought to have known, as he had many, many wives! If a great and wise king like Solomon couldn’t figure these things out, why should we lesser mortals bother to try?

It seems, indeed, a dauntless task to understand the depths of human nature. The truth of the matter is that age taken by itself has little bearing on any relationship. The couple’s feelings for each other and their overall level of compatibility are what cement their future. More important than one’s actual age is the age one feels. Hence, someone can be old at forty and young at seventy-five. According to sexologist, Sandra Reishas, when two people of different generations come together, they each bring something unique to the relationship. Different experiences can only enrich the time spent together.
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Men have been dating and marrying younger women for ages. It is accepted even when there is a great age difference. When George Burns was once asked why he didn’t date women his own age, he smartly replied, "There are no women my age." In a recent interview with David Letterman on the subject of his divorce from actress and model Rachel Hunter, Rod Stewart admitted he had been foolish to marry a woman 20 years his junior. He was not referring to dating, but rather to the complications arising from a young wife who grew into a person with different goals and expectations.

Even though this is hardly a hot new trend, repercussions can be unexpected, far-reaching and sometimes even devastating. A sexual affair between a thirty-something woman and a teenage boy can lead a lady to jail, as in the notorious case of Seattle schoolteacher, Mary Kay LaTourneau. On the other hand, this same sort of liaison can inspire a critically acclaimed movie comedy such as Tadpole, in which a fifteen year old preppie tumbles into bed with his mother’s best friend and during intermission develops a king-size crush on his very own step mother! Many glamorous stars are married to conspicuously younger men. These include Susan Sarandon (twelve years older than her spouse), Daryl Hannah (also 12 years), Raquel Welch (14 years), Bernadette Peters (14 years), Madonna (10 years) and Joan Collins, who is a whopping thirty-three years older than her husband. And don’t forget Mary Tyler Moore who married her doctor, a man considerably younger than her, and with whom she appears to have a strong and healthy marriage.

In many of these relationships, the older woman is loved for who she is and not what she looks like. Basically, two people are attracted to each other for the same reasons any other couple are. (King Solomon, where are you?) Some important questions abound however, when and if the relationship takes a turn for the more serious. Should she move or should he? Who sacrifices their job? What about her children? What if he changes his mind? Will he leave her for another woman ten or twenty years down the road? (That can happen at any time anyway.) The answers are simple. Ignore them. Follow your heart, hold on tight and don’t look back! (Otherwise, a major headache and possibly some palpitations might ensue.)

Some would say that these unions represent evidence of female empowerment. According to author Warren Farrell, older women with younger men was an almost non-existent phenomenon in the 1950s and 60s because there weren’t enough opportunities for women to be economically secure on their own. (Except maybe Gloria Swanson in "Sunset Boulevard.") Women have more rights and choices to exercise today, not to mention the right and inclination to exercise. In the 1950s, a lady as young as 35 or 40 might be expected to resemble Betty Crocker or someone of that ilk. Novelist Anna Quindlen has bravely divided women’s lives into three distinct stages; Pre-Babe, Babe and Post-Babe. Thanks to aerobics, hormone treatments, cosmetic enhancements and other technological advances, many females can greatly reduce the duration of that final stage or eliminate it altogether.

According to those in the "perhaps know", the idea of accomplished and desirable mature women choosing to connect with far younger males indicates how much the old marital model has already broken down. These relationships may flow from the fact that older women are not only more attractive than ever before, but also more available. It used to be that in previous generations the overwhelming majority of women over forty lived within lasting marriages (not necessarily happy, but lasting). Widowhood was the only exception to that rule. Today millions of aging females have been left unattached through divorce and other reasons. These women sometimes incline towards younger men with full knowledge (carnal and otherwise) that the connection may not lead to a permanent alliance. Some, who won’t reveal their names because they are far from innocent, insist that the sex is spectacular. So, who’s to say or judge or even care?

While most men will applaud the sudden, unprecedented abundance of sleek, sexy sisters in their 50s and 60s, there is still something uncomfortable about the fact that so many of these hot ladies select younger males for coupling and companionship. After all, they aren’t men, are they? But what about the men? Aye, there indeed is the rub, because it is more likely that their arrangements will work better than those of their female counterparts. Why, you ask? Good question. The brute force of biology is the answer, as that makes it much less likely that an older woman and a much younger man will produce, or prove willing to raise, children of their own. Larry King and Warren Beatty offer two prominent examples of charismatic older men who married women many decades younger, sired children with them and achieved genuine, well-advertised bliss.

For the younger man, besides the concept of different strokes for different folks, what is the attraction to the older woman? There may be several reasons, one of which is that some younger men may be challenged by the mental stimulation, self-confidence and maturity that an older woman can offer, not to mention a clear picture of what she wants. Women their own age may seem immature, lazy and hard to please. Don’t forget too, that some younger men are more mature than they are given credit for and they can bring innocent fun back into an older woman’s life. But like everything else, there is a flip side. Some younger men may prey on an older female in the hopes of being "kept." Some use their bodies and their looks to get what they want. Unfortunately, the fact that the woman is older doesn’t mean she is automatically wiser.

To the younger woman, men of their own age have a very different set of priorities than men in their thirties and forties. "Seasoned" men are almost always more mature, despite the old axiom about the only difference between men and boys being the price of their toys. Truthfully, most twenty something men are still searching for who they are, what talents they possess and the type of women they desire They are experiencing many aspects of life for the first time. Physically, they are approaching their sexual prime and seek physical relationships more often. Sex, money, personal improvement, material possessions and status are their primary interests and motivational forces. Their "me" mentality has not yet matured into a "we" philosophy.

