Never felt this way

Hi, guys and girls,...!
I was so happy when I found this web page!

Ok, I will tell you my story, and want some comments on it.

I'm 21, I had boyfriends before... In october 2004, I met this guy. We start talking and I fancied him from the beggining. We had similar opinions, life styles, we listen same music. But we were suprised when we told each other our age! He said that he is 40! I laughed, and thought that he would say 32-33. And he thought that I would say 25. But the magic was already in the air. What to do?
It suprised me the fact that he didn't have a lot of experience in love. He was so shy, and let's say old fashioned guy that looks much younger than he is. So, our relationship started very slowly, it took him 3 months to kiss me!
He never got drunk, he just worked, worked and worked after his high school.
I found all that very strange, so I checked all that informations, by asking my good friend.
He found out that all that is true, that he is ' shy, needs to be pushed, but a good person' :) I fell in love with him completely as the months were passing. Of course, all my friends say 'you'll be a widdow with 50, you will be sorry after... when kids come...' I find them very primitive. Here, in my country every third marriage is falling apart. It is so hard to find real love in general... My falks know about him and they don't agree with his age mostly, but they accepted it when they saw how much I love him. I have my own money, working more than a year already and attending faculty, that will last another 2 years.

How to deal with a shy, introverted guy of 40? He rarely tells me what he feels, although is is very gentle with me, the way he watches me, touches me... I can see it. Sometimes I watch him and want to tell him how much I love him, but I'm scared, that he won't reply. He is raised in a family where everyone is respecting everyone but they don't say to each other 'I love you'. As the time is passing he is showing more and more about himself, his feelings, but so damn slowly.

Tell me... how to prepare myself for everything that follows? Meeting his family in early future, bringing him to meet my parents, my hometown... i'm so nervous about it because I know that primitive people will always exist. His 2 male friends think positive about us, and think that the age gap really is not relevant if we respect each other and agree about most of the things.

Any kind of advices are more than welcome, your experiences...? :confused:

One of the most important things i have learned in my life when it comes to love is to recognize that different people have different ways of expressing it. While you may be very verbal about your feelings, others may express them more through their actions. It doesn't negate the sentiment, it's just a different, but equally valid, form.

If you truly feel you love this man, why not say it just to let him know? It doesn't have to be an ultimatum, and don't get your feelings hurt if he doesn't say it back. The point is to be truthful with yourself and your partner, and i think there is real joy in that.

As far as the pacing is concerned, all i can say is *relish* it. Relish getting to know each other and letting the relationship blossom. When you look back on it, 3 months is an eyeblink. I have a theory that it takes four seasons with a person to even begin to understand them in a profound, meaningful way. And a year, in hindsight, is gone almost as quickly.

I think you answered your own fears about being nervous: "I know that primitive people will always exist." Yep. They will. The only way to deal with that is to follow you heart where it leads you, and don't let fear or others influence your decisions!

Best of luck.

[QUOTE=secrets]

As far as the pacing is concerned, all i can say is *relish* it. Relish getting to know each other and letting the relationship blossom. When you look back on it, 3 months is an eyeblink.

I'm not sure if I understood everything properly; but we are together for a year. Of course, it is impossible to see each other too often, because of the nature of our jobs. :rolleyes: But in the future I hope that I'll see him every morning in bed, next to me :)

Some more comments and advices...? :)

Hi Lady_in_Red!! I'm glad you found the site and hope that you get some helpful advice. All I can really think of to say is that if he is shy and introverted, perhaps you may need to be the one to come forward first and tell him how much you care about him, how you feel, and where you'd like to see the relationship go. He might be too shy to be the one to bring it up.

In my relationships, I tend to be less vocal about how I feel unless I'm sure my partner feels the same way...my last relationship didn't work out because I didn't voice my feelings and he just assumed everything was fine the way it was and that he didn't need to say anything.

For myself, if I've been with someone for a year, I need to find out how he feels and where he sees the relationship going.

Good luck....and let us know how things go!

In two days time I'll see him, after a while, because I needed to work on the other part of the country for 6 months. My love for him growed even stronger when I didn't see him for a month, or two. Anyway, in that period he came to my area couple of times, and of course me in his area, because in the town where his lives I attend faculty.

