Is a Parent Responsible to Pay Post High School Education?

Very short and sweet...my opinion on this is yes, that a parent absolutely OWES it to a child. If the parent has the resources or can obtain parent loans in order to send the child to college, I feel it is their responsiblity to do so.

If for some reason the parent is say for example, single and poverty stricken, then I might be able to see the justification for not paying for college.

What do you believe? Do you think that when you have a child, it is your responsibility as a parent to send the child to college?

I am a strong advocate of post high school education. My boyfriends mother does not believe she should have to pay for anything to do with his college bill, however, she constantly "nags" him that he needs to finish school.

I'm all for the idea of him finishing school...and I agree with that part, however, I DO NOT agree with her non support of him financially while he is in school. He works 50-60 hours a week most of the time and goes to school full time. Is this right? I think not. I will reflect more on this as the post continues...just gave you all a few facts to base your opinions on...and for the first time on any post will include a poll...lol...hope I set it up right...but I'm sure someone will let me know if I didn't ....hehe. :) :D

I agree with you, Kathy.

Interesting, my in-laws were the same way with my husband as your bf's parents are with him...

They only "owe" it to them if they can afford it. My parents couldn't afford to send me and there is a good chance I won't have the money to pay for my kids. That doesn't mean I won't do everything I can to make sure they get help with scholarships or grants or assistance. And that I will encourage them and guide them as I can to do well in high school so they have more college opportunities. And they can live with me as long as they are in school.

College is a luxury of the rich and poorer people should not be made to feel guilty if they cannot afford to do it for their children.

PS. I would have picked "Yes, but only if they can afford it" but the "convenient" part sounded really selfish.

(That's right! thatgirl remembers that Poll is another sexy man she admires from a distance...)

;)

Kissy, kissy...

Thatgirl! Tsk tsk! I'm tellin'! :p :D

kathyw...you got kids?

i don't "owe" my kids anything...i do the best i can for them...however that plays out

if my child had worked hard, i'd pay. i'd want him to apply for scholarships and grants tho. scholarships mainly....working hard, remember?

but here's my deal....if my child is at home still, oh yes, i'll FIND the money.

if my child is out in his own apartment.....ummm, better get a job and i'll HELP. alot

if my child is living with a woman or married.....no. if he's grown enough to live like an adult, he can be grown enough to pay for his own education.

The way the market is saturated, a college education is pretty much a "have to have."

I'm only 24 and don't have kids yet, but I'm putting away college money into a trust already. This might change if I get a mortgage and keep my apartment as well, but right now, I have the money so I'm saving it. If my kid wants pizza and booze money however, he/she will have to go get a job.

kathyw...you got kids?

i don't "owe" my kids anything...i do the best i can for them...however that plays out

I have a child Christina, yes, and I am not wealthy..however, I feel that it's MY RESPONSIBILITY as a parent to make sure she is well educated and can take care of herself. When I gave birth to her 18 years ago, I took this on as a responsibility. Regardless if it had to be done by using parent loans for undergraduate students, pulling equity from my home, working my butt off to pay..whatever. It is MY responsibility and I take it very seriously...and NO an education is not just for the wealthy..that idea is actually very archaic in nature. If a parent can't afford it...they can get loans to send them to college...an education is something they are going to need when they come out into the big bad world...otherwise, they will be constantly struggling...at least this assures them that they have completed something...and have the skills to do so. My daughter is 18 and she's a freshman at Clemson University this year...and lives on campus.

promising in advance to pay for collage only enourages dependance.
its our responsibility as parent to encourage roots and wings (I read that somewhere and sorry can't give the the right footnote).
This, like many things requires a bit of judgement on the case. But the bottom line is that you don't 'owe' anything to your children beyond their life. And they don't 'owe' you anything either.

First of all, I don't have kids :) If I had some, I would actually pay for/contribute to their post high school education (dependent on my own financial situation).

Having said that, I voted for the option that parents are NOT resposible for that.

I am voting based on the German educational system though which is not quite the same as the US system (in Germany, university/polytechnics so far are kinda "free", i.e. students have to finance their cost of living but no significant university fees etc.).

I do believe that people are responsible for their own lives and personal development when they become "adults" (legally, that is at the age of 18, but normally, educationally, around 20). It surely is the parents' responsibilty to provide for their kids till then and to also try to provide them with the best educational "base" as is possible.

After that, imo, the young adults are primarily responsible for themselves, even though I also agree that continuous "parental support" is surely appreciated even after that, especially if the parents can afford it. Still, the main responsibility should lie with the young adult.

