Second thoughts...

I have been with my OM now for more than a year and a half. We have a LDR. I live in China currently and he in the United States. We spend about 8 months together a year. He comes and visits for a month and then goes back for a month. Or we go somewhere together for a month or so. Usually I have a lot of second thoughts about our relationship when we are not together because its so hard to be apart and maintain a sense of reality about the relationship. At those times, however, I always tell myself to wait until we are together again before I make any big decisions. Each time that has happened our being together again has only proven to me how much I want to be with him. Lately, however, while he has been here I have not been feeling as into it. I'm curious a lot what it would be like to date someone my own age again and not have to deal with the extra stress inherent in our relationship. And, even though my family has grown to accept him I still feel pretty isolated from my peers. Moreover, I would like to date someone who I can be with everyday. So my question is this, am I just bored with the relationship? Just horny to sleep with other people? He treats me better than anyone in my whole life but I don't know how to tell if this is just a bit of boredom that will soon pass or if I should pursue these feelings of wanting to try something else. Does anyone have any advice about how to best go about second thoughts?

I have been with my OM now for more than a year and a half. We have a LDR. I live in China currently and he in the United States. We spend about 8 months together a year. He comes and visits for a month and then goes back for a month. Or we go somewhere together for a month or so. Usually I have a lot of second thoughts about our relationship when we are not together because its so hard to be apart and maintain a sense of reality about the relationship. At those times, however, I always tell myself to wait until we are together again before I make any big decisions. Each time that has happened our being together again has only proven to me how much I want to be with him. Lately, however, while he has been here I have not been feeling as into it. I'm curious a lot what it would be like to date someone my own age again and not have to deal with the extra stress inherent in our relationship. And, even though my family has grown to accept him I still feel pretty isolated from my peers. Moreover, I would like to date someone who I can be with everyday. So my question is this, am I just bored with the relationship? Just horny to sleep with other people? He treats me better than anyone in my whole life but I don't know how to tell if this is just a bit of boredom that will soon pass or if I should pursue these feelings of wanting to try something else. Does anyone have any advice about how to best go about second thoughts?
First, I think based on your information that the relationship has gone well with the exception of the two of you not being together every day. My experience in the military has seen me through a couple LDRs as well. Married couples in the military have the same exact problem when one of the partners is deployed for months at a time.

The "second thoughts" you have are common to a lot of people who are in these type of relationships. However, between now and when your OM returns, this is a good time to take stock of the relationship and realize how much you have been blessed. Sadly, the time and distance have a way of playing with the mind, and cause us to doubt if what we have is worth keeping. This is what leads spouses to cheat and unmarried couples to break up...only to find out too late they allowed a precious gift in that other person to slip away.

I somehow think your friends might feel the same way regardless of who you are dating...when we become committed to one person, it is natural to feel like we are somewhat isolated from the crowd we ran around with. Our priorities have shifted. I had to make that adjustment when I got married.

I have a few ideas to help ease the boredom and keep the doubts at bay:

- cards
- unexpected e-mails
- send music files
- flowers
- share new information about the country where you are living
- encourage your OM to do the same

Just remember, the separation is only temporary. What you and your boyfriend have is special, and the love you have for each other goes beyond the age difference. My only suggestion is that when you see him again, let him know you miss him terribly when he is away and you don't want to lose what you have together.

I will keep you both in my prayers and wish success for your relationship.

That was touching...thank-you.

...I feel that if either person in ANY relationship is having second thoughts, then it is NOT TRUE LOVE.

.

See I think we all go thru a doubtful stage..... I remember the day I came here for help....I had doubts... Now We've been together for 4 years and Married for 2 with a beautiful baby boy.... I think doubts are good to have.... they make you realize what you really want... and it could go either way.. Like me you may realize how much you really love your SO or you may realize that maybe this isn't really want you wanted. So I think it's Necessary for relationships and very normal. I even had doubts on my wedding day. Asking myself am I doing the right thing... I love this man very much but I'm just scared....:)

I honestly couldn't be with someone who lived so far away from me... I like to have contact, I need it... However maybe you should check out the LDR forum we have penty here who are feeling the same way as you are :)

I'm with Mer here... relationships go through phases. The hot and heavy, deeply, madly in love to being hit by waves of doubt, second thoughts, reconsiderations, BUT ~ I think if you communicate your needs, worries, fears in a productive manner with your SO, that wave can subside to bring in some incredibly beautiful, passionate times more rooted in TRUE love than in lustful love. They've only been together LDR 1.5 years... that's a very normal time frame for getting hit with a doubt wave.

Let is pass... communicate openly and lovingly with your OM about where you are and work through it together. It will strengthen your bond.

~phos

Yeah, agree with the above too. With my first real, serious boyfriend, it was unconditional love. I was absolutely crazy about him and would do anything for him and us. And I thought we'd be together forever...but it didn't work out.

Now, I always have doubts and I'm constantly reevaluating and questioning my relationships. I think that this is healthy and important, but still I think it was easier way back when, when I just "knew" it was the one.... :rolleyes: