First time in OM/YW situation, any advice?

Hi all,

Total newbie here. I'm 35, dating a 19 year old for a few weeks now. Most of my family and friends are surprisingly supportive, probably because they can see how happy I am with this girl.

A few days ago, she dropped the "It's not you, it's me" speech on me complete with everything you would ever say to someone when you want to break it off. We've talked about it again since then and she's made it clear that she still wants to see me, just not get into a serious relationship. This made me realize that I need to approach this whole thing a LOT differently than any other realtionship I've ever been in. We've had no sexual activity of any kind, but we are very affectionate with each other.

No feelings of "love" for each other yet....at least not for me and I'm assuming not for her either. We have made it crystal clear how much we like each other and want to spend time together.

I've never been in a dating situation like this, so looking for any advice I can get.

Not making light, but it sounds like you are both doing just fine... just stay open and honest with each other and let that include sharing your hopes.

Trust her to tell you the truth as she understands it.... her "it's not you" speech may be exactly honest and true even though it sounds like a speech. She's 19 and she knows it. In some respects it would be no different than if she were in her 30's... you'll need to understand her... to learn her plans, her hopes, her dreams... but the difference is that at 19 those are often uncertain and forming.

Just keep doing what you're doing... travel together and share. You both may discover that you want to be together regardless of what those plans and dreams are. Since you are (apparently) not "in love yet" you can only make decisions appropriate to where you both are.

Hey there,
shes probably just a bit unsure of things because its new and different. just spend some lay back quality time getting to know each other and being there for each other.. and see where that leads you too. but let her have her space to ponder things being different. im (19) and when i first started dating my boyfriend (38) it was really easy for me to feel like things were just too much, or too serious too fast when we were just dating and going out to dinner. but when he backed off a little bit i was able to see how sweet and wonderful he is. we've been together now almost 6 months :) best of luck

Hey guys....thanks for the input.

Wallypop....definitley don't think you're making light of my situation. Like I said, first time in a relationship with this kind of age difference. I really do like this girl, so I'm looking for the advice now, rather than later. Things are going great and I do appreciate your advice.

Blonde angel......You hit it right on. We've talked a couple of times since I posted here and she said almost exactly what you just said to me. Been doing exactly what you just said too...just taking it easy and getting to know each other and its going quite well. Thanks so much for your advice...exactly what I was looking for!