Older men are a whole different smoke, so to speak. They have learned physically, emotionally and intellectually what satisfies a woman and the younger beneficiary is often a very happy one indeed. More mature men cause less "agita" because they are responsible and usually have a life beyond their relationship with a woman. In general, women assume very different roles in the lives of their men depending on the age of the men they are dating.

To answer Tina Turner’s eternal, million-dollar question, love has everything to do with it. Love has, however, got nothing at all to do with age, race, culture, religion or social class. Compatibility in relationships is the glue that withstands the test of time and sustains love. If you find someone you love, don’t discard the experience for fear of age differences. We only go around once and have to learn to grab our happiness when we can. Coo, coo, cachoo Mrs. Robinson, Mr. Robinson, your nephews, nieces, sons and fathers as well! Who can say what forces bring us all to one another? If you’re having a good time, should you really care?

http://www.overthehill.info/Articles_p/women_p.html

Thanks Kristin! Olander's article/book, as many may recall, has been sited here before, since he is a member and had asked for help from us for years. I am not sure if many responded to him, however, but he has mention our site within its pages. He also listed ALL ow/ym articles he could find at the end of it, and a couple go back to the 70's. BUT what struck me a funny, in a way, is HOW the titles of the articles (which belie their themes) have changed as society has....from younger men being "sexual toys or dalliances" to now being viable and mature partners; and from women being the proverbial "Mrs. Robinson", to now being wise, wordly for both making and being good choicesas a mate as well! SO.....HOOO RAYYYYYY OUR side! :D

PS. About that AARP query, I too saw it and had to chuckle, as I guess they have been swayed too, for 3 years ago when that very same topic was brought up, the columnist told the woman it would never work and to find a man closer to her age or older! I even had written to them about that sexist comment (as the author was a MALE), but did not get a response! HMMMM.....

Haven't had any recent additions. Anyone seen anything good out there? :)

My younger guy is 16 years my junior. He has brought so much joy and happiness to my life. We have been together 2 yrs and have lived together for 21 months! I just finished an awesome book called Older Women. Younger Men New options for Love and Romance this is the best book for anyone in this type of relationship! great read and very informative!
kathy

Another great article (and a link to a forum) posted by Superteetlig:

Older Women and Younger Men: Can It Work?
By Rachel Greenwald


Dear Rachel,
I am a 48-year-old woman who has recently started dating a 32-year-old man. He wrote to me after viewing my Match.com online profile, and at first, I didn't write him back. I thought he was joking. After he wrote me a second time, I responded that I thought his profile looked intriguing, but the age difference made a chance at romance too unlikely.

He was very persuasive: Bottom line, we met, had instant chemistry, and have been on six wonderful dates so far. We have many things in common and he makes me laugh. He seems like a mature, sincere and warm person.
Neither one of us has ever been married before. He has told me up front that he doesn't want to have children, so my age is not a problem for him. However, the age difference seems to be a big problem for me! I am embarrassed to tell my friends that I am dating someone 16 years younger, and I'm also worried that this is some kind of fling for him, or, at worst, a sign that he needs therapy to resolve some mommy issues (although he has not told me about any problems or issues with his mother).

I want to find the right man and get married one day, and if he isn't serious about me, I'd rather not waste my time and risk the heartache. What should I do? Can love ever end happily for an older woman and younger man?
—Margaret in New Jersey

Dear Margaret,
You are on the cutting edge of dating today! By far the biggest trend in dating that I have seen in the last couple of years has been the emergence of older women/younger men couples. And most of them seem happy and accepted by society. Remember that many years ago, homosexual and lesbian couples were shocking and now they are so commonplace that most people (at least under the age of 60) don't blink an eye. I believe the same is true for older women/younger men couples: Somehow, they don't seem taboo anymore. Isn't that great?

You seem to have two issues here: What your friends will think and your own anxieties. As far as the first one goes, I think you'd be surprised how your friends will react. I bet most of them will be jealous! Perhaps there will be some surprised comments from your friends initially, but you yourself will ultimately set the tone for their reactions. If you present your relationship to them as healthy, happy and loving, they are likely to respect your choice. Since you have only been on six dates with this man, maybe you should wait a bit longer to tell them (so you'll be certain this is a real relationship).

The second issue is more serious, because your anxieties may be holding you back from finding love. Everything that you are worried about will be an issue regardless of age: Whether your new beau is 32 or 52, it's always possible that he thinks you're just a fling, or that he has emotional issues with his mother, or many other problems. Don't assume that a younger man has any greater or lesser chance of being your future husband. Especially since he has already told you that he doesn't want children, it seems to make sense that he is interested in dating older women (most women in their 30s want children, so I give him credit for seeking the right dating audience).

This man might be everything you are looking for, but wrapped in a package you weren't expecting. Focus on what kind of person he is and how he makes you feel—he sounds pretty wonderful to me. I have seen many happily married older women/younger men couples and I'm glad that we live in an era where these couples are socially acceptable, just as older men/younger women couples have been accepted for centuries!


http://boomers.msn.com/articleDP.aspx?cp-documentid=381912

Bump! :D

Thank for reminding me about this thread, Sentinel! :cool:

This is to sinfulways I loved your story about your life it does give me new hope that maybe I'm not doing the wrong thing and there is hope after all. I just moved in with my lover and now he is talking about us moving to texas as he is in the army and getting married I have only been married once and that was a very bad experience for me and never though i would ever find a man that i would ever want to settle down with but he is making it so hard not to love him not to want to be with him he is warm and kind and sweet and makes me feel like a queen, he keeps me young at heart. I have found more reason to laugh and live and think that i have laugh more than i have ever he is wonderful a dream.

Kristen this is a wonderful thread & a must read for every OW & YM. It gives hope and reassurance to all of us who feel the pressures of society and families who don't understand our true love for our ym's. Amen!