Imo, too many ppl these days "grow up" into their late 20s/early 30s totally dependent on their parents :o (well, I guess I do feel like this coz I have too many examples in my extended family and very limited tolerance for that). So, getting kids a good "starting base" is fine, but at some stage they have to carry their own weight imo, and higher education to me is a good point to start with that :)

promising in advance to pay for collage only enourages dependance.
its our responsibility as parent to encourage roots and wings (I read that somewhere and sorry can't give the the right footnote).
This, like many things requires a bit of judgement on the case. But the bottom line is that you don't 'owe' anything to your children beyond their life. And they don't 'owe' you anything either.

You're right Chetty..it is a case by case type of thing however, I think it's very selfish of a parent to think that a child should pay for their own education and yet still stick around to take care of them when they are elderly. It makes little sense to me.

My daughter has worked since her freshman year of high school, she bought her own car, most of her own clothes, as well as paid for her own entertainment expenses, such as concerts etc., however, anything school related was our (my ex husband and I) responsiblity. We knew this when we agreed to have a child together, which is one of the main reasons why we only had one child.

I would feel as if I had done her a MAJOR injustice by not sending her to college. She has always worked hard in school (and at work) for the past few years...as far as I'm concerned...it's the least we can do for her..and I feel pretty strongly about it.

... a parent to think that a child ... yet still stick around to take care of them when they are elderly. It makes little sense to me.
..
Wow, and I thought that the notion that kids are automatically supposed to "take care" of their parents died out in the last century :o

My parents always made it absolutely clear that they don't expect any of their kids to "take care" of them. They raised us to take care ourselves and they take care of themselves. That does not mean that we don't help my parents out with daily stuff if need be (they are both in their 80s) or each other in the family, but the understanding always was that everyone is primarily responsible to take care of themselves.

My parents do still live on their own and have a pretty active social life still, if for health reason that would not be possible anymore, they would prefer to actually live in some retirement home with ppl they know of their own age group.

Maybe I am kinda spoilt in this sense, but pretty much the same attitude prevails among my (elder) sisters and brother who all have adult children.

This is not saying that family help is not appreciated. My sister, for example, is still looking parttime after an aunt of her late husband - this aunt suffers from mild dementia, but is still able to live on her own and have her own social network at home. But my sister is doing this voluntarily, not because she was expected to take care of that aunt ...

It's also a matter of personal responsibility in life to prepare for the time when one might need "care", or not? And to make it some kind of trade-off (I buy your education and you will look for me when I am old) - well, personally, I would deeply resent that lol ...

I think paying your kids college tuition is a nice gesture. I do not consider it obligatory.

Very succinctly said and I concur 100%. After 18, the choice is yours what to do with your life, therefore, so is the responsibility. I may or may not be willing to pay or help pay for college depending entirely on attitude, achievement, responsibility and ambition. However, I set aside funds and contribute to college planning just in case... ;)

But, I do not feel it is obligatory ~ but something I hope to be able to do based on the above criteria.
~phos

I think it should be a dual effort.. so my choice really isn't there...

If I had the money I would love to send my son to college HOWEVER.... if I can afford it if not Loans we could take out but I do believe Most of it should be resposnible of the Child. I think it teaches them responsibility and it gives them a choice of what they want..... I also think it depends on the Child.... If my child is doing very well in high school and applying himself and excelling then OH YEAH I am going to do what I can to sent him to school..... But if My son is just not applying himself and I see him just being so LAZY then No..... If he wants he he needs to get it....When I went to college my parents used a lot of the money that was given to us when we were kids.. (which is what I do.. I save all my son's money and bonds for college) But they paid a lot of my tuition and books... but I remember freshman year I kinda slacked off and my grades went down and all I could think of was shopping boston .. I WAS IN AWE .... well My parents wiped their hands of it and I had to finish and pay for school... because I chose to goof off...

So I don't think anything should be just handed to children on a platter unless it's deserved and they worked for it... it's just another way to teach your child responsibility

I think paying your kids college tuition is a nice gesture. I do not consider it obligatory.

I agree. I don't think the parents should HAVE to pay for the childs tuition, although it would help the kid out greatly. At that point, they're able to get a job and all that. I know that I want to pay for my kids to go to college, although I know I don't have to.

If everyone got a Bachelors then college would be like high school, worthless.
Um, I've got news for you: many Bachelors degrees already are worthless, for all practical purposes. I do think parents should pay completely for their kids' schooling, especially parents like mine who put a tremendous (and unreasonable) amount of pressure on their kids to get a degree.

I answered "No, a parent is not responsible for a child after they graduate high school" because, well, they're just not responsible for paying for post-HS education.

(Small tangent: This topic somehow overlaps with the whole issue of parents teaching their children that 18 is adulthood, from A LOT of angles, and with adulthood comes responsibility. Many kids want all the freedom of being an adult and none of the responsibility.)

So, back on track: There are loans, grants and scholarships to be had, and many college students work and attend classes and seem to come out alive on the other end.

I believe that there are some sticky wickets with loans and grants and such if you can still be claimed on your parents' income tax returns. I don't know the intricacies of these issues so my comments aren't really taking them into consideration.

However, when I was in school, I knew students who were paying their own way semester by semester, without loans or scholarships.

That said, I think that every situation is different. There are definitely some situations where when parents of means refuse to pay, it doesn't make sense (unless the kid is a slacker and is just going to waste their money anyway). And some parents can afford to pay better than others. But that in and of itself STILL does not mean that they're obligated to do so. Nothing wrong with teaching your children to be self-sufficient.

Wow! And what an opportunity for learning to be self-sufficient. To appreciate the education that you are paying for instead of missing class half the time because someone else is footing the bill so, hey, what does it matter if you have to stay for an extra year...or two? Would I want my child to begin his/her adult life in debt? Preferably not but if I couldn't afford it, then a college education is one of the best things I can think of to be in debt for.

Wow! What a motivation for parents to pay attention to their children's education, to make sure that their kids are learning the true value of an education and to take the time to impress upon their kids that the natural flow of things is jr. high to high school to college. Maybe college shouldn't be jammed down their throats but (IMNSHO) it shouldn't really be presented as just another option. NOT going should be the more difficult choice.

Me, personally, if I could afford it, I would certainly pay for my (hypothetical) children to attend college, because I believe that college is an invaluable life experience, far beyond the three Rs.

I would feel responsible for paying IF I could do so but, in general, I would not be able to impose that belief on (most) other people.

I sort of yammered and probably left myself WIDE open for potshots. Ah, well. Too busy calculating the interest on my school loan. ;)

Um, I've got news for you: many Bachelors degrees already are worthless, for all practical purposes.

Mark, would you elaborate on that comment?

I'm trying to understand how you consider a college degree to be worthless.

I think that it depends on the child. If the child is hard-working and shows interest in his/her studies parents should make a reasonable effort to ensure they have a college education.

However, if the child is only going to college to party and waste time, parents should not be responsible to pay for that.

I'm going to fly Amina in to help them with their loan and scholarship paperwork to make sure they get whatever is available because there's NO way I could pay for four kids to go through college. . .I barely paid for myself and that was with a scholarship. (I'm still paying. . .these student loans will never go away, lol) :D

Mark, would you elaborate on that comment?

I'm trying to understand how you consider a college degree to be worthless.
Certain college degrees are worthless. Liberal Arts for example. What I've discovered since graduating two years ago is that employers care about experience more than education. It's been a bitter lesson to learn. That scrap of paper you get upon graduation most likely won't land you a good job unless it's an engineering degree, a medical degree, or an accounting degree. Unless you plan to go into teaching, no one should waste time and money getting a general degree.

By paying for my own college education...I have learned struggle, independance, pride in myself...and so many other qualities.

I have won battles with financial aid and I have lost battles. I currently owe 11 thousand dollars in loans.

Would I have loved my parents to have paid my way through college? Oh heck yeah! What kid wouldn't?

But I've learned so much more this way...and my sense of pride and accomplisment is so much better for having found the money myself.

My degree isn't partly my parents...its all mine.

Plus now they can't hold anything over my head...as they are apt to do.

Nadine.

My thoughts are the same as KathyW...I look at education as a means to supporting yourself in any situation and through any means possible.

1. I'm responsible for my child until he leaves my home or reaches the age of adulthood. And although the general age is 18, to me, its 21, where he can be totally dependent and hopefully on his own to make his own decisions without any intervention from me. I would want my son to be independent with a degree ready to tackle the world and if I can help him in this endeavour without going into too much debt, because I support him in his goal, then I can only see that as a 'beautiful thing'. And even if I don't want my children to take care of me in old age, should there be a time when they might have to, they will have the means to do so without sticking me in some nursing home to await until death. Nursing and/or retirement homes in the states are not exactly paved with gold, so I would be literally awaiging death at the hands of some worker. And should he divorce his wife or she dies and they have children, it should be his obligation to provide for those children.

2. If its my daughter, I would want her to be empowered with an exceptional education. As she starts to find potential partners for the long term, should that partner not care to be there anymore, or dies or leaves her with children...I would want her to be prepare to take on the added responsibility, of not only to being a single parent but a well educated woman who can support her family. After all, child support being what it is, she more than likely should not count on it if he chooses to play the SOB card.

Should either get married or live with someone, and if feel they can go the adult way in 0.60 secs, then it becomes their responsibility to take care of themselves. If they're responsible enough to move in with someone, then they can get a job and pay their tuition or have Mr/Ms Thing that they couldn't live without, pay for it.

