Oh, those "younger" women!

Here's a question for the ladies (and any male type who cares to respond)....
Has anyone encountered the terrible "ohmygodshemustbeahomewreckinggolddigginglittleshre w" syndrome? Any clues as to why folks have to be so judgemental about things that do not affect them in any way? Is this a common reaction?

Me: 30
OM: 50
Us: Really happy

(And completely financially separate!)

By the way, I'm new here - so hello to everyone!

Hi leety and welcome to ageless...

Personally I have never had that issue....However I do know it happens and thats sad really...

Thanks for saying "hi", MerAlove.

Maybe it's just the old stereotype that a young woman would only be with an OM if she's after status or financial gain. I simply have never been one to discriminate. Love and friendship come in all different shapes sizes ages races etc.

I've had great boyfriends who were my age or a little younger. I never used to hazard a guess as to what package "mr. right" would come in. I'm glad it is the OM I am with now and hope to be with for the rest of our lives. We are so well suited. But we live in a very judgemental community and I've heard all of the mean little comments come back to me. I just wish it didn't have to be like that.

I'm glad to find others who know that love is a wonderful thing where ever it might be hiding!

Hi Letty! Glad you joined us!

I haven't encountered it really, but I wonder sometimes what people are thinking. My ex (OM) and I didn't go out that much so there probably wasn't a whole lot of opportunity.

On the other hand, I'm been out with another OM a few times, and did get a few looks. I didn't know the people, so I'll never know what they were thinking but I still wonder. I hate getting dressed up when we go out (even though I enjoy getting done up myself) because I don't want to look like a blonde bimbo out with her sugar daddy...

So, I guess it is an issue for me, and I just try to avoid it by compromising myself... :mad:

Yeah, I know what you are saying. My OM has been really concerned about the "looks" we get from people. Twice we've gotten the "Oh, this must be your father/daughter" comment in the past couple of months. Now I'm starting to get concerned about these things too. When I used to just be able to ignore it. I just want us to be a normal loving couple, accepted just like everyone else. :(

Yeah, the OM I was with said the same thing..."I wonder if they think I'm your father". I dunno how to deal with it though, it's frustrating isn't it? I hate being judged by my looks as it is, and being judged like this is even worse!

Hello Leety,
Sometimes I think that because we're in an AGR that we then attribute everything others say to that.

Regarding folks' statements about someone being a "marriage wrecker" -- I've just ocme to the realization that the vast majority of my friends know me, my ex-significant other -- but only as INDIVIDUALS and in ways that each of us interacts with them. They do NOT know us as a COUPLE, not really. So the line of reasoning goes that: we know and like him, we know and like her -- so therefore they must be good together. Furthermore, we don't know X (the new person who may or may not be older/younger) but do see that X has moved between two people we do like so therefore X is bad (gold digger/marriage wrecker/cradle robber/etc.).

It is not easy to deal with but I've found that thinking of it in these terms helps explain their (sometimes nasty) behavior.

Don't worry about what others say or think
I used to , but got over it real fast.

I feel that no one can break up a happy marriage.
I am 32 & my OM just turned 52. I'm sure i'll hear the same crap.
Just ignore it. What matters is that u guys are happy.

Oh yes I have gotten that even though it was his wife that left him even before I knew him. People think that because he has his own business and a nice home that, that is the only reason I am with him. We went out one night in our very small town and a man was trying to talk to me and when my boyfriend and my brother in law walked up I introduced my brother in law first and when I went to introduce my boyfriend the guy said oh is this your dad...I think that the guy was more embarrassed than we were. Just keep in mind that you know the truth. It is a little difficult for us because we live in a very small community out in the bible belt in western KS and for quite a while we were the talk of the town.

People have said it in the past when I casually dated OM's who had a lot of money.

My boyfriend now is finacially comfortable, but no filthy rich or anything. I am in college, so people realize I have the potential to hold my own. No one has said it about us so far.

rtnco2003 - thanks for the pep talk! I really shouldn't be so concerned about what others think. It is just annoying when you live in a tight community and people make judgements when they have no firsthand knowledge. There is so much vitriol out there concerning age differences and second-third-etc. marriages. I really had no idea until recently that people feel so strongly about it. Or maybe it's just the town we live in. I've lived all over the world and never experienced this before or heard people say things like this. Maybe it's because he is well known and respected in the community and people think he has money. What they don't know is that we are very private about money, keep everything separate and share all costs equally despite the disparity of our personal incomes. I am here with him because I love him and he makes me happy and I want to be a part of his happiness. Otherwise, I would go find something easy!

I hear it A LOT. People just can't possibly fathom that I am with my OM because of who he is and because I simply love him.

Funny thing about us... I have more assets, make more money, have better credit, and more credit available to me... lol... so when his family says something along the lines of "When the money runs out so will she" I guess they are talking about MY money? Hehehe...

BTW, We get the father/daughter comment a lot, too. That one is just funny though. =)

LJ, I saw the pic you posted of the two of you, and I think you look like a great couple together. I didn't think the age gap was noticeable - you both look young. I can't imagine someone thinking he's old enough to be your father. JMO!!

what pic
i wanna see

Me too!

Anyway, thanks for all your responses. Hearing other people say it happens to them too makes me realize how silly I'm being to even care. I guess it's just a fact of life.

