my partner's daughter

Hard to know where to begin! With the nature of this website, I guess the subject matter isn't so unusual (!) I’m 27 years old and have recently started dating my beautiful 39 year old partner. Everything so far is wonderful, well in fact it is entirely astonishing!
Not a problem as such, but my girlfriend has a nine year old daughter, I haven’t met her so far (Chatted on the phone) but I’m a little apprehensive of my role/position.

Jemma, has a loving father, who is living nearby, which is obviously the best position a child from a separation can be in. (Well two loving parents if I said that badly)
I think, and hope (Having a niece and a nephew) that I’m a pretty good, loving uncle – well man.
I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with this situation really…I want to do the best for my partner and her daughter.
But I’m a little unsure of the best way to deal with the situation.

Obviously I don’t want to tread on her father’s toes – or in fact have any need to. I just want to be there for both of them.

Any insight, male or female, would be marvelous.

Many thanks,

Olly

Hi and Welcome To ageless

My only advice is you don't have to be the child's father... You can be a lot of things to her.. Like a confidant and someone she can turn to ...a role model.. or just a friend... She has loving parents and let them do the "parenting" You shouldn't try and stand in like a father that could alienate you.... so I say It sounds like a GREAT relationship..... and I say GO FOR IT!!

Well... I'm in a similar position. My g/f's daugter is 9 on Sunday, and her father lives about 15 minutes walk away. She spends one week here with her mum and a week with dad, and so on...

It's also a long distance relationship, and I didn't get to meet her until we'd been together about 7/8 months (I think). That was actually a good idea because my g/f and the ex had only separated properly and moved out of their house just after we got together, and my g/f and the ex both felt it was too early for her to see either of them with another bf/gf.

I've been staying with my g/f for the last 2 months and so have spent a lot of time with both of them, and for the most part it's gone great. There's been two weeks (just a little less actually) where I had to stay home and look after her whilst my g/f worked. One week was because she was ill, and the other because there was no summer camp and no school. The only difficulty I had really was that I didn't feel like I could tell her what to do and sometimes she wouldn't do what she was supposed to and I didn't feel like I could push her too hard. It took her mum telling her that she had to do what I asked her to. That's about the only thing anyway, because kids generally just want to like everyone, and I'll bet if you're nice to her, she'll like you. This morning my g/f's daughter cheered when my g/f said I would be there on Sunday at her birthday party. :)

So, anyway, I don't know the details of your relationship with your gf, but if her and her ex only separated fairly recently, it might be best to hold off on meeting her daughter for a while, so she's comfortable with the idea of her mum having another man. Being gradually introduced worked for us. The first time I met her, she was staying with her dad for the week and we picked her up from school, took her out to dinner and then her dad picked her up again. The next time I stayed with my gf for a week whilst her daughter was there, and then between that and coming over this time I'd spoken to her on the phone a few times. Also, my gf asked her if she was ok with me staying here for 2 months. She said "don't be silly, where else will he stay!" lol.
We also don't sleep in the same bed while she's here. Her dad does the same with his gf too.

And yeah, as mer said.... don't try to be another father. She dosn't need another one. Just be a friend, but kind of like a teacher who has som kind of authority. At least that's what I'm aiming for eventually.

Oh, and I brought her some lovely english chocolate over with me, which seemed to get us off on the right foot too. ;)