What the heck is my problem?!

Hey there - I've been lurking on the boards for some time but I decided to post for once =). I'm 27 and my OM is 40 (almost 41). He is the sweetest person I have ever been with & I seriously have no major complaints. All he wants in this world is for me to be happy. I love him to death but geeeeez LITTLE BITTY things drive me nuts about him....what's my problem? When we're together he can't keep his hands off me - I know it's silly but it drives me nuts. When I'm ready to go to sleep, I just want to sleep and he wants to cuddle. I'm sure you guys think I'm ridiculous because there's tons of people out there who would love that kind of thing. Do you think it's something I should just get used to? I guess I'm not a big touchy feely PDA kind of person. Does anyone else have a problem w/ their boyfriend/husband being TOO nice? Odd complaint I know :o He's so nice that it irritates me - my STBX husband was a total jerk so I wonder if that's what my problem is....just not quite used to it yet? I think it's something I could/should get used to but maybe I'm just an superb**** or something.

I have found that some people just don't respond well to over affection. I think it stems from a time in their life when they didn't get a lot of affection.

The way I see it you have a few options. Talk to your OM about maybe taking the affection down a notch. Let him know that you love him or whatever but when its bedtime...you want to sleep.

Or you could just try to get used to it....which could work...or it could backfire...building up as resentment/anger and one day you'll just expload on the poor guy and he'll have no idea why.

I don't think you're a "not nice word"....you sound perfectly nice. *smile* By the way...whats an STBX?

Nadine.

if you dont like being cuddled or touched all the time let him know. you shouldnt have to go along with it if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

The only time I have ever felt that way was when I wasn't feeling the relationship anymore. My ex husband I got that way and it was only a matter of time before we divorced. Little things started to bother me about him and I would get tuned off. Do you feel grossed out by it? Or feel suffocated?

BTW
I don't mean to sound negative and it could just be that you just plain don't like to cuddle.I just know with my boyfriend now I love him and I want to be with him all the time and I love to touch and cuddle.

Thank you guys so much - I feel like I'm nit picking everything. I seriously couldn't ask for a better guy so I hate being so aggravated by little things. The cuddle thing bothers me when I'm trying to sleep because I feel like he's making me hot & I HATE being hot when I'm sleeping. Some days I just drink it up when he's being sweet and other days it drives me crazy. Is it an older guy thing?....the "too nice" stuff? I guess he just tries too hard sometimes and I'm more of a sarcastic type of person - not so much into romance.





(also: STBX = soon to be ex husband)

P.S. Vegasgirl: No I don't feel grossed out or suffocated....irritated is the most appropriate word. You know how sometimes little kids can't keep their hands off of animals (pets: dogs, kittens, etc.)? Like little kids who chase cats around until they catch them and then they just snuggle them to death and the cat hates it but puts up w/ it? That's what it reminds me of. I've told him that it drives me nuts and he's backed off but not completely. Watch...he'll quit doing it and I'll be on here griping about that :p Maybe I'm just one of those people who always has to be aggravated about something....who knows.

I don't think it's necessarily an older guy thing. It may be a personality thing. I'm super cuddly at night too, and I've concluded that people of all ages either like it or they don't. My last BF loved it, one before that wanted to be left alone while sleeping. A happy medium for me in this case turned out to be snuggling til I fell asleep, and then he'd roll over and away (and hope I didn't try to snuggle again in my sleep!).

About the too-nice thing: I think it might just be that he's soooooo in love with you that he wants to spoil you rotten! :D I've met guys like that and I've been the one like that. To me, the perfect relationship is where it's mutual, but I'm a sappy romantic.

Thanks for your reply cabin. I definitely know that he likes to spoil me rotten ~ I can't even begin to tell you the things he does for me....I know he loves me to death...I'm just not affectionate I guess. I know that - I think I just needed reassurance that I'm not totally mean because I feel bad when I have to remove his hand from my person every 2 seconds. He knows I can't stand it and he really tries but damn he just can't help himself. I guess I'm just that irresistible :p

Sugarbritches, I think i have a similar problem to you. Sometimes it really irritates me when my boyfriend cant keep his hands off me..and sometimes i like it. But the thing with us is, when I get irritated, so does my boyfriend. He gets mad when I get irritated. it really sucks. So, I guess my best advice would be not to hurt your guys feelings.