So thanks for making me feel better! :)

Leety

I haven't really encountered this yet...maybe its cuz we live in a new place and don't go out much?

When we do get out....I don't notice anything abnormal....we hold hands and are close....I have gotten a few strange looks...but I figure its nobody's business.

Like my OM always says....we're not in a relationship with anyone else! :D

Nadine.

ive never been called a homewrecker before, but i have been called a golddigger one to many times lol. im sure it probably looks that way from the outside. he is a business consultant, well off you can say. im a "single" mom still in college and working in retail. so i always get that im in it for the money etc etc. we've been friends for 4 years if that was the case why would i wait until now to start dating him?ive always known what he does for a living, and im aware of his background.

after awhile you just get used to it, doesnt bother as much as it used to in the beginning. everyone will have something to say..

The whole "this must be your father" thing does amuse me. Mainly because I am so very proud to be with him. We are both professional business people. He takes care of himself, dresses impeccably, and to my mind is the epitome of class and manliness. We recently got the comment from a young salesperson and had to laugh our heads off because we were being very cozy together at the time. Strangest father/daughter relations I've ever seen!

Not to generalize, but I've found that the offensive looks and comments are usually made by middle-aged women who are married to middle-aged men. I guess they are afraid that younger women will try to steal their husbands so they are against any young woman who seems to enjoy an older man. They don't realize that we are not with older men because we like to ruin our older sisters' lives.

Simply put, we have fallen in love with men who are beautiful to us inside and out. As for me, it could have been a 20yo or a 60yo. I'm just glad it's him!

I get that kind of thing a lot, because I am blonde (go figure...), and people tend to think he is my "sugar daddy" quite oftenly....especially my mother.

Leety, I have also gotten a lot of looks from middle aged women.... :rolleyes:

We have been together for a year now, and because she is 20 (me 48) but looks 16 or so we get a lot of looks but really just dont worry about it. Have learned that we are no one elses business. Now that she is deployed til Feb, this site helps me look at issues for us.

Bottom line is everyone has issues, dont make theirs yours!

I never really get looks about the gap bc my OM has a young looking face.

I've definitely noticed the looks mainly from middle- aged women. It used to bother both of us -- him more than me. Now we just laugh at it. We'll be sitting at dinner and he'll notice and say, "we're getting a look from that woman over there." And some of them can be EVIL!!! As for the father-daughter thing, no one has come right out and said anything to that effect, but I am sure people have 'assumed.' He is 50 and I am 27. In reality, his kids are just a bit younger than I am.....so I guess I COULD be his daughter! :o

Just have to take it with a grain of salt I suppose. You're happy -- maybe they're jealous! :p

I think I would have to laugh in someones face if they called me a golddigger. I dumped my "sugar daddy" in order to be in a much more satisfying relationship.

This thread reminds me of that Kanye West song...

"Now I'm not saying she's a golddigger...but she ain't messin' with no broke broke."

*grin*

Nadine.

Hehe Nadine, I like your attitude! :p

"Now I'm not saying she's a golddigger...but she ain't messin' with no broke broke."

lol..ron was singing this to me the other nite.. funny making light of some of the comments ppl make to him about me. *sighs* ;)

The gold digger thing is amusing since (as we all know) many divorced men are left financially worse off by their divorcing spouses. Sure, many older men have had time to accumulate wealth and many others have had most of it taken away.

The gold digger thing is amusing since (as we all know) many divorced men are left financially worse off by their divorcing spouses. Sure, many older men have had time to accumulate wealth and many others have had most of it taken away.

True for some. Ron has never married.

That's great that Ron has not had his heart broken and his well-being compromised by something like that! :)

My point is just that it's unfortunate that those who make blind judgements or assumptions don't seem to think about what is so often true - that older men aren't by definition wealthy (any number of things might have rendered him less than well off) and younger women aren't by definition looking for a free ride. The vast majority of us are fair minded, reasonable, proud and ambitious women looking to make our own marks on the world.

Sadly, many marriages have broken up after many many years and younger women are sometimes involved. This has obviously contributed to the stereotype that when a yw/om are seen out in public, they are probably a scarlet couple. But we all know that it's not fair or prudent to "judge a book by its cover"!

Nadine- I did the same thing. I was casually dating a... well, why beat around the bush... he was my "sugar daddy"... lol.... when D. and I decided to pursue a relationship. I traded that to be more broke than I have ever been in my life (paying for a divorce) and I've never been happier!

When D. and I are both dressed to go out for a gig or something, I can pass for maybe 25 or 26 and he can pass for 30 or 32... but a lot of days when we are just slumming around and my hair is back, no makeup and a uni. t-shirt and his bald spot is showing... well... people get confused. :D I never miss an opportunity to have a good laugh, though!

Here's the pic everyone was refering to. It is on the Chit-Chat forum.
http://images.snapfish.com/344%3B2%3B7523232%7Ffp58%3Dot%3E2354%3D84%3C%3D447 %3DXROQDF%3E2323%3A9396%3A5%3C7ot1lsi

LJ...

I have the feeling there are several things about past and current relationships of ours that are very similar.

Nadine.

PS. Yall look so good together in that pic! :D