I will always encourage my kids to get an education beyond h/s. Although there is nothing wrong with working at Mickey Ds or BK or janitors or cab drivers, those jobs are not enough to support a family and go to college on his own. there's just no reason to make life so hard on yourself beyond creating a good work ethic and making responsible choices.

Paris

I picked the 3rd choice because that was the closest one to my opinion, but my preference would have said that while it's not the parent's responsibility, it is something they should contribute towards if they can afford it. I don't really see that the same as your 2nd choice, Kathy. I really didn't understand what you meant about "if it's convenient".

Either way, the age of 18 is the age of emancipation. No one is considered a minor at that point. I think that a parent's responsibility is to do all they can to help their children find a future, but it begins much earlier than college. They should be instilling in them the importance of good grades all throughout high school so that they can try and be eligible for scholarships.

But, I do think it would be a shame if a parent did have the financial means to help their child at least somewhat, but refused to do so. That was the situation with me when I graduated high school.

I had a very small scholarship, but it wasn't enough. And I did not qualify for student loans or grants because of my parents combined income. I began talking to my father early in my senior year about college and how important it was to me. He left me with the impression that he would help me. But, then, ONE WEEK before I was due to leave for college, he told me that he could not afford to help me out. But, that very same week, he bought a hot air balloon!! :eek: The money he spent on that balloon would have paid for four years of college education for me at that time.

My stepmother ended up taking out loans and helped pay for my education. But, I worked while in college to feed myself and to pay for some of the expenses that the scholarship did not cover.

If my father had not been able to truly afford it, that would have been one thing and I wouldn't have expected him to either if that were the case. But, that wasn't really the case.

In my situation, I have taken out parents plus loans for the first 3 years of my son's education. I simply cannot afford the expense of his final year. So, since he has not lived at home for over 2 yrs now, we did hope that he would be eligible for more financial aid, but that hasn't really been the case. At this moment, we are not sure if he'll even be able to finish his degree at the college of his choice. But, we are hoping so. I hope that when I get my bonus next year I can help him out more. I DO feel obligated, but overall, I realize that it's not really something that I am responsible for MORE SO than he is. He and I share in this responsibility.

My parents didn't pay for my college, we were not rich on my dad's public school teacher's income in the 70's...but I lived at home and attended a Community College for the first two years funded by my 30-hour-week job at a bank at the time. I got student loans for my last three years of college at the University. Made payments on those for two years and had the rest "forgiven" by the government because I taught in an inner city school for underprivileged kids...that was nice.

College is totally affordable and do-able with grants/scholarships/taking advantage of cheap community college education for the first two years, and low interest student loans after that. I help my son, but I also believe that it teaches him responsibility and the art of Juggling life/finances/education if he is responsible for a big part of the funding himself. I did it, my brothers did it, and we all have a sense of "ownership" of our education and pride because of that.

Certain college degrees are worthless. Liberal Arts for example. What I've discovered since graduating two years ago is that employers care about experience more than education. It's been a bitter lesson to learn. That scrap of paper you get upon graduation most likely won't land you a good job unless it's an engineering degree, a medical degree, or an accounting degree. Unless you plan to go into teaching, no one should waste time and money getting a general degree.

Unfortunately, I have to (grudgingly) agree. I read your post and wanted to argue it (for purposes of encouragement!) but I think that when I comes to a Liberal Arts degree, if a student did not gain any real life experience in a particular field while in school, then it could be a struggle finding a job in a particular field.

However, I still believe that if you have a particular path in mind, the piece of paper will put you ahead of those without it, Mark.

(I'm still paying. . .these student loans will never go away, lol) :D

Ditto, Molly, ditto.

Whiterose, what a terrible experience for you.

While your father was under no 'obligation', for him to give you the impression that he was going to help you and then backout and purchase a hot air balloon (whatever...), that's just unacceptable (well, I have another word for it that begins with s and ends with y) behavior. Your stepmother sounds like a decent gal.

Very short and sweet...my opinion on this is yes, that a parent absolutely OWES it to a child. If the parent has the resources or can obtain parent loans in order to send the child to college, I feel it is their responsiblity to do so.


I think that it's part of the parent's responsibility to allow their children to learn to get loans for themselves and become an adult. They can go to school while knowing that they are not getting a free ride and that they should really pay attention.

I would have loved to have been taken care of during high school and been offered money for college, but since I had to work and finish high school while living on my own and go to college on a scholarship for a year then it gave me the incentive to actually do the work instead of goofing off like all the other kids were.

edit...BTW: All my kids and their older brother all have RESP's "Registered Educational Savings Plans" and the way it works here is that if your kid doesn't go to post secondary school then you can still use the money in another way and it's not entirely lost, such as diverting it to your retirement plan.

I don't think that it is a parents obligation...There are a lot of people who go to college and get no assistance from family whatsoever.

HOWEVER, I think if my son was having to work even 40 hours a week and carry a full class load AND I could afford to help and chose not to, I think that would be a rather poor statement about myself as a parent.

So I guess I am saying that it's not an obligation or a requirement, but if a parent can afford to help and does, its the sign of a kind caring parent.

My son is currently in college, and lives on campus. He has a meal ticket on campus, and eats the largest majority of his meals in the cafeteria or snack shop. He does have scholarships and grants, and he does have to take out one goverment loan per year. He carries 17.5 credits and also works about 10 hours a week at the college. I bought his car and then I pay his car insurance, cell phone bill, and then put a little something in his bank account each pay day for things like gas, toilet paper (read NECESSITIES).

With my current situation, I can't help him much more than that without really hurting the rest of the family, but I give what I can and he does not have a job outside of the college. If I had the money to pay his entire tuition, I certainly would do so, and if I had more money to help him out I would give him what I could afford comfortably without hurting his siblings.

. Many kids want all the freedom of being an adult and none of the responsibility.)
;)

I Agree with Trish... Ain't that the truth!!!!!

I picked the choice, "Yes, but only if they can afford it and only if it's convenient for them."

I didn't like the sound of "convenient," but I think it's a good substitute for "something they believe in." In otherwords, when the parents' value system places a huge emphasis on the worth of education, then that is one way by which parents find it "convenient" to help out.

Different families have different cultural attitudes towards the worth of higher education, and this depends on things like social class, ethnicity and family income.

I feel sorry for kids who, like Whiterose, have parents who should be able to help with college, but don't because they have other priorities, ie. a new car, a vacation cruise, or whatever. Having seen this attitude in my own family, I am familiar with it, and I do not respect it at all.

I didn't answer the poll, Kathy, because there are just too many variables:
the parent, their financial situation, the kids, their attitude and what the parents feel is best. Even within those that pay for their children's educations, there are variables, some believe the kids have to work to contribute and/or take out some loans, and some believe that college is a totally-paid-for-by-the-parents experience. And then, you have the question of post-graduate degrees, with some parents drawing the line at a Batchelors Degree and some gladly paying all the way through Doctorate Degrees.

As we lengthen the years of "basic" education, we lengthen the years of "childhood." 200 years ago, elementary school education was a luxury that, if afforded, was worked around the farming seasons (hence summer vacation). 100 years ago, education ended for most in the eigth grade - with children being working members of the family business long before that time. 50 years ago, high school was the norm, but children worked little jobs for spending money and began bearing some financial responsibility with part-time jobs at the age of 16. Now, millions of kids never work a day in their lives until they graduate from college at 21. I have no doubt, that 50 years from now, as the need for advanced degrees continues to increase, childhood will extend to 27 years of age.

More and more, "children" find that they cannot live on their own after college, and are living at home indefinitely, and then, when they do move out, continue to rely on their parents to help support themselves and thier families, which could be another poll: After college, then what?

I also have another question that this thread brings to mind: Should children that are 100% financially dependent on their parents be considered "adults" at 18, or should "adulthood" be tied to when they actually become an adult by assuming full personal and financial responsibility?

Good post, Chatterbox. I feel that a lot of times, too, some parents support their "children" (who are officially adults, 22-25 years of age) in order to have some sort of control over them... and really, they are doing a huge disservice to their offspring, who are unable to take care of themselves properly without parental help (and really, at 25 years old, that's quite shameful).

Yep, can't vote either, because I believe the situation depends.

I was given the option from my mother ..live at home and go to school, she pays ........as long as my grades were up. Move out, she does not pay.

I'm one that believes if your children are married / living with someone, etc. they should pay for their own school.

Also - if we didn't go right after high school and waiting, let's say until we were 20 ......we lost the option of them paying also.

Wow! I wonder how many people have given up a college education to live with or marry someone? And I'm thinking of people within my own family, who married young but never went to college, although their parents could have well-afforded to send them. It never occured to me that their parents may have made them choose because I have never heard of this before, but now I'm wondering!

I'm 21 and currently in my senior year. I go to school full time for a B.A. My parents can not afford to send me to college. My dad used to have a business and went personally backrupt back in the day. We live in a nice home and such, but do not have savings. We make too much to qualify for finanical aid.

My school costs $22,000 a year. who do you honestly know who can afford that? My parents TRIED to save for college for me. My dad never lived life knowing that his business that used to worth over a million dollars would some day go bankrupt. Shit happens.

I pay fo school on half a scholarship and half a loan which is in MY name. My dad is the co-signer, but I am the one who has to pay it back after graduation. Why should should parent take the loan out in their own name?? I am the one sitting in class. I am the one passing the tests. I am the one walking out with the degree. It's my life it's my loan.

Although my parents can't afford $22,000 a year in one of two shots for school...they HAVE given me a car, an allowence for spending money and they pay all my car insurance, medical and cell phone bills. They are giving me the freedom to focus on school and not finacial or frivolous things. I can always pay the loan back wither it takes me 5 years or 20...I feel like my parents give me everything they can monetary wise and even more importantly in emotional support. I think that is a great gift to give your child and I would never sit here and let anyone critize a parent just b/c their child has to take out a loan. The only excuse not to go to college these days is not wanting to, anyone can take a loan and pay it back after.

nice post in your eyes...

i get the idea here some think come hell or high water, that a parent "owes" a college education. as you stated, those loans are there for students. my daughter has i believe $40,000 in loans. her first 4 years were mostly on scholarship, then she went on to a 2 year graduate program.
i was suppose to refinance my house according to some here?? dead and still owing... ;)

nice post in your eyes...

i get the idea here some think come hell or high water, that a parent "owes" a college education. as you stated, those loans are there for students. my daughter has i believe $40,000 in loans. her first 4 years were mostly on scholarship, then she went on to a 2 year graduate program.
i was suppose to refinance my house according to some here?? dead and still owing... ;)


Yes, I agree. It is called a STUDENT loan for a reason. The student loans have better interests rates than a loan the parent would have to take out on their own. I will owe around the same as your daughter and I truely don't mind. I feel my parents did/do a lot for me and I am sure your daughter is thankful for you as well.

I know this thread kind of has me in shock, some people who have had a lot of say about being poor or supporting poor people in other posts, suddenly make it sound like to be a good parent you most be able to provide college which is a very expensive thing, to me that makes no sense.

I wonder how many are actually in the situation currently. It feels a lot different to have your feet in the ocean than to just be an on looker from the sand. If you sent a child to college already it was a lot cheaper back in the day. If someone is just thinking about "the future", we all have lots of dreams for ourselves and kids or future kids and not all of them can be a reality. You never know what it feels like to be in another person's shoes, many parents who don't pay for college out of pocket have valid reasons.

I agree with In Your Eyes' post... it's almost like some people think that people with little money are inherently poor parents, because they don't provide their children with a free education.

I knew a lot of people who goofed off in college, failing classes, changing their minds about majors all the time, etc. who were all going on their parents' nickel. I knew I had to be serious because my student loans were in my name and that it was my responsibility.

I wish my parents had helped me financially with college. That would have been great. They were not in the position to do that. But I did live there rent-free while studying, so that helped, obviously. And I don't resent them for not helping me financially. I'm paying my loans now. It's a pain, but I am the one with a degree.

What I really truly wish is that my parents were a little more... emotionally supportive of me... that's really a separate issue, but I just wanted to point out that if I had felt that sort of emotional support, I would have benefited much more from that than just from them paying my fees.

Also - for those that have children now, not of college age .......I would like to mention the government passed dual enrollment.

Children in high school, if they meet certain criteria, meaning a certain GPA and pass the college entrance exam can attend their local community college for FREE while in high school.

Meaning they attend a few classes in high school and then attend college for the remainder of day, FREE.

Your AA .........all done, you get your degree with you HS diploma !!

I keep stressing to my son the importance of studying and making the grades so we can participate in this program.

"I'm 21 and currently in my senior year. I go to school full time for a B.A. My parents can not afford to send me to college. My dad used to have a business and went personally backrupt back in the day. We live in a nice home and such, but do not have savings. We make too much to qualify for finanical aid.

My school costs $22,000 a year. who do you honestly know who can afford that? My parents TRIED to save for college for me. My dad never lived life knowing that his business that used to worth over a million dollars would some day go bankrupt. Shit happens.

I pay fo school on half a scholarship and half a loan which is in MY name. My dad is the co-signer, but I am the one who has to pay it back after graduation. Why should should parent take the loan out in their own name?? I am the one sitting in class. I am the one passing the tests. I am the one walking out with the degree. It's my life it's my loan.

Although my parents can't afford $22,000 a year in one of two shots for school...they HAVE given me a car, an allowence for spending money and they pay all my car insurance, medical and cell phone bills. They are giving me the freedom to focus on school and not finacial or frivolous things. I can always pay the loan back wither it takes me 5 years or 20...I feel like my parents give me everything they can monetary wise and even more importantly in emotional support. I think that is a great gift to give your child and I would never sit here and let anyone critize a parent just b/c their child has to take out a loan. The only excuse not to go to college these days is not wanting to, anyone can take a loan and pay it back after."

Great post, In Your Eyes ! Thank you for validating from a child's perspective what some of us are doing with our collge kids now. I never resented my folks for not paying either....and I know I may have felt a lot more obligated to pursue a path they wanted for me had they footed the bill. I changed my major 3 times, and I didn't feel I had anyone to answer to about that or needed permission from my parents first. My college-age son was a music major last year at a major university...this year he's decided to attend a community college at home. I was kind of dissappointed in his choice because I felt the University offered so much more to him in many ways....but, he's on scholarships/grants and student loans that are in his name, so he can decide whatever he wants! I too give him an "allowance" to cover incidentals, etc., and his dad pays his insurance/phone.

Thanks for sharing your side of things with us, IYE :D

"I'm 21 and currently in my senior year. I go to school full time for a B.A. My parents can not afford to send me to college. My dad used to have a business and went personally backrupt back in the day. We live in a nice home and such, but do not have savings. We make too much to qualify for finanical aid.

My school costs $22,000 a year. who do you honestly know who can afford that? My parents TRIED to save for college for me. My dad never lived life knowing that his business that used to worth over a million dollars would some day go bankrupt. Shit happens.

I pay fo school on half a scholarship and half a loan which is in MY name. My dad is the co-signer, but I am the one who has to pay it back after graduation. Why should should parent take the loan out in their own name?? I am the one sitting in class. I am the one passing the tests. I am the one walking out with the degree. It's my life it's my loan.

Although my parents can't afford $22,000 a year in one of two shots for school...they HAVE given me a car, an allowence for spending money and they pay all my car insurance, medical and cell phone bills. They are giving me the freedom to focus on school and not finacial or frivolous things. I can always pay the loan back wither it takes me 5 years or 20...I feel like my parents give me everything they can monetary wise and even more importantly in emotional support. I think that is a great gift to give your child and I would never sit here and let anyone critize a parent just b/c their child has to take out a loan. The only excuse not to go to college these days is not wanting to, anyone can take a loan and pay it back after."

Great post, In Your Eyes ! Thank you for validating from a child's perspective what some of us are doing with our collge kids now. I never resented my folks for not paying either....and I know I may have felt a lot more obligated to pursue a path they wanted for me had they footed the bill. I changed my major 3 times, and I didn't feel I had anyone to answer to about that or needed permission from my parents first. My college-age son was a music major last year at a major university...this year he's decided to attend a community college at home. I was kind of dissappointed in his choice because I felt the University offered so much more to him in many ways....but, he's on scholarships/grants and student loans that are in his name, so he can decide whatever he wants! I too give him an "allowance" to cover incidentals, etc., and his dad pays his insurance/phone.

Thanks for sharing your side of things with us, IYE :D

No problem. :)

It's a rough world out there people do what they gotta do. It seemed a lot of people in the posts had hosility about parent's who don't pay for college. So I thought I'd let people know that my parents don't pay and I am turning out fine :p

Yep, my parents didn't pay either. They didn't have the money to help out, and I was too stubborn and independent to accept it even if they did offer. Now, after a few hard knocks thrown my way, I'm a bit more humble and admitted to my parents that things were tough. My dad gave me some money to help with school for my birthday this year and I accepted it.

My siblings and I were treated like adults as soon as we entered our teens and nothing was given to us without working for it. I grew up with the perception that I had to look after myself. I think a lot of this stems from our rural background. My dad dropped out of school when he was 13 to work as a logger to bring in money for the family.

So, I think that if parents want to pay for tuition and whatever else for their kids, then fine, but I don't think it should be expected. Now, that said, if I were to have kids I would definately want to make sure I had the financial resources to help them with school. I'd still want them to pay part of the cost so they wouldn't be getting a free ride.

kathyw...you got kids?

i don't "owe" my kids anything...i do the best i can for them...however that plays out

WOW, I gotta disagree with you on this one . . . to a point. When a man and a woman decide to bring a child into this world, they DO owe them something. They owe them a set of parents . . . and parenting includes teaching, aiding, guiding and setting good examples to make them ready to be viable members of society. You most certainly DO owe them that. (Those things don't require any funds, BTW.)

As to college, many parents do not have the means to provide college for their children and they certainly shouldn't feel that they have to mortgage their home or go deeply into debt to do so. But for parents who do have the means and choose to spend it on trivial trinkets for themselves instead of giving their children an education to ensure a better life for those children . . . shame on them.

It is certainly a personal matter and no one can demand it.