Thanx for best wishes, I really hope that when I move soon to his town, and that would be in... 3 months time ( I got a new job), that our relationship will become even more serious, going towards living together, marriage and children. This is my dream, when I graduate. :)

I will let you know how the things are going when I come back!

Hi Ya Lady-in-red. I do wish you all the best and hope everything works out for the both of you. I believe in being honest in all things and at all times. That way you never have to look back and wish you'd said or done something different. Tell him how you feel and trust in yourself to do what is right for you. Dont expect the answer you want, otherwise you may be dissapointed. Instead, trust in him to do what is right for him and if your meant to be together, then everything will work out. I believe in fate. And I believe in love. Actions speak louder than words so listen with your heart. We can only be who we are, and nothing more.

Hi everybody..

I''m wasn't too enthusiastic when I came back home...I met him after a while, we missed each other so much... the thing 'happened' and it was beautiful.
But... I'm writing you this because I am so so so sad... :(
When I asked him if he loves me... he said: "I never told this to any woman because I never loved and was inlove before (he never had a grilfriend before me)
So that means he doesn't love me too. But we planned our future phew days ago, things which we want to do, ...we talked about the children. I said that I don't want children another 2 years...he asked me: "What if happens to us before 2 years?" I said of course that I would have that baby, I wouldn't abort. He was happy when I said that. I told you before that he is very shy, introverted person. But I think it's time to move on... problem is: He thinks about his job 90% of his time and 10% about me...job, job, job and every time I am with him he is talking about his job. I love him too much, but if I try talking with him about his job, he say that first it is important to have a big amount of money before children come so we can give them the best. I agree, but I belive that our children won't need so much money as he thinks. I am crazy about him, but I think I will leave him, he never says 'I love you', or 'I am inlove with you'... (he is inlove with his job!) and I just cry every day, even now I am wiping my tears while I'm writing this to you. I'm 21, and he is 40... He should think more about his family and then work. I tknow that's so hard to live with a person who neglects you... It will be so damn hard for me, to leave him, but I know that I must. And I know that I will never ever fall in love with somebody like I am with him, or love somebody else.
All this guys that love me (3 guys) are all ok, but they know that my heart won't forget HIM and that I will never love them or be with them.

What to do??? I need a crying shoulder right now, only you can understand a real love that I feel for this man, who is really selfish, money, money, money making tipe, who wants me just for sex. I think I deserve more. :(

Hello...

I just need to share this with all of you. Let's just say that I didn't understand his actions and reactions and I wrote last post very heart breaking.
He FINALY told me that he has some emotions for me,and that he wants our future together. We also discussed that I have a year and a half to finish my faculty..and then our relationship can became more serious...living together, children ,...etc. I was so happy and I am now, when I finaly realised that he feels the same thing for me as I for him. But some people just like it slow...he wanted to be sure about his feelings before telling me anything. I accept that. I was so stupid thinking that he is using me for sex...

I just wanted to say this and to wish all of you pleasant life with one who is or will be eternaly yours.

J. :)

Whilie I don't pretend to fully understand everything you've posted... one thing I do know is that you need to find your answers with him, not here - and you seem to be doing that, congratulations. There's certainly nothing wrong with asking for ideas and advice, but ultimately he is the one who counts!

You are learning to understand each other and to appreciate each other's feelings and needs. That can be the basis for a good relationship. Keep at it!

[RIGHT]First of all, I must add to all this that we're still together, and I'm happy. My brother (30 yo) wants to meet my boyfriend, to talk to him,... just to know with whom I am... he is worried, because the town is big, full of criminal, bad things... so guys, if you had sister, that is much younger than you, and has a boyfriend a lot older than she is, would you also be worried and would you want to meet her boyfriend? I mean, he doesn't want to kill him or something, just wants to talk to him, and to see is he a good guy.

I told this to my boyfriend, and he agrees and thinks that it is ok to meet my brother. It is a big step, at least for me.
And... give me idea, ...should I be with them when they meet for the first time, or it is better that they meet without me. Tell me about your stories about meeting members of your partner's family.

You should definitely be with him. That is just standard when making an introduction to a family member. He is YOUR boyfriend. There is no reason in the world that they should meet alone. It's not like it's a mafia meeting or something! Sheesh!

Glad you are still together! Take care and good luck!