Oh God, I don't know what to do......

I really need some independant advise just now.

I have been seeing a guy who is 19 years older than me for the last 9 years. I have never felt the way I do about him with anyone else. When we met we had a crazy mad love which we both hoped would last forever. The problem is that he has changed sooo much since then. I went through a really hard time after my brother unexpectedly died a few years ago. To begin with my man was really unsupportive. We then split up for about a year. During this time I found out he was seeing someone else, and even after we got back together I found out he was still seeing this girl, although he proclaims that it was only ever platonic. I don't believe him. He has never tried to settle my fears about this relationship he had and refuses to talk about it. I know he had a really bad upbringing and has a lot of insecurites of his own to deal with, but all this is eating me up and I feel like he doesn't care.

Then to top it all off, we finally buy a home together after years of going out together and then a few weeks later he accepts a job 400 miles away. I only get to see him every other couple of months and he doesn't really make much of an effort when I do see him. He has a really low sex drive now (although he didn't when we first met) and I really feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore, although he says he does. What should I do? Finish it or keep trying to make it work?

Please help... I can't talk to my family or friends.....x

I think you posted on the wrong side (ow/ym), but I'll reply anyway. I've dated & married older men, but even if I hadn't, I hate to say it but MY OPINION is that you have 2 main choices: cut your losses, or choose to be a sugar baby/kept woman. You seem to have a long, difficult history &, from what I'm reading, it looks like it's getting worse. Without more information I can't be sure, but I think you were REALLY young when you met him, & I suspect the other woman is young, too.

Maybe it's just the state of mind I'm in right now, but I'd say, given all the history the two of you have had, with him being unsupportive and you not feeling like he's that into you, that it might be a good time to take a break from him or otherwise end it.

It doesn't sound like there's a whole lot of love, trust, or support in your relationship...and isn't that what a good relationship is all about?

I've realized through my own relationships, that sometimes it is better to just cut your losses and end it if the relationship is not what you want. There are other guys out there and you can and will be happy/happier with someone else.

Good luck deciding. I hope this site can give you the support and advice you need. It was, and is, really helpful for me.

A twenty year span is really big age difference. Life activity slows down and interests, possibly, as well. You need to look deeper on your relationships with this man. What has united you both on the beginning and look if it is present now? Your answer there, but here other hint, he told he is in platonic relationships. Think about this, partial answer is there and it depends how old other woman. If you tell more, I will elaborate on this.

I agree with Cabin.... I don't really have much more to say because I do think she summed it up...

Mama she posted on the right board... This is for Both OW/YM and YM/OW just for Long term relationships :)