Babycakes - glad I'm not the only one - seems like a strange problem but I'm glad I'm not alone :)

Mine doesn't get irritated - he just says that he'll try to stop doing it and he does for awhile and then he forgets or "just can't help himself". I'd be on here griping if he NEVER touched me I'm sure so I guess it could be worse. At least we know we're hot mamas :p

i have the same problem, my boyfriend loves to cuddle me and hold me when i want to sleep which is ok but i need my space but he thinks i dont love him, like im pushing him away when im not i just like my own space when i sleep. I call it 'invading' my space. i dont mind cuddling and loving then him being on his side and me on mine while we sleep. I can understand why lots of couples sleep in seperate beds :) like you, irritating is the best word to use, some people just need their own personal space when they sleep. they need to feel they can move around and not have to wake their partner up everytime they want to roll over.

This is actually a slight fear I have about when my OM and I get together in real life. I'm not used to having much physical contact like cuddling. Especially when I'm trying to sleep. He has already told me many times how he wants to cuddle and he plans to touch me as much as possible. Now, don't get me wrong I love this idea and really want it, but I have warned him about how I will need to get used to it and I don't know about sleeping glued together. I need my space and I don't like the idea of being hot either. It is a small thing though and he is so hungry for physical affection that I plan to overcome any feelings about it and embrace it…rather him. :)

Pita - that's how I feel too. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm cold or something because I don't welcome the touching etc. He knows it bothers me so he's getting better. We went to St. Louis for a Cardinals game on Friday night - drove home after the game and didn't get back until about 4:30 in the morning so he spent the night....he didn't bother me AT ALL. We slept until about 1 pm and he never once touched me. Once I was fully awake and laying bed I was ready for him to roll over and put his arm around me but he didn't so I was feeling kind of weird. I swear I'm never satisfied. I just kind of cuddled up to him and he took the hint and finally snuggled w/ me :) I guess my problem is that I want it on my terms so I guess I'll just have to learn to compromise.

I feel bad when I have to remove his hand from my person every 2 seconds. He knows I can't stand it and he really tries but damn he just can't help himself. I guess I'm just that irresistible My relationship last year was like that. He came across as too needy. I began to feel suffocated. We couldn't find a happy medium. I just can't do 'needy' boyfriends.

People that are not needy, don't mind adapting to your needs and vice-versa.

This may or may not fit your situation... just food for thought. Good luck!

Yellowrose - I do think that he is needy to a certain extent but he is adapting to my needs very quickly. Like I said in an earlier post - we stayed the night together Friday/Saturday and he stayed on his side of the bed to the point that I was like "HUH? About time to snuggle darn it". So he's trying :)

Sugar,

Is his over affection irritating only when you want to go to sleep or is it at other times as well?

If it's just when your sleeping, I too can relate. I sleep in weird positions lol (i.e. a ball:sitting indian style with head down infront on two pillows) and need my space. I also get hot really easily and my OM is always cold so snuggling can at times be uncomfortable to me. He LOVES to snuggle at night, as close as possible. I like him so much and I feel so great knowing he wants to be close to me, but I need my sleep! lol I have yet to do this, but tell him exactly how you feel....that your honored by his gesture, but can't fall asleep in that manner. No feelings hurt!

Good luck!

The main problem is when I'm sleeping. I get hot and if I wake up hot it's going to be a bad day for everyone involved :p

He's getting much better about it. Someone said in an earlier post something about worrying about waking them up everytime you move when they're touching you - that's how I feel. I'm the kind of person who is going to wanna change positions just because I feel smothered - does that make sense? I'll feel like I have to move just because I can't regardless of whether I'm comfortable or not. I just like to gripe I guess :rolleyes: