Relationship as Priority?

This is for all relationships regardless of age... I don't know whether this is the right branch.

A little about me: I'm 23 and until I met my OM (53) three months ago, I had always been able to be a happily single person. I have quite a strong sense of self and I'm quite independent. I did what I want when I wanted it, saw who I wanted when I wanted, etc. Aside from family responsibilities and a few close friends, I wasn't used to factoring someone else into my daily life.

I had dated, even had my heart broken but had never really been in an adult relationship. Meaning being in love with someone and having that love returned, respecting each other and communicating really well together. I'm having trouble adjusting to being in a relationship like this. I know how to function being single/casually dating, but this feels like a whole new thing. :eek: :rolleyes:

As a side note: I met him within 5 days of returning from living abroad. I was coming back to a situation where I had a few friends, but I was really focusing on building up my social circle again. Meeting him distracted me from this. I still have made the effort, just not to the same extent as I would have if I was single. I've also returned to complete my final year of university, so I have a really wacky schedule which makes it hard to plan things in advance.

Anyway, I'm having a hard time keeping this relationship in balance with other aspects of my life. I'm always asking myself, if I wasn't spending time with my bf, what would I be doing? Nonetheless, we both make a point of spending time alone, with our families and pursuing our own seperate interests. Honestly though, I'd rather be spending time with him.

However, I guess I'm feeling overly preoccupied with this relationship and I worry it's distracting me from thinking about and enjoying other relationships in my life. I'm still keeping in conctact with others, but I'm giving my romantic relationship priority, as I really, really enjoy my time with him. Is this a good thing? It feels so good to be with him, to be loved and to give love. To be accepted for who I am and because of his love want to be a better person. We've had ups and downs (as everyone does), but overall I love him and I'm so excited to see where this goes. I guess I fight the urge not to want to spend all my time with him, because I know this isn't good for the relationship. He's said the same thing

Is this healthy? Or am I being unrelatistic for thinking that my other relationships in my life would stay the same after getting involved with someone romantically in this quite-grown-up way? I'm just not used to thinking about someone I love like this!

I've talked about this with him, but I'm curious to hear your feedback. Thanks!

or I'm just thinking too much because I'm stressed about other things in my life (my classes, money, career) and it's making things seem worse :confused: :rolleyes:

Hi there...

I moved your thread over to the Relationships support side of the OM/YW side:)

However.... it's great to have balance in your life... I'm married so my family IS priority to me.. My husband and my son... However If you like spending all this time with him then do it....if you feel it's to much then maybe slow down al ittle.... Do whatever you feel is right ...

I think every relationship is different, and you have to decide what is best for yours. My mother and stepfather do everything together: work together, live together and even have the same hobbies and interests which they do of course also together. They are practically joined at the hip and rarely spend any time apart. In the brief moments they are apart, they are counting the moments until they can be together again They have been like this for over 20 years!

I, on the other hand, need a fair amount of personal space in a relationship, even when it's still in the "honeymoon" stage. While I enjoy spending lots of quality time with someone I'm involved with, I still feel the need to have my own circle of friends and my own hobbies. And the thought of living AND working with a partner? Forget it!

Hi Iliana,

I take a lot of time to adapt to my romantic relationships . ...years, really. Knowing that about myself actually makes it a bit easier to bear, if that makes any sense?

I find it easier to be single too.....easier to keep healthy and fit, easier to get stuff done, easier to create a good social life and achieve general balance....all those things you mentioned. When I'm in a relationship, usually over time I can find a way to fit everything that is important to me into our life together........but for me it takes a bit of work and some communication with my partner, to help him understand my priorities.

I hope you can work things out....I wouldn't worry so much:))

Thanks guys.

I'm going through a temporary rough patch in other aspects of life at the moment, so it feels new and different to have this relationship for support (kinda scary too, because it feels like it's the only thing in my life going well)

Bella, what you've described is it. And I've got to chill out :rolleyes: :)

I think you are stressing yourself out too much. Just relax and be thankful you have been blessed in a loving relationship with this man. It is good to seek a balance...but your relationship with him should always have a priority. Keep talking to each other and not stress out so much. You will find yourself thinking more clearly and enjoying the relationship better. :)

...but I'm giving my romantic relationship priority, as I really, really enjoy my time with him. Is this a good thing?

In a word: YES

Great advice and perspective already posted... I'd just add that if more people did what you are doing there would be a lot more healthy relationships and happy people!