beldara 09-13-2005, 03:15 PM Hiyas,
Well I stumbled across this site and hope it will help alleviate some of my questions/concerns.
I have never been in a relationship with much of an age gap persay. Just a bit here or there. I am a 35/f and am in a relationship with a 20/m. When we are together the age really doesn't seem like an issue to us but of course there are lots of opinions from family and friends and then there is always the issue of "children" as my clock is ticking.
I am gonna scan the forums for some helpful tips :)
greeneyedgirl 09-13-2005, 03:21 PM welcome Beldara
good thinking on scanning those forums but know this, if you don't find what you need, feel free to create your own thread in 'relationship support'.
Happy Surfing!! :D
Tracy
joelstrouble 09-13-2005, 04:30 PM Welcome to ageless!!!
joelstrouble 09-14-2005, 12:50 AM Passionate I do agree that a 20 year old need to think and worry about his education, but that does not mean that he can have a baby too, most men/women doesen't stop working just because of a baby.
And as I see she still has a good 5 years to have babies :)
freespirit 09-14-2005, 02:26 AM are you for real....
Um, how many single well educated mothers do you know? Come on now. Having kids while still in school and being young usually ruins any chance you have at a good career. It's been proven over and over again.
show us the proof....I know lots of women, and men, who were single and young having babies...so show us your proof.....anyone can do anything with their lives if they are offered the right help and support....I didn't do my first undergrad degree until i was 26, and a single parent with and 18mth old to boot...my masters I did at 36 with a brand new baby and not living with his dad....stop stereotyping just coz it makes you comfortable....
but hey the OP is 35....hardly young ....and her partner is 20...whats to stop him continuing his life path....two incomes...two parents...don't matter if they're single so long as they both contribute to the parenting, emotionally, socially and financially....she's not asking solely about parenting either but about family/ friends opinion....
how helpful of you....break up...yeah right....
Beldara...search the forums...there's lots of REAL support in some of the threads.....and if you post we'll all try to offer you opinions with more insight....this is a support site....
Um, how many single well educated mothers do you know? Come on now. Having kids while still in school and being young usually ruins any chance you have at a good career. It's been proven over and over again.
Remember those girls who were pregnant in h.s.? Do you think they went to college and became lawyers and doctors? Of course not!
so, you kinda remind me of someone.... my younger sister dragged me to one of her youth group meetings when i was about 14 or 15, and lo and behold, there was a lecture on sex there...
now, need i point out that it was at a church function, so the opinions were all ****** and biased?
the woman was talking about how she had sex when she was 25, and met a man she wanted to marry a few years later... she said she had to turn him down for marrige because he said he had saved himself for her, and she had not...
well, this is all fairly dramatic.
PS- my mother was a single mother for 14 years, and she's a nurse at a hospital and makes a good $33/hr... i bet it could have been a whole $34 if she wasn't a single mom, huh??
beldara 09-14-2005, 08:53 AM Well I definetly believe he should finish college and we have both spoken about it. Actually, I have spoken to my doctor and I do have a good 5 years or so before I need to start stressing. I am not necessarily talking about having one tomorrow :)
We do have lots of obstacles from Distance (me moving)/family/friends, ESPECIALLY his mother! She hasn't met me yet and really doesn't want to.
Anyhoo, I have loved reading alot of the questions I ask myself under the relationship hep section. I am going to read some more today :)
greeneyedgirl 09-14-2005, 09:47 AM i've had to moderate this thread.
a member's introduction thread.
be civil people.
kathyw 09-14-2005, 04:13 PM i've had to moderate this thread.
a member's introduction thread.
be civil people.
That's sad... :(
Anyway...Welcome to Ageless!! :D :)
fos4snt 09-14-2005, 04:56 PM Welcome, beldara. Give your YM's mother some time to adjust. I'm sure she will come around. My YM's mother FREAKED OUT and said she would NEVER come out here, blah blah blah ~ some very, very hurtful things were said. BUT, in time she saw that a) I wasn't trying to take him away from HER and in fact encouraged him to keep in touch with her ALL the time and b) I was adding to his happiness and not distracting from it and c) it was not a fling and I was NOT using him. :D
We actually get along quite swimmingly now. I never thought it would happen, but it has and I adore her and she knows I love him and you know ~ that's really all a mother truly wants for her child.. for him/her to be LOVED, honored, respected and treated with decency. If that's what you and your YM have together, in time it will show and simply enduring the fire storm now will prove you're in it for the long haul and she will come around.
:D
As for the other topic about having children young. Ummm... I had a friend who was a single mom who had a baby at 16 and left her church (mormon) and moved here and built a life. She was doing quite well. Putting herself through school, working, had a GREAT relationship with her daughter and she was a fine mother. There is no "all" or "always" just as there is no "never" ~ never say never, cuz someone will prove you wrong. Even if you do think you're God. :p ROFLAO! (I said that totally tongue in cheek!)
~phos
freespirit 09-14-2005, 05:09 PM Beldara....fact is you and your guy are happy now, and communicating, and not about to break up on an inane piece of advice..... and as you will find from looking at other threads
the issue of having children is a bit more prevalent on our side of the boards due to the biological clock factor....but I know a couple of guys in real life in similar relationships, they are my age, and the last thing they want to do is be parents again at age 46.....its such an individual issue for couples....and luckily you are able to discuss it. Lots of IVF clinics do procedures up until the woman is 45 or so...but you're not there yet...
you're in a loving relationship and reading between a lot of lines on these boards it seems most couples work best where there is openness, acceptance, love and communication....and a tendency to be living in the moment with each other....his mum may surprise you and be content to see her son happy...my guy's parents have never criticsed or critiqued us and we all get on fine...I'm sure in some part of their hearts they want him to have kids etc but thats not what he wants, and they respect that....
like Fos said they can see we're in it for the long haul and no-one is getting hurt, or having drama....
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