But, until your children are of the age of majority, you do owe them a lot. And any parent who brings a child into this world and feels they do not owe them anything at all is a sorry excuse for a human being. (Christina, I'm not berating you here, because I don't really think that is what you were saying :) )

Peachy!!!! Good to see you, gal !!!! :D

Peachy!!!! Good to see you, gal !!!! :D


Thanks :p

WOW, I gotta disagree with you on this one . . . to a point. When a man and a woman decide to bring a child into this world, they DO owe them something. They owe them a set of parents . . . and parenting includes teaching, aiding, guiding and setting good examples to make them ready to be viable members of society. You most certainly DO owe them that. (Those things don't require any funds, BTW.)

As to college, many parents do not have the means to provide college for their children and they certainly shouldn't feel that they have to mortgage their home or go deeply into debt to do so. But for parents who do have the means and choose to spend it on trivial trinkets for themselves instead of giving their children an education to ensure a better life for those children . . . shame on them.

It is certainly a personal matter and no one can demand it.

But, until your children are of the age of majority, you do owe them a lot. And any parent who brings a child into this world and feels they do not owe them anything at all is a sorry excuse for a human being. (Christina, I'm not berating you here, because I don't really think that is what you were saying :) )


(((HUGS)))) I miss you and Joe...good to see you Peach...and btw...I think you are absolutely right on with your post here. Thanks. :D

I did not read this entire thread... if someone already made this point, it's worth repeating anyway. :-)

There are a lot of irresponsible children/young adults functioning today based largely on their parent's belief and practice that they "owe" their children things.

The biggest debt parents have to their children is to help them become adults that are self-sufficient and responsible and it's easy to forget that the process starts long before college graduation. In that sense, the "ideal" situation might be that the child WANTS to contribute... whether by paying, studying.

"Okay, Johnny... I've taken care of you all your life... fed you, clothed you, fought your battles for you... congratulations, you have your degree... now go get a job and take care of yourself."

(For an interesting perspective, consider this scenario... Johnny meets a woman twice his age... announces he's fallen in love... that wasn't what Mom and Dad had in mind, was it... after all that effort and money he's not turning out the way they want!)

Some day we might, as a society, figure out that the entitlement attitude we sometimes create is simply not healthy. People are supposed to be responsible for their own lives and reap the consequences of how they live them.

Nothing wrong with paying for a child's college education. Everything wrong with believing you have to!

peachy... i was only addressing the thread... that i "owed" a college education

MY ORIGINAL POST SAYS: "What do you believe? Do you think that when you have a child, it is your responsibility as a parent to send the child to college?"

This is what I said in my OP...I never said anyone "owed" anyone else anything...I said it was a parents responsiblity to make sure the child could be self sufficient...responsiblity and self sufficiency are two different words and mean TWO totally different things... and yes, I am responsible for my daughter to ensure that she can be self sufficient in her life...yep, you'd better beleive I am...and she's never asked me for a thing...that's the best part. *grins* ;)

"Very short and sweet...my opinion on this is yes, that a parent absolutely OWES it to a child. "

first post, first line of orginial post

in the second line you address responsibility as you see it... ;)

I picked the choice, "Yes, but only if they can afford it and only if it's convenient for them."

I didn't like the sound of "convenient," but I think it's a good substitute for "something they believe in." In otherwords, when the parents' value system places a huge emphasis on the worth of education, then that is one way by which parents find it "convenient" to help out.

Different families have different cultural attitudes towards the worth of higher education, and this depends on things like social class, ethnicity and family income.

I feel sorry for kids who, like Whiterose, have parents who should be able to help with college, but don't because they have other priorities, ie. a new car, a vacation cruise, or whatever. Having seen this attitude in my own family, I am familiar with it, and I do not respect it at all.
Exactly!

It would be disgusting to have the means to send your child to college but you don't.

I think the majority of people who have the means to send there kids to college do. The parents who don;t have the money try to find it or the kid is on their own.

Personally, I think you're better off going to a trade school these days. An experienced wielder is in high demand makes more than a data entry guy with a college degree. And the more people who get those degrees, the less demand and next thing you know, technology is tomorrow's fast food job.

There is a saying that goes something like this: Never do for your child what they can do for themself.

When "helping" my kids, I try to keep this in mind.

I don't think parents are good or bad whether they send their child to college or not. You do what you can when you can hopefully without getting into too much debt, even for the parents or the kids.

My parents could've never afford college for me, but I've been working since I was 13, so to say that a child doesn't know responsiblity or being self sufficient, its a bit of a stretch. Lots of kids work after school and can be taught to save as much money as they can from those jobs especially summer jobs.

I'm sure we do the best we can with our kids with the knowledge that we have acquire. We want our children to be responsible and self sufficient and we want them to have as many tools and skills as they can to be that person. Whether we pay for it or they pay for it, its all part of an end goal.

Paris